missmebaby Posted August 7, 2007 Posted August 7, 2007 i have been with my boyfriend now for 8 months. hes 25 years old and i am 21. i love and care for him very much but he is the most confusing person i have ever dated. there will be periods where he will be the nicest most romantic guy and then suddenly his interest in me seems to go away and hes very short tempered and cold hearted. For anywhere between 2 weeks to a month hes this really sweet guy that is always telling me how much he loves me and that im the kind of girl he wants to marry and he wants to move in with me soon. he'll lay in bed and just stare into my eyes and tell me how lucky he is to have me. during this time he treats me like a princess. then suddenly things will change because we have an argument and he says "we never get along." things will be going great for an entire month and one argument will change everything and he'll say we never get along and talk about breaking up. so for a week or two he becomes distant and doesnt want to see me as much, he becomes irritated with me very easily, stops calling me baby and saying i love you, and just basically is pretty cold hearted towards me. he makes me just miserable during this period. then suddenly out of nowhere he goes back to being in love with me and being almost like obsessed with me and cant get enough of me and wants to marry me for another 2 weeks to a month when the cycle starts all over again. hes like dr. jekyll and mr. hyde. i dont understand what is going on with him that hes like this. has anyone ever dated someone like this? is this some kind of mental disorder? what can i possibly do about it?
amaysngrace Posted August 7, 2007 Posted August 7, 2007 i dont understand what is going on with him that hes like this. has anyone ever dated someone like this? is this some kind of mental disorder? what can i possibly do about it? I'm like this to guys. In and out. High and low. Up and down. I'm afraid of being boxed in with one person. I don't know if your BF is like that but it sounds like it to me. It's called commitment phobia and if he likes you enough he can try to change. I don't consider it mental...more like "cerebral".
uniqueone Posted August 7, 2007 Posted August 7, 2007 if he likes you enough he can try to change. I disagree with this statement. People don't change based on how much they like a person. They might act a certain way to get someone or to keep from losing them, but they're not really changing...and sooner or later...that's going to show. This belief that people will change if they like you enough is why someone stays in a bad relationship. She says "If I can get him to like me enough, I know I can change him." And if he dumps her, she tells herself that if only he'd liked her enough, he would have been a prince. (and therefore, she was the one at fault). Missmebaby, you're dealing with a hot cannon there. I'd start practicing walking on eggshells because that's what you're going to be doing more and more of as time goes on. The "good" times will get shorter and shorter, he might start blaming you for things going badly too. He may be older than you but he's emotionally immature. Be prepared for drama.
sheko kilmister Posted August 7, 2007 Posted August 7, 2007 yes .. i'm dating the most cold hearted girl on earth .. we've periods just like you and your friends .. ups and downs .. and i'm really thinking of breaking up because sometimes i need her so bad but i don't find her .. then my life becomes so miserable !!! and i think that's not what love is for ..
amaysngrace Posted August 7, 2007 Posted August 7, 2007 People don't change based on how much they like a person. They might act a certain way to get someone or to keep from losing them, but they're not really changing...and sooner or later...that's going to show. Not everyone's the same. People do change. I am one of those people who is trying to change herself. I am inspired to do so by my current BF but he can be gone tomorrow by his own choosing so I am basically doing it for me. I think it gets to a point when you get tired of the same relationships no matter who you're with. And then the only one to look at is yourself. And that's where change begins. Will this guy change? Not until he sees the problem and cares enough to do something about it. But that could take a few more relationships for it to click in his head. Or he could appreciate what he has now and do something about it now. And if he chooses not to right now, with her, then she shouldn't be with someone who doesn't appreciate the relationship anyway.
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