Jmina Posted August 8, 2007 Posted August 8, 2007 I recently am feeling like it's all my fault that we broke up... during our relationship i feel extremely ill and after i recovered i was left feeling emotionally weak, lonely, scared, timid etc this put a strain on her and the relationship... so now i feel like she couldnt handle it in the end, and now she is angry at me for putting that strain on her because while i was going through all those emotions, and the dread of her leaving me every few weeks she was looking after her grandma who had cancer... it was hard for both of us for different reasons, but i cared for her so much and i did everything and anything for her that i thought she needed and wanted. i was continuously thinking of how i could make her happier, how i could stop her hurting and stressing about her grandma and her life, little did i know that amongst that she was actually stressing about me, and how i made it hard for her. she didnt tell me any of this until after we broke up. i had no idea about it all, i had no idea i hurt her, i had no idea how i was acting, all i knew was that i loved her so much, and that i wanted to marry her, and have her forever. now shes gone and shes angry and doesnt want anything to do with me for a long time. its been 3 months and im still in love with her. i still cry and yearn for her just as much as the day she left. its like some days my love for her grows. we had an instant connection, one of those connections that might only happen once or twice in a life time. we both knew it and she still knows it now... but its not enough. i think she is seeing someone else... the thought kills me. although the thought of her being happy makes me extremely happy and sad at the same time. i feel my situation is different to everyone elses also because we are both girls, and we were/are both confused to what we really want. so not only did we have breakup and the normal feelings that go with that, we had the confusion of sexuality on top of it too. apparently she is straight now.. even though she said she was never interested in her ex boyfriends, and was crushing on girls alot. i actually feel sorry for her, i think she is so lost and confused and just pushed me away because its all too hard to deal with. i think one day its all going to come back to her because she never deals with anything properly. i wonder if i will be there for her or not? shes 21 and im 23 if you were wondering. Jmina
kittensmittens Posted August 8, 2007 Posted August 8, 2007 she didnt tell me any of this until after we broke up. i had no idea about it all, i had no idea i hurt her, i had no idea how i was acting, all i knew was that i loved her so much, and that i wanted to marry her, and have her forever. I know that from my own experience and from what I have read on here more than once is that things often don't come out until it's too late. If you had no idea how your actions/needs were affecting her, you shouldn't blame yourself....if it was bothering her enough to potentially leave at any point, she should have spoken up sooner. She should have communicated better. Jmina, have you considered that she could possibly be blaming you as an excuse to escape? She is very young and a lot of people her age are still somewhat experimental, still trying to find themselves. Perhaps she is hetero (or leans more towards it), or perhaps she's just uncomfortable/in denial of her true sexual identity, and didn't know a better way to exit the relationship. The only reason I suggest this is because my ex said some pretty stupid things that had to just be excuses (blaming me still, this time, after all my hard work).....I wonder now if he was maybe just waiting for an opportunity to leave and since he couldn't say that.....out came the stupid excuses. While this sucks a lot too, I realize that there really is nothing I could have done and maybe we really are not meant for each other. i think she is seeing someone else... the thought kills me. although the thought of her being happy makes me extremely happy and sad at the same time. I know just how you feel.
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