breaking up is hard to do

[Lyssa]

may i use that when my player dumps me. if i dont get in there first of course:rolleyes:

 

Yes, you may. I got it from one of the movies - lol. Just make sure you tell the story when that happens!

[Cobra_X30]

u could give me tips im dating a player and i like it. i know the risks but not the rules. newbee ya see

 

Rules of the jungle. This is kind of a guy secret, but since thinking about break ups is coming dangerously close to making me hyperventylate.

 

Every guy who is a player is looking for something. Most of the time its to put wind into a massive ego. You need to observe and listen, find out what the guy is really searching for, then play off that weakness. Example, if your guy is with you because you puff up his ego, then puff up his ego, but also take care to deflate it a little. In a long term relationship 80/20 is good, 60/40 if your looking to get in and get out.

 

Never under any circumstances give the guy everything he wants. Thats going to make him walk.

[Grim]

Yes, you may. I got it from one of the movies - lol. Just make sure you tell the story when that happens!

 

will do.

 

but you no if i dump him i will have a replacement handy lol:laugh:

[Cobra_X30]

I think I am basically just going to have ot put aside all the little issues and just be upfront with him about how I am feeling. Something like this:

 

"Some things have happened that you know I have not been happy about and I have given it time to see if I could get over them and work them out, but I'm at a place right now where I am just not feeling "it" anymore. I don't feel the way I did before and I have to behonest and say I don't see myself feeling that way again. I wish it were different, but I can't change how I feel. I don't want to hurt you, but I don't want to string you along either."

 

Ho does that sound?

 

Seriously, I think Im going to say exactly that! Well except for the feeling "it" part. Cause I am kinda feeling "it".

 

You are brilliant!

[Grim]

Rules of the jungle. This is kind of a guy secret, but since thinking about break ups is coming dangerously close to making me hyperventylate.

 

Every guy who is a player is looking for something. Most of the time its to put wind into a massive ego. You need to observe and listen, find out what the guy is really searching for, then play off that weakness. Example, if your guy is with you because you puff up his ego, then puff up his ego, but also take care to deflate it a little. In a long term relationship 80/20 is good, 60/40 if your looking to get in and get out.

 

Never under any circumstances give the guy everything he wants. Thats going to make him walk.

 

 

so making him beg for 30 mins and then giving in. good or bad.

 

going out on the town with my friends and answering his calls but being coy. good or bad.

 

pointing out other eye candy when im with him. good or bad.

 

talking calls from other guys when im with him, but keeping them short. good or bad

[Cobra_X30]

Generally yes. But you have to do alot of good stuff too.

 

Every guy is different. He may be the type who needs to feel loved and accepted. Just make sure you pay attention and read him well. His needs will reveal his vulnerabilities.

[annabelle75]

Lunch from hip new Indian Restaurant down the street …………… $8.99

Diet Peach Ice tea Snapple from downstairs deli ………………………. $1.29

Listening to your newly downloaded

Kelly Clarkson Album on Itunes …………………………………………………. $16.99

 

Have the guy you are about to break up with

for being too controlling, drop of a pair of fuzzy pink

handcuffs at your office as a gift ……………………………………………….. priceless

 

I’d be horrified if I wasn’t laughing so hard. It’s a gag gift based on an inside joke we have from when he helped me move, but it still just screams CREEPY to me.

[Cobra_X30]

Annabelle,

 

Here is a slightly different approach you may consider.

 

"Some of your recent actions have made me feel uncomfortable moving forward with this relationship. I want you to know that there are some things that I feel it is reasonable to expect from a partner. Honesty is one of those things, and we both know that there have been times you were not completely honest with me. I also expect to be accepted as a person without bieng controlled or changed. I strongly feel that in some ways I magnify issues and insecurities that you have been grappling with. I freely admit that I am not perfect, and I am definitely not perfect for you. I believe that down the road we would both strongly regret going farther in this relationship. Please dont contact me for about a month or so. It will be difficult enough to get over, I just need some time."

[annabelle75]

Annabelle,

 

Here is a slightly different approach you may consider.

 

"Some of your recent actions have made me feel uncomfortable moving forward with this relationship. I want you to know that there are some things that I feel it is reasonable to expect from a partner. Honesty is one of those things, and we both know that there have been times you were not completely honest with me. I also expect to be accepted as a person without bieng controlled or changed. I strongly feel that in some ways I magnify issues and insecurities that you have been grappling with. I freely admit that I am not perfect, and I am definitely not perfect for you. I believe that down the road we would both strongly regret going farther in this relationship. Please dont contact me for about a month or so. It will be difficult enough to get over, I just need some time."

 

I've actually been considering soemthing like that. I think I really do need to address what the underlying problem is, "Trust." He obviously does not trust me an dnow I don't trust him. Its far to early in the relationship to have this many trust issues.

[Cobra_X30]

Lunch from hip new Indian Restaurant down the street …………… $8.99

Diet Peach Ice tea Snapple from downstairs deli ………………………. $1.29

Listening to your newly downloaded

Kelly Clarkson Album on Itunes …………………………………………………. $16.99

 

Have the guy you are about to break up with

for being too controlling, drop of a pair of fuzzy pink

handcuffs at your office as a gift ……………………………………………….. priceless

 

I’d be horrified if I wasn’t laughing so hard. It’s a gag gift based on an inside joke we have from when he helped me move, but it still just screams CREEPY to me.

 

The fact that he dropped it by your office... thats creepy and potentially embarrasing. Kind of a personal thing even if it is a joke. Makes me glad that my office has security.

 

Is it bad that I'm starting to reconsider? I mean great reward comes with great risk right? Maybe Grim was right and Im just shallow and not seeing it.

[annabelle75]

Is it bad that I'm starting to reconsider? I mean great reward comes with great risk right? Maybe Grim was right and Im just shallow and not seeing it.

 

It just depends on whether you are reconsidering for the right reasons. Do you really think there might be a possibility of a real future for the two of you? Or would it just be easier to give her another chance than deal with the drama of breaking up? Think about it and be real honest with yourself.

 

About 12 years ago, I was that girl. For two years I dealt with a man that couldn't seem to make up his mind whether or not he wanted me. He obviously had some sort of feelings for me but not enough to really make a relationship last. By the time he was done jerking me around I had lost almost all ability to trust men. He did alot of damage to me emotionally. Don't be that guy.

[Grim]

Annabelle,

 

Here is a slightly different approach you may consider.

 

"Some of your recent actions have made me feel uncomfortable moving forward with this relationship. I want you to know that there are some things that I feel it is reasonable to expect from a partner. Honesty is one of those things, and we both know that there have been times you were not completely honest with me. I also expect to be accepted as a person without bieng controlled or changed. I strongly feel that in some ways I magnify issues and insecurities that you have been grappling with. I freely admit that I am not perfect, and I am definitely not perfect for you. I believe that down the road we would both strongly regret going farther in this relationship. Please dont contact me for about a month or so. It will be difficult enough to get over, I just need some time."

 

 

ok who did you steal that off.

 

in response to --- Generally yes. But you have to do alot of good stuff too.

 

Every guy is different. He may be the type who needs to feel loved and accepted. Just make sure you pay attention and read him well. His needs will reveal his vulnerabilities.

 

i follow the three main rules given earlier. notice he likes his ego stroked do that then sometimes put a bag over his head and say there that looks better wait a moment then remove it and kiss him then leave is that 80/20

[Cobra_X30]

Grim, 80% nice/ego flattering, 20% mean/ ego deflating.

 

I would be scared to date you!

[Grim]

Grim, 80% nice/ego flattering, 20% mean/ ego deflating.

 

I would be scared to date you!

 

just went to the shop there seen him, was looking at my phone and laughing (got a massage) pretended not to see him till he flashed the lights then smiled waved and went back to my phone like it was important.

 

think i regained some ground:lmao:

[Cobra_X30]

It just depends on whether you are reconsidering for the right reasons. Do you really think there might be a possibility of a real future for the two of you? Or would it just be easier to give her another chance than deal with the drama of breaking up? Think about it and be real honest with yourself.

 

About 12 years ago, I was that girl. For two years I dealt with a man that couldn't seem to make up his mind whether or not he wanted me. He obviously had some sort of feelings for me but not enough to really make a relationship last. By the time he was done jerking me around I had lost almost all ability to trust men. He did alot of damage to me emotionally. Don't be that guy.

 

Just like you said in your last post... it comes down to trust. Here is the deal... I like this girl more than I've liked anyone in a long time. She has some issues, that both attract me and push me away. I know I can deal with that. I know I have issues from my childhood, that make trust very difficult for me. So, I think its my issues that I cant deal with. But maybe she isnt someone I can trust.

 

Yeah, Im glad you shared that. I dont want to jerk anyone around. Im not an indecisive person. Ive never had this kind of trouble splitting up with someone. Usually its almost easy.

[Grim]

cobra read one of my quotes where i list my requirements in a guy and see if you fit in

dont no which thread its in i only started this yesterday:cool:

[annabelle75]

Just like you said in your last post... it comes down to trust. Here is the deal... I like this girl more than I've liked anyone in a long time. She has some issues, that both attract me and push me away. I know I can deal with that. I know I have issues from my childhood, that make trust very difficult for me. So, I think its my issues that I cant deal with. But maybe she isnt someone I can trust.

 

Yeah, Im glad you shared that. I dont want to jerk anyone around. Im not an indecisive person. Ive never had this kind of trouble splitting up with someone. Usually its almost easy.

 

I think deep down you know what is the right thing for you. Don't second guess yourself. Trust your instincts.

[Cobra_X30]

I think deep down you know what is the right thing for you. Don't second guess yourself. Trust your instincts.

 

 

Here is what Im gonna do. I have an early dinner date scheduled at 5pm. I will drop her off and between 8 and 9 Im just going to pull the trigger on this.

 

Then I am going to go for a nice long run, maybe 6 or 7 miles.

[Cobra_X30]

cobra read one of my quotes where i list my requirements in a guy and see if you fit in

dont no which thread its in i only started this yesterday:cool:

 

I dont make the cut on items # 4,12, or 17, although I'm pretty close on 4.

 

I also might be cheating on #1. Two or three months back I plopped down a couple grand for some veneers. But knowing how you guys roll in the UK, Im sure your standards arent very high anyway.

[Grim]

I dont make the cut on items # 4,12, or 17, although I'm pretty close on 4.

 

I also might be cheating on #1. Two or three months back I plopped down a couple grand for some veneers. But knowing how you guys roll in the UK, Im sure your standards arent very high anyway.

 

 

all can be solved except 4 but im only 5' 3"

 

and as for teeth i am a perfectionist, my mouth only travels to the best. its the first thing i look at and my biggest reason 4 dumping someone i have walked away on a smile:p

[Lyssa]

Here is what Im gonna do. I have an early dinner date scheduled at 5pm. I will drop her off and between 8 and 9 Im just going to pull the trigger on this.

 

Then I am going to go for a nice long run, maybe 6 or 7 miles.

 

Good luck and do tell us the outcome!

[Lyssa]

Lunch from hip new Indian Restaurant down the street …………… $8.99

Diet Peach Ice tea Snapple from downstairs deli ………………………. $1.29

Listening to your newly downloaded

Kelly Clarkson Album on Itunes …………………………………………………. $16.99

 

Have the guy you are about to break up with

for being too controlling, drop of a pair of fuzzy pink

handcuffs at your office as a gift ……………………………………………….. priceless

 

I’d be horrified if I wasn’t laughing so hard. It’s a gag gift based on an inside joke we have from when he helped me move, but it still just screams CREEPY to me.

 

S***!!! That is CREEPY with a capital C.R.E.E.P.Y.!!

[Cobra_X30]

Ok, So first off this may take a couple of posts. If your going to split with someone and its tough... do not go on a date. I was probably in the worst possible state of mind for this. I had to force myself to smile the whole way, which probably came across as a grimace, like I smelled something bad the whole night. Plus, I picked the absolute worst girl possible. I decided to hit on one of my friends wannabe rich model girls.

 

I picked her up in downtown, and we went to a casual dining restaraunt. It started off pretty well, I dropped compliments wherever I found appropriate, I did comment on the fact that she wore brown shoes, with black pants (jokingly). So issue 1. She ordered nachos, then proceded to tell the waitress exactly how to make them, down to how she wanted the cheese melted. COME ON, who orders finger food on a date, and how can you be so picky that you have to tell the waitress how you want your olives distributed within the nachos. They are nachos. Anyway, when the waitress got done scribbling down that instruction manual... I told her I would understand if she spit in my food. Waitress laughed, date didnt. So after a little small talk, she opens the floodgates and talks breathlessly about herself for a full hour, does not even touch the nachos. I sat back listened, put on my best grimace and when it was all over drove her home... thinking man I flopped that one. Well on the way home she says "Im usually date taller guys".

 

Now, I am 5'10", and she is about a half inch shorter than me, so that makes me really really mad. I respond back with "I know exactly how you feel, I usually date thin girls". I doubt this girl weighs more than 120#s. At this point I am not even going to walk her to the door... actually I felt like stopping the car would be going out of my way... just throw the door open and kick her out at a low rate of speed. I park, walk her to the door, and she straight goes for it. I turn my head so she kisses me on the cheek, then I kiss her on the cheek back... ugghhh. She immediately says she had such a great time when can we do this again. I tell her Im sorry, I just not ready for anything, I just got out of something rough. I may have rambled like a total of 20 excuses. Anyway, date over.

[Grim]

Ok, So first off this may take a couple of posts. If your going to split with someone and its tough... do not go on a date. I was probably in the worst possible state of mind for this. I had to force myself to smile the whole way, which probably came across as a grimace, like I smelled something bad the whole night. Plus, I picked the absolute worst girl possible. I decided to hit on one of my friends wannabe rich model girls.

 

I picked her up in downtown, and we went to a casual dining restaraunt. It started off pretty well, I dropped compliments wherever I found appropriate, I did comment on the fact that she wore brown shoes, with black pants (jokingly). So issue 1. She ordered nachos, then proceded to tell the waitress exactly how to make them, down to how she wanted the cheese melted. COME ON, who orders finger food on a date, and how can you be so picky that you have to tell the waitress how you want your olives distributed within the nachos. They are nachos. Anyway, when the waitress got done scribbling down that instruction manual... I told her I would understand if she spit in my food. Waitress laughed, date didnt. So after a little small talk, she opens the floodgates and talks breathlessly about herself for a full hour, does not even touch the nachos. I sat back listened, put on my best grimace and when it was all over drove her home... thinking man I flopped that one. Well on the way home she says "Im usually date taller guys".

 

Now, I am 5'10", and she is about a half inch shorter than me, so that makes me really really mad. I respond back with "I know exactly how you feel, I usually date thin girls". I doubt this girl weighs more than 120#s. At this point I am not even going to walk her to the door... actually I felt like stopping the car would be going out of my way... just throw the door open and kick her out at a low rate of speed. I park, walk her to the door, and she straight goes for it. I turn my head so she kisses me on the cheek, then I kiss her on the cheek back... ugghhh. She immediately says she had such a great time when can we do this again. I tell her Im sorry, I just not ready for anything, I just got out of something rough. I may have rambled like a total of 20 excuses. Anyway, date over.

 

ok but how do u really feel now better or worse

[annabelle75]

LOL

 

 

I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't laugh, but that is a funny bad date story. Sounds like the date would have sucked even if you had been in a better frame of mind.

 

I wouldn't be too concerned if I were you. Once you get the break-up over with, you'll feel better about things and I'm sure your next date will be alot better. Just don't date anymore self-absorbed wanna-be models. They may look pretty, but that's about it.

 

Ok onto me ..........

 

Still unable to pull off the break up yet. He works 2pm to 11pm every night this week until Friday. I can't see him and I refuse to do it over the phone or by email. I have a little more class than that. I figured I could do it on Friday night, but I just got an email this morning that invited to dinner with HIS MOTHER on Friday !!!!!! Aaaaahhhhhh !!! How do I handle this. What do I say? "Sorry I don't think that is a good idea since i am planning on breaking up with you that night" ? I don't think that would go over to well. This is getting way to complicated.

 

And on top of all that....... how much sense does it make to rebound from one rebound relationship back to the guy that you were originally rebounding from? I'm afraid that is where I am headed. We're going to be seeing each other at an event next month, and he is pushing for it to be more than just a "friendly" weekend. I honestly do still have feelings for him, but he really hurt me when he dumped earlier this year. He's really been stepping up as a friend lately and now that he knows my relationship with "controling guy" is coming to an end, he's letting it be known that he wants another chance. He says he freaked himself out with the pressures of commitment before and now regrets it. I usually don't give second chances and right now I'm not exactly in the frame of mind to deal with this kind of decision. Why can't I just take a breather? Dating is way too complicated.