relearning2breath Posted August 8, 2007 Posted August 8, 2007 This is my first post though I've been visiting this sight for 2 months since my break up. I was the dumper. Though in retrospect he had been emotionally gone for months prior to me ending it. I gave him everything I could possibly give. He didnt drive and barely had any money so i paid for most things, drove him everywhere he wanted to go, hung out with his friends (because he didnt like mine) all the while working full time and going to college full time. In the end I realized that he was a user, a selflish manipulator and still is. Trying to still manipulate me 2 months later. Heres my story: X and I met my first semester of college. He was my first everything. He was the mature older guy (I had just turned 18 and he was 21) and he lavished me with attention. I fell and I fell hard. In some ways I still feel that little girl in me who fell in love with him and had so much hope for us. We were together 2.5 years and rarely did we go a day with out seeing eachother. We were to the outside world the "perfect" couple. I was naive and thought that all the bad things were just something I should deal with. I ignored how he manipulated ever aspect of my life and before I knew it I went from being a social active person to a couch potatoe sitting in his room watching him play video games. I became depressed, angry, lonely, and fatter. Ex: our one year anniversary, I bought a nightie to wear for him. We went out to dinner and when we got back to his house he told me he wasnt in the mood and played his video games. I layed in bed and cried. I didnt know what else to do. He made me feel like I could do no better...and I believed him. So I broke up with him this past June. Finally...after thinking about it for months but being to terrified to lose him and that maybe he was right and I wouldnt find anything better. Finally he lied to me for the last time. (about something stupid and pety) but you can only take so many stupid lies. And I had almost 3 yrs full of them. I wish I could say that after we broke up I was strong and happy. Completely the opposite, I fell apart. Physically ill and im still not over it. And he makes me pay for breaking up with him as much as he can. I paniced and told him that I was sorry and that I didnt want to break up with him. In retrospect now, that was just the fear of being alone talking and really had nothing to do with me actually wanting to be with him. But I did and still do love him, very much. But sometimes you just have to say goodbye. What I didnt know is that he would stop at nothing to punish me for breaking up with him. He first kept telling me that he loved me but he didnt think he could forgive me for breaking up with him and that I was his best friend and he just needed time. Well time turned out being making out with some girl 3 days after we broke up. Then proceeding to tell me that "hes smitten"with her and then flirting non-stop with me, saying how beautiful I was and that i was his best friend and i was awesome. That he loved me ect. He would IM me everyday and we'd talk for hours. I wrote him a letter telling him how much I loved him and how much he ment to me. He said he appreciated it a lot. Well a month into his little fling with this girl things fizzled out and then BAM! he starts dating this 18 yr old girl from work. They've been together officially 2 weeks or something. He says he loves her. He tries to talk to me all the time and tell me how happy he is now. Then I get the usual bombartment of questions "who are you talking to? what you doing? How are you? Whos this guy? blah blah blah. And when I ask why does he care? He says he cares as a friend and isnt jealous. I guess the whole thing is even now hes trying to keep me on the backburner. I dont know if he really does love this girl but only after 2 weeks I find it hard to believe. And the simple fact that he tries to make me jealous and keeps tabs on me tells me hes not over me. And I kinda feel bad for this girl. My ex's way of dealing with a problem is to ignore it. So thats what hes doing. Jumping into another relationship to quick fix his pain. I hope it doesnt backfire on him. I guess its hard because I have to work with both of them. Luckily im in a different dept so I wont see them unless I happen to be on lunch break at the same time as them. I kno I still love him...and when I try to implement NC he flips out and says he wants to talk to me im his best friend, and to please not do it. Then he gets mad at me and low and behold I feel like the bad guy all over again. Im doing well with not telling him how i feel, going out, pretending to be happy until I am...and there are some days now when he enters my mind and I dont feel anything. I hope thats progress. I dont know if anyone has ever been in a relationship with a manipulator...but one of the greatest gifts a manipulator possesses is the ability to manipulate you with out giving you solid proof of manipulation. So then you're not sure if your making it all up in your head. its just there. You know it in your gut. And I for one and im tired of being played like a banjo. I guess I just wonder if anyone has any insight as to why he wants to be such a big part of my life but then professes to love this other girl and then says to me that who knows, we might be together again in the future. Idk hes mixing me up and Im not a home wrecker. So if this is the girl he wants im not gonna fight her for him. Besides Im starting to believe he was wrong and I deserve someone better... Who doesnt purposely try and hurt me. Any thoughts guys?
sao2 Posted August 10, 2007 Posted August 10, 2007 Some people just suck. I think he has shown himself to be one of them.
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