TerryTeardrop Posted August 6, 2007 Posted August 6, 2007 Hi I owuld like to ask how to get your boyfriends interest back in you? I have been with him just over a year and lately I have found he is not so keen to make plans or see me. He calls every day like he always has and he tells me he loves me but I am not seeing him as much as I used to! When I try to make plans with him he tells me he will get back to me and then just doesnt mention it again. Is this a warning sign? What can I do to get his interest back?
directx Posted August 6, 2007 Posted August 6, 2007 I would just say "Are you interested or what? Because I am and I don't appreciate how you make plans but don't follow through."
Author TerryTeardrop Posted August 6, 2007 Author Posted August 6, 2007 I have said it in a round about way as I dont want to appear needy. I am nolt needy but I love him and want to see him more. I have put him under pressure lately due to feeling insecure. In my opinion I would say he is feeling pretty sure about my love for him and he doenst feel the need to see me as he knows |I am here waiting. I am a single parent so he knows I am in most nights. Men like a challenge i think, and right now I dont think I am much of a challenge!
Brad_from_NJ Posted August 6, 2007 Posted August 6, 2007 Not needy? Oh? I love him and want to see him more...feeling insecure That's not very attractive. he doesn't feel the need to see me as he knows I am here waitingStop answering the phone for a few days. Stop being so available. I dont think I am much of a challenge! Would you date you...the way you just described yourself? Try and think about what attracted you two to each other when you first started. I am sure waiting by the phone wasn't oine of the qualities he was impressed by. Sorry, this is harsh. But look at what you wrote!
jcster Posted August 6, 2007 Posted August 6, 2007 Try not calling him for a couple of days. Or, if he calls, talk about what you've been doing, and don't inquire as to when he's going to see you next. Make yourself more of a challenge.
Brad_from_NJ Posted August 6, 2007 Posted August 6, 2007 I'm with jcster. Stop answering the phone for a few days. Stop being so available. I've been in the same position, being so wrapped up in another person, I completely lost my own identity. Sounds like that may be happening here. You need a boost of self-confidence. Get out, get busy doing other things! One of the silly things I did was actually save all the messages for a while on my cell phone -- until my voice mail box was full. She didn't like that! She'd call and call and call and ask...who are you talking to? I can't even leave a message! Hah! Stop being so available! Sorry, I know my first reply was a bit harsh.
Arizona100 Posted August 6, 2007 Posted August 6, 2007 I agree. Being totally available is not attractive. If you are a single parent you might be looking into cheap activities, one of my favorite is to go walking. It's free and it's great (and it give a nice shape to our legs ). Thats what I am gonna do this week end
directx Posted August 6, 2007 Posted August 6, 2007 I have said it in a round about way as I dont want to appear needy. I am nolt needy but I love him and want to see him more. I have put him under pressure lately due to feeling insecure. In my opinion I would say he is feeling pretty sure about my love for him and he doenst feel the need to see me as he knows |I am here waiting. I am a single parent so he knows I am in most nights. Men like a challenge i think, and right now I dont think I am much of a challenge! Well, its not what you say as much as HOW you say it. Say what I said in a "matter of fact" no BS tone. "Hey, this is what I am going to do. Take it or leave it." and sound a little annoyed. Make it clear you are going to move on if he beats around the bush. Think of it like you are asking a autorepair man if they are going to fix your car or not. Thats it. I, for one, appreciate a harsh stance from a woman that knows what she wants.
Lizzie60 Posted August 6, 2007 Posted August 6, 2007 I have said it in a round about way as I dont want to appear needy. I am nolt needy but I love him and want to see him more. I have put him under pressure lately due to feeling insecure. In my opinion I would say he is feeling pretty sure about my love for him and he doenst feel the need to see me as he knows |I am here waiting. I am a single parent so he knows I am in most nights. Men like a challenge i think, and right now I dont think I am much of a challenge! You don't want to appear needy but HE knows you are... and it's not, as you say, very challenging for him... in fact, he can get bored pretty fast with a nagging, whiny, needy gf. Men don't necessarily like challenge but they like an independant, confident woman who is not sitting at home or just waiting for a man to make her happy... they love a woman who has a life of her own.
Replicant Posted August 6, 2007 Posted August 6, 2007 What can I do to get his interest back? Maybe jump out of a cake like in your avatar!
Author TerryTeardrop Posted August 6, 2007 Author Posted August 6, 2007 wow, great responses! I cant ignore his calls for a few days or that will start a whole load of games and I dont have time for games! Please dont get me wromng I dont want to spend every spare minute with him I just want him to be interested in seeing me. But why should he worry when I am sitting here most evenings? I will make arrangements to go out every night as soon as his son goes back home and just be to busy to see him! Its sucks tho cos I WANT to see him
nicki Posted August 6, 2007 Posted August 6, 2007 Um, am I the only one who thinks that the BOYFRIEND is the one who needs to change his behavior? I think he is being rude. Sounds like he has gotten a bit too comfortable and is taking you for granted. Some guys need a kick in the pants every once in a while. Time to shake things up a bit. I wouldn't ask himi to do a thing. I'd be busy, but nice when he calls, and get off the phone quickly. If he asks to make plans, then I'd probably say something like Directx said. "Are you really interested in making plans because I don't appreciate how you haven't been following through lately." Meanwhile, make a bunch of plans that don't include him. Be sure to let him know (vaguely) that you are busy. As in, "Hi, can I talk you later? I'm on my way out." He'll probably call you later and ask what were doing. Be a bit vague and change the subject...."I went to a movie. What have you been up to?" Anyway, I think he should put some effort into your relationship. If he doesn't, then consider cutting him loose. I think another LS poster said it best when he said not to even try to gain back interest from an uninterested guy. Hopefully, your guy will get the message and it won't be a pattern of continued laziness. Whatever you do, don't make yourself more available or more accommodating. That will make things worse and reinforce his bad behavior. In fact, stop doing anything for him until he acts more deserving of your attention. Good luck whatever you do!
FrequentFlyer Posted August 6, 2007 Posted August 6, 2007 I will make arrangements to go out every night...and just be too busy to see him! It will be worth the wait. You'll see.
Author TerryTeardrop Posted August 6, 2007 Author Posted August 6, 2007 Oh BTW Over the last few days I have rarely called him and not answered a few times when he tried to call - He didnt like that! And when he called earlier I said I would talk to him tomorrow and he soon asked me what I was doing tonight, to which I replied "I am not sure yet, I dont know if i want to go out" he made a joke and said that he will call me later tonight.
Author TerryTeardrop Posted August 6, 2007 Author Posted August 6, 2007 Oh this is fabulous! I am loving the replies I am getting I feel all empowered and nonchalant screw him eh, I will make him chase me like a pig at the market lol
Author TerryTeardrop Posted August 6, 2007 Author Posted August 6, 2007 I cant turn my phone off, I recently went mad at him for doing the same thing and he has stopped doing it. If I do it back he will just walk around to my house and then play the game back.
nicki Posted August 6, 2007 Posted August 6, 2007 Yeah, don't do that. Answer the phone, be nice, but busy. Say you'll get back to him later, and then don't (just like he says to you.) Use his words "get back to you later." If he's smart, he'll figure out what a jerk he has been. I always think it's smart to speak your mind, so if he asks what's wrong, tell him quickly and in one line. (Like what Directx said.)
Author TerryTeardrop Posted August 6, 2007 Author Posted August 6, 2007 Oh Nicki I love you! And all you other guys with the fabulous replies! Ok this is the plan ............ He rings (like he always does) and I dont always reply but when I do I say "Hi baby, can I call you back in 30 minutes I am just doing something" Then sometimes I call back and sometimes I dont! I will make arrangements to go to friends houses every night this week and when I do I will turn my phone on silent or off competely and when he leaves a message I will text him that I am busy but will call him later. Let him have some back!# I know he loves me but I also know he has lost the urge to impress Now it's GAME ON!!!!!!!!! hahhahahhaha
nicki Posted August 6, 2007 Posted August 6, 2007 I like that term, "urge to impress." Glad you are feeling better! Keep us posted.
Arizona100 Posted August 7, 2007 Posted August 7, 2007 Now it's GAME ON!!!!!!!!! hahhahahhaha What the hell lol you guys have made a monster out of her! haha Well I am glad you are feeling better! Oh and btw, I don't think you need to go out EVERY day of the week, like two/three times would be good in my book. What do you guys think? And what a wonderful idea to have said "I am kinda busy right now, I call you back later", thats flawless! Mine just called me and when he said he'd be home all week end, I said "oh not me, I think I am gonna go walk on sat, there's a trail... blah blah" *muhahahahha*
Author TerryTeardrop Posted August 7, 2007 Author Posted August 7, 2007 Yup I cant wait to put this into practise! Has anyone out there ever been in this position and did what I am gonna do? If so what was the result? Thanks again guys!
DanielMadr Posted August 7, 2007 Posted August 7, 2007 Um, am I the only one who thinks that the BOYFRIEND is the one who needs to change his behavior? I think he is being rude. Sounds like he has gotten a bit too comfortable and is taking you for granted. Some guys need a kick in the pants every once in a while. Time to shake things up a bit. I wouldn't ask himi to do a thing. I'd be busy, but nice when he calls, and get off the phone quickly. If he asks to make plans, then I'd probably say something like Directx said. "Are you really interested in making plans because I don't appreciate how you haven't been following through lately." Meanwhile, make a bunch of plans that don't include him. Be sure to let him know (vaguely) that you are busy. As in, "Hi, can I talk you later? I'm on my way out." He'll probably call you later and ask what were doing. Be a bit vague and change the subject...."I went to a movie. What have you been up to?" Anyway, I think he should put some effort into your relationship. If he doesn't, then consider cutting him loose. I think another LS poster said it best when he said not to even try to gain back interest from an uninterested guy. Hopefully, your guy will get the message and it won't be a pattern of continued laziness. Whatever you do, don't make yourself more available or more accommodating. That will make things worse and reinforce his bad behavior. In fact, stop doing anything for him until he acts more deserving of your attention. Good luck whatever you do! Perfect advice. (as ever nicki.....where have you been hiding?) Unfortunatelly I think that he is a little uninterested and you can sparkle some "interest" by being a challenge but nothing permanent or worthy. Could it be that sexual side is not very satisfying so to speak? If he/she is not sleeping with you, he/she is sleeping with someone else......old truth.
Grim Posted August 7, 2007 Posted August 7, 2007 ok here i go. u r a puppy. u come running when ur master calls and u perform 4 him. stop it. be a cat. aloof and cool not cold. when he rings ask him to hold on a minute, go fill the kettle, look in the fridge, tie ur shoes but make him wait, when u come back ask him can u call him back or say u will ring him and dont. make him beg thats wat he wants anyway. guys want u to be hard to catch then easy then back to the chase. start seeing other people (i dont mean dating. - Hobbies clubs) have something in ur life worth sharing. if u r always available u will end up alone with footprints on ur back
Author TerryTeardrop Posted August 7, 2007 Author Posted August 7, 2007 Oh you are so right Grim! You sort of think that after a year you would not have to play these games! When I think about it though, when he is all over me and spending every spare second with me I get nonchalant and dont bother trying to impress. When he does the not not making plans thing and acting not too bothered then I get all paranoid and make an effort when I do see him. I actually think I am lucky when he comes around when he is doing his back off thing! And no Daniel I do not think he is seeing someone else! I think I am just being far too available! Not for much longer though hahhahaha The plan is in place already I didnt answer him today so he rang 3 times, I text him 45 mins later and said I will call later (with no explaination) He rang me instantky and I ignored it again I rang him back an hour later and didnt explain why I didnt answer He is feeling it He will want to see me tomorrow so I will be busy! Bring it on mfer! lol
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