fiyah Posted August 7, 2007 Posted August 7, 2007 So, a couple has been together for 4 years or so - they love each other and remain very attracted and committed to one another and cherish each other's company, friendship, and family. Yet, they are also having some problems - things like learning to communicate better, continuing to grow together, sharing interests, opening up and trusting, etc. Given, these issues may take lots of time/energy/work to improve upon. This couple lives 1.5 hours away from each other, so only see each other on the (most) weekends. If the girl says that right now, she is not ready to really put in the work to get the relationship out of the rut that its been in and that the relationship is not a high priority for her right now (not above work, school, family), but that in a year or so, once grad school is over, she would like to put in the work, what do you do? a) take a break, take opportunity to date other people, revisit in a year b) say goodbye, no contact c) stay fwb, revisit relationship issues in a year d) none of the above
Krytellan Posted August 7, 2007 Posted August 7, 2007 If I were the guy, I would choose (A) without expecting the revisit part to happen. I wish I could do ©, but I'm not the kind of person that can just turn off the feelings for someone I love. It would be too painful. I would assume that "take a break" means that she wanted to explore other people, and that would turn me off from the relationship.
DanielMadr Posted August 7, 2007 Posted August 7, 2007 She doesnt love you or love you enough. Ditch her for your own sake. She is letting you down slowly man.
bish Posted August 7, 2007 Posted August 7, 2007 If the girl says that right now, she is not ready to really put in the work to get the relationship out of the rut that its been in and that the relationship is not a high priority for her right now It means shes f#cking around. Dump her.
Grim Posted August 7, 2007 Posted August 7, 2007 call me picky but she doesnt like being single and she is keeping you in reserve. has this ever happened to u b4. are u wat they call a nice person. i think u are being used. i would back right off maybe tell her to call u when she has her life sorted, but dont wait on her, go live ur life u could be hit by a bus tomorrow. __________________________________________________________ you are here for a good time not a long time.
Alexandra-Girl Posted August 7, 2007 Posted August 7, 2007 I have to go on the opposite side of the consensus. I was in the same position as your 'girlfriend' during grad school. This is a 80/20 case of effort. Anyone who pursues their education past the Bachelor level will inevitably end up in this scenario. What I mean by this, is that she isn't 'dicking' around as others have suggested. She wants to finish her graduate school AND you should be encouraging this because it will enhance BOTH your lives in the end. She is determined and you should admire this. The odd's of her bumping uglies with a fellow at school will be slim to none (which is the underlining reason for insecurity). Her work load isn't the work load of a undergraduate who is getting their B.A or B.Sc and can party it up and get an average score like the rest of the students. She doesn't have an additional three years to make up her failing marks. Grad school is completely different, and most often you have to have experienced it for yourself to fully understand it. You are privliged to get in, in the first place - they don't take any smuck. You get kicked out if you receive less than an 80% in classes - at most places. Plus, between the 32,000 word papers, the teaching assistance lectures, grading papers because the prof is too lazy, and the 800 pages of reading PER WEEK... this woman will be stressed to the max. This doesn't even include if she is working while going to school. I can almost guarantee that Men won't even be on her radar. If you were a supportive boyfriend, not saying you aren't, I think your understanding of what she is about to face needs to be considered in your decision. She wants to revisit the relationship because, most likely, she knows that she will not be able to give you the TIME that you deserve - making you insecure, which will make her an emotional wreck and result in probably being terminated from the program. She wouldn't ask to revisit the relationship in a year, if she didn't sincerely want a future with you. She would make a clean break right now without asking you to 'wait'. You should set some ground rules before she goes that make both of you comfortable. A schedule of calling times with what form of communication is easier for her works wonders in keeping open lines of communication. Ensuring that there is MSN, AOL, AIM, webcam, etc... to see eachother on helps put the other at ease. This is a case of you giving more to the relationship for the year. It sounds like she is being very rational about this relationship and you should do the same. Take the emotion out of it and you two can find a solution to remain together. You've been together for 4 years, a year isn't out of the question, especially if you remain in contact. The dynamic alters a bit, but it passes quickly and then you two can get on with your life TOGETHER. Good luck. Alex
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