Star Gazer Posted August 8, 2007 Posted August 8, 2007 Many of you remember how enamored I was with FireFighter, and how worked up I got when things went south. Well, as much as I'd like to think I'm "over him," he still pops into my mind...on every single damn date I go on. I find myself comparing every single guy I go out on a date with to him. I don't compare their appearance or professions or senses of humor or anything like that. Instead, I compare the way he makes me feel. FF made me giddy from the get-go. I couldn't get him out of my mind. The very thought of him was intoxicating. I was so excited about him. Unfortunately, with everyone I've met since, I've felt little more than, "eh, maybe there will be something there." I'll look at them across the dinner table and think, "Hmm, he's attractive, funny, sweet, intelligent, successful...but I don't feel 'that way' about him." I enjoy their company, have a great time with them and such. But if after a few weeks I don't feel even remotely close to how I felt with FF - or think that feeling that way would be impossible at any point in the future, I write them off. But should I be giving it more time? I think I deserve to find someone who makes me feel the same way FF did. But is this the right way to proceed? Were those feelings actually unhealthy? Or is that crazy-giddyness-can't-get-them-out-of-your-mind thing the way it's supposed to be in the beginning? Thoughts?
Trialbyfire Posted August 8, 2007 Posted August 8, 2007 Sometimes our self-protection mechanisms automatically create a shield, especially with a recent burn. I think you need a little time before you're willing to open yourself up to that level of interest again.
nittygritty Posted August 8, 2007 Posted August 8, 2007 I do the same thing SG. I recently went out with a guy that I dated in college. I had been the one to end the relationship and I wasn't very nice about it either. After all these years, he still thinks I hung the moon and all that I could think about sitting across from him at dinner was, "God, I hope my ex didn't feel this way about me". I don't have any other advice than to stick to your guns about reciprocated feelings and don't settle for less.
lino Posted August 8, 2007 Posted August 8, 2007 Many of you remember how enamored I was with FireFighter, and how worked up I got when things went south. Well, as much as I'd like to think I'm "over him," he still pops into my mind...on every single damn date I go on. I find myself comparing every single guy I go out on a date with to him. I don't compare their appearance or professions or senses of humor or anything like that. Instead, I compare the way he makes me feel. FF made me giddy from the get-go. I couldn't get him out of my mind. The very thought of him was intoxicating. I was so excited about him. Unfortunately, with everyone I've met since, I've felt little more than, "eh, maybe there will be something there." I'll look at them across the dinner table and think, "Hmm, he's attractive, funny, sweet, intelligent, successful...but I don't feel 'that way' about him." I enjoy their company, have a great time with them and such. But if after a few weeks I don't feel even remotely close to how I felt with FF - or think that feeling that way would be impossible at any point in the future, I write them off. But should I be giving it more time? I think I deserve to find someone who makes me feel the same way FF did. But is this the right way to proceed? Were those feelings actually unhealthy? Or is that crazy-giddyness-can't-get-them-out-of-your-mind thing the way it's supposed to be in the beginning? Thoughts? I get the same feeling & I too question if its normal. I compare everyone I go out with to my last ex gf & they all come up short for me To me she was everything I wanted in a girl, shame she didn't feel that about me
shadowplay Posted August 8, 2007 Posted August 8, 2007 I've been in the same situation. When you become infatuated with one person for whatever reason, you really start to believe that you'll never find another person who you'll feel as strongly about. And then suddenly, without warning, the feeling just slips away. One day you realize you haven't thought about that person in a long time, or you meet somebody new who makes you forget about the other. Believe me, it will happen. Just be patient. Do you mind if I ask what happened with the fire fighter? I'm new to LS.
Mustang Sally Posted August 8, 2007 Posted August 8, 2007 I agree with post(s) above that say you might just need some more time. But I also think there's nothing wrong with wanting to have someone make you feel that "giddy" feeling. It may be awhile before you really do, though. And that's ok. No one will be exactly the same as this other guy, so it goes without saying that things will be different than they were with him. But I think you still have potential for "giddiness." When the right time comes.
oppath Posted August 8, 2007 Posted August 8, 2007 I understand you perfectly SG, but in reality, it's only been a couple months since FF, right? How many people per year do you think could possibly give you a giddy feeling? I reckon only 6 people a year I meet could, and 4 of those 6 are probably in relationships, so.... I guess that is a pessimistic way of looking at it. thankfully I have one of these people now, 7 months after my ex. No one I've met has captivated me at all in that time, until a couple weeks ago when I reconnected with an old friend of a friend who lives in LA. We're discussing dating when I get back to SoCal since there is a decent chance I move up there or a chance she moves to SD. It's worth exploring IMO, because I feel something I haven't felt with many people in my life. Hard to keep expectations in check considering I can't see her until I move back to SoCal in two weeks, but I'm not a phone guy, and anyone who can keep me on the phone more than 10 minutes finds a way into my heart. You want that giddy feeling. Don't settle for anything less. But you aren't going to meet one giddy guy after another. It takes time and luck, as well as your own emotions being in place.
JeanQueen Posted August 9, 2007 Posted August 9, 2007 Yeah, I feel this exact same way about the flake I was dating. I just had a long conversation with a friend about being embarassed that I still feel so much for him even though it's been over a month sense it ended. I think we've just got to give it time...get it out of our system. I have confidence that you and I will both feel that "zsa-zsa zing" again
Author Star Gazer Posted August 9, 2007 Author Posted August 9, 2007 Sometimes our self-protection mechanisms automatically create a shield, especially with a recent burn. I think you need a little time before you're willing to open yourself up to that level of interest again. I keep reading this again, and again, and again. I hadn't thought about it that way, and I think you may be onto something here... Do you mind if I ask what happened with the fire fighter? I'm new to LS. Same old story: boy and girl meet, boy and girl have sex too soon, boy strings girl along until POOF! he vanishes completely, only to crop up later to instill a fraction of hope and then disappear again. Despite all that, I really, really liked him. He had the power to break my heart...luckily he didn't quite get that close.
IpAncA Posted August 9, 2007 Posted August 9, 2007 Same old story: boy and girl meet, boy and girl have sex too soon, boy strings girl along until POOF! he vanishes completely, only to crop up later to instill a fraction of hope and then disappear again. If this is a trend then it might be a good idea to discuss this and why this keeps happening with you.
Author Star Gazer Posted August 9, 2007 Author Posted August 9, 2007 If this is a trend then it might be a good idea to discuss this and why this keeps happening with you. I didn't mean "same old story" as it was MY trend...just a situation that's all too common (unfortunately) on LS. That said, it has happened before...but at 18. Two times in 11 years.
IpAncA Posted August 9, 2007 Posted August 9, 2007 I didn't mean "same old story" as it was MY trend...just a situation that's all too common (unfortunately) on LS. That said, it has happened before...but at 18. Two times in 11 years. Oh good. Just checking.
Touche Posted August 9, 2007 Posted August 9, 2007 I agree with some of the others. It doesn't happen that often in life to begin with. Just be patient. But is it unrealistic to expect that? I say, no. Don't settle for less. It WILL happen again for you. You'll see. But please make sure you're giving these good guys a fair chance before you blow them away. Sometimes that feeling doesn't happen on the first or second date. Sometimes, you have to get to know someone better...know what they're about..before that feeling hits you.
Capricciosa Posted August 9, 2007 Posted August 9, 2007 I think I deserve to find someone who makes me feel the same way FF did. But is this the right way to proceed? Were those feelings actually unhealthy? Or is that crazy-giddyness-can't-get-them-out-of-your-mind thing the way it's supposed to be in the beginning? There is a line of thinking that says if there is too much chemistry, you are likely tapping into unresolved, most often unhealthy issues and that chemistry of 7 or 8 is healthier, leads you down a less fraught path. I've had that giddyness a number of times and it really has always ended in heartache. So, why not go for a bit less volume and really listen to what is being offered by these other guys? After you have healed from FF, of course. (And I know, that giddyness is hard to say no to, but wouldn't you rather be a little less giddy and a lot less heartbroken?)
BenefitOfTheDoubt Posted August 9, 2007 Posted August 9, 2007 There is a line of thinking that says if there is too much chemistry, you are likely tapping into unresolved, most often unhealthy issues and that chemistry of 7 or 8 is healthier, leads you down a less fraught path. I've had that giddyness a number of times and it really has always ended in heartache. So, why not go for a bit less volume and really listen to what is being offered by these other guys? After you have healed from FF, of course. (And I know, that giddyness is hard to say no to, but wouldn't you rather be a little less giddy and a lot less heartbroken?) I've never heard that theory, but I was thinking something exactly along those lines. In my 20s, I fell in giddy infatuation with boys left and right. It always ended (normally after no more than two months), and I always felt utterly wrecked after it, like nobody could ever compare. But more recently, it's been the other way around. There's always enough genuine chemisty to keep me around, but no real fireworks till the deeper connection really starts to form. I spent a good six weeks trying to get rid of my current BF. I was fresh out of a long relationship when I met him, and simply had no interest in dating anyone. But he was so persistent and just so friggin' interesting that I couldn't bring myself to tell him to take a hike. Then one day a good while into things, I found myself kinda really looking forward to seeing him. Five months in, I'm pretty crazy about him. I don't think it's wrong to want that giddy feeling. But as Touche said already, it might be wrong to assume that you won't ever feel giddy just because you didn't feel giddy right out of the gates.
Starry-eyed Posted August 9, 2007 Posted August 9, 2007 I think I deserve to find someone who makes me feel the same way FF did. But is this the right way to proceed? Were those feelings actually unhealthy? Or is that crazy-giddyness-can't-get-them-out-of-your-mind thing the way it's supposed to be in the beginning? Thoughts? From where I am now in my life, I say hold out for the giddiness. Don't settle for less. Sure, you can give things a short bit of time, but don't think that something that is not there now (that spark, that headiness) will magically develop later. Butterflies and can't-get-him-out-of-your-mind are important to me and worth aiming for, IMO. Again, perhaps that's just based on my past experiences. I don't know your story with the fire fighter.
Road Rage Posted August 9, 2007 Posted August 9, 2007 Starry-eyed The story with the fire fighter is he`s a great lover but a poor fire fighter. He`s been fanning stargazer`s flames rather than putting them out:laugh:
sadfish Posted August 9, 2007 Posted August 9, 2007 Took me 2.5 years to meet someone else that made me feel as giddy and intrigued as my ex did. I was sooooo happy!! Took 4 weeks to realise that i have been most likely played by said new guy. Dating. Fun. Yeah. lol
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