impressionable14u Posted August 5, 2007 Posted August 5, 2007 I am new to the community and to the forum but I have read a couple of members threads here in the Other Man/Woman. I am in the same situation now. There have been times where the both of us have wanted to say just forget it and I used to question what he would tell me about his intentions with me, but now I am trying to learn to trust him. I put him through pure hell always questioning him, testing him about how he feels about me and a lot of other things. He still to this day says that if I was with you just for the sex, then I wouldn't be putting up with the **** that you put me through. So to all my fellow W.O.W, hope you and your *other* are doing well. Hope to speak to any one of you very soon. Until that time comes, Take care of you and yours!
Lyssa Posted August 5, 2007 Posted August 5, 2007 Welcome to LS, I14U. I used to do all that, only because he would question me on certain issues. Anyhow, things are better now. Hope things are well with you and yours.
directx Posted August 5, 2007 Posted August 5, 2007 How do you EVER know what someone else really feels? seriously.
Lyssa Posted August 5, 2007 Posted August 5, 2007 How do you EVER know what someone else really feels? seriously. Oh boy.... seriously, would we EVER know? Would there EVER be an answer to that? People just don't really say what's on their mind, do they? How they actually feel for that matter.
directx Posted August 5, 2007 Posted August 5, 2007 Oh boy.... seriously, would we EVER know? Would there EVER be an answer to that? People just don't really say what's on their mind, do they? How they actually feel for that matter. Yeah. It's definitely something always to consider. I actually strive for being really honest and I actually feel, and even that comes off as being insincere, because people get suspicious of THAT!
Love4Eternity Posted August 5, 2007 Posted August 5, 2007 Oh boy.... seriously, would we EVER know? Would there EVER be an answer to that? People just don't really say what's on their mind, do they? How they actually feel for that matter. I do! and that is probably one of my biggest faults ... but my mm isnt as outspoken as i am so i dont think i will ever really know for certain how he feels...
Lyssa Posted August 5, 2007 Posted August 5, 2007 Yeah, it's the same with me. I tend to say what's on my mind but sometimes I stop myself from being too direct because what I have in mind to say might hurt their feelings (I'm talking about people I deeply care about). *Isn't this off the topic of thread* *smile*
Lyssa Posted August 5, 2007 Posted August 5, 2007 I do! and that is probably one of my biggest faults ... but my mm isnt as outspoken as i am so i dont think i will ever really know for certain how he feels... When it comes to my MM - I know exactly how he feels because he is very outspoken. He says things as it is. He doesn't hide anything. If I am being difficult, he would say so. Do I feel hurt? No, I actually like the fact that he is outspoken. At least it helps me to be outspoken with him too. Being with him is refreshing because where I am from, men tend to ignore whatever problem that is happening around us. Well, at least the previous men in my life! Not saying all men from my country are like that!
Lizzie60 Posted August 5, 2007 Posted August 5, 2007 WOW... a new W.O.W. LOL you are showing a lot of insecurity by questioning him all the time... jealousy is IMO a huge turn-off... I don't know how long you've been with him... but my bet is that he will eventually get tired of it. If you're 'bugging' him more that his wife would...then it doesn't look good for long term... If, on the other hand, you are confident and independant, you'll have him around forever... trust me on that one...
Lyssa Posted August 5, 2007 Posted August 5, 2007 WOW... a new W.O.W. LOL you are showing a lot of insecurity by questioning him all the time... jealousy is IMO a huge turn-off... I don't know how long you've been with him... but my bet is that he will eventually get tired of it. If you're 'bugging' him more that his wife would...then it doesn't look good for long term... If, on the other hand, you are confident and independant, you'll have him around forever... trust me on that one... Yup - i agree! Things are definitely better now that I just don't give two hoots about anything anymore. I still care for him a great deal but I don't bug him as much as he used to... or I used to..
Lizzie60 Posted August 5, 2007 Posted August 5, 2007 Yup - i agree! Things are definitely better now that I just don't give two hoots about anything anymore. I still care for him a great deal but I don't bug him as much as he used to... or I used to.. then it's the opposite that happens... I know with my current MM (from work) he is the one who's texting me all the time, asking me what I'm doing (especially in the evening), what are my plans for the day, blablabla.. sometimes I don't even bother answering. He's the one who said that he loved me... and I stopped him... no L word... he's not allowed to even talk about it anymore.
Hurt & Alone Posted August 5, 2007 Posted August 5, 2007 You will never truly know what he is thinking until the day his w finds out. He will tell you that he wouldnt put up with this s*** if he didnt.....well this sounds all to familiar to me. My xmm would drive round trip 100 miles to see me, usually on Fridays but other days too, sometimes 3x's a week. He used to state the same thing ( I wouldnt do this if I didnt want to be with you). Now that everything is said and done I am left without our friendship, constant memories that are haunting and an xmm that states he has shut everything off and we need to move on with our lives. It sounds like my situation, but now I look back and wish instead of asking him if he loved me or why he was doing this, I should have asked him if his W were to find out would he treat me like garbage and pretend nothing ever happened? Be honest with yourself. Can you handel the truth (if it is not as he states) if it is ever exposed?
Lizzie60 Posted August 5, 2007 Posted August 5, 2007 You will never truly know what he is thinking until the day his w finds out. He will tell you that he wouldnt put up with this s*** if he didnt.....well this sounds all to familiar to me. My xmm would drive round trip 100 miles to see me, usually on Fridays but other days too, sometimes 3x's a week. He used to state the same thing ( I wouldnt do this if I didnt want to be with you). Now that everything is said and done I am left without our friendship, constant memories that are haunting and an xmm that states he has shut everything off and we need to move on with our lives. It sounds like my situation, but now I look back and wish instead of asking him if he loved me or why he was doing this, I should have asked him if his W were to find out would he treat me like garbage and pretend nothing ever happened? Be honest with yourself. Can you handel the truth (if it is not as he states) if it is ever exposed? It's the only way to really find out the truth about his sincerity and his 'words and promises'... LOL I know my current MM says that if she would find out he would move in with me... but I said he can't do that... I don't want him... LOL so he's stuck... he can't leave so he has to make sure she never finds out. We are extremely careful.
Hurt & Alone Posted August 5, 2007 Posted August 5, 2007 I just wanted to say that I admire your posts here. I wish I could learn to be more like you and not attach any feelings to the people I get involved with. It would make life so much easier to deal with.
Lizzie60 Posted August 5, 2007 Posted August 5, 2007 I just wanted to say that I admire your posts here. I wish I could learn to be more like you and not attach any feelings to the people I get involved with. It would make life so much easier to deal with. that doesn't happen overnight... I wasn't like that when I was younger... I was very much insecure and jealous, especially with the first ex... it was hell for both of us. but with the years, I noticed that when the person is independant and confident, it changes the whole dynamic of the relationship. I am very happy with the way I am now... it took me 45 years to become that woman... and no MAN on this planet will ever make me change to the old 'me' again... In fact, it's a long story but in a nutshell... everything changed when I quit smoking... it's just as 'dumb' as that... LOL
Hurt & Alone Posted August 5, 2007 Posted August 5, 2007 I have been wanting to quit smoking. That remark gives me more insentive now. Thanks
Lizzie60 Posted August 5, 2007 Posted August 5, 2007 my whole life changed from that moment on... and for the better... I don't know how old you are...and how long you've been smoking but I am now 55, I quit 14 years ago this month... and it took 2 years for my life to totally changed. If I could do it... you can do it too.
Hurt & Alone Posted August 5, 2007 Posted August 5, 2007 I just turned 30 but feel like I am 60 but look like I am still in early twenties (so I am told). Been smoking for 15 years. Did you quit cold turkey or did you use something to help you quit?
NoIDidn't Posted August 5, 2007 Posted August 5, 2007 <start T/J> That remark gives me more insentive now. I am not picking on you at all. I just couldn't let this word stand the way it is spelled. insentive should be incentive It just looks like insensitive the way it was spelled. I know what you meant, but like I said, I had to put the correct spelling out there so I wouldn't feel like my usual dyslexic self when I read it. <end T/J>
Hurt & Alone Posted August 5, 2007 Posted August 5, 2007 Sorry for the misspelling. I will try to be more sensitive about that.
GreenEyedLady Posted August 5, 2007 Posted August 5, 2007 you are showing a lot of insecurity by questioning him all the time... jealousy is IMO a huge turn-off... I don't know how long you've been with him... but my bet is that he will eventually get tired of it. If you're 'bugging' him more that his wife would...then it doesn't look good for long term... I respectfully disagree... I don't question or bug now because we've made a plan and it's in place and he's my partner and it shows by his actions... But we used to talk alot about him leaving...It never turned him off-we've been together over 2 and half years now... I think that you're right, Lizzie, if the MM is wanting only sex...but not every R is about sex...it's a part of it, but the emotional component is there as well... I have expectations from my lover, just as in any other R...and part of that expectation is communication...And I'm not going to keep quiet because I am afraid of driving someone away...What kind of a R is that? Not any kind of R I would want to be in...
outofdarkness Posted August 5, 2007 Posted August 5, 2007 I am new to the community and to the forum but I have read a couple of members threads here in the Other Man/Woman. I am in the same situation now. There have been times where the both of us have wanted to say just forget it and I used to question what he would tell me about his intentions with me, but now I am trying to learn to trust him. I put him through pure hell always questioning him, testing him about how he feels about me and a lot of other things. He still to this day says that if I was with you just for the sex, then I wouldn't be putting up with the **** that you put me through. So to all my fellow W.O.W, hope you and your *other* are doing well. Hope to speak to any one of you very soon. Until that time comes, Take care of you and yours! what's a W.O.W.?
PoshPrincess Posted August 6, 2007 Posted August 6, 2007 Welcome to LS, I14U! You will never truly know what he is thinking until the day his w finds out. He will tell you that he wouldnt put up with this s*** if he didnt.....well this sounds all to familiar to me. My xmm would drive round trip 100 miles to see me, usually on Fridays but other days too, sometimes 3x's a week. He used to state the same thing ( I wouldnt do this if I didnt want to be with you). Now that everything is said and done I am left without our friendship, constant memories that are haunting and an xmm that states he has shut everything off and we need to move on with our lives. My sitch was exactly the same, Hurt, so I'm with you on this one. It sounds like my situation, but now I look back and wish instead of asking him if he loved me or why he was doing this, I should have asked him if his W were to find out would he treat me like garbage and pretend nothing ever happened? See, at least you're learning then! Reading some of these posts, such as Lyssa's, I look back and wish I had kept my big mouth shout - then I would still be with him, or maybe he would've left in time....... I should have listened to his "I want to leave her and be with you" but never put any pressure on. I should have let him do all the chasing. Too late now!
Lyssa Posted August 6, 2007 Posted August 6, 2007 See, at least you're learning then! Reading some of these posts, such as Lyssa's, I look back and wish I had kept my big mouth shout - then I would still be with him, or maybe he would've left in time....... I should have listened to his "I want to leave her and be with you" but never put any pressure on. I should have let him do all the chasing. Too late now! Too late, maybe but hey, you'll bound to meet someone else that would be yours for good and not a MM! I'm saying if you haven't met anyone, that is.. Wait - are you in for a long term r/ship?
Hurt & Alone Posted August 9, 2007 Posted August 9, 2007 See, at least you're learning then! Reading some of these posts, such as Lyssa's, I look back and wish I had kept my big mouth shout - then I would still be with him, or maybe he would've left in time....... I should have listened to his "I want to leave her and be with you" but never put any pressure on. I should have let him do all the chasing. Too late now! I guess its all about learning the game of life. You only learn by your mistakes. No matter how many people tell you that something will come back to haunt you, you still need to experiace it for yourself and hopefully learn from it. I guess this is why we also took History classes in school, but yet still find ourselves in wars.
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