alasia Posted August 5, 2007 Posted August 5, 2007 [FONT=Verdana]Hi, I'll try and keep this as short as possible; I'm 24, my ex is 44 and I'm 36 weeks pregnant with his baby. It's been really up and down between us since we split in january and recently we didn't speak or see each other for a month, after I tried to talk to him about the baby and he brought a harassment charge on me! [/FONT] During that time I felt like I was moving on, finally feeling that I didn't want or need him, and would be ok with not seeing him again. I moved house, and the day after I moved I saw him in town (he's a bus driver). He stopped his bus to speak to me (unusual) and was really friendly and chatty, so we talked for a while. He ended up getting my new address out of me and after I'd mentioned I had some furniture I couldn't get upstairs, he offered to come round that night after work and move it for me. To my surprise he actually showed up, left after an hour and the next day I saw him again. Once again he stopped, and that went on for the next week - I saw him more that week than I ever had when I'd been accused of 'harassing' him, and to be honest it was annoying as I wasn't going out to find him, just walking around town and everytime he saw me, he'd stop his bus and ask me to talk to him! Sometimes I did, sometimes I didn't but long story short he ended up staying over at my place one day 2 weeks ago, and we shared the bed. Bad idea, I know. The next day he was rubbing my tummy, looking for baby movements, holding my hand and just acting like we were when we were together, and I admit it was nice. All that week he asked me every day if he could come over, to stay over, help with shopping, stuff like that and most of the time I refused - then at the end of the week he stayed the night again and this time, we had sex. Just before that I'd mentioned how I felt uncomfortable with him being around so much and didn't ant to develop feelings for him again; he took it badly and went to leave, but I asked him to stay and he did. After that he was very distant; polite and still chatty, but anytime I asked him to come to mine after work or anything like that, he'd either make excuses for why he couldn't come round that night, or say he'd be over then not show up. I assumed it was either because he thought I'd still have feelings for him and his ego took a bruising when I said I didn't, or he was just after sex. He'd asked to rent my spare room for a while and I'd kind of agreed; now when I brign it up he says he doesn't want to, or skirts around the issue - yet 2 weeks ago he seemed really into it. He's also seeming very jealous; for example last night he started saying I was trying to make him jealous "to p*** me off", just because I'd mentioned in passing that I was going out with my (male) friend next week for our birthdays - I was only telling him as I was excited to be going out, but he kept saying I didn't need to tell him who I was seeing and made a huge thing out of it. Then he started going on about the relationship, and how I was always wearing low cut tops (not true) and using my chest to my advantage! No idea why he brought that up out of the blue... I said if he felt that way, he should have spoken to me about it and maybe we could have mde it work; then he said "it's all gone too far now though, hasn't it?". Sorry this is sooo long, I've missed a lot out but it just seems like when he wanted to stay over (for whatever reason) he was fine with it, then as soon as I start to want him (for want of a better word) he goes all cold. Is it a control thing, could he have feelings for me but not want a relationship...or was he just after sex? By the way I want to add, I'm now at the point where I do still have feelings for him, but they're not 'loving' feelings anymore; more like if he wanted to try again I'd talk it through, but unless he was willing to change dramatically then I wouldn't want to bother. I'm not even sure that we would work out anymore, I think it has gone too far (like he says). I'm also perfectly happy to be a single mother and at the moment, I feel like I don't want him to be involved with the baby at all even though he's saying he wants to be; because he'll only leave in a few months' time and I'm not going to put my son through that. I guess I'm just curious as to why he's became so full-on for a week, then I said the stuff about not having feelings for him and feeling weird about him being around so much, then we slept together and he went all cold on me - yet he's still acting llike I'm not allowed to see other people! My plan is to go NC with him again for a couple of weeks, just for a bit of breathing space for myself - we're still talking, but he's really bugged me this week with his behaviour so I need to chill out - and focus on the baby's arrival (which will hopefully be before the 23rd of august, because I want him to be a little Leo! hehe)
Heartache11 Posted August 5, 2007 Posted August 5, 2007 Hi alasia, I remember reading your posts in the past and it seems this guy just keeps coming in and out of your life and using you. You don't need that. You are a much better person than this guy is making you out to be. He's hot then cold, and is playing a game. You are adults and about to have a baby in a month. If he cared about you and the baby, he would stick with you and be there for you, not spotty like he is now. Do what is best for you and your baby. This man will only hurt you more, in a time that should be special for you. Worry about your baby, and try as hard as possible to cut this man out of your life. Be strong. I'm also with a guy who is hot and cold and controls me. We both need to step away. PS- I'm a leo... go leo's!
Tequila Rose Posted August 5, 2007 Posted August 5, 2007 That is quite the age difference between you two. This guy seems a bit immature for his age. The reason he is showing jealousy is most likey because men tend to be territorial, especially since you are pregnant with his child. When he was coming full-on as you said, and asking to rent a room, that to me would indicate that he in fact was trying to work things out. By you rejecting him (in a way) it probably did do damage to his ego. Which is why he is now withdrawing. I went trough a similar situation with my ex. We broke up when I was 5 months pregnant. Had no contact except through his mother (who was there for me the whole time). After the baby was born he started coming around and even sort of moved in. It only lasted a few months. Why? Because all of the problems we had before in our relationship were still there. You are wise to want to fix things before taking any further steps. You seem to know what you want. For now...I would leave things "friendly" and civil. I would not stop contanct but only because of the baby. Once the baby is born, you never know what kind of feelings that will awaken for the both of you. Try to make sure he is there for your son. Unless it is his decision not to have any thing to do with you and the baby, then I wouldnt try to push him away. That is my opinion because I believe it is best for the child to have both parents involved in his or her life. But of course if this guy is making you feel down or being physically or verbally abusive to you then it is best to have no contact. Good luck to you with the baby and your new life!
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