Not_That_Innocent Posted August 6, 2007 Posted August 6, 2007 I don’t understand why he is mad at me when he's the one in the wrong. He even said that he was sorry and would make it up to me. Now he has cut off contact … We’ve been seeing each other for about six weeks. The relationship is kind of different ‘cause we aren’t officially exclusive, yet we like each other a lot. In fact, he has even mentioned the “L” word. We were smitten with one another from the start. A lot of it has to do with the fact we are both Pisces. The chemistry between us is crazy. But the fact we are the same sign has also gotten us into several fights. We tend to think alike, so when things get rough there’s no voice of reason, so to speak. He has gotten upset with me because he thinks I flirt with other men. I have gotten upset with him because he shuts down a lot instead of letting me know what's on his mind. On several occasions we had plans together and when the time came he just blew them off … doesn’t answer the phone, etc. This has happened at least twice. Each time I accepted him back because he apologized saying that he can’t help it and likes to isolate himself. Because he has a lot of personal problems (mostly financial) I have accepted the excuse and tried to move on. This past week he did it again. He completely shut down on me. It started last Sunday with me calling and texting him to no response. It tripped me out because the last time we’d spoke things were great between us. Then, all of a sudden he started ignoring me. I sent an email that basically said I was sick of his games and that I didn’t want to be in the relationship anymore. That got his attention and he called. His excuse was that he has a lot of problems right now and didn’t want me to see him at his worse. I basically told him that long term the behavior would be a problem for me because caring about someone means not shutting them out. I told him that we shouldn’t be together anymore but he didn’t want to end it. Things were okay that day and part of the next. Friday night we made plans to get together. I reiterated to him that I wasn’t going to be happy if he blew me off again. He promised that he wouldn’t. I work until 9:00 so around 7:00 I send him a text asking if we would still get together. His response was “Hell yeah, Baby.” The time comes for us to get together so I call him and get voicemail. I left a message asking him to call me. An hour passed, still no call. I sent him a text asking if we are still getting together and he replied … “I’m at home.” I text him back asking what that meant, should I come over, what exactly did that mean. He calls me on the phone to say that he’s at home but needed to run to the store. In the background I heard loud music and a lot of people. He tells me that he is buzzed and had been drinking since 2PM. I asked who was at his house and he put some guy on the phone. Meanwhile, this guy is asking me what I look like and all kinds of weird stuff - saying that if I could see him I would want to talk to him. I explain to him that I am totally into my guy and asked him to put my guy on the phone. He basically says to me that if my guy was so into me he wouldn’t have given up the phone - Point taken. He never did put my guy on the phone. He asked me to hold on and never came back. In the meantime, I’m listening to their conversation and they, meaning everyone there that night were just talking a bunch of crap and being drunk. I hung up as I simply couldn’t tolerate it. A few minutes later I get a text from my guy saying that he was going to run to the store. Which of course was concerning since he had been drinking ... I text him back to basically let him know that if he blew me off again that I wouldn’t forgive him. A little dramatic I know, but I was serious. His reply was -- “I won’t, I promise.” An hour later (keep in mind he was just going to the store) he text me back “I’m fxxxed up, I’ve been drinking since 2:00” It really ticked me off!! I took it as a blow off and text him back basically saying that I was tired of his games and to forget it ‘cause I was going to bed. I started to think about whether I wanted to continue the relationship with him ‘cause to me he was coming off as a liar. My thinking is that if he really wanted to be with me, nothing would keep him away from that – including a bad mood or being drunk. He tried calling and texting me several times the next day but I just ignored him. I wanted him to know how being ignored felt. But the more I thought about it, I realized I was playing games – which I hate – and I needed to be upfront with him. I called him and explained that I was tired of his lies, games, etc. I also explained my theory that if he really wanted to be with me his actions toward me would be different. He apologized, first using the excuse that he was drunk. I went off!!! I basically told him that being drunk was no excuse since he knew before he got drunk that we had plans. I won’t go into the whole conversation other than to say he begged to make it up to me. I said fine, but flat out told him I didn’t know how he could possibly do so. By that time he had to get ready for work. He said that he would call me later. I told him it would be best not to make a commitment that he would call because if he didn’t call it would perpetuate my theory that he’s a liar and game player. That's another thing he does ... says he's going to call but doesn't. He swore on his brother that he would call – a big deal because his brother was brutally murdered in 2004. I didn’t ask him to swear, that’s not what I was looking for at all. In fact, my suggestion to him was that he tell me that he would “try” to call, but he took it a step further by swearing on it. Later on he text me to say that he was very busy but didn’t forget. I didn’t respond, assuming that I would talk to him later. As you have probably assumed – he never called. Not only that, he hasn’t called or text me all day. So much for making it up to me, huh? I guess he’s in another one of his “moods”, but he can take his moodiness elsewhere. I am done! I have not tried to call him and I really hope he never calls me again. Out of sight, out of mind!!! He is some piece of work. I just love the way he’s making it up to me. As much as I like him, I don’t want to be with someone who is so emotionally immature, a liar, etc. I don’t have time for it! He said himself that he wanted to make it up to me because he doesn’t want to mess up a good thing. Perhaps one day he will realize how stupid he acted. But, by then it will be too late. He has no right to be mad at me!!
BlueEyedSarah Posted August 6, 2007 Posted August 6, 2007 I hope you don't give in by talking to him again. Your doing the right thing, don't go back to him, don't forgive him. Its not a game your doing, its just something to get him off your mind.
Citizen Erased Posted August 6, 2007 Posted August 6, 2007 Way too much drama considering the relationship has been going for only 6 weeks. Move on and forget it.
jcster Posted August 6, 2007 Posted August 6, 2007 It's obvious he has a drinking problem at the very least. Personally, I'd rather be alone than deal with the crap he's handing you. Something for you to think about?
Author Not_That_Innocent Posted August 6, 2007 Author Posted August 6, 2007 I really appreciate your advice and welcome any more comments that you have. Darlin ... I agree - there's just way too much drama. Jcster - I think you are right that he has a drinking problem. This was not the first time that he told me he did something because he was "drunk". Once a person starts to use drinking as an excuse, it's clearly a problem. Something else I didn't mention is that he smokes pot. I try not to judge him for that because there was a time in my life when I smoked pot, too. I see behaviors in him that I saw in myself when I was smoking. One of the things I would do was isolate myself, especially from people who didn't smoke. I think that's why he tends to blow me off.
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