Devasting letter from...

[outofdarkness]

my H's 10 year OW..or as someone once put it, shadow Wife...In response to a NC letter that he copied her on to a stalker OW that the 10 year OW has had on/off contact w/since D day 3 years ago...Basically, saying she has moved far away from our local, is engaged to be married, and want nothing to do w/us...This would be welcome news, but I felt resentful and angry b/c I was not afforded the same luxery of being able to just up and move and start anew...Mabey I would have chosen to stay w/ my H, but mabey I would have chosen NOT to have a hysterectomy and start anew w/ somone who truly wanted to be w/ me..I will NEVER know, will I?

 

The letter also stated that she hoped our son did not follow in his Father's footsteps and end up as F'd up as he is..This type of thing hurts and makes me angry b/c it's as if she is unwilling to take responsibilty for the years that she and My H took away from myself and our children...The BEST years of my life...late 20's and all of 30's...were taken away from me...I would like nothing better then to be able to move away from here and start anew...by the time I found out about the A, it was too late to move, as our son was sick and the kids were too old to uproot...I am angry and hurt.

 

 

 

 

 

s

an

[Lizzie60]

my H's 10 year OW..or as someone once put it, shadow Wife...In response to a NC letter that he copied her on to a stalker OW that the 10 year OW has had on/off contact w/since D day 3 years ago...Basically, saying she has moved far away from our local, is engaged to be married, and want nothing to do w/us...This would be welcome news, but I felt resentful and angry b/c I was not afforded the same luxery of being able to just up and move and start anew...Mabey I would have chosen to stay w/ my H, but mabey I would have chosen NOT to have a hysterectomy and start anew w/ somone who truly wanted to be w/ me..I will NEVER know, will I?

 

The letter also stated that she hoped our son did not follow in his Father's footsteps and end up as F'd up as he is..This type of thing hurts and makes me angry b/c it's as if she is unwilling to take responsibilty for the years that she and My H took away from myself and our children...The BEST years of my life...late 20's and all of 30's...were taken away from me...I would like nothing better then to be able to move away from here and start anew...by the time I found out about the A, it was too late to move, as our son was sick and the kids were too old to uproot...I am angry and hurt.

 

 

 

 

 

s

an

 

In response to a NC letter that he copied her on to a stalker OW that the 10 year OW has had on/off contact w/since D day 3 years ago...

 

Huh????

 

I see nothing devastating about this letter... she said she has moved on... is getting married... You had the same luxury but you just chose not to take it... no one is forced to live in conditions they don't want to be in... I just don't believe that... it could be hard but it is feasible... always.

 

Just move on... it's over and done with... if you keep living in the past and in the shadow of this woman...you'll never find happiness.

[East of Jupiter]

I want you to wipe all thoughts about yourself and to focuse on the following simple sentence. Take your time. Let it sink in. Then go back to grieving your loss. You are entitled.

 

"You are not her."

 

Also, once you have grieved a while please remind yourself that this OW would love nothing more than to know than she still live in your brain.

 

Here is what I think when I get bogged down: "I get to say who rents space in my head." Then evict baby!

 

Revenge is living well.

[outofdarkness]

In response to a NC letter that he copied her on to a stalker OW that the 10 year OW has had on/off contact w/since D day 3 years ago...

 

Huh????

 

I see nothing devastating about this letter... she said she has moved on... is getting married... You had the same luxury but you just chose not to take it... no one is forced to live in conditions they don't want to be in... I just don't believe that... it could be hard but it is feasible... always.

 

Just move on... it's over and done with... if you keep living in the past and in the shadow of this woman...you'll never find happiness.

When I said that I was not afforded the same luxury that she was, I meant that the A lasted 10 years, and noone told me...If someone had, I would have at least been able to make an informed decision...In other words, had I known about the cheating, I would have KNOWN, so I could have decided whether or not to stay and work on the M, or move on to find someone else to start anew with...I did not KNOW Of the A's, so I lived my life in complete darkness, thinking that my H was faithful to me and was upholding our marriage vows...I had NO reason NOT to trust him, and the thought that he might be cheating never even entered my mind..

 

It's wonderful when the OW knows the entire time the A is going on, what she might want to do w/ her life and can make informed decisions based on that knowlege...The BS is NOT afforded that same thing, so we are unable to make our life's decisons based on the truth..We are living a lie, and are totally unaware of it...I hope this clears this up..

 

Re: The NC email....let me explain..After three years, my H's aol buddy list popped up on my pc..I don't know why, but something that I clicked on or did brought it out of cyberspace..I was totally unfamiliar w/ aim, so in playing around w/ it out of shear curiosity; what BS wouldn't be, I accidentily sent invites to all of these contacts..Apparently, the main 10 year OW does not check her aol mail/im's very often, and just recieved it some time ago..She has been in contact w/ another OW since finding out of her existence on D day..As I have said before, each OW was told that THEY were the ONLY OW...None knew that the other's existed...These two OW's kept in contact at various times over the past three years...I did not know this..On D day, when the two of them initially had contact, the main OW of 10 years, did contact me to warn me about her and her stalking capabilities, and her unwillingness to let go, as well as her unnatural curiosity about our family..The main OW of 10 years responded to my "invite"...the one I had sent by accident, and told me that she had respected the NC and had not had any contact w/ my H for three years, had moved away and was now engaged and wished to be left alone..I wrote back and wished her well and told her that I was sorry for the way that she was treated, that I too, was treated this way...She again sent me a warning about the "stalker" OW...I appreciated this..It DID prompt my H to send another NC email to both OW's, and the 10 year OW got angry and said things like, we are both f'd up, our son would follow in his Dad's footsteps, she was tired of being blamed for HIS mistakes, etc...Hope you're following me..

 

I asked to see his work comp...I NEVER monitor it, as it is a WORK computer, and he is very protective of it, and if I ask, he gets very irritated and angry...What I found was very disturbing to me..He had saved im's that had been forwarded to him by both OW's...Communication between the two OW's...Some referred to me as stupid, some referred to the stalker having bought a condo here in our town, some just stated how my H would always hold a special place in her heart, some referred to me as insane and crazy...One even said that I was too stupid to omit their numbers from my old phone, which was given to our son when I got a new number...I never HAD their numbers stored in my phone, and if I had, I would have ommited them before giving the phone to our son...One joked that she guessed I had them listed as bi---#1 and bi---#2....How stupid can she get, one said...

 

So, I was very disturbed and hurt..NOONE likes to be talked about behind their back in an unflattering and degrading way..I have done nothing to bring about this sort of banter about me...I was an innocent bystander in my H's A's, as were our children....THIS is precisely the reason why I want so badly to understand the way OW's feel and why things like this transpire...Why does the BS catch so much disdain and hate? It IS a 50/50 split as far as whom is to blame for the A...I blame my H for the adultery, and I blame the OW's who knew that he was M; some did not, for keeping the A going knowing that he WAS M and had a family...Most of all, I can't stand the thought of intimate and personal things being discussed w/ people that I have never even met...I have always said on LS, that I consider this to be even more of a betrayal then the physical part...

 

I am trying to move on...It just seem that everytime I take a step forward, there is one step backward to offset the progress...I know that I need to spend some time "owning" up to my part in the demise of the M, but that is hard for me to do b/c the A's started so soon into our M...Everything seemed so good...I always think to myself that I remember when the abusive behavior on my H's part began, and the timeline fits almost to the day that the A with the main 10 year OW began..So, it's REALLY difficult NOT to blame the demise of the M on anything BUT the cheating..

[outofdarkness]

I want you to wipe all thoughts about yourself and to focuse on the following simple sentence. Take your time. Let it sink in. Then go back to grieving your loss. You are entitled.

 

"You are not her."

 

Also, once you have grieved a while please remind yourself that this OW would love nothing more than to know than she still live in your brain.

 

Here is what I think when I get bogged down: "I get to say who rents space in my head." Then evict baby!

 

Revenge is living well.

Thanks for the support! It really helped me...

[GreenEyedLady]

Vent all you need to...

 

I really hope that you find healing and peace...You so deserve it...

[East of Jupiter]

When I said that I was not afforded the same luxury that she was, I meant that the A lasted 10 years, and noone told me...If someone had, I would have at least been able to make an informed decision...In other words, had I known about the cheating, I would have KNOWN, so I could have decided whether or not to stay and work on the M, or move on to find someone else to start anew with...I did not KNOW Of the A's, so I lived my life in complete darkness, thinking that my H was faithful to me and was upholding our marriage vows...I had NO reason NOT to trust him, and the thought that he might be cheating never even entered my mind..

 

It's wonderful when the OW knows the entire time the A is going on, what she might want to do w/ her life and can make informed decisions based on that knowlege...The BS is NOT afforded that same thing, so we are unable to make our life's decisons based on the truth..We are living a lie, and are totally unaware of it...I hope this clears this up..

 

Re: The NC email....let me explain..After three years, my H's aol buddy list popped up on my pc..I don't know why, but something that I clicked on or did brought it out of cyberspace..I was totally unfamiliar w/ aim, so in playing around w/ it out of shear curiosity; what BS wouldn't be, I accidentily sent invites to all of these contacts..Apparently, the main 10 year OW does not check her aol mail/im's very often, and just recieved it some time ago..She has been in contact w/ another OW since finding out of her existence on D day..As I have said before, each OW was told that THEY were the ONLY OW...None knew that the other's existed...These two OW's kept in contact at various times over the past three years...I did not know this..On D day, when the two of them initially had contact, the main OW of 10 years, did contact me to warn me about her and her stalking capabilities, and her unwillingness to let go, as well as her unnatural curiosity about our family..The main OW of 10 years responded to my "invite"...the one I had sent by accident, and told me that she had respected the NC and had not had any contact w/ my H for three years, had moved away and was now engaged and wished to be left alone..I wrote back and wished her well and told her that I was sorry for the way that she was treated, that I too, was treated this way...She again sent me a warning about the "stalker" OW...I appreciated this..It DID prompt my H to send another NC email to both OW's, and the 10 year OW got angry and said things like, we are both f'd up, our son would follow in his Dad's footsteps, she was tired of being blamed for HIS mistakes, etc...Hope you're following me..

 

I asked to see his work comp...I NEVER monitor it, as it is a WORK computer, and he is very protective of it, and if I ask, he gets very irritated and angry...What I found was very disturbing to me..He had saved im's that had been forwarded to him by both OW's...Communication between the two OW's...Some referred to me as stupid, some referred to the stalker having bought a condo here in our town, some just stated how my H would always hold a special place in her heart, some referred to me as insane and crazy...One even said that I was too stupid to omit their numbers from my old phone, which was given to our son when I got a new number...I never HAD their numbers stored in my phone, and if I had, I would have ommited them before giving the phone to our son...One joked that she guessed I had them listed as bi---#1 and bi---#2....How stupid can she get, one said...

 

So, I was very disturbed and hurt..NOONE likes to be talked about behind their back in an unflattering and degrading way..I have done nothing to bring about this sort of banter about me...I was an innocent bystander in my H's A's, as were our children....THIS is precisely the reason why I want so badly to understand the way OW's feel and why things like this transpire...Why does the BS catch so much disdain and hate? It IS a 50/50 split as far as whom is to blame for the A...I blame my H for the adultery, and I blame the OW's who knew that he was M; some did not, for keeping the A going knowing that he WAS M and had a family...Most of all, I can't stand the thought of intimate and personal things being discussed w/ people that I have never even met...I have always said on LS, that I consider this to be even more of a betrayal then the physical part...

 

I am trying to move on...It just seem that everytime I take a step forward, there is one step backward to offset the progress...I know that I need to spend some time "owning" up to my part in the demise of the M, but that is hard for me to do b/c the A's started so soon into our M...Everything seemed so good...I always think to myself that I remember when the abusive behavior on my H's part began, and the timeline fits almost to the day that the A with the main 10 year OW began..So, it's REALLY difficult NOT to blame the demise of the M on anything BUT the cheating..

 

ODD you can think this over until all your body hair is gray and you will still not find what I call a human answer. Honestly, it all boils down to a simple human trait: selfishness. I swear to you that at some time or another, once the cheating has moved into something else, whether that be separation or union (by any party with anyone) every single person I have related with has said the same thing: selfish.

 

That is not a satisfying answer. It become a matter not of understanding, but acceptance. There is nothing more.

 

Having said that, each injury has its own life span. Regardless if the actions were a minute ago or ten years ago, the injury happens when you learn of it. So give yourself time to process this. You are already smart enough to vent, seek understanding and recognize good advice and support.

 

You know I talk about one of my one sister often. She taught me a lot over the years. The hardest flipping lesson in life has been how to love someone who hurts you. Crazy stuff. Given enough time the heart can heal from anything and the spirit, if you let it, is stronger than the selfishness shown you by others.

 

And in that respect, a betrayed person does have the upper hand. They may have gotten away with fooling someone and hurting them but the betrayed get to live life without the poison that type of burden brings.

 

I know you can see that in the angst ridden stories of cheaters. Especially if they are decent people, which most of them are, they have to carry the knowledge of having injured others for no other reason than what? Selfishness.

[Lyssa]

I asked to see his work comp...I NEVER monitor it, as it is a WORK computer, and he is very protective of it, and if I ask, he gets very irritated and angry...What I found was very disturbing to me..He had saved im's that had been forwarded to him by both OW's...Communication between the two OW's...Some referred to me as stupid, some referred to the stalker having bought a condo here in our town, some just stated how my H would always hold a special place in her heart, some referred to me as insane and crazy...One even said that I was too stupid to omit their numbers from my old phone, which was given to our son when I got a new number...I never HAD their numbers stored in my phone, and if I had, I would have ommited them before giving the phone to our son...One joked that she guessed I had them listed as bi---#1 and bi---#2....How stupid can she get, one said...

 

So, I was very disturbed and hurt..NOONE likes to be talked about behind their back in an unflattering and degrading way..I have done nothing to bring about this sort of banter about me...I was an innocent bystander in my H's A's, as were our children....THIS is precisely the reason why I want so badly to understand the way OW's feel and why things like this transpire...Why does the BS catch so much disdain and hate? It IS a 50/50 split as far as whom is to blame for the A...I blame my H for the adultery, and I blame the OW's who knew that he was M; some did not, for keeping the A going knowing that he WAS M and had a family...Most of all, I can't stand the thought of intimate and personal things being discussed w/ people that I have never even met...I have always said on LS, that I consider this to be even more of a betrayal then the physical part...

 

OOD, I'm so sorry for what you are going through now. I have been hurt in the way you did but not by my husband but an ex-bf who cheated on me with another girl. I know for a fact she said a lot of hurtful things behind my back and called me names. I didn't know about her until about 3 months or so of their r/ship. For whatever reason, I didn't think it's her place to say anything about me - she's the one that deserved to be called names etc but I didn't say not call her anything.

 

What I am trying to say is that, even with my being involved with a MM, I do not say anything at all about his W. Neither do I call her names. Even if she deserved it (with this I mean, IF she was a bad person). Not even to my friends who know of my involvement. This may be out of context but I just want you to know that these OW have absolutely no right in saying those things to you. They were the ones that got involved with your husband. It really p***es me off to know what they did. They give OW a very bad name. Especially those who stays clearly out of BS' way.

[NoIDidn't]

This woman is truly nasty, and for no reason. She is still taking jabs at you via your H. She will find out after M what she did to you. Count on it.

 

She is so far from moving on it ain't even funny. She's still got her nose pressed up on the windows of your life hoping for the worse since she didn't get what her 10 years should have paid for in her mind. She's still trying to move in. Getting married isn't going to make her happy. She is still living in the past as evidenced by her letter to you filled with bitterness about what she thinks of your H and M (and even your son for that matter). What a nasty woman!

 

She's the dumb one. Not you. Don't feel bad for what you didn't know. She knew all along and stayed for 10 years with a man that had another life and now she's trying to make it look like she's happy. She's not. Don't buy it. If she was, she wouldn't have wasted the time or effort to communicate her happiness to people she never wants to hear from again.

 

Man, I hate these self-entitled types. They don't know what it means to move on. They like to think that they have something to throw in your face. Don't fall for this OOD. Its the oldest trick in the book. She is bitter with a capital B I T T E R. Trust me. Her bitterness will keep her from ever being happy in any situation. She will find herself comparing everything to her wasted 10 years.

 

You did not waste 10 years. You lived as a wife and mother to a H you thought was faithful. That is not your fault. Those 10 years of lies were and are on your H and his former OW. Don't let her do this to you. She volunteered to give her life to your H as part of a secret life during which she built up a lot of resentments towards him, you, and your children (never wants to hear from you again, hopes your son doesn't become like his father). Who's fault is that? It is certainly not yours.

 

This letter was just another one of her attempts to make herself feel better and make you feel bad. You only have to own your choices. Not hers.

 

Moving on my a.ss! She may as well be living in your car she is so invested in what happens in your life!

[outofdarkness]

to you all for you words of support and advice..It typifies what LS is all about! NOIIDIDIN'T...I found your post both insightful and helpful in understanding what possibly may have motivated her letter...Thank you.. and thanks to the rest of you who have and hopefully will continue to post..I really appreciate it...In times like this, you all...LS, has been a realy life saver for me...ood:)

[child_of_isis]

Ditto! I wish more people understood this.

 

 

It's wonderful when the OW knows the entire time the A is going on, what she might want to do w/ her life and can make informed decisions based on that knowlege...The BS is NOT afforded that same thing, so we are unable to make our life's decisons based on the truth..We are living a lie, and are totally unaware of it...I hope this clears this up..

 

[Frances]

Originally Posted by outofdarkness

 

It's wonderful when the OW knows the entire time the A is going on, what she might want to do w/ her life and can make informed decisions based on that knowlege...The BS is NOT afforded that same thing, so we are unable to make our life's decisons based on the truth..We are living a lie, and are totally unaware of it...I hope this clears this up.

 

 

I think that about sums up one of the things most of us BS deal with. We find ourselves years older than when the A started and had we found out at the time we would have been in a better position to make choices.

 

I wish you all the best, I hope you can find some peace and see something at the end of this mess

[outofdarkness]

Originally Posted by outofdarkness

 

It's wonderful when the OW knows the entire time the A is going on, what she might want to do w/ her life and can make informed decisions based on that knowlege...The BS is NOT afforded that same thing, so we are unable to make our life's decisons based on the truth..We are living a lie, and are totally unaware of it...I hope this clears this up.

 

 

I think that about sums up one of the things most of us BS deal with. We find ourselves years older than when the A started and had we found out at the time we would have been in a better position to make choices.

 

I wish you all the best, I hope you can find some peace and see something at the end of this mess

Thanks, I appreciate the post..It wasn't until I re read that portion of my post that I realized how telling it was...

[LakesideDream]

OutofDarkness.

 

Isn't it time to let go of some of the anger.. or let go of the H?

 

You "made a mistake" fooling around with your husbands business computer, accidentially or not sent messages to his previous contacts, opening the door for them to reply. You voided the NC.

 

The OW stepped through that opening to sent a nasty letter ment to hurt. It hit target. It wouldn't have happened but for your "mistake".

 

Your "best years" were "taken from you". That's pretty pathetic. The OW didn't and couldn't "take" anything from you. The affair was your Husbands responsibility. It may make you feel better to spread the blame, it's just not accurate. All he had to say was "no". Instead he chose to say "faster, faster".

 

My ex had an OM for decades. When I found out about it, the marriage was obviously over. I have never given a moments thought about the man's "responsibility" for the breakup of my marriage. It was my ex wife's choice. He was just being what he was, a selfish scumbag, cheating on his wife, grabbing whatever happiness he could find without concern for others. A turd isn't responsible for being a turd.

[scaredinlove]

OUTofdarkness,

 

 

I am not very familiar with your story but I lost the best of my years too.My exH didn't cheat with another woman but he cheated by not working,lying ,using me and treating me and my kids like crap.

 

 

I ended the marriage.Like I said I don't know your story so much but no one has to live a life in misery.

 

Hope you find peace and heal.

[East of Jupiter]

OutofDarkness.

 

Isn't it time to let go of some of the anger.. or let go of the H?

 

You "made a mistake" fooling around with your husbands business computer, accidentially or not sent messages to his previous contacts, opening the door for them to reply. You voided the NC.

 

The OW stepped through that opening to sent a nasty letter ment to hurt. It hit target. It wouldn't have happened but for your "mistake".

 

Your "best years" were "taken from you". That's pretty pathetic. The OW didn't and couldn't "take" anything from you. The affair was your Husbands responsibility. It may make you feel better to spread the blame, it's just not accurate. All he had to say was "no". Instead he chose to say "faster, faster".

 

My ex had an OM for decades. When I found out about it, the marriage was obviously over. I have never given a moments thought about the man's "responsibility" for the breakup of my marriage. It was my ex wife's choice. He was just being what he was, a selfish scumbag, cheating on his wife, grabbing whatever happiness he could find without concern for others. A turd isn't responsible for being a turd.

 

While I agree with you, I wish to point out that not everyone is able to arrive at the same distination at the same time.

 

OOD is an intelligent woman who is simply trying to work through her own complicated feelings as a result of her betrayal.

 

Just as we are not all born with the same capacity to love (or be loyal), we are not all born with the same capacity to see things quickly for what they are (self included).

 

In particular, I have to agree that a turd isn't responsible for being a turd.

 

OOD that turd may be your husband. As are the OW you spoke of.

[LakesideDream]

Without question you are correct. As much as it causes me pain, and humiliation, I had to admit to myself that the woman I married, thick and thin, healthy and sick, two children, twenty five years, ended up being a turd. I spent the last decade of the relationship trying hard to make our lives better without her participation... which only goes to prove the adage.... "You can't polish a turd".

 

As for OOD, of course people arrive at their destinations at diffent times. As I've matured (eh.. gotten old) I've becom kinda a "tough love" kinda guy. I wish I would have had friends telling me the truth the last two years of my "marriage" (when it was obvious to everyone but me what was going on) and the first couple of years after it ended. Instead my well meaning friends gave me the "poor pitiful guy, didn't deserve what happened stuff". Maybe... Probably, I would have entered the getting back to life stage much sooner. Alas there was no LS in that dark age.

[East of Jupiter]

Without question you are correct. As much as it causes me pain, and humiliation, I had to admit to myself that the woman I married, thick and thin, healthy and sick, two children, twenty five years, ended up being a turd. I spent the last decade of the relationship trying hard to make our lives better without her participation... which only goes to prove the adage.... "You can't polish a turd".

 

As for OOD, of course people arrive at their destinations at diffent times. As I've matured (eh.. gotten old) I've becom kinda a "tough love" kinda guy. I wish I would have had friends telling me the truth the last two years of my "marriage" (when it was obvious to everyone but me what was going on) and the first couple of years after it ended. Instead my well meaning friends gave me the "poor pitiful guy, didn't deserve what happened stuff". Maybe... Probably, I would have entered the getting back to life stage much sooner. Alas there was no LS in that dark age.

 

 

Gosh there is an upside to growing old. And not surprisingly, I am at about your timeline in healing, even if we arrived at a different marital conclusion.

 

I'm at the tough love stage with my own husband. Sometimes I think maybe it would have been easier to have divorced. But I don't think I would have made a different decision given the same circumstances.

 

I suppose I still have hope my H was only acting like a turd.

[LakesideDream]

I've believe in the "polish" homily since I heard it utted by Butthead.. some 13 years ago.

 

On reflection just this evening, I had an epiphany (sp?) Sage Butthead was only right for his time.

 

Obviously if a turd fossilizes, or petrifies... free minerals are forced or leached out, making it solid it can in fact be polished like any other fossil. The timeline is in question though.

[East of Jupiter]

I've believe in the "polish" homily since I heard it utted by Butthead.. some 13 years ago.

 

On reflection just this evening, I had an epiphany (sp?) Sage Butthead was only right for his time.

 

Obviously if a turd fossilizes, or petrifies... free minerals are forced or leached out, making it solid it can in fact be polished like any other fossil. The timeline is in question though.

 

 

Bahahahahaa..... are you being polite?

 

I'm married to a fossilize/petrified solid turd?

 

If I keep polishing, will the turd turn into a diamond?

 

[bish]

my H's 10 year OW..or as someone once put it, shadow Wife...In response to a NC letter that he copied her on to a stalker OW that the 10 year OW has had on/off contact w/since D day 3 years ago...Basically, saying she has moved far away from our local, is engaged to be married, and want nothing to do w/us...This would be welcome news, but I felt resentful and angry b/c I was not afforded the same luxery of being able to just up and move and start anew...Mabey I would have chosen to stay w/ my H, but mabey I would have chosen NOT to have a hysterectomy and start anew w/ somone who truly wanted to be w/ me..I will NEVER know, will I?

 

The letter also stated that she hoped our son did not follow in his Father's footsteps and end up as F'd up as he is

 

Well, she is right about that. However she is a huge hypocrite. She screws a married man, and now has the nerve to say he is f#cked up?

 

Well she is just as f#cked up. Pot calling the kettle black here.

 

Its amazing that as long as these OP get what they are wanting, the MM/MW is a great person. when it ends, they are scum....as if they aren't as well.

 

This type of thing hurts and makes me angry b/c it's as if she is unwilling to take responsibilty for the years that she and My H took away from myself and our children

 

Thats the OW for you. What did you expect, a decent person? I understand that most of the responsibility for what happened is your husband. But this OW has no business writing this hypocritical bull. She was just as bad if not worse.

 

 

The BEST years of my life...late 20's and all of 30's...were taken away from me...I would like nothing better then to be able to move away from here and start anew...by the time I found out about the A, it was too late to move, as our son was sick and the kids were too old to uproot...I am angry and hurt.

 

And understandably so. I feel for you OOD...I really do. I also understand it isn't easy to just get out when kids are involved. However I am getting out and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Have you ever considered divorcing him? I know it is probably far from your mind. It was mine to. But I am now leaving the marriage with a clear conscious knowing I did what I could to hold the family together. I even swallowed some pride. But I wasn't willing to swallow what she was dishing out.

 

I wish you luck in trying to move on.

[LakesideDream]

Bahahahahaa..... are you being polite?

 

I'm married to a fossilize/petrified solid turd?

 

If I keep polishing, will the turd turn into a diamond?

 

 

To polite? I have seldom been accused of it, however it's a possibility.

 

Sadly, diamonds come from petrified lumps of coal (from trees usually) that are subjected to millions of pounds of pressure near the earths mantle. Even in this context your dreams of the next Hope diamond seem unfounded.

 

Be aware, there is nothing wrong with having a petrified turd on your desk holding down your important papers.

[outofdarkness]

clear the air about this one last time...I most certainly DID file for D!!!! 2.5 years ago...I withdrew the papers b/c I fell for his whining and bs hook line and sinker...yes, he is a turd and i am the pooper scooper!!

[LakesideDream]

OOD, all sillyness aside. You and I are very different. Once I became aware of my WS infidelity, and had to come to grips with the mental images of her sharing "intimate moments" and being penetrated by her BF, I no long felt the same about her. All the love and loyalty dissappeared and were immediately replace by anger and loss. Forgiveness was not possible, is not possible.

 

I can tell you with absolute certainty that if she was in a car accident that croaked her now husband and left her crippled for life that I would not be able to come to her aid. It would not be me tending to her. I am no longer capable of loving her in any modality. Not as a friend, not as a lover, not as the mother of my children.

 

Either are much more compassionate and understanding than I am... or much more dependant (not necessairly a negetive, circumstances differ).

 

I once told her that if her hair was on fire I wouldn't piss on her. That wasn't a good cyollogy for not saving her if her life was threatened. I reality I would save her, with exactly the same effort and vigor that I would afford a stranger. As that is what she became that day. A stranger.

[silktricks]

If I keep polishing, will the turd turn into a diamond?

 

 

nah, that's coal!!