funkybassplayer Posted August 7, 2007 Posted August 7, 2007 Well its two weeks into the summer school hols. My ex a teacher and her 3 kids, there all off and we had so much planned. But she ended it with me, i tryed my hardest, but there was no deep communication and so much needed to be sorted if we were to build a future together. I was willing to wait, she was'nt. How could we move further? Never the less, she right away found a new guy. I am a pro bassist, so i only work weekends, we had lots planned this summer, us and the kids. She has cut me out from her life, and that hurts, i miss them all very much, but what can i do? I get up every morning, i feel upset, that we are not together, i know we could have been a great family unit, we were, but she has made a desision, one that does not include me. So i get up, make a tea, go out in the garden, and think about the kids playing, and her and how she lookes in the sun. I try to calm my inner feelings, and i look up to the sky, i think they are under the same sky as me, they are still there, wiith me, maybe not in body but in spirit. I send her my love over the internet in the sky, ,and hope that she feels it. I cant wind myself up about it, iv done that and fallen in to a deep place, but i can let her go, and tell her i miss her over the airways, and maybe one day she may come back, as a freind even would be great, i can handle that, no problem. She knows i would not do her harm, only good, she knows i would be there for them all, i would. but for now anyway, shes gone, but they all live in my heart, a thing that i gave to them, and i know everything i did for them was real, and i know that in her heart, no matter how it ended or what was said, she knew i loved them all very very much. I have no more anger left in me, and i feel that sometimes i go out and connect with nature, and enter an almost trance like state, where you detach from the madness of the world, and its at that point that i talk to her, or my late dad, and say hello, and how much i miss them. - what else can i do? Love is not just in us, its the lifeforce and its all around us all the time, we tap into it, we can send it like a letter. I hope she gets it. Im not ready to date it wont be fair, but i want to know more about life and people, and me, and what makes us tick. There is alot more to life then we think, i want to find out about it, not just to be in life, but to feel life, all around me. If i can do that, i will never be alone.
TerryTeardrop Posted August 7, 2007 Posted August 7, 2007 Do you have friends and family? To be honest I think you are making things worse for yourself. You need to stop calling out to her and start living your own life. I dont mean to appear harsh as I can tell you are a very nice and loving man, but you need to stop thinking about her and her kids and get on with your own life. You are gonna get yourself in a deep hole of depression. She has moved on and I think you need to change your train of thought and move on too!
Author funkybassplayer Posted August 7, 2007 Author Posted August 7, 2007 Do you have friends and family? To be honest I think you are making things worse for yourself. You need to stop calling out to her and start living your own life. I dont mean to appear harsh as I can tell you are a very nice and loving man, but you need to stop thinking about her and her kids and get on with your own life. You are gonna get yourself in a deep hole of depression. She has moved on and I think you need to change your train of thought and move on too! I know you mean well, but look at what i have written? im letting go, but in my way. I have come a long way from being down 24/7 to just a few mins a day, from being angry to being happy for them, from saying to piss off to welcome them as a friend, why cos im healing, and doing it my way. Im in the best place i have been in a long time. Feeling chilled. Its only been 3 months, and im doing what i need to do for me, and no one else should tell me how to live, or what to do, or to tell people i love them or not. my dad is gone, but who has the right to tell me not to say hi to him? do you? I know whats right for me, and what i want. Cos life aint all drink and sex, there is more to it, and to be a part of what really matters is great. If you look into what i have written im not angry anymore, i dont wind my self up at it, or cry cos i dont have them anymore, i never did, no one did, and who can say what will happen in life? can you? all i say is im happy for them. Do you have the right to tell me not to wish them well? Do i have the right to tell you that? NO Every1 chooses how to get better, but i want to be a better man, to find out about life, and peole, not just to jump in the sack and get pissed! and get strait into another crap relationship! no thank you. But i have found new interests and hobbys, and am enjoting the simple things, cos thats whats important to me right now, and thats whats getting me by. Not drink or shagging, but life and whats out there. If you look at the tread name what can i do? im addmiting it nothing, exept go with what i feel and what life will bring in or take away. Look what i have though, i have a great job (musican) my own house, freinds, im a good guy, and i have pets too! all i dont have is a woman! but one day, i will again, and i want to be in a good place mentally for her, but right now, its all about whats good for me.
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