Leikela Posted March 18, 2003 Posted March 18, 2003 [color=indigo] I am just commenting on the statement where you say it takes a year for every year you were with a person to heal. I disagree with that. There is no set time on when you're supposed to be healed pending on how long you were with the person. If you think about it, that's ludicrous. If you are only with a person for a year and within that year you were cheated on and severly abused mentally and emotionally, that person is expected to be over it within a year? And if you look at it in the opposite perspective whereas someone was in a relationship for a few years, but wasn't badly abused and only had minimal issues, they are supposed to take those few years to get over it? I think you heal at your own pace according to your own needs. The amount of time you spent in the relationship won't dictate to you how long you are expected to get over it. It depends on how much damage was done and how that individual is at dealing with it and moving on. So don't condemn yourself to a year after year sentence of hurting/healing just because you were with him for that long. It is time that you faced all you have been through and truly be able to move on. I hope you find the strength to do so. It will set you free. [/color]
IRULE Posted August 7, 2003 Posted August 7, 2003 first of all i cant type so be prepared. to the people who say if she is a Christian she should't be doing what she is doing. a Christian is not a saint or god, Christians are not perfect. when you really love someone and they cheat on you it is devastating, it tears you down, its like someone died,if you don't get answers you don't get over it. if people want to have sex or be with another get a divorce first! sleep around before you get married if you feel the need, have some self control. people are so selfish it makes me sick! k i feel better thanks.
km82794 Posted August 7, 2003 Posted August 7, 2003 I had to comment on this... if you pour your heart and soul into a relationship like I do then you could understand. I believe you gave everything you had in your first marriage, but the sad fact is, it failed. You can't go back, you can't change it, it's history and a sad part of life. I have to ask you though, being this Ex is controlling so many of your thoughts, do you really think you are pouring your heart and soul into your second marriage? No offense, but I don't. This Ex of yours might as well be sitting on your couch with his feet propped up, asking you what's for dinner. I went through your situation when an ex cheated and a wise person told me... If you hate this person (my ex) so bad, why are you taking them home to dinner? Being I hadn't seen the Ex in a few months, I thought, "Huh, What the hell is she talking about, I'm not taking him to dinner". Then she explained to me, you get up in the morning and you think of him, you go to work and think of him, you come home in a bad mood because you're thinking of him, so why are you bringing him home to dinner too? In a sense, this Ex still has control over you, and you are giving it to him, by giving all your thoughts to something you will never be able to change. Rest easy in the fact that what comes around, goes around. We all will one day have to answer to our maker for our sins. I firmly believe that some of the pain we must endure in life is for a reason. Kind of like, to get something really good, you have to experience something awful to appreciate it. Let it go dear and thank God for what you have in front of you now. I'll wish you all the strength you need, to heal and move on.
Jynnantonix Posted November 4, 2003 Posted November 4, 2003 "When I say my prayers every night I beg God to take this anger, hurt, and resentment out of my heart...it just hasn't happened yet. I just hope that some day he does the same thing to her because you don't really know what it feels like until it happens to you." Sorry.. drifitng through and caught this thread. I have to ask, why is it that people expect God to do all of the work for them? Hasn't anyone heard of God helping those who help themselves? He can't do it when you are unwilling to begin letting go of the anger and resentment that you harbor. Instead, you seem to actively be seeking ways to fuel your hatred of them. You can pray night and day, but if you are not willing to put your words into actions, then there is no point. Praying for God to lift the anger and resentment from you is kind of cancelled out by the prayers for bad things to happen to your ex. You need to actively seek ways to forgive. Not him. He doesn't deserve your forgiveness. But you have to forgive you. I'm not saying that you have done anything wrong, but as someone who has been where you're at, I know that you are still harboring these feelings because, deep down, you feel like it's your fault. Let me clue you in on a secret. It doesn't matter how thin, beautiful, rich, or intelligent you are. Halle Berry's husband screwed around on her, too. It doesn't matter how good a wife you were, how honest, hardworking, thoughtful, attentive, and loving you were, either. Because none of this was about you, sweetie. It was about him. I know you feel like you should have known. I know you feel like the world's biggest fool for not figuring it out sooner. But, the thing is, when you love someone, you expect them to be honest with you. It doesn't occur to you that they would be capable of this kind of betrayal of their morals, or of your relationship. And when that happens, it forces you to re-examine every belief that you have about people, about your judgment, about your entire life. But the fact that he violated sacred vows is a reflection on his moral bankruptcy. It in no way says anything about the kind of person that you are, only the kind of person that he is. You're right. It isn't fair that he did this to you. It isn't fair that he gave you no answers, when he is the only one that has them. But, no one ever promised that life would be fair, just that it would be life. It is what you make of it. When you finally allow yourself to forgive YOU, that's when the healing starts, and not before. And remember, living well, and truly being happy with your life, is the very best revenge that you will ever have. Because when you finally let it all go, and live each day for you, and your family, instead of for the past, he will still be stuck with a wife who trapped him into marriage, and she'll still have a husband that she will never be truly sure whether he is staying because he loves her, or because he feels obligated.
Shiraz Posted November 1, 2004 Posted November 1, 2004 Your wrong! I am An OW I do care about his wife. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of her, feel guilt and pain for her. Am I proud of what I do NO! it's something that has happened. Is it something that will end YES Will he leave his wife, never Will I ever forgive myself, probably not! Bottom line, OW do think of the wives. There are some of us that care.... but there are other circumstances at times. You have every right to be angry with your Husband. Hurt, revenge, but don't do it. There are always two sides to a story.
Shiraz Posted November 1, 2004 Posted November 1, 2004 "God might shut the door, but never without opening a window" Remember that! Your husband acted very shallow towards you, but doesn't mean he didn't love you. He screwed up, probably didn't know how to apologize. Apologizing is really hard, and takes a really big person to do it. Maybe... he's not a very big person.
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