Grim Posted August 8, 2007 Posted August 8, 2007 You sort of think that after a year you would not have to play these games! like it or not life is one big game and they last forever like poker.just watch your chip pile. sometimes the games is fast and hard sometimes boring and sometimes nice lazy and pleasing. just dont take your eye off it and watch for the signs. When I think about it though, when he is all over me and spending every spare second with me I get nonchalant and dont bother trying to impress. When he does the not not making plans thing and acting not too bothered then I get all paranoid and make an effort when I do see him. I actually think I am lucky when he comes around when he is doing his back off thing! he is the lucky one always remember that. but remember you cant bake a cake with out ingredients, the nicer the ingredients the sweeter the cake. The plan is in place already keep your eye on the ball and dont kick too hard I rang him back an hour later and didnt explain why I didnt answer good move never explain. dont miss to many dates be a cook in the kitchen a samaritan in the listening (listen more than you talk guys love that) and a whore in the bedroom game set and match. you go girl
uniqueone Posted August 8, 2007 Posted August 8, 2007 You don't want to appear needy but HE knows you are... and it's not, as you say, very challenging for him... in fact, he can get bored pretty fast with a nagging, whiny, needy gf. Men don't necessarily like challenge but they like an independant, confident woman who is not sitting at home or just waiting for a man to make her happy... they love a woman who has a life of her own. You know what though....so the **** what.....what the heck are we always trying to be Ms. Perfect for them for? She's not being needy, whiny or nagging. And why do we have to be independent and confident 24/7 just to regain a man's interest? We're REAL people. We're not confident 24/7. Sometimes we're just confident 16/5...and you know....the other 8/2 we might just be tired and cranky. But we're human.....JUST like THEY are. TerryTearDrop, be who you are.....be yourself. You didn't do anything wrong. It's HIS problem how he's acting and not yours to fix.
Zona76 Posted August 8, 2007 Posted August 8, 2007 You've become "Boring" No offence but the guy no longer sees you as a challenge. You need to be less predictable.
oppath Posted August 8, 2007 Posted August 8, 2007 While I agree she should be less available, I think that should be FOR HER, not FOR HIM and to win his interest back. Find a class/club/group you like and start doing it twice a week. I know this is hard with a kid. All this "you aren't enough of a challenge" crap may just be crap. It's possible he is losing interest, or any number of things, because we can't read his mind. What you need to do is be more interesting as a life style, not to stoke his interest. Do it for you. But...he is not giving you what you need. Perhaps you need to look at that and determine "is he someone who can continue giving me what I need." I see nothing wrong with telling your bf "I'd like to start spending more time with you." How is it needy to ask for what you want? It's not. If anything, I'd say it's needy to try and play games to stoke his interest, because it is manipulative. Of course, there is a balance. I think you should be less available, and when he calls to make plans say "I've been wanting to spend more time with you; I've told you this, but I felt neglected because you canceled and blew me off a couple times. I need you to follow through because I'm busy too, so when we make plans, we have to stick to them."
uniqueone Posted August 8, 2007 Posted August 8, 2007 While I agree she should be less available, I think that should be FOR HER, not FOR HIM and to win his interest back. Find a class/club/group you like and start doing it twice a week. I know this is hard with a kid. All this "you aren't enough of a challenge" crap may just be crap. It's possible he is losing interest, or any number of things, because we can't read his mind. What you need to do is be more interesting as a life style, not to stoke his interest. Do it for you. But...he is not giving you what you need. Perhaps you need to look at that and determine "is he someone who can continue giving me what I need." I see nothing wrong with telling your bf "I'd like to start spending more time with you." How is it needy to ask for what you want? It's not. If anything, I'd say it's needy to try and play games to stoke his interest, because it is manipulative. Of course, there is a balance. I think you should be less available, and when he calls to make plans say "I've been wanting to spend more time with you; I've told you this, but I felt neglected because you canceled and blew me off a couple times. I need you to follow through because I'm busy too, so when we make plans, we have to stick to them." Amen!!!!!!
JCD Posted August 8, 2007 Posted August 8, 2007 One day he won't bother to call you ever. Then you'll freak out. Can't wait to see that Imo, you should stop playing these games and tell him what the real problem is and try to find a solution to it. If he's lazy then you need a better man.
Author TerryTeardrop Posted August 8, 2007 Author Posted August 8, 2007 One day he won't bother to call you ever. Then you'll freak out. Can't wait to see that Imo, you should stop playing these games and tell him what the real problem is and try to find a solution to it. If he's lazy then you need a better man. If he stopped calling me I wouldn't freak out I would realise he wasnt worth it in the first place! I do believe he has lost interest as I was so available and since I have not been so available he has seemed a whole lot more interested and eager! I love him and I know he loves me.
uniqueone Posted August 9, 2007 Posted August 9, 2007 If he stopped calling me I wouldn't freak out I would realise he wasnt worth it in the first place! I do believe he has lost interest as I was so available and since I have not been so available he has seemed a whole lot more interested and eager! I love him and I know he loves me. So you want someone who loves you only if you dance a certain dance?
Author TerryTeardrop Posted August 9, 2007 Author Posted August 9, 2007 Until now he has been great. But lately I have been around alot and not working much so I have been very available and I think it has made him feel comfortable. He is a lovely man and I love him alot. I have realised alot about myself this past week, I have discovered that I am a bit spoilt and because of a previous controlling relationship I am very burnt and will not suffer anything I am not 100% happy with. I need to chill and just take time to spend with my friends and not have him at the top of my listt 100% of the time. He came around today and we are going out tonight and I cant wait!
Author TerryTeardrop Posted August 10, 2007 Author Posted August 10, 2007 Update! We went out last night and had the best night! We spoke about us and he was very honest with me. He said that he loves me very much and that he would marry me tomorrow. He said that he has been a bit distant lately as he has been struggling with money and has been worrying and he didnt want to talk to me about it as I had lots of my own problems lately. He said that he is sorry he didnt talk to me about it, he just didnt want to burden me. I told him I am here to help him get through problems, for the good and bad and we hugged and just had a fabulous night. We spent the night in each others arms and I woke this morning entwined with him and holding hands! It was lovely! Lets hope it goes better now!
Mary3 Posted August 11, 2007 Posted August 11, 2007 Never show interest in someone who is not giving the same interest equally back. Never give your all if he is going to be nonchalant . If he makes a move , you make a move. If he backs off you back off. You have made it CLEAR you are interested. Let him take the ball or put him on the sidelines and let him throw a foul shot. THis is not a GAME . Its called self respect
Author TerryTeardrop Posted August 11, 2007 Author Posted August 11, 2007 I agree Mary and I think I am going have to not 'over think' if he gets distant again or backs off. I will just do the same back until he lets me know what is wrong. We all love a chase, especially men, so I will have to keep him on his toes so that his level of interest stays up high!
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