Guys: How to pay for Dinner

[boyboy]

Hello, I wrote a brief article on my opinion on how guys should pay for dinner, hope you enjoy it.

 

Paying for dates can be a confusing situation. You don’t wanna look like a cheap skate by paying too little; you don’t want to offend her by paying all the time. Nowadays women are all about being “independent” and associate guys paying all the time to when women couldn’t vote. So what options then do you have?

1. “You Can Get It Next Time”

 

When the check comes around I’ll pull out my wallet and give the waiter my payment. If she dosen’t object, then go ahead and get the tab. More than likely though she’ll pull out her wallet trying to pay or split it 50/50. Tell her you got it and it’s no big deal. If she’s persistent about it then just tell her, “Don’t worry I got it.” if she’s being persistent about it then say “How about I’ll pay this time, and you can get it next time.” you can be a little cocky if you want by adding …”if you’re lucky enough to go out with me again.”

You get to pay, she gets to pay, and there might be a “next time”, everyone’s happy.

 

 

2. Pay the Bill Ninja Style

 

Sometimes you really want to pay the bill, but you know she’s going to make a big deal out of it. For instance if it’s her Birthday I just want to pick up the tab and get out the restaurant without dealing with her crap. Halfway through the dinner I excused myself to go to the restroom, went to the waiter instead, gave him my Amex to pay the bill, and slipped him my good friend Abe Lincoln (The bill not the coin). Waiter came around with that Leather Folder and my girl started pulling out her wallet. I took the check, grabbed my Amex, and signed the bill. She never got the chance to pay and I avoided awkwardness.

I think the men should pay a majority of the time when you’re just getting to know each other, it’s just the gentlemen’ish thing to do. Later on if things get more serious then you can loosen up and let her pay more if she wants.

Other Advice:

- Let her pay once a while if she wants to. Seriously, don’t be one of those guys that insists on paying every time. If she looks like she has a problem with it and is persistent about paying, then let her. it does not make you any less of a man. in fact, her level of respect for you will go up.

- Don’t use money to impress her. I remember one of my lady friends complaining to me about this one guy. They were at Starbucks and he pulled out a $100 bill to pay for coffee. Maybe that was all he had or he just wanted some change? No, because he repeatedly did that throughout the night. I guess he was trying to impress her with the amount of money he had, but it actually turned her off.

 

 

Free Dating

 

If it starts getting expensive or you’re trying to save some money, then it’s completely fine to have dates without spending cash. To be honest I don’t spend money on girls because I structure my dates so I don’t have to. I invite her over to eat a dinner I cooked, we go in my room and watch a (legally ) downloaded movie, then I do what comes natural when you’re in a bed with a woman in the dark. We both get what we want, have a good time, and I spend $. More money for me to spend on whatever I want.

[FormerNiceGuy]

Keep it simple. Don't spend too much money. But don't go too cheap either.

 

Just remember, contrary to what most chumps think spending more money doesn't get you laid. It's all about your game. Don't spend too much money on a girl who doesn't even know you. Spend money like this===> Go average at first. THEN..When you feel that it's working good. Then, maybe spend more. Let her earn it. Don't be like all the other guys who spend a lot of money and then gradually go cheaper, because the girl will think you're taking her for granted. But like I mentioned before, spending more money on a date will not get you laid, contrary to popular belief. What gets you there is your game.

[Lizzie60]

very well done...

 

Interesting... I agree with all points...

[boyboy]

Keep it simple. Don't spend too much money. But don't go too cheap either.

 

Just remember, contrary to what most chumps think spending more money doesn't get you laid. It's all about your game. Don't spend too much money on a girl who doesn't even know you. Spend money like this===> Go average at first. THEN..When you feel that it's working good. Then, maybe spend more. Let her earn it. Don't be like all the other guys who spend a lot of money and then gradually go cheaper, because the girl will think you're taking her for granted. But like I mentioned before, spending more money on a date will not get you laid, contrary to popular belief. What gets you there is your game.

 

Personally I think the not spending money route is the best at the beginning. It's because it forces you to be creative. Think about it, how many dinner "dates" has this girl already been on? Being different (in a good way) is attractive!

[Trimmer]

I love the Ninja technique. My mom taught it to me, actually. (Let's not go off on a tangent here, Freudiophiles... She just told me about it as a way to help me with my social graces in such situations...)

 

2. Pay the Bill Ninja Style

Halfway through the dinner I excused myself to go to the restroom, went to the waiter instead, gave him my Amex to pay the bill, and slipped him my good friend Abe Lincoln....

 

But be careful with this. Read this thread on "turn offs"; I wouldn't have expected it, but several women (although not all agreed...) talked about how going to the restroom in the middle of the meal was a turn off for them (before or after, OK, but not in the middle, for some reason...)

 

Anyway, I try to be as covert as possible. If she goes for any reason, that's when I will strike...

 

Actually, I sometimes do the same thing for a business lunch, if we're at one of "my" restaurants.

[t1n0m3n]

I always expect to pay. (An ideally so should she.)

If she comes up with a clever excuse on why she wants to pay, I am cool with it.

Usually if it becomes an issue it comes down to the "you paid last time" debate. hehe.

 

If she loses the "you paid last time" debate and still wants to pay.... I have been known to ninja the bill. (And then if she notices, I stick my tongue out at her and say neener.)

[t1n0m3n]

of course my method only works after a few dates. Sticking your tongue out and saying neener would probably not get you a second date.

LOL

[Trimmer]

of course my method only works after a few dates. Sticking your tongue out and saying neener would probably not get you a second date.

Although with the right girl, it might get you the first date...

[FormerNiceGuy]

A good way to test a girl and judge her character is to just ignore the paycheck when it comes around.

 

It's a test.

 

Just keep talking and joking with her and acting like you never saw it....or something of the sort.

 

A nice girl will at least try to make some action or something. A selfish girl ain't going to do **** and she's going to say something like, "Aren't you going to pay the bill?"

 

Closely watch her.

 

Then do whatever you were going to do.

 

I've been on a lot of sessions, and believe me...it's predicted things for the future.

[VIP]

And what would you guys do, if a woman suggested that you have dinner with her, her friend and her friend's boyfriend. Then her friend would order the most expensive stuff she could find on the menue so finally the bill comes up to $600.00. You are expected to pay half. What do you think about it and how do you think it is possible to avoid this situation in the future?

[huh]

Boyboy,

Overall, pretty good, but 2 suggestions (I'm female btw):

 

1) skip the "if you’re lucky enough to go out with me again” unless you know she has the sense of humor to take it in the vein it was intended. On a first date, this could easily backfire if it's not 100% clear you're kidding. And even if it is clear, she may not find it funny. But the next time thing is good, because it makes women feel less obligated and implies a desire to see the person again.

 

2) You may want to rethink referring to a woman wanting to pay the bill as "her crap" in the Ninja section. Personally, I always offer to pay half on a first date. One reason I do this is because I don't think it's fair to expect a guy to pay for the whole bill, especially if we both earn around the same. Also, there are some losers out there who think paying entitles them to sex or at least another date. Check out the results of a Google search of "the Darrenator" to see examples of a guy expecting another date (you may want to include that in your article as what not to do):

 

http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=darrenator

 

So between fairness & the "entitlement" factor, it's not "crap" for a woman to want to pay her own way. Personally, if I were a guy, I'd be wondering about a woman who expected me to pay for everything all of the time.

 

Of course, when I used to insist on paying half, some guys would interpret that as my not being interested in them romantically. What I do now is I offer & if he says he'll get it, I'll say "well, next time's on me" (if things are going well) and/or offer to pay for another portion of the date (say movies and/or drinks if he's paid for dinner). Or at the very least, say thanks.

 

I've taken a break from online dating, but when I did that, I'd stick to free or low cost first dates (coffee, a walk in the park, etc.) so there wouldn't be the whole negotiation issue. Or drinks & a shared appetizer (less expensive than dinner). And even with non online dating, inexpensive first dates are a good way to get to know each other.

 

VIP,

how well do you know this woman? How long have you been going out? If you don't know her very well, haven't been dating her long, one way to avoid a situation like that is to stick to less expensive date options in the beginning & if she suggests a double date like that, say something along the lines of how you'd rather have just the 2 of you so you can get to know each other better & then offer to meet up with them for a movie or drinks later in the evening.

 

If you know each other better and she's suggesting a double date, one thing you can do is check the menu in advance. Find out the name of the restaurant & see if they have a menu online. That will give you a feel for what the price ranges are. If it's really pricey, maybe suggest another restaurant or ask for 2 checks for the table (one for each couple). When you go out in a group like that, it usually is presumed the bill will be split by whoever is paying it. So suggesting an alternate restaurant with lower prices may be the way to go. But don't phrase it that way, more like, "I know this great place . . ." If you're continuing to date her and she suggests going out with that couple again, you may want to mention the bill for this dinner and ask her for suggestions on the situation (e.g. another restaurant, or 2 checks for the table or maybe meet up with them after dinner). And if she suggests going out with other friends, you may want to find out what type of restaurants they have in mind.

 

Things vary according to socioeconomic groups. I have friends (we're in the 40ish range) who think nothing of spending $100 per person for dinner. They all live with parents or inlaws (2 family houses) and while they contribute financially, they don't have the housing costs people like me have (mortgage & co-op maint). We're in the greater NYC area, so housing is really expensive here. Plus some of my friends have families to support in addition to the mortgages. This has created some tension (a la the Friends episode), because the people who can spend freely felt they shouldn't be limited to less expensive places. But those of us with more limited budgets got more involved with picking out places which were more compatible with our budgets. Eventually we were able to resolve things.

 

So it may not be that they're deliberately running up the bill, it just may be that their socioeconomic group/spending patterns are different than yours. And as a couple, you're going to have to negotiate this eventually.

[lino]

Please click one of the Quick Reply icons in the posts above to activate Quick Reply.

[FormerNiceGuy]

And what would you guys do, if a woman suggested that you have dinner with her, her friend and her friend's boyfriend. Then her friend would order the most expensive stuff she could find on the menue so finally the bill comes up to $600.00. You are expected to pay half. What do you think about it and how do you think it is possible to avoid this situation in the future?

 

You tell him to *** off and pay the part he was supposed to.

 

First of all....you make the date just HER AND YOU. IF SHE TRIES TO BRING ANYBODY IN THE MIX, you do everything in your power to make sure it's just you and her. If she keeps resisting, you find a girl who appreciates the time and respect by just keeping it with you.

 

Friends and double-dates come LATER. ALONE TIME comes FIRST.

 

AND like I said, tell him to *** off and pay his part. Usually those 600 dollar meals are because the bastard ordered a ton of drinks. And quite frankly, a decent girl will be sympathetic and try to at least offer to help you out on the deal.

 

Remember, NEVER try to buy a woman's affections.

[AmorousDelight]

:eek:I am shocked at all these posts regarding buying the dinners.

 

No, no, no. Meet the girl for coffee and offer a drink. If she wants more than a drink tell her that is all that you have offered since you "don't feel comfortable trying to buy her affections especially since you just met and are just friends." Think about it, you have not even had a chance to see if you are compatible really, and you are emptying your piggy bank?

 

This is the way to do it with any girl who is used to being chased. If she is confident, then she knows she is dealing w/ a confident guy. It will create immediate tension which will be partly social, partly intrigue, partly sexual. Leave the intrigue alone and go for the sexual tension and dial it up by teasing her: "but you can pay for the dinner, as long as you don't expect me to put out!" Of course lean into her and kino her arm at that time. Works. I promise.

 

Who knows, if the dinner is good, you can break your rule.

[Hazy]

Eh, if paying for one dinner is going to make a guy feel so putout, then he's a loser. In addition, in the scenario you described, she was probably just hungry and suggesting getting a bite to eat, she was not suggesting he fork over his hard-earned money to buy her affections. The guy you describe above is a creepy weirdo and wouldn't get many second dates. You can show your sense of humor without being a weirdo which is what is demonstrated in the scenario above.

Not saying there is anything wrong with a coffee date, but to say "We are just friends, I don't want to buy your affections" is not something a guy who is into a girl and wants a second date would say. A guy who is really into a girl is going to want to pay. A woman who is really insistent on paying her own way 1. really isn't that interested or 2. has some issues and is best left to some other guy to put up with the constant arguments over paying.

[lino]

Is this for a 1st date? If so I think it's just easier for the bloke to pay always. I have no problem with it & I'm not rich. I think it's still pretty much expected anyway no?

 

Sorry, made a mistake yesterday this is actually what I intended to say

[IpAncA]

Going to the bathroom is a turn off? Come on...What if he really has to pee? What if I have to pee? Make sure you go before you leave I guess.

 

Anyhow I've never actually had the second one done on me. Interesting but I agree, don't over do it.

[Trimmer]

Anyhow I've never actually had the second one done on me. Interesting but I agree, don't over do it.

That's the thing about it, if it's done well, there is no "overdoing it." Imagine you're sitting there at the end of the meal. The waiter carries up the leather folder, hands it to him (or her, depending on who pulled the stunt...), the payer opens it, signs it, puts their card away, and it's all done. No getting out the card, waiting for the waiter to come back and get it, waiting for the slip to come back, etc... It's very understated, and it still allows the "other" party room to say thank you, and/or "I'll get it next time" or whatever.

 

Same deal in a business context - if you are hosting a meal, it makes you look like you've got things under control, which can be a helpful part of your clients' perception of you in a business sense. (Although if you are working with government clients, things are completely different. Sometimes they won't even accept coffee in the conference room without needing - by policy - to kick in for it to avoid any perception of buying favor....)

[IpAncA]

That's the thing about it, if it's done well, there is no "overdoing it." Imagine you're sitting there at the end of the meal. The waiter carries up the leather folder, hands it to him (or her, depending on who pulled the stunt...), the payer opens it, signs it, puts their card away, and it's all done. No getting out the card, waiting for the waiter to come back and get it, waiting for the slip to come back, etc... It's very understated, and it still allows the "other" party room to say thank you, and/or "I'll get it next time" or whatever.

 

Pretty slick.

[allina]

Hmm, interesting. I didn't know women were fighting against the guy paying for dinner so much

 

I don't expect the man to always pay but it is the norm, to me at least. What I think a nice balance is if he pays for dinner you pay for the movie or cab ride or whatever later that night, I think this is a more natural way of doing things rather than fiddling with cash over the check.

 

Also I think a first date goes best when you have dinner somewhere where the bill won't be much more than $50. It's more casual and there is less pressure and expectations.

[Trialbyfire]

If I don't want a second date, I will pay for the first one, Ninja style. Btw, great phrase.

 

If I do want a second date, I'll watch to see what he does because the last thing I want to do is to hurt his pride.

[allina]

If I don't want a second date, I will pay for the first one

 

I think that if the guy was super sweet but I just wasn't in to him I'd feel bad and want to pay for the date but if he was lame/stupid/a jerk and I didn't want a second date for that reason he'd be paying.

[Trialbyfire]

I think that if the guy was super sweet but I just wasn't in to him I'd feel bad and want to pay for the date but if he was lame/stupid/a jerk and I didn't want a second date for that reason he'd be paying.

I'm of a completely different mind set. I want no feelings or excuses of entitlement from a lame/stupid jerk.

[allina]

I'm of a completely different mind set. I want no feelings or excuses of entitlement from a lame/stupid jerk.

 

That makes sense as well, but I don't want to pay for a jerk's food and spend money on top of time already wasted. I prefer to buy shoes

[Star Gazer]

BoyBoy sounds like the type of real MAN that I'd like to date.

 

(And Trimmer too. I've pulled "Ninja Style" myself, and had it done to me as well...I like it. )