zebrasan Posted August 7, 2007 Posted August 7, 2007 I've been reading the posts for about the last month and finally decided to post something. A little background: My father died in March unexpectedley, in April I lost my grandmother, in May my ex lost her grandfather. A week later we broke up after 2.5 years together, talks of marrriage living together etc. This was two weeks before we were going to go on vacation together to the Virgin Islands. She was going to to stay until July 31st becasue she has family there, she's a teacher(has summers off) and I was going to stay two weeks. Needless to say, that never happened. She just got back a few days ago. I haven't had any contact with her since the break-up. It was really hard but I think worth it.Previously relationships had taught me not to contact after a break-up, then I found this site and felt somewhat vindicated. Question: Her grandmother is now dying, I would like to send her and email just letting her know I'm thinking of her. I'm being given to completely different opinions about this, some say I should and it wouldn't be taken the wrong way, others say don't contact her she's not a part of your life anymore. This email isn't about some hope of getting back together, I've accepted it's over. I just thought it would be kind to extend some gesture of support. What does everyone think? I'm extremely curious.
amaysngrace Posted August 7, 2007 Posted August 7, 2007 If you've accepted that it's over but feel letting her know that you're praying for her or whatever is the right thing to do, then I think you should do it. If you don't acknowledge it you may feel bad about it later on. And you are the one you have to look at in the mirror everyday. Do what you think is right. If this is situation is perplexing you enough to ask others about it and post on a public forum about it then it is a big deal to you. But what others think you should or shouldn't do really should not hold any weight compared to you knowing what you ought to do. And with that being said, you shouldn't listen to me...you should listen to you.
Author zebrasan Posted August 7, 2007 Author Posted August 7, 2007 Mainly, the last couple months have been rough and confusing. I don't know if I actually trust my first reaction to something of this nature being that I'm not totally sure if i've delt with all the deaths in family yet i.e. are they influencing my decision making process or are my intial reactions valid? With that said my first reaction was just to send the email. I'm sending it because I want to not because I want to get a reaction. But I also value the opinions of others, attempting to see things from all sides. Frankly, I think everyone has their own agenda. When my dad died I was given about two weeks to discuss, after that everyone wanted me to pretend that everything was fine. Mainly because I think no one wanted to deal with, hence their own agenda. I think this break-up stuff sometimes falls into the same category. But again I like to hear different opinions.
funkybassplayer Posted August 7, 2007 Posted August 7, 2007 my dad die 10 years ago, you never forget, and unless you have been through it, they wont understand. Im sure she will appreciate the thought.
Author zebrasan Posted August 7, 2007 Author Posted August 7, 2007 I often find what your saying to be true. Very few people can even begin to relate to me about this. I'm only 25, my mother has not been through this experience, nor have any of my friends or family. How did you deal with your father's death?
funkybassplayer Posted August 7, 2007 Posted August 7, 2007 i had to be very strong as my mum and brother were very devistated, so had to support them. Very soon after mum got cancer and it was another huge blow. I dont think i ever really greived for dad, as just too much happened, but im starting to deal with it now. !0 years later. My ex said something that really hurt me once, she said i should be over his death. She said that cos i was feeling down this valentines day, his anniversary.
Author zebrasan Posted August 7, 2007 Author Posted August 7, 2007 My ex told me a month after it happened to stop talking about. Understandibly it was a lot to deal with, but I don't think I ever truly forgave her for that. The very fact that she even mentioned that meant to me that she had know idea what I was going through, looking back it's obvious she was already on her way out. It raised red flags in my head, guess it didn't raise them high enough, or maybe by then it was too late. I often find that relationships tend to be like wine glasses. Once they break no amount of super glue will make them hold liquid again. I'm sorry for your loss, it's amazing to me when people tell me how I should and shouldn't feel. That's truly unacceptable. Just that statement alone should be a good indicator that your better off without her.
funkybassplayer Posted August 7, 2007 Posted August 7, 2007 My ex told me a month after it happened to stop talking about. Understandibly it was a lot to deal with, but I don't think I ever truly forgave her for that. The very fact that she even mentioned that meant to me that she had know idea what I was going through, looking back it's obvious she was already on her way out. It raised red flags in my head, guess it didn't raise them high enough, or maybe by then it was too late. I often find that relationships tend to be like wine glasses. Once they break no amount of super glue will make them hold liquid again. I'm sorry for your loss, it's amazing to me when people tell me how I should and shouldn't feel. That's truly unacceptable. Just that statement alone should be a good indicator that your better off without her. Well for what ever reason she said it, but i forgive her. Dad woud have wanted me to, and i do. Always follow your heart, if evey1 here says dont do it, and you still feel u want to then do it. Thats what being alive is, doing what feels right to u, as long as you do it from the heart, u will never regreat it.
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