brokenhearted4243 Posted August 5, 2007 Posted August 5, 2007 I have been dating this girl for the last 2 years. I'm 29 and she is 27. We have been friends for at least 8 years before that. We have had an amazing relationship except for 2 times. Back in december we broke up. we were bickering at each other and she got sick of it. after a couple of weeks we started to hang out again. after that the relationship got out of this world amazing. Then in the last couple of months we started bickering again. It was pretty much my fault. I had a lot of stress in my life. none of witch was her. we we started bickering i got real self concious. i was worried that we were going to break up. well 2 saturdays ago we brole up. She said that she felt jaded about the way things had been for the last couple of months and that it wasn't fair for us to continue on with her feeling like that. She also said the she could spend hours telling me all of the things that she loved about me, that a few months ago she was so happy that she couldn't see herself being any happier, that we are the perfect couple and was not only her boyfriend but like her bestfriend. a week went by with us talking every once and a while. then we hung out last sunday. we went to the drive in and then went back to my house and watch another movie. then another week went by and and we hung out yesterday. we went to a concert and then went back to her house and watched a movie. she also said that she feels like she doesn't ever get to hang out with her friends because she's either hanging out with me or working. she said that she wanted to take it slow and that she was unsure about what was going to happen. I don;t know what to do. Am I screwed? she's hasn't been calling or texting very much at all. I;m afraid that i will mess up andy chance that i have of getting back together with her.
Chinook Posted August 5, 2007 Posted August 5, 2007 I think you guys have a real chance here. I think what's happening is she (and you) don't really understand the cycles of how a relationship works. The 'bickering' you describe is a period in a relationship called 'post-rapture' where you guys are testing each other, fighting and seeing who gives and who doesn't. This period in a relationship is very hard and very tricky. It's the point where most relationships end. But if you're committed to each other and you want to be together, you can get through it. I don't usually do this but I'm going to stick my neck out anyhow... I want you to find this book (below) and read it, then give it to her to read too. It's written by a relationship counsellor and when I read the book, I was amazed because it described every single relationship I have ever been in. Sometimes timescales are a little different. The book (as with any book) will not solve your relationship problems only you guys can do that, but it will help you to understand what's happening. Love, Patricia (2001) The truth about love. Simon & Schuster, New York. ISBN: 0-684-87188-2
Author brokenhearted4243 Posted August 5, 2007 Author Posted August 5, 2007 thank you for your insite. One of the things that I'm worried about is the bickering went on for a couple of months. and as much as i hate to say it, it was mostly my fault. It seems like she was at the end of her rope with it. I have told her that i relize what i was doing wrong and i want to change it. Not only for her but for myself also. I'm so nervious about this that I'm afraid that i'm going to mess it up some how. she said she wants to take it slow, but I'm not really sure what that means. I don't want to pressure her but it's hard not to call and want to hang out when you are use to talking every day and seeing each other a lot. I don't know how I should act or what i should do to give it the best shot at working out.
LakesideDream Posted August 6, 2007 Posted August 6, 2007 Broken, I'm an old dude, and have spent time "being there and doing that". I have a piece of advice for you. Quit sweating the small things. If your need to be right is more important than your need to be with this woman keep doing what you are, and be ready for the "I need space" speach that being written as I write. You can either lead with your ego or your happiness. Choice is yours.
rtharp11 Posted August 7, 2007 Posted August 7, 2007 Broken, I'm an old dude, and have spent time "being there and doing that". I have a piece of advice for you. Quit sweating the small things. If your need to be right is more important than your need to be with this woman keep doing what you are, and be ready for the "I need space" speach that being written as I write. You can either lead with your ego or your happiness. Choice is yours. wow. that is a phenominal post. i should print that out and put it on my mirror to read every morning. great insight.
dbtmarley Posted August 7, 2007 Posted August 7, 2007 Broken, I'm an old dude, and have spent time "being there and doing that". I have a piece of advice for you. Quit sweating the small things. If your need to be right is more important than your need to be with this woman keep doing what you are, and be ready for the "I need space" speach that being written as I write. You can either lead with your ego or your happiness. Choice is yours. I think I needed to hear this... Thanks!
jimmy1981 Posted August 9, 2007 Posted August 9, 2007 Broken, your situation sounds much like my own. If your curious look at my post. We're in the early one day stage of NC and it's really tough. From the outstanding advice from other posts it's time to be yourself. Go hang out with your friends visit family you haven't seen for awhile. She needs that space and if you think she's worth it you should give it to her. I'm trying to practice what i'm preaching right now. It's hard but you'll get through and hopefully be a better person because of it.
Cobra_X30 Posted August 9, 2007 Posted August 9, 2007 Ha! Nice Lakeside, I dont think I have anything positive to contribute to this discussion. My attitude has always been, you want space? Have all the space you want, just dont expect me to sit around and wait for you.
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