Trialbyfire Posted August 9, 2007 Posted August 9, 2007 I AM collateral damage. Tried to explain that to a few poeple in this section once... its pointless. If a person is M w/kids and engaged in an A... what can you say to that? Do you think they dont know what they are doing??? No, they just let others pay for the consequences of thier actions. I think we can all agree that while similarities exist all affairs are different. I dont especially like your analogy, the finality of it just does not apply. Yeah... I get the point of this thread. Maybe you should really be asking yourself this: "Who are you willing to hurt to get what you want?" From my perspective, there is finality. It's the death of trust, respect and love. Oh, and the death of my marriage, future family plans, pretty much everything. It's okay though. There's life after divorce but not the same life. As for the boy in my analogy, he's more likely than not, going to get a new father. You're welcome to interpret that any way you want.
annabelle75 Posted August 9, 2007 Posted August 9, 2007 I think we can all agree that while similarities exist all affairs are different. I dont especially like your analogy, the finality of it just does not apply. Yeah... I get the point of this thread. Maybe you should really be asking yourself this: "Who are you willing to hurt to get what you want?" If I spit in the wind or fart in a crowded elevator there will be "collateral damage." I don't agree with the analogy becasue it is far to extreme and doesn't pertain to the topic of the thread. The OP stated that people should open there eyes and see that most OM/OW are just regular people like everyone else. The analogy is contradicting it by comparing them to cold hearted murderers. Its just another peson wanting to come in her and start calling people names. There is too much of that in here already.
Trialbyfire Posted August 9, 2007 Posted August 9, 2007 If I spit in the wind or fart in a crowded elevator there will be "collateral damage." I don't agree with the analogy becasue it is far to extreme and doesn't pertain to the topic of the thread. The OP stated that people should open there eyes and see that most OM/OW are just regular people like everyone else. The analogy is contradicting it by comparing them to cold hearted murderers. Its just another peson wanting to come in her and start calling people names. There is too much of that in here already. OM/OW are people who have a me-first mentality. "I'm in love with this man/woman and that's all that matters. This is between the two of us, whatever the consequences." If you believe that regular people will indulge in being a third wheel in an affair situation, then you would be correct in your assessment that OM/OW are just like regular people. It's all in the spin, isn't it annabelle? This doesn't include the ones that were fooled into getting involved in an affair, although the ones that stay in one are just as responsible.
Cobra_X30 Posted August 9, 2007 Posted August 9, 2007 From my perspective, there is finality. It's the death of trust, respect and love. Oh, and the death of my marriage, future family plans, pretty much everything. It's okay though. There's life after divorce but not the same life. As for the boy in my analogy, he's more likely than not, going to get a new father. You're welcome to interpret that any way you want. Well, your analogy fails in my mind because it is too specific. It typifies one type of relationship, and it is overtly harsh. Review your motivations. Is it to insult and injure or are you more interested in your point bieng heard?
annabelle75 Posted August 9, 2007 Posted August 9, 2007 OM/OW are people who have a me-first mentality. "I'm in love with this man/woman and that's all that matters. This is between the two of us, whatever the consequences." If you believe that regular people will indulge in being a third wheel in an affair situation, then you would be correct in your assessment that OM/OW are just like regular people. It's all in the spin, isn't it annabelle? This doesn't include the ones that were fooled into getting involved in an affair, although the ones that stay in one are just as responsible. I think you would benefit by reading what the OM/OW here and see that the "mentality" you have attritbuted to them really isn't the case. But so many of you are so set in your judegments you refuse to open your eyes to the reality. Its to your own detriment not theirs. And even though I did not knowingly become a OW, I don't consider myself any better than the OW that post here. I prefer to live by the "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone."
Trialbyfire Posted August 9, 2007 Posted August 9, 2007 Well, your analogy fails in my mind because it is too specific. It typifies one type of relationship, and it is overtly harsh. Review your motivations. Is it to insult and injure or are you more interested in your point bieng heard? I'm intensely interested in my point being heard. If it appears harsh to you, each person has a different manner and format in how they like to express themselves. Sugar-coating and soft sell is not my style. Btw, in assuming that all OW/OM are just like other people, it's typifying all OW/OM. Seems safe to generalize, doesn't it, since the OP is doing it.
Trialbyfire Posted August 9, 2007 Posted August 9, 2007 I think you would benefit by reading what the OM/OW here and see that the "mentality" you have attritbuted to them really isn't the case. But so many of you are so set in your judegments you refuse to open your eyes to the reality. Its to your own detriment not theirs. And even though I did not knowingly become a OW, I don't consider myself any better than the OW that post here. I prefer to live by the "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone." Once again, do you believe that the average adult populace indulges in affairs?
annabelle75 Posted August 9, 2007 Posted August 9, 2007 Once again, do you believe that the average adult populace indulges in affairs? What does that have to do with what I just said? Did you even bother to read it?
Trialbyfire Posted August 9, 2007 Posted August 9, 2007 What does that have to do with what I just said? Did you even bother to read it? Did you read my post?
annabelle75 Posted August 9, 2007 Posted August 9, 2007 Did you read my post? Yes and I responded to what you said.
Trialbyfire Posted August 9, 2007 Posted August 9, 2007 Yes and I responded to what you said. And I responded to what you said.
Touche Posted August 9, 2007 Posted August 9, 2007 I'm intensely interested in my point being heard. If it appears harsh to you, each person has a different manner and format in how they like to express themselves. Sugar-coating and soft sell is not my style. Btw, in assuming that all OW/OM are just like other people, it's typifying all OW/OM. Seems safe to generalize, doesn't it, since the OP is doing it. That's right. Fair game. Why is it ok, to generalize saying OW/OM can be good and charitable but it's NOT ok, to say that others are self-centered and selfish? Why is that? Why isn't it ok to say that many are self-serving in their actions? It's the truth. So why can't it be said? I guess it's not "PC" and it's too "judgemental", huh? Look, you start a thread about people who carry on with married people and how they can be charitable human beings..what do you expect? Sure some can be..but does that make up for their wrong doing? I think not. Let's be real here. I mean come on. What would be the appropriate analogy for you? Let's try this one then: I have a drinking problem. If I get in the car drunk and kill a family is that ok? I mean I have an addiction problem. It's inherited. I have no control. But I give thousands of dollars to charities each year. Does that wipe away my responsibility for what I've done? I never meant to kill that family. I didn't get in that car planning to destroy a whole family. It just happened (how many times have we heard THAT?) And Annabelle, if you didn't know and you got out of it (don't know your situation) when you found out, then you're not in this category.
Trialbyfire Posted August 9, 2007 Posted August 9, 2007 That's right. Fair game. Why is it ok, to generalize saying OW/OM can be good and charitable but it's NOT ok, to say that others are self-centered and selfish? Why is that? Why isn't it ok to say that many are self-serving in their actions? It's the truth. So why can't it be said? I guess it's not "PC" and it's too "judgemental", huh? Look, you start a thread about people who carry on with married people and how they can be charitable human beings..what do you expect? Sure some can be..but does that make up for their wrong doing? I think not. Let's be real here. I mean come on. What would be the appropriate analogy for you? Let's try this one then: I have a drinking problem. If I get in the car drunk and kill a family is that ok? I mean I have an addiction problem. It's inherited. I have no control. But I give thousands of dollars to charities each year. Does that wipe away my responsibility for what I've done? I never meant to kill that family. I didn't get in that car planning to destroy a whole family. It just happened (how many times have we heard THAT?) And Annabelle, if you didn't know and you got out of it (don't know your situation) when you found out, then you're not in this category. Ba..da...bing Touche. How bang on can you get?
whichwayisup Posted August 9, 2007 Posted August 9, 2007 Open To Receive....Bring it on!! With a thread title like this and then add on the "....Bring it on!!" expect people to voice their opinions, even if you disagree with them.
annabelle75 Posted August 9, 2007 Posted August 9, 2007 Look, you start a thread about people who carry on with married people and how they can be charitable human beings..what do you expect? Sure some can be..but does that make up for their wrong doing? I think not. Let's be real here. Well you start a thread like that in a forum for OM/OW about how OM/OW can be good hearted charitable human beings you expect to be able to have a discussion about it. You don't expect to be called a cold hearted murder. And it doesn't matter to me if I am in their category or not, having seen As from almost every angle possible I'v eleanred to understand that they are all different and the people involved aren't neccessarily all good or bad. I won't judge people. There is nothing righteous about judging others. Those who come in her calling names and attacking people when they are down are no better than those they are attacking.
Touche Posted August 9, 2007 Posted August 9, 2007 With a thread title like this and then add on the "....Bring it on!!" expect people to voice their opinions, even if you disagree with them. Exactly. Why tell those of us who don't get it or who don't see it the same way to go away? You invited controversy in the thread title as WWIU has pointed out. Oh and thanks, TBF. I'm trying to come up with an analogy that they'll accept. But I imagine they'll tell me that that one wasn't "the same" either. When you destroy hopes and dreams and a family, it doesn't matter if they're dead or not...they're still gone, destroyed, never will be the same again. SAME thing!
Cobra_X30 Posted August 9, 2007 Posted August 9, 2007 If I spit in the wind or fart in a crowded elevator there will be "collateral damage." I don't agree with the analogy becasue it is far to extreme and doesn't pertain to the topic of the thread. The OP stated that people should open there eyes and see that most OM/OW are just regular people like everyone else. The analogy is contradicting it by comparing them to cold hearted murderers. Its just another peson wanting to come in her and start calling people names. There is too much of that in here already. IMHO, most women who enter into an A are straight up getting used. Truth is OP and BS's often have so much in common is sickening. Why put yourself in a situation where you get nothing but scraps and heartache? Is that regular? If it is, perhaps we should all strive to be exceptional. Like me!
Touche Posted August 9, 2007 Posted August 9, 2007 Well you start a thread like that in a forum for OM/OW about how OM/OW can be good hearted charitable human beings you expect to be able to have a discussion about it. You don't expect to be called a cold hearted murder. And it doesn't matter to me if I am in their category or not, having seen As from almost every angle possible I'v eleanred to understand that they are all different and the people involved aren't neccessarily all good or bad. I won't judge people. There is nothing righteous about judging others. Those who come in her calling names and attacking people when they are down are no better than those they are attacking. But we ARE having a discussion about it. Just because you don't agree with some of what is said, doesn't mean it's not legitimate. No one is calling anyone a murderer. It was an ANALOGY. Do you not see that? It's about destruction here. That's what we're talking about. As for the judging...wow. We ALL judge. You don't think you do? We all do. What's so bad about that? It's human nature. And we're all humans here. But no one is attacking anyone. We're only all giving our opinions and viewpoints on the topic at hand. Please see the difference.
annabelle75 Posted August 9, 2007 Posted August 9, 2007 IMHO, most women who enter into an A are straight up getting used. Truth is OP and BS's often have so much in common is sickening. Why put yourself in a situation where you get nothing but scraps and heartache? Is that regular? If it is, perhaps we should all strive to be exceptional. Like me! You are a very wise man. I still hope to be dumped by you. It would be an honor and a privledge. Oh, I totally agree. If they were to step back and really look at the situation they would all see that the BS and OP have alot in common. In my case especially. We both got used an lied to.
Cobra_X30 Posted August 9, 2007 Posted August 9, 2007 I'm intensely interested in my point being heard. If it appears harsh to you, each person has a different manner and format in how they like to express themselves. Sugar-coating and soft sell is not my style. Btw, in assuming that all OW/OM are just like other people, it's typifying all OW/OM. Seems safe to generalize, doesn't it, since the OP is doing it. Try catching flies with honey. Each person requires a different approach. Do you really, honestly believe that there is such a thing as a regular person?
Trialbyfire Posted August 9, 2007 Posted August 9, 2007 IMHO, most women who enter into an A are straight up getting used. Truth is OP and BS's often have so much in common is sickening. Why put yourself in a situation where you get nothing but scraps and heartache? Is that regular? If it is, perhaps we should all strive to be exceptional. Like me! Betrayed spouses don't put themselves into the situation. They are forced into the situation, without consent or knowledge. A completely different scenario.
annabelle75 Posted August 9, 2007 Posted August 9, 2007 But we ARE having a discussion about it. Just because you don't agree with some of what is said, doesn't mean it's not legitimate. No one is calling anyone a murderer. It was an ANALOGY. Do you not see that? It's about destruction here. That's what we're talking about. As for the judging...wow. We ALL judge. You don't think you do? We all do. What's so bad about that? It's human nature. And we're all humans here. But no one is attacking anyone. We're only all giving our opinions and viewpoints on the topic at hand. Please see the difference. That's the point. You are talking about "destruction" and that is not what the thread is about. There are certain people here that think every thread here is an invitation to attack and fill with rants of self righteous judgement. All they see is the mere mention of some one being OM/OW and start spouting of there platitudes. Its tedious and self serving. And I'm sorry, but no one has a right to judge. Just because people do it doesn't mean it is OK. As a strong christian I believe it with all my heart.
whichwayisup Posted August 9, 2007 Posted August 9, 2007 That's the point. You are talking about "destruction" and that is not what the thread is about. But you won't tell anyone who isn't an OW WHAT this thread is about! If you don't understand it, then there is no need to continue posting in this thread. Those of us that do, apprecite what it said. Yes, this section is primarily for OW/OM who are having affairs with MM/MW, yet many others reply here as well. You don't have to be an OW/OM to take part in a discussion.
Trialbyfire Posted August 9, 2007 Posted August 9, 2007 Try catching flies with honey. Each person requires a different approach. Do you really, honestly believe that there is such a thing as a regular person? Appears to me you're a pot calling the kettle black... Before I answer that, what is your experience as either a betrayed spouse, an OM or a cheater? It helps to understand the direction of your spin.
Cobra_X30 Posted August 9, 2007 Posted August 9, 2007 That's right. Fair game. Why is it ok, to generalize saying OW/OM can be good and charitable but it's NOT ok, to say that others are self-centered and selfish? Why is that? Why isn't it ok to say that many are self-serving in their actions? It's the truth. So why can't it be said? I guess it's not "PC" and it's too "judgemental", huh? Look, you start a thread about people who carry on with married people and how they can be charitable human beings..what do you expect? Sure some can be..but does that make up for their wrong doing? I think not. Let's be real here. I mean come on. What would be the appropriate analogy for you? Let's try this one then: I have a drinking problem. If I get in the car drunk and kill a family is that ok? I mean I have an addiction problem. It's inherited. I have no control. But I give thousands of dollars to charities each year. Does that wipe away my responsibility for what I've done? I never meant to kill that family. I didn't get in that car planning to destroy a whole family. It just happened (how many times have we heard THAT?) And Annabelle, if you didn't know and you got out of it (don't know your situation) when you found out, then you're not in this category. You seem to think that an analogy is required to grasp the concept at hand. Well... I dont think it is. Who should you really be mad at. The woman your Husband is using and lieing too? Yourself for believing his lies?
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