London Girl Posted August 6, 2007 Posted August 6, 2007 I've done everything I can to try and forget my ex. Kept busy, gone to the gym, currently seeing a therapist and have been doing no contact for just over 4 months but I still love my ex and cannot get him out of my mind. It hurts and I still get tearful when I remember what we had and the romantic things he use to do and say to me. How can he move on so quickly like I just don't exist anymore. It makes me sad that I probably never hear or see him again. I miss him terribly and want to get in contact with him but I know I shouldn't.
funkybassplayer Posted August 6, 2007 Posted August 6, 2007 I've done everything I can to try and forget my ex. Kept busy, gone to the gym, currently seeing a therapist and have been doing no contact for just over 4 months but I still love my ex and cannot get him out of my mind. It hurts and I still get tearful when I remember what we had and the romantic things he use to do and say to me. How can he move on so quickly like I just don't exist anymore. It makes me sad that I probably never hear or see him again. I miss him terribly and want to get in contact with him but I know I shouldn't. ALL you can do is do what your doing. Its a long road, but one that you will emerge stronger from. I dought that he has forgotton you, as my ex, she did the same, but some people find it better to ignor the pain rather than face it full on. Try to let these feelings go. Go out into the garden, and feel whats happening around you. Close your eyes, send your ex your love through the airways, he will get it, and you will feel better. What your feeling is normal, its your ego trying to pull you back. you have to fight this in order to move on. Your ex will get in touch with you if he wants to, but you have to think about yourself. If you help your self, you will help him too. - just a thought.
Author London Girl Posted August 6, 2007 Author Posted August 6, 2007 thanks Funky! Everyday I keep saying to myself that I can get over him, that I cannot make him come back to me if he does not want to, that he does not deserve me but I just miss him so much. I've even been on dates but found this did not help. Myaybe the fact that he abandoned me when we lost our child is preventing him contacting me or he is scared to but I know if I contact him I will come across clingy. I want to him to feel what life would be like without me, hoping he will miss me then I find out he is on a dating site and sounds happy and looking for commitment which means he cannot be missing me. I think I am finding it hard to let go as he was my perfect guy. He ticked all the right boxes I wanted in a man and that we fell apart due to some miscommunication. He once said I ticked all the right boxes for him and that I was his best ever girlfriend and lover and that it will take him a long time to find another woman with the same qualities as me. I'm just feel so sad.
sb129 Posted August 6, 2007 Posted August 6, 2007 Sorry to hear about your loss LG. You may already know this, but a very high proportion of couples who go through the loss of a child actually end up splitting up. There are many potential reasons for this, one of which could be the fact that you are a reminder to eachother of what you have lost. Having said that, if he did 'abandon' you when you lost your child, that doesn't say that much about him. He may have ticked all the boxes before, but this action means he no longer does. I know its hard to let go, but its likely you have idealised your ex, and have convinced yourself he is the only man for you which is why you can't let go. You will never let go if you keep comparing other men to the idealised version of your ex. Remember he isn't perfect. If he WAS perfect for you, he would still be with you. I don't believe there is only one person out there for everyone, I think there are many people out there who you could be happy with, and meeting them is a question of time and place. If there is one guy who ticked all the boxes for you before, there will be another one who ticks all the boxes for you NOW. You may not be the same person you were before- bereavement can change people. You deserve love just as much as anyone else, and as cliched as it sounds, loving yourself is really important. A word of advice- looking at your ex's online dating profile will achieve nothing except make you feel insecure and miserable. Don't do it as tempting as it may be. Be strong, look after yourself, and focus on YOU. Keep doing what you are doing. It will help- it may not feel like it, but you WILL feel better. It takes time, but one day you will wake up and realise you are over him. That day will come, I promise.
sb129 Posted August 6, 2007 Posted August 6, 2007 Keep doing what you are doing. It will help- it may not feel like it, but you WILL feel better eventually. It takes time, but one day you will wake up and realise you are over him. That day will come, I promise. I have been where you are, and it does get better....
Author London Girl Posted August 6, 2007 Author Posted August 6, 2007 thanks sb129 for your advice. What you say is right and yes perhaps I am idealising my ex. Sometimes I get angry with him but then other times I miss him so much. Perhaps the loss of our baby makes me miss him more but you are right if he was perfect he would not have abandoned me like he has. What's worse is that the week I lost our child he took care of me and told everyone he wants to get back together with me and by the following week he said he could not imagine being with me in the long term and left. I just wish I could fast forward time so I can heal and be happy again.
alexa137 Posted August 8, 2007 Posted August 8, 2007 girl! i just read your post-i usually dont read other peoples post bcause it gets me all sad and teary eyed-but i noticed your subject was like one i just posted--i just had a miscarriage and my boyfriend just moved out and we kinda broke up--its is the hardest thing for a woman to do the n/c thing, what makes it even harder is when they keep calling everynight probably just checking to see if i am with anyone else yet--bcause both us dont want to see each other with any one else--i love him alot and i kow he loves me but had alot of problems the past few months with cheating and trusting and insecurities from me about the whole thing- for months he wanted me pregnant and after a year or so of trying bam what a shock i found out july 7th when i took like 5 tests that it was positive! everything was ok for a few weeks then the fighting arguing etc and then the pushing and stress and him moving out i guess caused to miscarriage last week--ive felt like ive lost part of h im and cant get it back--i am so depressed--he was my first real love and first guy who told me he loved me and first guy i lived with and first guy who bought me 2 diamond rings! for me its alot! i havent had a good track record with men i was single 6 years so now i am a depressed bitter scorned bitch and all i want to do is sleep and cry! i know your pain--alot of people say move in etc,, but most of them have been in the siuation and everyone is diffrent and heals their own way! but the no contact whoa now thats difficult!
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