Grim Posted August 6, 2007 Posted August 6, 2007 ok heres the story. i (39) met a guy (26) and thought, i would love a bit of that, but being married and faithfull and older did nothing, also thought i had no chance anyway and put it out of my head. we became friends. a year later my marriage ended, nothing to do with the guy. shortly after my marriage ended the guy came round as a friend for a drink, he made a move on me, after some thought i went for it thinking it was a one night stand and it was just me getting a chance to get back out there. but he came back more than once. its been 10 months now. we play this game hes romantic but doesnt want it to go anywhere, im fullfilling my soft porn fantasy but dont want it to go anywhere. thing is i no he is a player and i no im not. but i think i am falling for him. i no i will get hurt, i am prepared to risk it, he makes me feel alive and sexy without the strings. added bonus he is a real hunk proper eye candy. so how do i manage to keep this guy (player) for a while (not forever mind you) what do players need to stay interested?????
Author Grim Posted August 6, 2007 Author Posted August 6, 2007 wat do u mean. do mean just keep doing wat i am doing or can i do more
jcster Posted August 6, 2007 Posted August 6, 2007 I'm divorced and 41 - did the eye candy, 26 yr old hunk for 8 months. Got my heart ripped out of my chest...fun! If you want him to stick around, don't fall for him! That's rule number 1. As long as he's having fun, he'll stick around. The minute you want him to "care" - he's out.
Author Grim Posted August 6, 2007 Author Posted August 6, 2007 what are the other rules and can he change
Lizzie60 Posted August 6, 2007 Posted August 6, 2007 I agree with jcster... if you fall for him, YOU will get hurt, not him.... I doubt he will change... it's been 10 months I think that if he would have had to change you would already have seen it... Just enjoy yourself... younger guys are a lot of fun... just go with the flow, don't fall in love... be independant... if you cling and whine...he will be out of your life fast...
Replicant Posted August 6, 2007 Posted August 6, 2007 ok heres the story. i (39).... im fullfilling my soft porn fantasy Cougar! If you're on the prowl, go get your prey then!
jcster Posted August 6, 2007 Posted August 6, 2007 what are the other rules and can he change There's only 1 rule. As to whether he can change or not - who knows? But you know as well as I do that it's very hard to "re-negotiate" a relationship after the fact - no matter what age the participants are. If he's just "in it for fun with a cool lady" - then, no, it's unlikely that he will change. That's true whether he's 26 or 96.
Replicant Posted August 7, 2007 Posted August 7, 2007 advice please:( Seriously listen to the advice coming from the pack of cougars above, they've been around that block. So sure, older women are attractive. They have what say many flaky girls in their late teens early 20's are still searching for...Loads of experience. So you can add to his experience knowing him yes (I'm not just speaking of taking him back to your den) But changing him as in digging your claws in long term (if he's a player), don't kid yourself. I think you should think short term not long, and don't get all paranoid about it! Key word 'fun'
Lizzie60 Posted August 7, 2007 Posted August 7, 2007 the key word is 'fun' definitely not 'long term'... And yes, older women have that 'je-ne-sais-quoi'
Yamaha Posted August 7, 2007 Posted August 7, 2007 how do i manage to keep this guy (player) for a while How long are we talking about, years? I think you are already starting to "care" for him as you are posting and wanting to keep him for quite some time. Maybe you can change him..
mental_traveller Posted August 7, 2007 Posted August 7, 2007 what are the other rules and can he change He's very unlikely to change, don't waste your time. If he does, it'll be because of him, not anything you do. Rules? 1) Don't fall for the guy 2) Be low-maintenance 3) Put out That's about it really - just doing those 3 things will put you ahead of 99% of women when it comes to a nice casual no-strings sexual relationship. The trouble is that most women can't do that and end up falling for the guy, which then makes them high-maintenance and high commitment and thus no longer convenient for the guy.
jcster Posted August 7, 2007 Posted August 7, 2007 Rules? 1) Don't fall for the guy 2) Be low-maintenance 3) Put out What he said. Those ARE the rules. Damn hard to follow, in my book - but that's your new mantra if you want to keep that young playa happy.
AmorousDelight Posted August 7, 2007 Posted August 7, 2007 I agree, I think you fit into the "friends w/ benefits" category which in guys minds has no "friends" in it. Think of him as a closet accessory. And I am a guy.
Author Grim Posted August 7, 2007 Author Posted August 7, 2007 ok sound advice from everyone. short term or long dont matter so long as the booty call is two way traffic. i want him to jump when i call. believe it or not i have feelings but i bore very easily when a guy gets too clingy, but then i have usually moved on in my head anyway. think my biggest problem is my ego, i like it stroked daily and im only getting that 2 to 3 times a week, and with no notice, that is part of the excitement but its also when the downers kick in. i love the buzz. plus a lot of others are trying to dent my ego and he is like a cushion. i always leave him wanting more i never discuss personnal stuff and dont get in to deep and meaningfulls. less heartache in my head. i think i like him because its regular sex with out having to sleep around, i am not a slut. i have always been faithfull in relationships and feel i have missed out. i dont want commitment, and i dont care if he sees other women. i always remind myself that i am still available an on the market, he is just a rental. i would rather go through this than wonder what it would have been like. he is the type of guy who i would consider to be out of my league, but i have been told that over the years people thought i was so confident i was scary. i am trying to relax and enjoy life. right now i like me even in this weird game
Yamaha Posted August 7, 2007 Posted August 7, 2007 So your flattered by his attention and you want him around until you tire of him. It should be fun and when it isn't then it is time to end it. I don't understand your comment about you missing out by being faithful. Being faithful is a worthy trait and should be commended.
Author Grim Posted August 7, 2007 Author Posted August 7, 2007 So your flattered by his attention and you want him around until you tire of him. It should be fun and when it isn't then it is time to end it. he makes me feel sexy beautiful and alive, like a woman should feel, even when he just passes me in the street he makes me feel important I don't understand your comment about you missing out by being faithful. Being faithful is a worthy trait and should be commended. being faithfull got me ignored even by my partner, i felt invisable. i did everything for him and got nothing back he treats me like a princess and leaves me to enjoy my life when it suits me at my speed. pain is a part of relationships, i would rather be hurt by someone who treated me well than live a dull existance
reservoirdog1 Posted August 8, 2007 Posted August 8, 2007 Hmmm... tough to do I know, but stop sleeping with him. If he wants something more than the occasional shag, he'll keep wanting to see you. If he doesn't, then you have your answer. Like my grandmother said, "why buy the cow when you get the sex for free?" -- Mallrats
Author Grim Posted August 8, 2007 Author Posted August 8, 2007 Hmmm... tough to do I know, but stop sleeping with him. If he wants something more than the occasional shag, he'll keep wanting to see you. If he doesn't, then you have your answer. Like my grandmother said, "why buy the cow when you get the sex for free?" -- Mallrats thing is i want the sex more than he does and i dont want him for keeps
Lizzie60 Posted August 8, 2007 Posted August 8, 2007 thing is i want the sex more than he does and i dont want him for keeps I don't believe in that 'don't sleep with him then he'll be serious' type of relationship... we're not in the 1900s anymore.
Author Grim Posted August 8, 2007 Author Posted August 8, 2007 I don't believe in that 'don't sleep with him then he'll be serious' type of relationship... we're not in the 1900s anymore. i dont think my guy is after just sex. he likes to chat play pool and listen to music. think its cuz we both like late nites and music
Yamaha Posted August 8, 2007 Posted August 8, 2007 he treats me like a princess and leaves me to enjoy my life when it suits me at my speed. The thing is he treats you good because you make no demands on him. This is the way you must behave if you want him to continue. You are the one on LS and he is just enjoying his life. Who is the one most likely to end it first?
Replicant Posted August 8, 2007 Posted August 8, 2007 thing is i want the sex more than he does and i dont want him for keeps I am actually kind of surprised how it is you asking all these questions. Having been in a similar situation at 22/23 but different in the sense I absolutely admired her sense of knowing who she was as a woman. Something absolutely not seen with girls naturally anywhere in my age bracket then. So maybe that's the thrill of the hunt, on both sides. Anyways, i would not imagine her polling the masses on what to do, she was emotionally stable even though well past the outs of a marriage. There was no start and no finish, it was fun and it happened for some time. There was no transitioning, she was totally mature about it and the experience that came from that was well....wow! That's why i have a different outlook on cougars. Anyways naturally i kept on with girls my age in school, so don't expect this guy to change a bit or deviate. It's not about that. But from what i read i somehow get the thought you are the fatal attraction type, where you've got some baggage from your split. This guy *will* draw you in then cut you loose for a girl his age and your ego will be on such a high you'll be craving what you missed once it's gone...no more compliments etc..that rush will be history. Then what?? You say you are in control but i don't believe it for an instant. Otherwise you would have known how to take this on without even asking here for advice at your age. If anything coming here and maybe offering advice to guys in their 20's of what a cougar is all about. I think it is you whom should be proceeding with caution here, and like i said seriously asking the stable cougars here how to play nice and retract those claws when it comes time!
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