Missa2126 Posted August 7, 2007 Posted August 7, 2007 So my boyfriend and I have been together almost 5 years. (November will be our 5 year mark.) I am 22, going to be 23 very soon and he will be 23 in February. We have always talked about getting married and having children and he's always making comments about "when we're married" or "when we have children" but he doesn't seem to want to actually ask me. I know that a lot of people think we're still too young to get married and not to rush it. I agree not to rush into it but I don't feel we're too young. We've been through a lot together and have spent time apart and dated other people so all that really isn't an issue to us. We have settled down together and I know that one day, we will get married. It's just a matter of when he will ask. My question is... if he talks about it but yet won't actually ask, what is the deal? Some people tell me maybe he's just not ready to get married "right now" and feels if he asks me that I will make him get married right away. Or maybe simply that he just isn't ready to ask. I just see a lot of my friends getting engaged who are the same age and haven't been together nearly as long as my boyfriend and I... so it's kind of frustrating b/c I feel as though I'm doing something wrong. What do you think?
Krytellan Posted August 7, 2007 Posted August 7, 2007 Some people tell me maybe he's just not ready to get married "right now" and feels if he asks me that I will make him get married right away. Or maybe simply that he just isn't ready to ask. Bingo. It's likely he hasn't asked because he's 23. IMO he's being very wise. If you both met at 17 who's to say he (or you) won't wake up one day wondering or wishing about something else, wanting more experiences, whatever? This way if (I say when, but that's me) one of you realizes you need to explore other options you won't need to divorce to do so. I know this likely isn't what you were hoping for. I'm only one voice.
Lyssa Posted August 7, 2007 Posted August 7, 2007 I agree with Krytellan. He's probably thinking about it but not ready to commit. Yes, you're still young... take your time. From what I have observed, those who got married at a young age usually ends up with a divorce. At my age, I have not even thought about getting married. Too many divorces going on... that scares me.
Krytellan Posted August 7, 2007 Posted August 7, 2007 What do you think? It's really confusing and invasive to post the same topic in several forums.
Author Missa2126 Posted August 7, 2007 Author Posted August 7, 2007 If you both met at 17 who's to say he (or you) won't wake up one day wondering or wishing about something else, wanting more experiences, whatever? While I understand your point, I also stated in my original post that we did take time apart, away from each other, and saw other people. After careful consideration, we decided we both wanted to be with the other and got back together. We have gotten that out of our system and I know we're fully dedicated to each other so that is not an issue with us.
Krytellan Posted August 7, 2007 Posted August 7, 2007 While I understand your point, I also stated in my original post that we did take time apart, away from each other, and saw other people. After careful consideration, we decided we both wanted to be with the other and got back together. We have gotten that out of our system and I know we're fully dedicated to each other so that is not an issue with us. You seem so incredibly sure of that. I wish life were so cut-and-dry. But this is your perception, how sure can you be that it's his?
norajane Posted August 7, 2007 Posted August 7, 2007 You seem so incredibly sure of that. I wish life were so cut-and-dry. But this is your perception, how sure can you be that it's his? This brings to mind the recent thread by Mr. M, I think, who married his girl after years of being together. Now, 2 years after they married, he's thinking about cheating because he can't get the idea out of his head that he wishes he'd had more sex other women before he got married, and he desperately wants to experience 'just sex' with other women now.
Krytellan Posted August 7, 2007 Posted August 7, 2007 Or one of the thousands of other "I wish I woulda" threads.
Author Missa2126 Posted August 7, 2007 Author Posted August 7, 2007 You seem so incredibly sure of that. I wish life were so cut-and-dry. But this is your perception, how sure can you be that it's his? I am sure of this because we have talked about it and he tells me I am the one and he's had his "fun with other women" when we broke up earlier to see other people. Like everyone else, I have to take his word for it, just like he has to take mine that he is the one for me. Is there a chance it'll end in one of us cheating, absolutely. People change. Things change. And I certainly can't tell the future. And neither can you. So instead of telling me my boyfriend is most likely going to want to cheat on me, how about we stick to the topic and the reason I asked for advice in the first place.
Krytellan Posted August 7, 2007 Posted August 7, 2007 Well, if thats the case there's nothing to worry about because he will never fall out of love with you and therefore marriage is inevitable. I guess you just wait for the sure thing to happen.
whichwayisup Posted August 7, 2007 Posted August 7, 2007 It seems he just isn't ready for the responsibility of being married and all that it brings. I am sure of this because we have talked about it and he tells me I am the one and he's had his "fun with other women" when we broke up earlier to see other people. Like everyone else, I have to take his word for it, just like he has to take mine that he is the one for me. This isn't just about being with other women, it's about him finding himself, and growing as a person so he CAN be responsible...So he CAN be a good husband, and in the future, be a good father. If he isn't ready, then just enjoy things as they are.
Author Missa2126 Posted August 7, 2007 Author Posted August 7, 2007 Yeah, I guess maybe he just isn't ready and I have to wait. I'm working on it. Thanks!
allina Posted August 7, 2007 Posted August 7, 2007 I think that now a days 23 year old men are rarely ready to marry. I don't think this should be cause for concern for you at this time. I say just keep working on a happy relationship to build a super strong basis for a marriage when time is right in a couple years or so
Author Missa2126 Posted August 9, 2007 Author Posted August 9, 2007 Thank you all for your input! I have since talked to my boyfriend and to put it simply, he wants to marry me but said it will happen "in due time." He also told me to relax and that it will happen so to not think so negatively. He just wants to get things in order first. (i.e. careers, house, finances, etc.) So I guess I just have to wait until he feels it's the right time. Thank you again!!
Jesika Posted August 12, 2007 Posted August 12, 2007 That is what I was going to say........he probably wants to wait untill you are more finacially able.....wants to get you the ring you want instead of what he can afford right now, have a nice place to raise kids, etc. Glad you all talked about it, good things come to those who wait , you just have to decide if it's worth the wait.....you seem pretty sure.
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