break up??

[cass12]

I am a romantic person n my boyfriend tires hard to be one...though we don say i love you to each other, i send me messages to tell him that i miss him n love him.He says that he uses action to prove he loves me, n he does....sometimes.....

 

I am always very eager to meet him....but he is always busy....i have a quick n bad temper, sometimes i know he is just too busy to meet me...i will make a fuss n say that he dont miss me at all!!

 

Sometimes, he explains n other times, he gets really angry n we quarrel!

 

Yesterday, we got into a big fight n broke up!! i told him that we should break up...n find someone else that suit us better..i said that to provoke him, i regret later...but he thinks what i hav said is right....

 

We have been together for 3 years...there are many quarrels but not big ones..those that we will jus forget the next day. We had a lovely Valentine's day n few nice dates during February...but by end of Feb he was really busy n when he's free, i got busy...

 

I feel the main problem here is that

 

1)he thinks that i need to see him many days a week to be happy! Which i do not, the only thing I need is to know that he misses me.

 

2) my temper!

I lose my temper easily n regret the next moment...the next day he will forget abt it....but sometimes....i dont

 

I really don not want a break. But i think i need some time n space from each other, i need to fix my temper!

 

What do you think?? He is insistant on a break...but we have made so much plans for our future n even planned to go on a holiday next week...but he got busy n canceled it..

 

i really do not want to break up because of my temper n a stupid argument.

 

How do I talk to him??

[Tony T]

You have proven time and time again that you don't care about his schedule and you don't care that he is busy. Despite the fact that he tries to make you happy, he knows that YOU are the ONLY person in the world who can make you happy. You even admitted that when he became free and had some time to spend with you, then YOU got busy.

 

This will not work. Until you can get in a position where you don't lose your temper, nobody is going to go crazy about you. Most people find that trait to be repulsive. No sane person wants to be around somebody who gets angry at every turn...it simply isn't pleasant.

 

Learn some new strategies for behaving that will get you what you want. Excellent communication helps. Just to let you in on a secret....When somebody constantly gets angry because they don't get their way with somebody, the other person develops such a bitterness that they truly don't want to please that person. So you don't want to make that mistake with your next relationship.

 

My opinion is that you either need to make a concerted effort to be less demanding and more accepting of the particular individuals you date....find other people to date (as the two of you have agreed) or get counselling for your anger problem.

 

The basic cause of anger is not getting our way about things. It is very immature to expect everybody to behave the way we demand they do and everything happen exactly like we demand it does all the time. If you aren't angry most of the time, that means things are going your way most of the time...and that's great.

 

Nobody wants to be around somebody who flies off the handle constantly. That's just unpleasant and there are too many people out there who don't do that.

 

If you don't change, you may someday meet a man from a dysfunctional family whose parents lost their tempers all the time and he may be quite OK with your tantrums. But I promise you will have assorted other problems to deal with in a relationship like that.

 

Unless you change dramatically, learn to demand less, learn to be happy with yourself and not expect the source of your happiness to be with other people, you will be miserable all the days of your life.

 

I'm so glad you stopped by for this little talk and I hope you just give it some thought. I would hate for you to go through your entire life wondering why your relationships don't work out.

 

There are some great books you can read that may help you. One is "How to Practically Never Upset Yourself About Anything" by Albert Ellis. Order a copy, read it, and take it in. You'll be lots happier for having done so. Just learn that it's YOU, not others, who make you angry and it's YOU, not others, who make you happy. Those emotions are choices you make.

 

Your decision to lose your temper frequently is very puzzling to me.

 

Don't feel bad if you don't grasp this concept quickly. Many people are raised to have knee-jerk reactions to things without thinking. There are people who actually go to their grave thinking it was OTHER PEOPLE who caused them to get mad, jealous, depressed, anxious, etc....and they will never know that it was THEY THEMSELVES who caused this.

 

Very sad!!!

[cass12]

thank you.I will get that book!!