annabelle75 Posted August 7, 2007 Posted August 7, 2007 Wanna be my break-up buddy? We can discuss strategies and hold each other accountable. I’m struggling with how to break things of as well right now. Everyone (here and my friends) keeps saying that I need to just get it over with and cut the guy loose but I am really struggling with how much it is going to hurt him. Knowing how much pain I am going to cause another person is really killing me. I may feel a sense of relief when it is over, but his pain will just be beginning and I am having a hard time bringing myself to “pull the trigger.” No matter what mistakes he made, I don’t wish him any pain.
Cobra_X30 Posted August 7, 2007 Posted August 7, 2007 Grim, No I just set an expectation before we started dating, and I guess she didnt think I was serious. Honestly, I wasnt that upset about what actually happened. It was more that I heard about the whole thing from her friend. No, the whole milf thing is creepy. Besides she is 25, I think the minimum age for that is 30. I've been called eye candy before... but I think of myself more as brain candy!
Cobra_X30 Posted August 7, 2007 Posted August 7, 2007 Wanna be my break-up buddy? We can discuss strategies and hold each other accountable. I’m struggling with how to break things of as well right now. Everyone (here and my friends) keeps saying that I need to just get it over with and cut the guy loose but I am really struggling with how much it is going to hurt him. Knowing how much pain I am going to cause another person is really killing me. I may feel a sense of relief when it is over, but his pain will just be beginning and I am having a hard time bringing myself to “pull the trigger.” No matter what mistakes he made, I don’t wish him any pain. Sounds great... start a new thread in the proper section and I will meet you there!
Grim Posted August 7, 2007 Posted August 7, 2007 Grim, No I just set an expectation before we started dating, and I guess she didnt think I was serious. Honestly, I wasnt that upset about what actually happened. It was more that I heard about the whole thing from her friend. No, the whole milf thing is creepy. Besides she is 25, I think the minimum age for that is 30. I've been called eye candy before... but I think of myself more as brain candy! why is milf creepy. ok im nearly forty my guy is 26 suppose from our end its more appropriate. i dont insult that easily if i know things are in the right context. i do think u should make a clean break though, because when u question things, u have actually already made up ur mind, ur just trying to find a way out. or at least thats how i am. if you break clean and quick there is more chance of at least keeping a friendship in the end. be honest but dont point out all their faults thats just revenge. ouch
annabelle75 Posted August 7, 2007 Posted August 7, 2007 Sounds great... start a new thread in the proper section and I will meet you there! Your wish is my command. Here's our break up thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=1277878#post1277878 Maybe we'll pick up some good advice on how to handle things.
Darth Vader Posted August 8, 2007 Posted August 8, 2007 Ok, Cobra, first off, you don't even know what old is!:pLOL! Wait til you hit the big 30! But seriously, I finally found the thread, amazing huh? From what I read, NO, you're not a jerk, but, you should drop lady #1, before proceeding to lady #2. The part about lady #1 not telling you anything about going to other guy's house was not right, actually she was a jerk for not saying anything, yes women can be Jerks too, so down Ladies. Anyway, she should've at least called, left a message if you missed the call, why? Let's see.......... Women always demand this same treatment, why not the other way around? How do you know there were other people there, did she tell you, or did other people tell you this info? If she told ya, that could be a lie, they could've banged, but, I dunno everything!
Grim Posted August 8, 2007 Posted August 8, 2007 Grim, No I just set an expectation before we started dating, and I guess she didnt think I was serious. Honestly, I wasnt that upset about what actually happened. It was more that I heard about the whole thing from her friend. No, the whole milf thing is creepy. Besides she is 25, I think the minimum age for that is 30. I've been called eye candy before... but I think of myself more as brain candy! the advice was great but i dumped by cell phone message at 3.45am our time. game over i guess
jcster Posted August 8, 2007 Posted August 8, 2007 Wait...Grim, you got dumped? At 3:45 am? That's lame.
Arizona100 Posted August 8, 2007 Posted August 8, 2007 Is that what you meant Grim when you talked about text message? That's harsh ..
Grim Posted August 8, 2007 Posted August 8, 2007 i started a new thread in breakups cuz i crashed and burned not handling it like i thought
Cobra_X30 Posted August 8, 2007 Posted August 8, 2007 Over txt? Yeah, boy toy needs to grow a pair and tell you in person. Arizona, Yeah, we had a talk last night. It was like 3 mile island. I am so drained.
Cobra_X30 Posted August 8, 2007 Posted August 8, 2007 Ok, Cobra, first off, you don't even know what old is!:pLOL! Wait til you hit the big 30! But seriously, I finally found the thread, amazing huh? From what I read, NO, you're not a jerk, but, you should drop lady #1, before proceeding to lady #2. The part about lady #1 not telling you anything about going to other guy's house was not right, actually she was a jerk for not saying anything, yes women can be Jerks too, so down Ladies. Anyway, she should've at least called, left a message if you missed the call, why? Let's see.......... Women always demand this same treatment, why not the other way around? How do you know there were other people there, did she tell you, or did other people tell you this info? If she told ya, that could be a lie, they could've banged, but, I dunno everything! Vader, thanks. I kind of finished it yesterday night. To make a short story long, I met her through a mutual friend Jill. Her daughter and Jill's daughter are about the same age. The two of them go way back. So, her ex lives out in BFE, and her and Jill put together a B-day party for Jill's daughter, and used the ex's house. Anyway she and Jill were the parental supervision for the sleepover. So about a week after the fact I was talking to Jill and she says what a great birthday party her daughter had had. How she and my ex (now) had spent the night in his living room. Yeah, he was home too. So Jill tells me this crap in passing conversation, and I just acted like I already knew. Mulled it over for a few days, and decided that, it was a big enough deal to end it.
Arizona100 Posted August 8, 2007 Posted August 8, 2007 Over txt? Yeah, boy toy needs to grow a pair and tell you in person. Arizona, Yeah, we had a talk last night. It was like 3 mile island. I am so drained. So she knows it's over? No "lets hang out when I'm horny" kind of suggestion? Good. Your bud still is a jerk imo.
Grim Posted August 8, 2007 Posted August 8, 2007 ok hows this for honesty havent even dicided to date the guy yet and he have just told me about his wife kids divorce and living arrangements. and that he thinks i am unique and he would chew of his left leg for a date with me. intense or what. now cobra thats the sort of honesty you need then your life would be simpler. as for me watch my dust trail. i am running so hard i can feel my own heartbeat
Darth Vader Posted August 8, 2007 Posted August 8, 2007 Well, better late than never I suppose.............
Cobra_X30 Posted August 9, 2007 Posted August 9, 2007 Vader, No, I just posted the whole bloody evening in the break up section... I wasnt really sure I could. Kind of feels like airing dirty laundry. Im not super happy with myself. I definitely needed to read your post... was doubting whether it was the right thing to do. Well, for me at least.
Capricciosa Posted August 9, 2007 Posted August 9, 2007 Sounds a bit jerky all around to me. Sorry. If you really had feelings for her, you would forgive her. She probably was afraid to tell you--what would your reaction have been if she had, I wonder? If nothing happened, no big deal. And people learn from their mistakes. Keeping things physical is definitely questionable. Let her go. A clean break is needed here if she is no longer the woman you want. It is really hard to accept less once you (thought you) had it all.
squeak Posted August 9, 2007 Posted August 9, 2007 So about a week after the fact I was talking to Jill and she says what a great birthday party her daughter had had. How she and my ex (now) had spent the night in his living room. Yeah, he was home too. cx30- If this was me i would probably have caved and given another chance, which brings me to the question of the difference between males and female thought processes. Do you feel any sense you may be wrong in the conclusion you came to that you can't trust her? When you heard this combined with her crying plus your own remorse for not wanting to do this-what made you decide to not give her another chance? Would this have been okay with you (the sleeping over) if she told you about it before hand? Was it strictly the lie? Do you have a policy that any lie, no matter what it is=the boot (I'm not trying to downplay this-just asking questions) As a purely clinical study for myself, I am trying to figure out what makes one person so self assured in their convictions and not doubt yourself later that you may have let "the one" get away? Were you just not that crazy about her? Too many other choices so it is easier to drop her if a disapointment arises? I am trying to see what makes one person stick to their convictions and another make an exception. Please share ! Thanks. Other people feel free to share too. I am always wanting to be so hard lined myself, but it requires not doubting ones decisions after they are made.
Grim Posted August 9, 2007 Posted August 9, 2007 cx30- If this was me i would probably have caved and given another chance, which brings me to the question of the difference between males and female thought processes. Do you feel any sense you may be wrong in the conclusion you came to that you can't trust her? When you heard this combined with her crying plus your own remorse for not wanting to do this-what made you decide to not give her another chance? Would this have been okay with you (the sleeping over) if she told you about it before hand? Was it strictly the lie? Do you have a policy that any lie, no matter what it is=the boot (I'm not trying to downplay this-just asking questions) As a purely clinical study for myself, I am trying to figure out what makes one person so self assured in their convictions and not doubt yourself later that you may have let "the one" get away? Were you just not that crazy about her? Too many other choices so it is easier to drop her if a disapointment arises? I am trying to see what makes one person stick to their convictions and another make an exception. Please share ! Thanks. Other people feel free to share too. I am always wanting to be so hard lined myself, but it requires not doubting ones decisions after they are made. i am a woman i have convictions. when i have doubts i see it as a red flag. work out my options see if i can live with the decision then run. if there is doubt in the first place its not a good sign
Cobra_X30 Posted August 9, 2007 Posted August 9, 2007 cx30- If this was me i would probably have caved and given another chance, which brings me to the question of the difference between males and female thought processes. Do you feel any sense you may be wrong in the conclusion you came to that you can't trust her? When you heard this combined with her crying plus your own remorse for not wanting to do this-what made you decide to not give her another chance? Would this have been okay with you (the sleeping over) if she told you about it before hand? Was it strictly the lie? Do you have a policy that any lie, no matter what it is=the boot (I'm not trying to downplay this-just asking questions) As a purely clinical study for myself, I am trying to figure out what makes one person so self assured in their convictions and not doubt yourself later that you may have let "the one" get away? Were you just not that crazy about her? Too many other choices so it is easier to drop her if a disapointment arises? I am trying to see what makes one person stick to their convictions and another make an exception. Please share ! Thanks. Other people feel free to share too. I am always wanting to be so hard lined myself, but it requires not doubting ones decisions after they are made. Squeak, Yes, you kind drilled down to the hear of the matter. Before we got any kind of involved, I set down exactly what I expected. I'm not interested in controlling anyone, but I am not going to get walked all over. So, if you tell me what your doing, before you do it, or after... I will be fine. Yes, I am especially sensetive where ex's are involved. Yes, If she had told me before I found out, there would be nothing to forgive. Actually this situation occurred once before, 4 months ago. She told me ahead of time. I offered to get her a hotel room instead of staying at his house. Looking back, I made some mistakes. Even though I tried hard not to, I probably made it uncomfortable for her to talk to me about this. You want to know if I might be wrong... I could be completely wrong. However, I'm not going to worry about letting "the one" get away. Why? Because there is no such thing as "the one". Look, we choose who to love and who not to love. We have power over our instincts and emotions. So, if I choose to love someone... get married have kids...ect. I understand that she isnt going to be perfect... or even perfect for me. If something better comes along I wont even be interested. Because I made my choice, good or bad and I will put 100% of my engery into making that work. I liked her more than I have anyone else. The world is full of possibilities, but unless I encounter a "dealbreaker", I'm going to pretty much ignore other women. So the split depends 100% on the relationship as is, and nothing on whatever else may be out there... cause it will always be there. IMHO, Some poeple dont have the self respect to stick to thier convictions. If you cant hold yourself accountable, your partner will see this and know that you cant hold him or her accountable also.
annabelle75 Posted August 9, 2007 Posted August 9, 2007 Were you just not that crazy about her? Too many other choices so it is easier to drop her if a disapointment arises? I think this is a definite possibility. I believe he definitely had feelings for her but perhaps not enough to work past the problems. I believe that was what was true in my case. If maybe my feelings for the guy I had been dating had been more developed I would have considered just taking some time off and dealing with the issues, but the feelings I had for him did not support that choice.
squeak Posted August 9, 2007 Posted August 9, 2007 -Grim, Cobra, Annabelle Thanks for taking the time to provide insight, into your own situations and others- many kudos for a very interesting and self reflective conversation/observations. I've been on both ends of this and it made me question that ratio of if you stick to your convictions is it any reflection on the feelings/attachement for that person, or do the convictions trump all? Or do the convictions trump all because the feelings are not as strong as they could be? Which came first (the chicken or the egg?), maybe it just is what it is. Different answers from everyone, all reflecting the questions above. So my new Rule #1 : you really have to know yourself and what you and your partners parameters are before any relationship starts. -squeak
Grim Posted August 9, 2007 Posted August 9, 2007 -Grim, Cobra, Annabelle So my new Rule #1 : you really have to know yourself and what you and your partners parameters are before any relationship starts. -squeak See there is the key everyone looks for a partner or date before they know themselves. dating is about learning what you do and do not want. perhaps there should be a "get to no you club"
Cobra_X30 Posted August 9, 2007 Posted August 9, 2007 Grim, Your correct, but I think there is a learning curve involved. Its one of those things you have to learn by experience. Squeak, Annabelle, Always be true to yourself first. Demand respect, nobody just gives it to you, even when you've earned it.
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