amerikajin Posted August 8, 2007 Posted August 8, 2007 I am in the process of moving and going back to school. I'm currently looking for a new place and will probably end up sharing an apartment or house with someone to defray costs. Because there might be a shortage of roommates, it could be that choosing a female roommate might be one of my options. What I'm wondering is, is this a good idea? If a female roommate agrees to share a pad with me, should I go ahead or keep looking? Anyone have an experiences with opposite-sex roommates? I'm just wondering what happens if I develop a crush on her or she on me, but it's unrequited, or worse, if we hook up but things go south? Or even worse than that, one of us dates but our partner finds out we're living with someone of the opposite gender. Does this happen a lot?
Star Gazer Posted August 8, 2007 Posted August 8, 2007 My best roommate EVER was a dude named Dave. We got along famously, and even shared a bathroom!! Of course I think it helped that he was engaged and I was swamped with law school, so our focus wasn't so much on "home" as what was going on in our lives. After Dave and I moved away to different places, I thought living with another guy would be a great idea. Turned out to be a disaster because he was in love with me (it was unrequited) and he literally turned psycho. Horrible situation. As a result, I'd STRONGLY suggest selecting a roommate who you are not, and don't see yourself EVER, being attracted to. Most girls I know who are laid back and easy-going would actually prefer to live with a PROFESSIONAL guy. I never experienced a problem with guys being put off by the fact I had a male roommate, and for those guys I dated who happened to have a female roommate, it didn't bother me in the slightest either. I'd suggest trying to find a place where the bedrooms are separated, like on opposite sides of the house/apartment. That way you don't feel on-top of each other.
allina Posted August 8, 2007 Posted August 8, 2007 I shared a house with 3 guys for over 4 years, awesome household, no drama, I love my ex roomies I think mixed sex households work well.
LoveLace Posted August 8, 2007 Posted August 8, 2007 I'm in that sitch right now but won't go there...be glad... You can pick someone you are not attracted to, but who knows if you were to grow to be attracted....and there is always the chance of the other person being attracted to you, so I guess it's up to you to decide if you want to take that chance. Just make sure the females know up front that you are only looking for a roommate and not a girlfriend.
quankanne Posted August 8, 2007 Posted August 8, 2007 had a male roommate in college and it was great. Of course, this was my best friend from the campus paper, and we'd already established our friendship .... And we'd tacitly decided that we were not dating or screwing material, just friends and roommates, period. My husband knows that I lived with him, and his wife knows about me. honestly? I think it works best if you already know this person and are on a friendship-only basis should you ever decide to get digs together. Otherwise, someone's feelings are going to get hurt when that person starts looking at the relationship as anything OTHER than "just roommates." And you definitely DO NOT want to add sex to the relationship, that's just shooting yourself in the foot.
burning 4 revenge Posted August 8, 2007 Posted August 8, 2007 If you fall for your roomate theres a very good chance you'll hear her with some guy behind locked doors....doing it....
Star Gazer Posted August 8, 2007 Posted August 8, 2007 honestly? I think it works best if you already know this person and are on a friendship-only basis should you ever decide to get digs together. Otherwise, someone's feelings are going to get hurt when that person starts looking at the relationship as anything OTHER than "just roommates." I agree completely.
Author amerikajin Posted August 8, 2007 Author Posted August 8, 2007 If you fall for your roomate theres a very good chance you'll hear her with some guy behind locked doors....doing it.... That has crossed my mind. I don't know...I think it's a decision to fall for someone. Sure, you're attracted to someone - you can't control that. But it's a decision to think about them, get caught up in emotions and what not. I mean, there are lots of ladies I meet, find out their married and then don't get think anything of it. I guess I'd be ok. as long as I knew going into it that it was strictly business. But sometimes it's easier said than done, though.
Trialbyfire Posted August 8, 2007 Posted August 8, 2007 While I've never personally been in this situation, I had a friend who did it. The guy moved in with his ex-wife's two best friends because his ex-wife was relocating to another city, for her career opportunity. Pretty incestuous, wouldn't you say? Anyways, it worked out very well for a number of years. The only reason why it ended was due to assorted parties getting married and moving off. Btw, all three were extremely attractive individuals who were mature enough not to want to mess with a good thing. And yes, there were times of attraction but they were able to work through it without ego damage.
Krytellan Posted August 8, 2007 Posted August 8, 2007 What about making sure any girl that moves in is ugly or is socially inept... that'll prevent any feelings. I have lived with several opposite sex roomates. The only issue I ever came across was with SOs, not the people actually in the home.
KittenMoon Posted August 8, 2007 Posted August 8, 2007 I've lived in an apt w/ 3 males, and an apt with 2 males, 2 females, and an apt with only females. All worked out, and I enjoyed the mixed apts very much. LIke everyone's been saying, the key is lack of attraction. I was only friends with all these people, never anything else. I have a friend currently in love with his roomie (a girl). It's unrequited and torturous for him.
climbergirl Posted August 8, 2007 Posted August 8, 2007 I have a roommate of the opposite sex. However, we've known each other for ~20 years and are best friends. And once my boyfriends meet him, they are not threatened. I'm not sure if it's because his personality is the exact opposite of mine or they can just sense that nothing is going on romantically, but I've never had a problem. So, the only caveat to your situation is to find a roommate where it's clear that neither of you are attracted to each other AND you have a good rapport together. Tough to do and predict, I'm sure.
Topper Posted August 9, 2007 Posted August 9, 2007 when Iwas younger I had female roommates off and on. For the most part things worked out. I liked living with a roommate of the opposite sex as long as we had our space. Like any roommate situation it is all a matter of respect and personalities meshing. Now a real plus for me was that one of my female roommates was always fixing me up with her girlfriends.
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