frd150 Posted August 5, 2007 Posted August 5, 2007 All of us are going through similar stuff here. As for me my life has become completely different since febuary. There has been an emptyness that has not yet been completely filled. Its like when an amputee talks about the ability to feel a missing limb.She is gone but still ever present in my mind. Often i forget about the reality of all this but it soon returns when I am alone.nothing seems the same. The sun doesn't even shine the same anymore If that makes sence. So I hope that I can get back to my pre relationship self. I was alone yes,but calm and content. She came into my life outa nowhere. Things seem to happen that way for me. So if I can achive that calm again something good might happen.Her? maybe. Not counting on it. But maybe an angel out of nowhere when I am not expecting it. What about You guys? What do you want? Trully ask yourselves and If you are so compelled share it.
Chinook Posted August 5, 2007 Posted August 5, 2007 FRD, I think I described this on another thread some place. I too feel like something is kinda missing. Some days I wander through the house like a ghost and have no idea what to do with myself. But I have to say I don't think it's 'him' that's missing...because he didn't really affect my perspective of things. Instead I think it's my sense of peace and calm which is gone and it's that which colours how I see things. So, I'm counting on the fact that once all the emotional trauma and drama has been processed I will come to that place again and I'll be happy being alone and be able to see things how they are and enjoy life again. It will just take a little time getting there
This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted August 5, 2007 Posted August 5, 2007 What do I want? Peace of mind. That is akin to happiness, to me. When my mind is not at unrest, I am okay with what life brings. But that state is tricky to achieve. Take the example of a relationship. Mostly, peace of mind occurs when you don't have anyone in your life. Which is ironical, because then we want someone to be present. Which again makes us lose our peace of mind, because love and relationships bring their own problems with them. But that's the way life is. You can't have everything. Happiness and sadness chase each other's tail. I know I can achieve mental peace, given the right circumstances. Unfortunately, the timing seems to be off on bringing those circumstances together.
heartoutside Posted August 5, 2007 Posted August 5, 2007 I don't know what I want out all this, I guess the love that I had and shared and felt in return. But right now I don't think that will be coming back at least not with her. But my greatest fear is that I won't find someone that I can be with where I feel everything is right. Where I don't have to fear being the person I really am. With a few of my past relationships, I never got comfortable or felt I was my true self, that I had to always be a certain way and could never show my true colors. With this relationship, I trully felt I had nothing to hide and I was trully exposed and I don't know if I can do that again or find that again. I probably fear not being able to find it again more then anything. I'm not the most out going guy until I'm comfortable. I know I'm a great guy and far from ugly But the only women I've dated have always been people I've worked with or went to school with because it was so much easier for them to get to see the true me....and easier for me to show the true me. It's been a little over a month, so I have no clue what the future holds. My new roommate still hasn't moved in (I have't even met him yet, so that could make things 10 times worse or 10 times better). I guess my greatest fear right now is being alone and never sharing the love and that feeling I had shared again.
Author frd150 Posted August 6, 2007 Author Posted August 6, 2007 FRD, I think I described this on another thread some place. I too feel like something is kinda missing. Some days I wander through the house like a ghost and have no idea what to do with myself. But I have to say I don't think it's 'him' that's missing...because he didn't really affect my perspective of things. Instead I think it's my sense of peace and calm which is gone and it's that which colours how I see things. So, I'm counting on the fact that once all the emotional trauma and drama has been processed I will come to that place again and I'll be happy being alone and be able to see things how they are and enjoy life again. It will just take a little time getting there I guess that is why I truly see things differently. Maybe I was so jaded by the relationship that my reality was altered a bit. I just forgot,I took for granted the world around me.Is this normal? Im serious things really look different. Or am i just crazy? I guess this goes back to my op. I need to get that pre relationship clarity back. I need to hit the reset button. I think its stuck though.....darn button work already.
Author frd150 Posted August 6, 2007 Author Posted August 6, 2007 What do I want? Peace of mind. That is akin to happiness, to me. When my mind is not at unrest, I am okay with what life brings. But that state is tricky to achieve. Take the example of a relationship. Mostly, peace of mind occurs when you don't have anyone in your life. Which is ironical, because then we want someone to be present. Which again makes us lose our peace of mind, because love and relationships bring their own problems with them. But that's the way life is. You can't have everything. Happiness and sadness chase each other's tail. I know I can achieve mental peace, given the right circumstances. Unfortunately, the timing seems to be off on bringing those circumstances together. Funny how life works. who makes these rules anyway? When you do not have anyone you are only responsible for your own happiness. "Well if i do that I will be happy but what is she gonna think." Your not only living for you your living for us....I guess. But Ill take it since relationships in any form are about comprimise.
Author frd150 Posted August 6, 2007 Author Posted August 6, 2007 I don't know what I want out all this, I guess the love that I had and shared and felt in return. But right now I don't think that will be coming back at least not with her. But my greatest fear is that I won't find someone that I can be with where I feel everything is right. Where I don't have to fear being the person I really am. With a few of my past relationships, I never got comfortable or felt I was my true self, that I had to always be a certain way and could never show my true colors. With this relationship, I trully felt I had nothing to hide and I was trully exposed and I don't know if I can do that again or find that again. I probably fear not being able to find it again more then anything. I'm not the most out going guy until I'm comfortable. I know I'm a great guy and far from ugly But the only women I've dated have always been people I've worked with or went to school with because it was so much easier for them to get to see the true me....and easier for me to show the true me. It's been a little over a month, so I have no clue what the future holds. My new roommate still hasn't moved in (I have't even met him yet, so that could make things 10 times worse or 10 times better). I guess my greatest fear right now is being alone and never sharing the love and that feeling I had shared again. Heart,buddy, I often have these vary thoughts. But I guess it all comes back to the fact they were probably not what we thought or maybe this was a temporary short circut in their otherwise normal brain. We cannot count on it. Ive said it before...we are here cause we care and there are not many like us. I did not realize this until recently. So there is hope for you and me and others like us. This is temporary. We will eventually find our happiness. Dont worry. Remember when i told you "fake it till you make it"? Eventually your brain will adapt to this idea and it will come naturally. then you will be in a place to meet your "ONE" as i call it. I'm getting their slowly.
Trialbyfire Posted August 6, 2007 Posted August 6, 2007 Trite as it sounds, there are millions of fish in the ocean and there will be someone else. With this in mind, don't be in such a hurry to find someone. Take baby steps, as you've already done and you'll find that it continues to get easier and easier. Relationships can be so difficult sometimes, especially if you're the type like myself who gravitates towards complex individuals. Better to relax and enjoy the selection out there.
This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted August 6, 2007 Posted August 6, 2007 Funny how life works. who makes these rules anyway? I wish I knew. I'd have them hang upside down from a 100-foot cliff. When you do not have anyone you are only responsible for your own happiness. "Well if i do that I will be happy but what is she gonna think." Your not only living for you your living for us....I guess. But Ill take it since relationships in any form are about comprimise. Yes, relationships (in whatever form) do involve a bit of compromise. You can't have your cake and eat it, too. Not everytime. That would be just plain selfish. But, the compromise cannot and should not be infinite. There's a point beyond which it's selfish on the other's part to expect just one person to bend till he/she breaks. That's why mutual respect is so essential. Without it, the concept of compromise will be abused and misused.
funkybassplayer Posted August 6, 2007 Posted August 6, 2007 Anybody who stops you from being you is selfish. Now as much as i loved my ex, im a guy that likes to joke around and play around, something my ex you to say was unattractive! so i was always never my true self. Deep inside, it did surpress the true me, and i guess i was not mysefl b/c of this. Now she s gone, all those mad parts of my personallity are commeing back, and im feeling me again (slowely) I think the main thing is to be at peace with yourself, cos when we are ready to hit that road again of a relationship, we wont be doing it to make us feel whole, as we already are.
Author frd150 Posted August 6, 2007 Author Posted August 6, 2007 I wish I knew. I'd have them hang upside down from a 100-foot cliff. Yes, relationships (in whatever form) do involve a bit of compromise. You can't have your cake and eat it, too. Not everytime. That would be just plain selfish. But, the compromise cannot and should not be infinite. There's a point beyond which it's selfish on the other's part to expect just one person to bend till he/she breaks. That's why mutual respect is so essential. Without it, the concept of compromise will be abused and misused. Oh yeah, mutual respect. Cannot forget about that. In her defence she gave as much as she could. She just was a poor communicator. Very typical from what I read on here. But leaving without any concern for what we both wanted together...now thats selfish. Why do they forget about all that we did and how we felt about them. My brain just is not wired that way. That switch was not installed when they made me.
Author frd150 Posted August 6, 2007 Author Posted August 6, 2007 Anybody who stops you from being you is selfish. Now as much as i loved my ex, im a guy that likes to joke around and play around, something my ex you to say was unattractive! so i was always never my true self. Deep inside, it did surpress the true me, and i guess i was not mysefl b/c of this. Now she s gone, all those mad parts of my personallity are commeing back, and im feeling me again (slowely) I think the main thing is to be at peace with yourself, cos when we are ready to hit that road again of a relationship, we wont be doing it to make us feel whole, as we already are. Yeah, Im sort of a cook myself:D. We had some good times her and I. Just laughing about the stupidest stuff. Thats the thing when it comes to that she let me be myself. So now its all about me and yes making myself whole because this whole thing has totally broken me up.
Aliddy Posted August 6, 2007 Posted August 6, 2007 Why are we here, I suppose, because we have all been hurt and need time to recover.... I have kept a diary, which is now a blog..... Read it and see if it relates to you and may help.. http://aliddy-diaryofabreakup.blogspot.com/ Suzanne :-)
Author frd150 Posted August 6, 2007 Author Posted August 6, 2007 Why are we here, I suppose, because we have all been hurt and need time to recover.... I have kept a diary, which is now a blog..... Read it and see if it relates to you and may help.. http://aliddy-diaryofabreakup.blogspot.com/ Suzanne :-) Thanks. will do tonight.
Ssheena Posted August 7, 2007 Posted August 7, 2007 I understand. Even relationships that are bad are still relationships. There is still someone there. Now there isn't. Now we are alone - even with friends, kids, pets, all the things we take up and put down to replace that hole, that missing part. Some one posted on here something about the only thing about time is it takes time. Things will get better.
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