yousingtwo Posted August 4, 2007 Posted August 4, 2007 I think this girl still loves me but is too angry with me and ignores me I tried NC for 6 months but still was ignoring me. Do you think NC like 2 years might make her see that she was an idiot and that she messed it all up. I did NC on girls I hated and they went mad, but I don't know if it would work on someone who's so stuck up
Chinook Posted August 4, 2007 Posted August 4, 2007 NC isn't a strategy for getting someone to go after you. It's a strategy for moving on with your life WITHOUT them. Period.
Curious139 Posted August 5, 2007 Posted August 5, 2007 Thanks Chinook, that link is very good. No Foolin sets out good advice, hard as it is to take in. I know acceptance of the reality of the breakup is essential but getting to that point.......well, it is crushing.
Chinook Posted August 5, 2007 Posted August 5, 2007 Thanks Chinook, that link is very good. No Foolin sets out good advice, hard as it is to take in. I know acceptance of the reality of the breakup is essential but getting to that point.......well, it is crushing.I know. That really is the hardest part I think. Once you're at that stage, I think it gets a little easier maybe. I wrote this around 6 weeks ago now, before that reality set in and it kinda points out why NC is essential. So, I skipped work today. I had scheduled one student tutorial and she was a bright enthusiastic first year degree student. I kinda figured with my hangover and all, that I wasn't going to be in any charitable mood to be listening to the whining of assignment-panic from a student who should know better. So, I got out of my pit at 7am and emailed her and cancelled. It wouldn't have done her any good and I'd have felt really bad afterwards and seeing as I'm feeling pretty bad already, I'm not really seeing the need to pile more angst on. So, I then took the rest of the day at home (pretty much working on next week's presentations for class, so I have done something at least!) So today was supposed to be about wallowing and getting through the first 24 hours or so. According to just about every single web page you read out there, the idea after a break-up is to NOT to contact your ex. Apparently, it makes it more painful because you never get over the pain see. I can see that. Have to say, just thinking of someone who was such a HUGE part of my life as ex-anything is really painful right now. So to go one stretch further and not contact that person is pretty difficult. How do you go from one moment, having that person in your life and being a part of the very fabric of your heart and soul so that you live and breathe with them.... to nothing...? How utterly unrealistic, sadistic and sad is that...? So that's where the torture starts. The unbearable pain. What is he doing...? How is he...? Is he thinking about me...? Why hasn't he contacted to ask how I am...? How can he just stop everything so abruptly...? etc etc etc. The list is endless of the self-torture you can put yourself through. It's mentally draining too. But does it stop...? No....on and on it goes. It's a constant litany of questions and your own internal monster is trying to lay the blame on you and trying to torture you for what you did wrong and what could be different. You try to take some comfort from the fact that neither of you said that you didn't love each other anymore. You try to console yourself that he's feeling as bad - but you never quite know for sure. It's hell. You ask your friends 'when does it stop hurting so badly?' They can't tell you. Everyone has been through it, but no one knows what to say because it takes as long as it takes. You hear cliché after cliché... most of which you have heard coming from your own mouth when you have consoled friends in similar circumstances. You know how this plays out. It hurts. That's all there is to it. So on and on the 'no contact' torture goes.... that is, until he does send an email. For a blessed moment, there is relief... he is thinking about you; he does miss you too; it's true, he feels like crap too....and so on. Then the pain hits worse than it was to start with earlier in the day because it hits home that although he's said 'I'm still here; I won't take my friendship away' ... he's actually not still really there and even though you said the same thing to him too... you know that 'friends' is going to be a stupidly monumentally unrealistic thing for you both. It's so very damn painful. The pain of him being out there for you; but not being able to reach out and ask for a hug; not being able to say 'please lets not do this to each other, can't we find a way around it'; the pain of knowing that despite all the pain you feel - what he's saying on the page there, still says goodbye and take care and finally, the pain of knowing that despite how you feel, it was always going to end this way... so no matter how many times you put each other through this, it will end in pain and torture. So, it's just best to get it over with now. But... right now... It's so damn painful you vomit the crap up from your tummy because you haven't eaten properly. It's so painful that the tears burn your throat and sting your eyes. It's so painful that you can't breathe. Yet - he's sent a mail. It would be churlish not to respond when he's tried to close things without being bitter and hurtful, even though you know that responding risks continuing the cycle of torture and pain. You know that the cycle of pain will continue if you write a response and he replies to it ad infinitum. Yet... it doesn't stop you. You write back and tell him it's brief because it's too painful right now to write in detail and you thank him for writing... you don't give any encouragement for him to write back. You click 'send' and break down in tears... sobbing your heart out because of how far apart you have now become. As if that isn't bad enough, you then sit watching the inbox all afternoon, waiting for a reply that you don't really want to come; but at the same time you wish it would come and you wish it would take all the pain and hurt away. Finally, when you realise that you have wasted 7 hours staring at the inbox for a mail which isn't coming and you've only been pretending to talk to friends, or giving the semblance of coping.... you decide you should close the mail client down. You finally reach the point again of saying to yourself 'now... we're back to no contact, because that heals'. Right..?!
Tequila Rose Posted August 5, 2007 Posted August 5, 2007 Sure...you can give her 2 years of NC to see if she misses you, if you want. If that thought makes you feel better... BUT....if she does call after 2 years and wants to make plans to see you...guess what? You will probably declined in favor of taking your girlfriend out or hang out with your buddies. If she does call after 2 years it will most likely be because she just broke up with someone or is feeling lonely. Not because she "misses" you.
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