Krytellan Posted August 9, 2007 Posted August 9, 2007 As unpopular as this post may be to some, I need some help from those who have been there. I have to think that I can glean some knowledge that can help me out. Why reinvent the wheel right? As a little background, I am waaaay behind in my "dating knowledge". I always fell into committed relationships all the way to my marriage and subsequent relationship after my separation. I'm 33 with the "dating" savvy of probably a 25 year old. So, I met a girl last weekend, and lets just say we hit it off "really well". I got her number and spoke with her tonight for the first time over the phone for about 30 minutes. I have plans with a "first date" girl tomorrow and plans with a "second date" girl on Friday, as well as another event on Saturday and Sunday that are not dates per se, but group activities. The thing is, I don't really think that I "care" about any of these girls in a long term sense, though that remains to be seen. Also, I work two full-time jobs which basically has me going from 11PM until 5PM on most days. I do however want to milk this for as much fun as I can have... and there is much to be had. So, are there any tips or tricks that anyone can pass along that makes juggling this kind of activity easier than it might otherwise be? Whether it be tips on calling or planning activities. I'm in this position where I have a lot going on and I just want more. It's such a great feeling after going without for a lifetime. I mean sure, I might just have to chill out a little, but before I do I want to know if anyone with experience can provide me some insight. Thanks.
Trialbyfire Posted August 9, 2007 Posted August 9, 2007 The way that it's worked for me is to ensure that they're aware you're dating others. If they're still open to dating, they will understand a tight schedule.
Grim Posted August 9, 2007 Posted August 9, 2007 double dating is fine so long as u dont over indulge with conversation and forget who said what to who. misquotes can get you in trouble. also use caller id. get lots of rest and keep notes. honesty will help if you no the other parties can handle it. never take them to the same places. and be ready to get yelled at apart from that use condoms and enjoy it wont last long
Starry-eyed Posted August 9, 2007 Posted August 9, 2007 As unpopular as this post may be to some Boo! Hiss! Krytellan! j/k I don't have experience in this area, but it would seem like honesty is your best bet. Let the women know that you're dating others and what is going on so that they are not mislead and can make their own choices. Other than that, just being careful and clean and safe is probably best. And keeping all their names straight, and who you've taken where, and notes on which is the one who works downtown, and which is the one who makes meatloaf, and which one likes to have her hair pulled, etc....
Author Krytellan Posted August 9, 2007 Author Posted August 9, 2007 Thanks for the help all. I appreciate it.
Citizen Erased Posted August 9, 2007 Posted August 9, 2007 When I was 15 I managed to have 4 different boyfriends at one time. All were at the same school (of only about 1-2,000 people) had some people in common and two at one time played on the same soccer team. Took them 3 months to figure it out So obviously I was just in my skanky years and it really didn't count, but from that experience, and others stories, I have learnt you will ALWAYS be found out. If you don't tell them just remember to get the names right
Author Krytellan Posted August 9, 2007 Author Posted August 9, 2007 I think it's ironic that all the responses are coming from women. No self-proclaimed "players" that can chime in?
Grim Posted August 9, 2007 Posted August 9, 2007 I think it's ironic that all the responses are coming from women. No self-proclaimed "players" that can chime in? i thought i was female player till cobra pointed out i was better than that apparently im a baller. oh and more upgrades i am now juggling two guys and playing with the players head as he begs me to forgive him. plus i have my eye on a nice wee 18 yearold
Star Gazer Posted August 9, 2007 Posted August 9, 2007 I find it hilarious that after all of your previous posts in the "Would you be turned off..." thread where she was dating ONE person and being friends with another and that was unacceptable to you, you now actually want to "juggle" multiple women. Ha. Anyway. Your "there is much fun to be had" comment makes me think that you want to not just date, but sleep with, more than one woman. I'd advise strongly against having sex with any of them (including oral sex) until you decide to limit your dating experience to just one woman. It will turn into a big old mess otherwise. But if you literally just want to date, get to know these women, hang out, etc. (without sex), see whether there is the potential for a relationship down the road...I obviously see no issue - I'm doing this now. How to do it? Well, how do you juggle friends? Drinking buddies, sports buddies, etc? Treat it the same way, really. I don't tell my friend Marie that I can't hang out with her because I'm going shopping with another friend Katie. I tell her I'm busy and have plans with another friend, if anything. She gets the hint. Do the same thing with these women. Make plans with Girl A. If Girl B asks what you did the night before (and for example, you went to dinner with Girl A), tell her you "went to dinner with a friend." If she asks further, don't hide the fact that you're dating other women, but don't be in her face about it either. In the same vain, don't in any way imply that she's special or that she's the only one. No pet names. No calling every day. Nothing that would lead her to believe you're exclusive or getting there. You know what I'm saying, I think.
Trialbyfire Posted August 9, 2007 Posted August 9, 2007 I hope you're not talking about player games. If so, they can be painful and not only for the played.
Author Krytellan Posted August 9, 2007 Author Posted August 9, 2007 I hope you're not talking about player games. If so, they can be painful and not only for the played. No, I am quite sure that I don't have the ability to be a player even if I wanted to. Though I can come off as quite smooth, any attempts to "play" would probably end up being pretty transparent.
tanbark813 Posted August 9, 2007 Posted August 9, 2007 Don't go to the same places with different girls. It can be awkward if you take Girl B to the restaurant that you took Girl A to previously, you happen to get the same waiter, and he remarks, "Good to see you guys back here again," because he thinks it's the same girl. The same goes for bartenders who might recognize you and confuse the girls. I also agree with this: Make plans with Girl A. If Girl B asks what you did the night before (and for example, you went to dinner with Girl A), tell her you "went to dinner with a friend."
Author Krytellan Posted August 9, 2007 Author Posted August 9, 2007 I find it hilarious that after all of your previous posts in the "Would you be turned off..." thread where she was dating ONE person and being friends with another and that was unacceptable to you, you now actually want to "juggle" multiple women. Ha. But if you literally just want to date, get to know these women, hang out, etc. (without sex), see whether there is the potential for a relationship down the road...I obviously see no issue - I'm doing this now. How to do it? Well, how do you juggle friends? Drinking buddies, sports buddies, etc? Treat it the same way, really. I don't tell my friend Marie that I can't hang out with her because I'm going shopping with another friend Katie. I tell her I'm busy and have plans with another friend, if anything. She gets the hint. Do the same thing with these women. Make plans with Girl A. If Girl B asks what you did the night before (and for example, you went to dinner with Girl A), tell her you "went to dinner with a friend." If she asks further, don't hide the fact that you're dating other women, but don't be in her face about it either. In the same vain, don't in any way imply that she's special or that she's the only one. No pet names. No calling every day. Deal, no pet names for now And hey, everyone's allowed to be a hypocrite right? >.> Just because I wouldn't sleep with someone sleeping with someone else while dating,that doesn't mean I wouldn't sleep with two at the same time... I'm only human. But seriously SG, I'm not really sure how it's going to go down. To say with any conviction that I knew what was going through my head would be a complete lie. I guess I'm just happy to let each situation develop in its own way and I'll follow accordingly. I think a part of me is really tired of doing everthing the "right" way only to be the one who pays or loses out in the end. So if the opportunity came to have some fun in a way that some might not approve of, I don't know that I would have any desire to say no. That said, I am appreciated some of the functional insights here. Keep 'em coming if you have any more.
Grim Posted August 9, 2007 Posted August 9, 2007 Deal, no pet names for now I think a part of me is really tired of doing everthing the "right" way only to be the one who pays or loses out in the end. So if the opportunity came to have some fun in a way that some might not approve of, I don't know that I would have any desire to say no. i said something simialar in another thread. its not that i want to hurt anyone butits my turn to play the field
LoveLace Posted August 9, 2007 Posted August 9, 2007 You should definitely have fun with it. But 1st, let the girls know up front that your not seeking a long-term deal at this point. Let them know you want to keep everything very casual. That way, if your attention to them doesn't appear to increase with time and they question it...you told them in the beginning, and that hasn't changed. Problem is, some of the girls won't stick with this for long. Your only other option is to lie and make them think there is a bigger chance for the future, so they'd probably stay around longer, but then I'd have to start calling ya "Playa"...ha ha... 2 jobs is a good excuse to use if anyone questions why you don't get more serious. The sucky part of juggling is, you can't be purely honest and say your dating others too, cuz it isn't likely that they will be understanding of that. Even then though, there's no guarantee that they would stop dating you all together because of it...if they don't, it means they like you A LOT and are trying to wait for you. Don't let the girl suffer! have fun.
Grim Posted August 9, 2007 Posted August 9, 2007 You should definitely have fun with it. But 1st, let the girls know up front that your not seeking a long-term deal at this point. Let them know you want to keep everything very casual. That way, if your attention to them doesn't appear to increase with time and they question it...you told them in the beginning, and that hasn't changed. Problem is, some of the girls won't stick with this for long. Your only other option is to lie and make them think there is a bigger chance for the future, so they'd probably stay around longer, but then I'd have to start calling ya "Playa"...ha ha... 2 jobs is a good excuse to use if anyone questions why you don't get more serious. The sucky part of juggling is, you can't be purely honest and say your dating others too, cuz it isn't likely that they will be understanding of that. Even then though, there's no guarantee that they would stop dating you all together because of it...if they don't, it means they like you A LOT and are trying to wait for you. Don't let the girl suffer! have fun. u will be come addicted to this and become a player. unfortunately you will also become cold heartless shallow and empty. but the risks r urs to take, i choose to take them and for a women thats a big deal.
Author Krytellan Posted August 9, 2007 Author Posted August 9, 2007 u will be come addicted to this and become a player. unfortunately you will also become cold heartless shallow and empty. but the risks r urs to take, i choose to take them and for a women thats a big deal. I'm gonna have to disagree, though your concern is noted If my ex-wife failed to make me "cold, heartless, shallow, and empty", then I hardly think dating a few pretty girls will do it. That, and knowing myself the way I think I do, I don't think I will be able to play this game for an extended period of time... but time will tell.
squeak Posted August 9, 2007 Posted August 9, 2007 And hey, everyone's allowed to be a hypocrite right? >.> Just because I wouldn't sleep with someone sleeping with someone else while dating,that doesn't mean I wouldn't sleep with two at the same time... I'm only human. No...not you Krystellan. That is disappointing. Sorry, it does kind of suck to hear that. Seems the nicest people always end up being players and going back on their beliefs because they got so twisted by life. On another note: Trialbyfire gah cute kitty stop please take down I'm melting head exploding cute overload...(melts into puddle)
electric_sheep Posted August 9, 2007 Posted August 9, 2007 I've found, when one is pressed on time like this, that it can be a whole lot easier if you just take them all out to dinner together, in one big group. This also makes it easier to size em up against each other, if you will. Good luck and tell us how it works out.
Grim Posted August 9, 2007 Posted August 9, 2007 I'm gonna have to disagree, though your concern is noted If my ex-wife failed to make me "cold, heartless, shallow, and empty", then I hardly think dating a few pretty girls will do it. ok but ex hubby didnt make me cold/h/s (im still not) it was the game that ensued that showed me this could happen so easily. That, and knowing myself the way I think I do, I don't think I will be able to play this game for an extended period of time... but time will tell i hope you can leave the game at the right time. i hope i can too good luck i wish you well, im doing it too and it feels great but........
Author Krytellan Posted August 9, 2007 Author Posted August 9, 2007 I've found, when one is pressed on time like this, that it can be a whole lot easier if you just take them all out to dinner together, in one big group. This also makes it easier to size em up against each other, if you will. And go home with the last girl standing?
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