Alexandra-Girl Posted August 7, 2007 Posted August 7, 2007 Looking for insight: Background: Dated a man 3 or 4 years ago for a very brief time (very intense on both sides). Split up do to communication failures, and external third party tensions (mutual jealous friend) – essentially both rubber-banding. I went through stages of anger and resentment because he wanted to take it slow – yet no interpretation of slow was given. Communication only got worse because I didn’t want to scare him away (essentially I contacted him once a week, if that and he thought I dumped him). I got frustrated with his seemingly ‘disinterested – back-burner’ behavior towards me, so I thought he dumped me. I wasn’t sure what the heck was going on so I sent a not so nice one-liner ending, if anything, left. This was my way of providing closure for myself. I then went no contact for all these years, minus two contacts via email. First one was an apology a year or so later because I felt remorseful for my actions and I felt he deserved to see an apology. I knew I acted like a 22 year old. He accepted it graciously. Another year later, I emailed a short note thanking him for his service to our countries out of respect for what he does. I included no personal questions. It was just a sincere thank-you, certainly not expecting to hear anything in return. Recently, I received email about a month later in response to my note filled with information on how he was, what he was doing professionally, where he was located, and of course the reason why I am writing here. I thought this was a shove it in your face email, BUT he began asking questions about me. Where I was going, where I was, how he was envious of some things I was doing. Then he did the unexpected – “drop me a line and we can catch-up?” immediately followed by a sarcastic comment about past communication issues ending with a smiley face. I assume he was making light of the situation, perhaps to pull an emotional string??? I am not sure myself. I am now in an aura of puzzlement. Going from drop me a line to catch-up (Great, pick-me-up), to a backhanded remark of the past (Bad, slap-me-down) has left me in confusion. I did like this man a lot. He was highly intelligent, responsible, enjoyed his job, non-dependant but it was his closed off emotions that P.O’d me. To this day we think the other dumped the other. I went on to respond to this inquisitive email and answered the questions he asked to see what was to come, if anything. I won’t be jumping into anything this time around, until I receive respect I deserve. I included some new questions for him to answer, along with some humor, to test if he is looking to open the communication lines again (which I am fine with). Personally, I don’t believe that we need to rehash the past as it’s been years and I am sure we both have reflected on our insecurities by now – so I made no remarks about our past relationship. Past is past, and if we want something new – we must start anew is my philosophy. At this point, I’m not sure what he wants and it doesn’t help that we both appear to be testing the waters for temperature. I hear and read lots about EX’s not being friends. I understand that topic, yet I also know that our ‘relationship’ was too short to be classified within the same category. I am confused because I knew the underlining mixed message was there, and honestly it threw me off. I didn’t bite and now I am wondering if I should have offered a little more emotion. I sent the email but made no reference to reconnecting in person. He now will know that I am near him, so I left the ball in his court because I don’t know what he is feeling. In the past I would return emails and start new topics to keep the ball rolling… this time, I am not doing that for my own sanity. I wished him well and said that I would be in touch. I have not heard back from him since (which confuses me since he was the inquisitor). I didn’t shut him down, but I didn’t exactly fess up to wanting to see him either (too soon to open that up). I am left confused at his curiosity – which, of course, has trapped my curiosity. He is a highly emotionally introverted person, I see this now, and he might be in a state of confusion himself. He sure has sent me into this state. Any thoughts on this perplexing situation? Where is his head at? Why the good communication followed by the backhanded remark made to appear lighthearted on our first real communication in years? What should I do in the meantime? (moving on doesn't need to be stated, because I have done that since we ended things years ago).
Author Alexandra-Girl Posted August 7, 2007 Author Posted August 7, 2007 *Bump* - haven't received any replies... so I will try again. Is this an extremely rare situation that not a soul can explain:laugh:
jcster Posted August 7, 2007 Posted August 7, 2007 What I was struck with, as I read your post, is the amount of interpretation that you put into, what seems to me, to be a nice note between distant friends. It does sound, by your description of the past relationship, that communication was neither of your strong points (hence his little joke). If you want to strike up a correspondence to him, I would suggest you forget the past, and deal with him in the present.
Author Alexandra-Girl Posted August 7, 2007 Author Posted August 7, 2007 Thanks for the reply JCSTER, I appreciate it and will take heed. Alex
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