Author JustBreathe Posted August 15, 2007 Author Posted August 15, 2007 I don't come back here that often as I find it is hard to read the stories here, however, my observation is that it boils down to these items: 1. All people do this (not just men). Don't worry about it because it means nothing. In fact, join in and point out girls you think are attractive. 2. It's totally my lack of self-confidence and self-esteem that I have to work on. 3. Give him credit for trying not to do this in your presence. It shows he cares about your feelings. 4. He does not respect me enough to stop doing this in my presence, he's insensitive, and needs to try harder. He is clueless. 5. He is an A-hole who has absolutely no respect for me and is probably still cheating on me. I think it's a little of each of these actually! Except for I KNOW he is not cheating anymore. I can tell by his demeanor and believe me - I am watchful. I believe in my heart he deeply regrets his actions and his cheater days are over. I have been trying to notice how I react to good looking men, and I must admit, I look alot more than I thought I did! As for pointing out attractive girls, he becomes uncomfortable and says things like "Are you kidding? Look at those stick legs" or whatever. This has always been the case even before I caught him cheating. I can tell he is admiring her, but he says negative things and turns his head if I say, "Now there's a looker, huh?" I'll try it again, if I can muster the courage and say it in a casual way, but I think that's a long way off. Right now, he'd probably think I was doing that in an accusatory way - to make him feel ashamed for looking. Which would not be true. I would so love to regain that comfortable 'I can say anything to you' feeling we used to have. Lots of good food for thought. Thanks everyone.
fisherfool Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 I would so love to regain that comfortable 'I can say anything to you' feeling we used to have. You will regain it but it will take long time. For many years your husband will think you are thinking of his bad activities even maybe when you are not.
OpenBook Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 It is difficult for a man to not look at a woman. To expect him to not look is to kill a part of manhood. You may not end up happy with the result... I once saw a comic talking about the differences between men and women and he spoke of men and women in attendance at strip clubs. Women scream and shout and it is obvious playtime while men are quiet and appear as a lion about to leap upon his kill... If the correction comes from his wife towards all actions his soul can become corrupted. Fisher, you're scaring me with the testosterone overload -- mainly because I don't understand it. A lion about to leap upon his kill?? And can you please explain your last sentence further? (I bolded it above.) I'm flummoxed. Please help.
Trialbyfire Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 I have been trying to notice how I react to good looking men, and I must admit, I look alot more than I thought I did! Ba...da...bing... You've got it now. Think about how you feel about the guy you're looking at. Do you feel like you want to do him or do you simply admire something good to look at? Do you remember all the guys you've stared at before? I say this because I know I look. Even a few nights ago, I caught myself looking while on a date with a gorgeous guy. For the life of me today, I don't even remember the faces I looked at, even though I was pointedly thinking about this exact subject matter at the time of looking. It's so meaningless.
fisherfool Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 Fisher, you're scaring me with the testosterone overload -- mainly because I don't understand it. A lion about to leap upon his kill?? And can you please explain your last sentence further? (I bolded it above.) I'm flummoxed. Please help. I was quoting the comic I heard but the point was strong to me regarding the differences between men and women and their watching of the opposite gender. A woman who loves a man must be wary of becoming his mother and corrector instead of his companion and lover. The mans soul will wither and search in vain for his own respect.
outofdarkness Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 It is difficult for a man to not look at a woman. To expect him to not look is to kill a part of manhood. You may not end up happy with the result. Looks are nothing even lusty thoughts are nothing it is the dwelling upon thoughts that can becomes something. Some men forget the difference between reality and fantasy that is when problems can begin. I once saw a comic talking about the differences between men and women and he spoke of men and women in attendance at strip clubs. Women scream and shout and it is obvious playtime while men are quiet and appear as a lion about to leap upon his kill. Women should not want to take man too far from his hunter self as many odd things can happen inside his head. Do not confuse the important things with the unimportant. If the man has made errors in his past he must make the changes to correct those errors. If the correction comes from his wife towards all actions his soul can become corrupted. ummmm....huh? Your choice of words is...well, interesting.
Author JustBreathe Posted August 16, 2007 Author Posted August 16, 2007 Fisherfool. I would venture to say that no woman wants to be the "mother and corrector" of the man she married. Some men mistake a woman's desire to create a 50/50 relationship with her man... a fair and equitable marriage, to be treated with the same respect and loyalty she shows her husband... as a desire to control or belittle a man. Such men must have a great fear of losing control and so resist relinquishing any control whatsoever, and keep their submissive and disempowered. As for the "hunter self" of a man, with respect for your opinion and viewpoint, I submit that this is an antiquated viewpoint. Just as the notion of a woman being "domestic" or "docile" is antiquated. Society has changed and evolved. There are many shades of gray; all is not black and white. I do appreciate your input, however. Now Trial by Fire... you are so right. If you put your mind to it, and just NOTICE how much you do it, it is very interesting, isn't it? ba da bing indeed! I guess I'm learning. Thank you.
fisherfool Posted August 16, 2007 Posted August 16, 2007 Fisherfool. I would venture to say that no woman wants to be the "mother and corrector" of the man she married. Some men mistake a woman's desire to create a 50/50 relationship with her man... a fair and equitable marriage, to be treated with the same respect and loyalty she shows her husband... as a desire to control or belittle a man. Such men must have a great fear of losing control and so resist relinquishing any control whatsoever, and keep their submissive and disempowered. As for the "hunter self" of a man, with respect for your opinion and viewpoint, I submit that this is an antiquated viewpoint. Just as the notion of a woman being "domestic" or "docile" is antiquated. Society has changed and evolved. There are many shades of gray; all is not black and white. Many women view the marriage as their own making and growing accustomed to raising children and telling them how and what to do they become mothers to their men instead of lovers. I speak not of fair and equitable I speak of treating their man instead as their child one who cannot make wise decisions one who cannot do as well as she can do. Television teaches women that they are not equal but better smarter quicker. Those thoughts are not good for men or women to hold. Equal is equal. Equal is not better. Lover is equal. Mother is above. I have seen this often among many couples and think it sad. As for the hunter self of man. Society may change but evolution is very slow for a human to have a 50 year society change affect his soul is not accurate. Many millions of years made men hunters. Society will not change the inside hunter quickly. Maybe my opinion is antiquated. I am old man now and have seen many things. Some great sorrow and much joy. My opinions are my own and I thank you for your kindness in acceptance of them.
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