Brownie0915 Posted August 6, 2007 Posted August 6, 2007 Me and my gf of 10 months broke up 3 weeks ago, and yesterday she told me she doesn't know what she wants and needs time to think. She says one half of her wants to be with me and the other half doesnt want to go back to our old ****ty relationship(The last month of our relationship sucked and thats why we broke up, she said i didnt do all the things that she wanted me too. )) My real question is...what is the best way to approach the whole situation? She needs time so does that mean i shouldn't call her anymore? or should i still call her everyday and talk to her like i always do? or should i let her just call me? i need advice at what you would do if you wanted her to come back to you
funkybassplayer Posted August 6, 2007 Posted August 6, 2007 Me and my gf of 10 months broke up 3 weeks ago, and yesterday she told me she doesn't know what she wants and needs time to think. She says one half of her wants to be with me and the other half doesnt want to go back to our old ****ty relationship(The last month of our relationship sucked and thats why we broke up, she said i didnt do all the things that she wanted me too. )) My real question is...what is the best way to approach the whole situation? She needs time so does that mean i shouldn't call her anymore? or should i still call her everyday and talk to her like i always do? or should i let her just call me? i need advice at what you would do if you wanted her to come back to you I really think as hard as it is that it may be better to walk away, as, she wants the relationship her way, thats selfish to you, and you will never be yourself, and also, onnce its at this stage, even if you go back, it will be short lived and you will just prolong the pain. - just my thoughts on this, but no one knows her better than you.
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 6, 2007 Posted August 6, 2007 My real question is...what is the best way to approach the whole situation? She needs time so does that mean i shouldn't call her anymore? or should i still call her everyday and talk to her like i always do? or should i let her just call me? i need advice at what you would do if you wanted her to come back to you The best way is to give her what she is asking for, and then some. Not only give her space, but give it to her so hard that she won't be able to reach you even if she wants to. No phone calls, no emails, no texts, nada. Block any of hers that come your way. She won't be able to really think about what life will be like without you, until she is forced into a situation where you simply aren't there anymore. In a situation like this, you have no power or ability to 'get her back' - she is the decider in this. All you can do is affect how she makes her decision. If she wants you back, she will have to fight to do so. If she doesn't want you back, she will simply let you walk away. I can guarantee you this: when a girl gives you the 'I need space/need time to think' line and you continue to be "there for her", she will never come back to you. Why would she? She already has you right where she wants you: distanced as a boyfriend, and ready for use as a "friend guy". When it comes down to making choices, she won't make one unless you give her one to make: she either has you as a boyfriend, or you will cut her out of your life forever. The clearer you make that, the more likely it is she will make some real decisions instead of giving you the 'time/space/think' line.
Lhillenb18 Posted August 6, 2007 Posted August 6, 2007 I happen to think that if she needs space, be there for her. Don't call her for a few days and see what happens. My g/f of 10 months did that to me last week. I called her and tried to hang out and she didn't want anything to do with it. So I didn't call her yesterday and she didn't call me, it was the longest day of my life. I am going to call her today after work but be non-schlant. I don't think it would do me any good to block her out of my life but we'll see, it may come down to that. Whatever happens, it will work out for the best. Good luck.
Author Brownie0915 Posted August 9, 2007 Author Posted August 9, 2007 ok i talked to her about it to try and figure out how she works, because shes confusing. the past couple weeks i was "there for her" and nothing seemed to change. i asked her if being there for her was pushing her to want to be with me again and she said she doesn't know. So i guess im gonna do the whole not talk to her strategy, to make her see what life would be like without me. How do i know how long to do this for tho?
sao2 Posted August 10, 2007 Posted August 10, 2007 But you do it for as long as it takes for her to figure out that she would rather have you in her life than not. Basically she has asked for space, that means she has to come back to you on her own timetable.
zebrasan Posted August 10, 2007 Posted August 10, 2007 I'm gonna be real blunt with ya dude. In my own personal experience with girlfriends the "I need space, time to think" comment usually means it's over. You could give her space in attempt to draw her back to you, but if you do get back together your relationship will be different and will not last. I always like to refer to the Heisenburg Uncertainty Principle, "when you measure something you change it". Your relationship has been measured, it will never be the same again. Or how about a metaphor "Relationships are like wine glasses, once they break no amount of super glue will make them hold liquid again." From what you said I think the glass is broken. I would say save yourself weeks of pain, frustration and bitterness and end the relationship. Of course that's far easier for me say than you to do.
Cobra_X30 Posted August 10, 2007 Posted August 10, 2007 Sounds like it kind of sucked to begin with. Forget the space, maybe you should just consider dumping her, while she is busy playing head games with you. Why be with someone you cant get along with.
sao2 Posted August 10, 2007 Posted August 10, 2007 I'm gonna be real blunt with ya dude. In my own personal experience with girlfriends the "I need space, time to think" comment usually means it's over. You could give her space in attempt to draw her back to you, but if you do get back together your relationship will be different and will not last. I always like to refer to the Heisenburg Uncertainty Principle, "when you measure something you change it". Your relationship has been measured, it will never be the same again. Or how about a metaphor "Relationships are like wine glasses, once they break no amount of super glue will make them hold liquid again." From what you said I think the glass is broken. I would say save yourself weeks of pain, frustration and bitterness and end the relationship. Of course that's far easier for me say than you to do. Actually that is not REALLY the Heisenberg uncertainty principle, but playing along. Once it has been measured wouldn't it stand to reason that the measurement stabilizes the relationship seeing as after the measurement you get an eigenstate? But yes, being on the recieving end of I need space I think it's weak. Just break up if it is getting to be too much. If the person needing space wants the other person back eventually they should have to start from scratch like anybody else. I don't believe in breaks because if you really care about someone than you should allow them to move on.
alpha70 Posted August 10, 2007 Posted August 10, 2007 I was exactly in your situation...well, she never said she needed space, but wasn't sure if she wanted to move forward with the relationship. If she's asking you for space.....get on with your life now!!! She is wishy washy and won't give you what you need in the relationship. She'll play mind games with you if you feed into her. DO NOT CALL HER!! I was weak and did this. Finally, I found out she wasn't being honest with me, and it was finally time to break it off. It sucks, but it sounds like your relationship was much like mine....not good in the 1st place. There are better matches out there for both of us. Yeah, it sucks finding them, but they are out there. Just gotta put ourselves in situations where we can meet them. GET OUT NOW>.........she'll pull you along for another month if you let her and in the end she'll dump you or have no respect for you and do it another way.
zebrasan Posted August 10, 2007 Posted August 10, 2007 I realize that wasn't the Heisenburg Principle by it's exact definition. It was just an attempt to relate scientific concept to an emotional problem. What I meant to say, but may have not come across, is that as soon as the question "Where is this relationship going?", or similarily related question, is presented, the relationship takes a completely new direction. It's no longer as mysterious or passionate as it was before the question. Yes there's still some passion and mystery but it's not the same. Applied to the posting, once his girlfriend or anyone for that matter brings up "I need space etc.", the relationship can't go back to what it was before the question. The eigenstate is only relative to a particular observer, his girlfriend sounds as if she has a completely different take on the relationship.
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