SierraMarie Posted August 8, 2007 Posted August 8, 2007 this is so sucky and i know there's nothing anybody can do about it but me. i'm the only one who can get over it. i'm not okay. i can pretend i'm okay every once in a while but it never lasts. i can keep myself busy, but i'm coming to the realization that it doesn't make it go away. i KNOW it's over. it's not like i'm still hoping we'll get back together, okay maybe a teensy bit but who doesn't? but i know that we're not right for each other and we're too different and all that. but it's still so painful. this guy was such a huge part of my life for so long and at one time i thought we'd be together forever and we were meant for each other my mom thinks i'm weird for staying up all night (AND she thinks i'm on drugs! geez) but everytime i try to go to sleep i just start thinking about everything and it sucks. i think the worst part is thinking about the sex and all that, that's seriously the worst part. it makes me feel really sad for some reason. i really don't know why. also, i've started smoking again, which is really bad. smoking seems to effect me more than other people for some reason. i lose a lot of weight and i get wrinkles under my eyes. but if i stop smoking, in a couple of days i gain the weight back and the wrinkles go away. and i really don't think i'm going to attract any new guys looking this way which is what i think i really need right now...anyway... i feel like this will never go away. i feel like i compromised myself so much in this relationship and that it changed me or something. like i started believing all the things that he believed, like he just took over my life or something. also, it doesn't help when i try to call him and he doesnt answer or call me back. why is he doing that?! i actually only called him once but seriously why doens't he want to talk to me. the only reason im calling is to ask him how he is, Im not doing it for any other reason i swear. i really, truly care about him, no matter what, and i just want to see how he is. I dont want to ask him how his life is going or whatever, just ask him how he is, he says good whatever then we hang up. grrr...make it go away!
NineGirl Posted August 8, 2007 Posted August 8, 2007 ya you just need a new man in your life!! TRUST ME YOU WILL FORGET ABOUT EVERYTHING ELSE me, im on my second pack right now, im having such a bad couple of months with new and past boys
kirikat Posted August 8, 2007 Posted August 8, 2007 I know what the not sleeping is like. And the not eating. And the thinking about sex. I'm one week out, and right there with you. You will, eventually, sleep again. I promise. It will get easier, I promise. You will be in a happy healthy relationship some day. In the meantime, what self care measures can you take? Can you get some excedrin PM? Can you fall asleep with the radio on? Talk radio, audio books - stuff like that can help you pay attention to something besides the thoughts in your head. As to him not wanting to talk to you - Im there with you too. But, take a little bit of heart: if he was OK, and was not hurting too - he could talk to you. But he is, and has nothing to say, and is trying to get unattached himself. What I have been doing, and I dont know if it helps or not, is writing every day - sometimes 100 times a day - on my blog. Everything I think, everything I would say to him, every bit of anger and sad is being poured onto a page, until I am out of words. This is helping me break the looping thought cycles.... and keeping me from boring my friends. Good luck sweetie. Please know - this is just like being sick. You will get better, but be very gentle with yourself.
kittensmittens Posted August 8, 2007 Posted August 8, 2007 Hey, another night owl......I know exactly what you mean. i feel like this will never go away. i feel like i compromised myself so much in this relationship and that it changed me or something. like i started believing all the things that he believed, like he just took over my life or something. Again, I know what you mean. I realize how much I 'adjusted' myself over the years. Ironically, the imprint he has left on my brain is the 'happy place' in my mind that only brings me more pain to access now. All the things that made him happy and that I associated w/ him....made me happy. I don't even know what it is anymore that makes me truly happy. also, it doesn't help when i try to call him and he doesnt answer or call me back. why is he doing that?! i actually only called him once but seriously why doens't he want to talk to me. the only reason im calling is to ask him how he is, Im not doing it for any other reason i swear. i really, truly care about him, no matter what, and i just want to see how he is. Maybe he truly cares about you too, but as you said, realizes you are both too different and is now doing what he needs to do to move on. It's rough, but stop calling for now at least.
nellstar Posted August 8, 2007 Posted August 8, 2007 go out during the day and do something that is really tiring and then you might just sleep that night
loveinlife Posted August 8, 2007 Posted August 8, 2007 smart answer nell, i never thought of that... lol Sierra, i know that exact feeling, i have many of those nights... i stay up pretty late, ussually crash around 3am. Not sure what the answer is for me. Maybe when my demons go away and i become a stronger person, i will get better sleep and not stress about my ex who isn't picking up my phone calls since our last argument, 1 month ago... good luck to you, let me know when you find an answer. =)
Author SierraMarie Posted August 8, 2007 Author Posted August 8, 2007 Thanks everybody As to him not wanting to talk to you - Im there with you too. But, take a little bit of heart: if he was OK, and was not hurting too - he could talk to you. But he is, and has nothing to say, and is trying to get unattached himself. That may be true, but who knows. that's what i hope the reason would be, not that i want him to feel bad. then again, why should i be the only one to feel bad? but the other option is that he really doesn't care and doesn't WANT to even talk to me anymore. that would suck. then again, if it's like that, who needs him anyway. who knows... Again, I know what you mean. I realize how much I 'adjusted' myself over the years. Ironically, the imprint he has left on my brain is the 'happy place' in my mind that only brings me more pain to access now. All the things that made him happy and that I associated w/ him....made me happy. I don't even know what it is anymore that makes me truly happy. Yeah i think the thing to do here is try to remember who you were before this relationship and just start over. i truly felt like a different person after this relationship was over. he and i are very different, nothing alike really and i feel like i changed myself to be like him b/c i thought he was a better person than me or something. the thing is, he's like a goody goody and all that and im not like that and i think he did help me a lot and fix some things in my life that made me unhappy, but it just went a little too far and i started to feel like he was better than me. the truth is we're just different. altho he did help me so i dont regret the relationship. i will never place so much importance on one relationship(or one person) ever again, it was like he was the only thing that made me happy anymore and then it was gone. i dont knw..it was f'ed up.
Author SierraMarie Posted August 8, 2007 Author Posted August 8, 2007 go out during the day and do something that is really tiring and then you might just sleep that night that wouldn't work, i'd just get really tired during the middle of the day and pass out. that's like the only way i can sleep is if im really tired or i cry myself to sleep..
Northstar1984 Posted August 8, 2007 Posted August 8, 2007 I know exactly how you feel, lady. It's a horrid cycle to get into, and it's very very easy to enter. I've not slept properly in 6 weeks, if I'm honest. I wake at night and cry, I hold things she bought me and wish to God she was with me now. She isn't, she won't ever be again.. it hurts deep every time I acknowledge that fact. But the things is, I'm craving a new female. Plenty have come and gone since She broke up with me. None have ticked the right boxes. All very attractive but not smart enough or funny, deep or selfless. Focus on self-improvement for the moment, get back into the dating scene and try hard to MAKE things happen how you want them to. I spend hours each day thinking about Her. Her that has destroyed a large portion of my very being, just by ending it with me. It wasn't a particularly messy break-up, although our promises to stay friends have all gone to pot. I know she was no good for me, but I still miss her.. ya know? Madness. She's got a new guy now. A guy scared to death I'm going to take him apart like lego. (Which I won't...). They're playing games now.. rumour mongering and telling lies about me. Mututal friends keep em up to date with the latest, but that just makes things worse. Sleep will return eventually, I'm sure of that for me and also for you. Emmerse yourself in the company of your friends and family. Staying busy doesn't work for everyone.. it did for Her.. but not for me. I soon had to stop spending hundreds of pounds on going out and doing things.. eventually settling for 2 hour car rides with whatever girl I'd met last. Diverting your attention away from Them does help, without a doubt. But you'll still get the searing hot pang of emotional pain once you remember what it was you were sad about 20 minutes earlier. C'est la vie, I suppose. I had to admit to my family I needed help from a pro, last week and began counselling. My hurt and sorrow turned to a low-level self harm. I was doing in excess of 145MPH in 60MPH zones en route to and from work. I didn't care if I crashed or not. This kind of self-hatred served me no good whatsoever.. Then I sliced my arm up with one of my knives - Something I'll regret for the rest of my life. I called it a day here and started counselling. At the end of the day, She simply wasn't worth all this. I don't know why she had such a massive effect on me, but there ya go.. Love turns you into a complete idiot sometimes. Please hang in there..I can honestly say I don't feel as bad as I did when I first joined this site. Life was getting me down - I'd cry all day, everyday and all my daily routines went out the window. Tempus fugit.. and for once I'm sure we all want time to pass quickly - it's a great healer.
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