Noos Posted August 5, 2007 Posted August 5, 2007 I've never had a relationship with anyone and i'm 34 going on 35. I feel like there must be something wrong with me. How do i go about getting over the feeling of being a social leper? i feel alienated from the male half of society - like they passed a memo around of criteria for grilfriend material and it is the exact opposite of me. How do I get rid of this feeling? I've tried everyhting to change my situation - i go out, join clubs, do adult education classes, travel etc...all the things you're meant to do to meet new people and i never meet any single guys - i meet guys who are married or who have girlfriends. Is there ever a time to just pack it in?
Lizzie60 Posted August 5, 2007 Posted August 5, 2007 I've never had a relationship with anyone and i'm 34 going on 35. I feel like there must be something wrong with me. How do i go about getting over the feeling of being a social leper? i feel alienated from the male half of society - like they passed a memo around of criteria for grilfriend material and it is the exact opposite of me. How do I get rid of this feeling? I've tried everyhting to change my situation - i go out, join clubs, do adult education classes, travel etc...all the things you're meant to do to meet new people and i never meet any single guys - i meet guys who are married or who have girlfriends. Is there ever a time to just pack it in? It's hard for us to say... Are you overweight? too skinny? Maybe you just need to relax and not think about it so much... and it might happen. Keep doing what you like, don't sweating about it.
playabum17 Posted August 5, 2007 Posted August 5, 2007 It's hard for us to say... Are you overweight? too skinny? Maybe you just need to relax and not think about it so much... and it might happen. Keep doing what you like, don't sweating about it. Yep, that's it! She's overweight or skinny that's why she can't meet a guy. I'm overweight and I've been in plenty of relationships, and I'm in one now. Way to be supportive!
Lizzie60 Posted August 5, 2007 Posted August 5, 2007 Yep, that's it! She's overweight or skinny that's why she can't meet a guy. I'm overweight and I've been in plenty of relationships, and I'm in one now. Way to be supportive! good for you!
Lyssa Posted August 5, 2007 Posted August 5, 2007 Lol - You're a riot, Lizzie! Noos, are you shy? You can join as many clubs, classes etc but if you just sit by yourself and don't go around making friends then I guess that could be the problem. MM/men with gfs - some of them are more social than single men, maybe that is why you end up knowing attached men. I noticed recently, single men (where I am from, anyway) are shy. More than some women I know! So they don't really go up to women and ask for nums etc.
Lyssa Posted August 5, 2007 Posted August 5, 2007 I've never had a relationship with anyone and i'm 34 going on 35. I feel like there must be something wrong with me. Just because you've never had a r/ship at your age, shouldn't make you feel like a loser. I'm sure you've other achievements. Just go out and have as much fun as you can. Get to know more people and I'm sure, when you least expect it - you have a man at your feet... or a few men
Author Noos Posted August 5, 2007 Author Posted August 5, 2007 I'm a little shy but I can rise to the occasion. I just feel like I'm in a game of musical chairs and everyone in my age group sat down in 1998. It's like you'd better meet someone at university or at your first real job because you have no chance after that.
playabum17 Posted August 5, 2007 Posted August 5, 2007 I'm a little shy but I can rise to the occasion. I just feel like I'm in a game of musical chairs and everyone in my age group sat down in 1998. It's like you'd better meet someone at university or at your first real job because you have no chance after that. Have you ever tried a dating site or a dating service in your area? I know some people don't like those methods, but if you aren't having luck meeting someone 'the old fashioned way' it's worth a shot. Do you live in a small town? That can be half the battle right there, I live in small town and it can be difficult to meet someone. I only met my bf because he was in town for training.
Lizzie60 Posted August 5, 2007 Posted August 5, 2007 I'm a little shy but I can rise to the occasion. I just feel like I'm in a game of musical chairs and everyone in my age group sat down in 1998. It's like you'd better meet someone at university or at your first real job because you have no chance after that. That's not true.. you can meet at any age... you just didn't meet the right guy yet. Just relax... you put too much pressure on yourself.
Enema Posted August 5, 2007 Posted August 5, 2007 Probably the weight thing, I notice she didn't answer the question so possibly a sore-spot. Certainly won't make it impossible to get a date... but 3's date 3's so perhaps you need to re-adjust your standards? Tried online dating?
jcster Posted August 5, 2007 Posted August 5, 2007 Certainly won't make it impossible to get a date... but 3's date 3's so perhaps you need to re-adjust your standards? Please don't listen to this. It's the "paint by numbers" theory of dating, and it's not true. Have you considered that, rather than being a loser, you are just very particular about who you become involved with? There are ample opportunities to hookup with people who don't meet our standards, and the desperate (trying not to be "losers") often go for the low hanging fruit. You see their posts here all of the time, they're involved with the serial cheaters, the emotionally abusive, the alcoholic, the non-committal. Count yourself lucky that you aren't that desperate. A lot of people don't have serious relationships until your age. I personally wish I had waited until my 30's before marrying my ex. Take the benefit of your experience, and realize that it might take some more time to hook up with the "one," but when you do, they will truly be someone you are compatible with. The only "losers" are the ones who sell themselves short, simply to avoid being alone.
DateAnalyzer Posted August 5, 2007 Posted August 5, 2007 I've never had a relationship with anyone and i'm 34 going on 35. I feel like there must be something wrong with me. How do i go about getting over the feeling of being a social leper? i feel alienated from the male half of society - like they passed a memo around of criteria for grilfriend material and it is the exact opposite of me. How do I get rid of this feeling? I've tried everyhting to change my situation - i go out, join clubs, do adult education classes, travel etc...all the things you're meant to do to meet new people and i never meet any single guys - i meet guys who are married or who have girlfriends. Is there ever a time to just pack it in? The only thing I can say is keep trying because I'm in the same boat. I'm 32 and never have been with anyone and I do get down at times but I just keep saying tomorrow is a new day. It will also be good to have hobbies to get your mind off of being single.
DateAnalyzer Posted August 5, 2007 Posted August 5, 2007 Overweight Women have Dating Sites geared toward them like Big Beautiful Women Datefinder so there should be no problems in finding someone But overweight men are the ones who find it hard to date because there are no dating site called-"BIG HANDSOME MEN DATEFINDER"
Road Rage Posted August 5, 2007 Posted August 5, 2007 Noos The first thing is you have to realize the problem is within yourself. That sounds negative at first but what it means is you are controlling the outcome. I believe the great majority of people who make it into their thirties without a relationship have some form of self sabotage at work within themselves. You are likely setting yourself up for failure. But it may be very difficult to recognize this process at work within yourself. You are still young too. It`s just that you are comparing yourself to other people. Always a bad thing to do.
garnet Posted August 5, 2007 Posted August 5, 2007 Do you think it's possible there are non-verbal cues you are sending out that you're not aware of? A few years ago a someone brought it to my attention that I came across as very "closed off" and unapproachable with regard to my body language and way that I carried myself. I asked a few friends about it and they confirmed it, even giving me specific examples. Non-verbal communication is key to how we relate with other people. I've had to make a conscious effort to change my own habits, and I think I've been at least somewhat successful. Part of this was also becoming happier with myself and my own life. I have a close friend who frequently comes across as very negative without realizing it. She alienates people this way and has a hard time finding men who are interested in her. I've tried talking with her about it but she doesn't seem willing to try and change. I have no idea if you're like this or not, but I do think the non-verbal cues we send out to other people play a big role in the quality of our relationships.
Author Noos Posted August 5, 2007 Author Posted August 5, 2007 I love the way that some posters just jump to the conclusion that I must be fat. I'm not but I didn't answer that question originally because I think that's an obvious impediment that women learn about by the time they are 9 years old. I am just incredulous that some people are serial daters. I can't find many people that are available, let alone people I would want to date. I have only heard the horror stories about on line dating. Some men use it as an opportunity to hook up with a lot of women who have little chance of meeting each other. Théy don't really want a relationship, just casual sex.
VIP Posted August 6, 2007 Posted August 6, 2007 I have only heard the horror stories about on line dating. Some men use it as an opportunity to hook up with a lot of women who have little chance of meeting each other. Théy don't really want a relationship, just casual sex. You can always tell who is serious about you and who is not. By the amount of work, time, money and sacrifice they are willing to put into a relationship with you. Many people found their life partner in the Internet. If you were desperate enough you would try every possible way to find somebody.
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