Should I send this? Posting here first

[Heartache11]

I want so bad to send this letter, but LS has taught me that this is probably a bad idea. What does everyone think? (When I ask him if we are done, he says he doesn't know ) This is really putting myself out there. I hope you all understand.

 

"I know you. You probably won’t even open this or read it. But if you do, please stop and really read what I’m writing...

 

For three years I have tried to make you happy. It’s quite obvious I care about you a lot. But in return you continue to hurt me. The fact that you totally blow me off now because of one argument is ridiculous. No person or couple is perfect. I needed you and you came back and hurt me. You aren’t bringing me to ****, which 4 times, 3 years is our thing. That REALLY hurts. I think I get it. You just don’t give two $hits about me. Otherwise, you would talk to me and not want to hurt me.

 

So fine, you win. You’ve hurt me to the point that I cry every day, for hours. You think I’m crazy, but I bet you’ve never been hurt like this. I trusted that you wouldn’t break my heart again. You promised you wouldn’t just disappear again, that we’d really try. But running away and not talking to me is definitely disappearing. Not to mention trying is talking and communicating. If something was bothering you, you needed to approach me in a non-criticizing manner and tell me.

 

Space doesn’t solve any problems, talking does. But you are always tired or busy or whatever to talk to me. I feel those are just excuses because you don’t want to talk with me. For once, put my emotions first and listen to what I have to say. I know what you’re going to think/say. 'Yea, yea, yea it’s always my fault, like I’ve done nothing for you.' I’m not saying you haven’t, because you have done so much for me. But emotionally, you’ve hurt me.

 

You know I love you to the fullest extent and would do anything for you. But do you love me? Can you say it? Can you prove it by acknowledging our relationship online? I know you aren’t a very expressive person emotionally, but every once in a while I need it. That’s all I’ve asked of you over the years.

 

I’m not saying you aren’t an amazing guy, because you are. I can rattle off a million reasons why I care about you. And I’m not trying to criticize you sweetie. I just want you to know how I feel and I think you need to do the same for me. You know we get along well and have great times. And you keep saying we are a cycle, but any couple is. We just need to work together to break the cycle and progress together.

 

Maybe you are getting scared because I go back to school soon. But it seems all of a sudden. We had sex two days before this happened, we were laughing and having a good time the night before this happened, we were making plans for the weekend the day it happened. I don’t think you meant for this to happen.

 

I don’t know what I am getting at besides telling you I love you and asking for you to express your emotions. I was like you in the beginning and you helped me overcome that so much. I can’t force you to and I don’t know how to get this through your head. But I hope you take this to heart and open up for me. We can still repair this, but you have to be in this as much as me. I was angry in the beginning of this, but I do know deep down you care about me"

 

Opinions?

[sao2]

No No No No Don't Send This!!!!!!!!

[funkybassplayer]

Thats a right mixed bad of emotions going on there. If you have to send something to make you feel better do it, but at a time when you can get across what your really trying to say. Inlike a lot, i do belive that if you have to say something to do it, then leave it, but do it so they know where your comming from!

[Lyssa]

The letter kinda spells out : Please don't leave me... Love me as much as I love you... or something along those lines...

 

Sorry but I don't think you should send it. It just kinda boosted his ego even more.. cause you kept saying good things about him. Yes, you mentioned he hurt you badly but at the same time, you tell him you love him to the fullest extend??

 

If you want him to express his emotions to you.. maybe you should concentrate on telling him JUST that... I prefer talking face to face rather than sending a letter.. that's just my opinion.

 

He really isn't a good thing for you right now....

[Heartache11]

That's why I know not to send it. I stopped myself. I ask him to express his emotions to me and talk face to face but he just hangs up the phone on me when I start to talk about it. He's a lost cause :-(

[sao2]

I am actually not 100% against reconciliation letters, but I think there needs to be certain guidelines to a reconciliation:

 

1) The letter should be short. Somehing along the lines of "I am still in love with you and I want to reconcile" and nothing more.

 

2) You both should be ready to let go of past arguments, issues may, and probably will reappear but they should be dealt with as they come rather than at the point of reconciliation.

 

To be honest if I read this email I would probably feel like you had alot of blame in your heart and that wouldn't make me feel like reconciling.

[Chinook]

If this was a letter which came from my ex, I'd delete it. Not because I don't love him or because I don't like him anymore - but simply because it's not clear and it isn't telling me anything I don't already know. I know I hurt him and he hurt me. I know he loves me and I love him. Like Sao says, if you want to reconcile, you say 'I love you, I want to reconcile'. That way he has to give you a direct answer and you work from there. From what you're saying though... to me, it doesn't seem that he DOES want to reconcile, he just doesn't want to let you down and faced with those kind of emotions, I can't blame him. You need to ask him what it is that HE really wants, not what you want, not what he thinks you want and not what he thinks he wants. Usually... deep inside... an individual knows whether they want to try again... so ask him. Get your answer and work from there. If it's a positive cut out all the angst and let go of the past. If it's negative, you have to deal with that and walk away from him and heal.

[Heartache11]

I totally agree that the letter is a mess. He is not your normal guy that would give me a straight up answer. I ask him if he is going to end it or if he wants to be with me and he responds I don't know. I wish it was that clear cut and easy to get an answer from him.

 

 

But you are right that I concentrate too much on wanting to get back with him then what he wants. I asked him to see me in person tonight and he said "maybe" so I'll take all your wisdom with me. But chances are he won't even call or see me, because that's the type of person he is.

[Heartache11]

Going back and reading this I'm so glad I didn't send it haha

[Chinook]

I totally agree that the letter is a mess. He is not your normal guy that would give me a straight up answer. I ask him if he is going to end it or if he wants to be with me and he responds I don't know. I wish it was that clear cut and easy to get an answer from him.

 

 

But you are right that I concentrate too much on wanting to get back with him then what he wants. I asked him to see me in person tonight and he said "maybe" so I'll take all your wisdom with me. But chances are he won't even call or see me, because that's the type of person he is.

 

Okay... let me ask you something...

 

You can see what you're doing - check.

You can see what he's like - check.

You can see it isn't working - check.

You can see he doesn't even care - check.

 

Why are you doing this to yourself...? (I mean that in the nicest, most sensitive way I can say it... not in an arsey horrid way).

 

It looks to me like he wants YOU to end it and you won't because it's letting HIM off the hook. It looks to me like this relationship is all but over all you guys need to do is one of you take the responsibility to do it!

[Heartache11]

Okay... let me ask you something...

 

You can see what you're doing - check.

You can see what he's like - check.

You can see it isn't working - check.

You can see he doesn't even care - check.

 

It looks to me like he wants YOU to end it and you won't because it's letting HIM off the hook. It looks to me like this relationship is all but over all you guys need to do is one of you take the responsibility to do it!

 

 

Sadly, this seems to be true. I guess I hold onto this hope he'll change and realize how great I've been to him, but deep down I know he won't. Therefore, I can't force myself to end it. Also, I would never end it over the phone after how long we have dated and how close we live. He, though, seems to refuse to see me or give me an answer. It's all so confusing. I will not call him tonight, but let him call me. I will let you know what happens. Maybe it's because it's first love and how many times we've gone through this.

 

Thank you for listening.

[Chinook]

Maybe it's because it's first love and how many times we've gone through this.

Yeah, you somehow think that this is just another one of those times. I think at some point someone has to step back and say 'enough already'. I understand why you can't be the one to end it, I really do. But I feel that he may just let you carry on lingering because he can't take the decision even though that's apparently what he wants. That of course will push you and push you, until you won't be able to take it any longer and you will take the decision. He's trying to avoid hurting you and being the bad guy. Unfortunately he has to learn that in life, sometimes it's kinder to do the right thing and the right thing isn't always a nice thing.

[broken08]

I know what your going through, i got dumped a little over a month ago. At the time i spent it saying it was all his fault he's horrible, etc, etc, yet i wanted to be with him, and he was breaking up with me.

 

i wrote many emails, which did get to him but didn't bring us back together.

They usually consisted of me telling him everything he did wrong. Which, made him go into a depression and i kind of see that in your letter as well.

 

However, i just read this thread about 5 minutes after sending him an email. However, this one i've been thinking about sending for a long time now i just kept procrastinating because i don't want to show him i still miss him.

 

However at the same time i realised we broke up because of me. I did some things that i thought didn't bother him but realised either way they were horrible and should never have happened, so instead of saying how bad he was i apologized for my actions and that it was really my fault.

 

I feel that over a month later, when we are on good terms right now trying to be friends, and that after thinking about it for awhile, then the email can be sent if it has a direct need to be sent, such as mine which was to apologize. Which i could do better writing out, and so i didn't have to call or do it in person and show my emotions/ not make him upset and get into an arguement. He can read it by himself and decide wether or not to reply on his own terms.

[Heartache11]

Ok everyone. So we didn't meet in person, but talked over the phone for ten minutes. He said I don't know to basically everything but I tried to get him to tell me what he wanted and accept it.

 

Basically, he said I am too attached and don't see my friends enough. I told him that I didn't know he felt this way and that I would be willing to try and put some space in our relationship. He said we have already tried, to which I replied this issue had never been expessed, so we have never worked on this. I then asked if it was something more and if he didn't want to be with me either way. He said he didn't know, he needed time to think. We agreed to meet tomorrow night or Tuesday night in person.

 

It's not looking good. And yes, I have been lacking in hanging out with my friends. But I always felt the need to be available to him, because in the beginning of the relationship he told me he didn't see me enough. I would be more than willing to work this out, but it seems he is done.

 

I believe he just is never satisfied. He wants me to do everything but not see me all the time but be a phone call away but not pick up my calls. We are on two different levels intellectually also. I am a 4.0 college student, when he barely graduated high school and has no aspirations. And I'm the 20 year old and he's 23. He has an addictive behavior where he gambles, smokes pot, drinks excessively. Maybe it's time to let go.

[Tequila Rose]

I'm really glad you didnt send that letter! If he calls you to make plans for tomrrow or tues, why dont you say "sorry but I already made plans with my friends". No...but seriously...It seems the guy just does not want a girlfriend at the moment. He's too busy smoking pot, drinking and gambling. Most guys dont fully mature until they hit 25. That is when they start thinking "where is my life going?". All my female friends agree with this. He needs his space right now so give it to him. I know you want to call him and keep trying to work things out, but sometimes silence sends the loudest message. So dont tell him you will give him space...show him you are giving him space. That is the only thing you can do right now. Dont call, email or text him. Wait for him to always initiate the contact from now on. He's confused at the moment and by you pushing yourself on him will only make him back away even more.

[Heartache11]

Wait for him to always initiate the contact from now on. He's confused at the moment and by you pushing yourself on him will only make him back away even more.

 

 

This is exactly what I plan on doing. I'm actually doing okay now, but maybe it's because he's still there and it's not a total loss yet. I'm not sure, but I plan on letting him call me and set up a time to meet. The only thing that is hard is that he usually always tells me about his day in detail and he isn't calling to do that. I can do better than him, someone who cares about me. I hope I can keep this attitude up.

[Heartache11]

Help guys! I woke up feeling horrible and that I've done something wrong. Maybe I am annoying and attached. Maybe he's right. I've runied it and I hope I don't call him.