randuff Posted August 4, 2007 Posted August 4, 2007 It has been a while since I was on and here is the new situation. As some of you know my ex fiance of 4 years split up in April. She needed time to "figure" herself out and she cheated on me, the whole 9 yards. Anyways she has some emotional problems which I understand but I looked the other way since I was (am) still deeply in love with her. Anyways I tried NC but never was successful at maintaining it. We have talked almost every day since the 1st month we were at LC and I took her out for her birthday July 8th. Thats the first day we had sex since we split. Since that day we have slept with each other numerous times and have spent almost everyday together. Sounds great but here is the problem. She has been with other guys and I think she has feelings for this one in particular (the one she cheated on me with by the way) but insists she doesn't love the guy. She always tell me she loves me and doesn't deserve someone as great as I am. Even goes on to say "I don't know why you love me but I am glad you do." Here lies the problem for me. I love her unconditionally with all my heart but it makes me sick knowing about her involvement and feelings for other guys. This is all on me since I know this, realize what it will do to my emotions, and I put myself through the torture. I know I should just tell her that I can't be her safety blanket anymore and just move on but something always stops me when I try to tell her this. I am just confused, hurt, lost and depressed and have noone to blame but myself. I was going to a counselor but all he did was listen to me and never had any input so I quit going. Just some thought from you guys would help, and for you guys that are going to tell me to grab my nuts and quit being a f'ing doormat..... I have already told myself that but have been too weak to do so Thanks, R
Chinook Posted August 4, 2007 Posted August 4, 2007 Just some thought from you guys would help, and for you guys that are going to tell me to grab my nuts and quit being a f'ing doormat..... I have already told myself that but have been too weak to do so Um, is there a reasonable chance that you guys might get back together...? I mean if there is and you guys are working on your relationship and this isn't simply a case of ex-sex-with-added-emotion then you know, you need to clarify the situation. If you guys are going some place with this relationship I think 4 months is plenty long enough for her to figure her thing out and quit with the other guys... including the one she cheated with. That said, if it were me... I would want more respect for myself. I would refuse to continue dating someone who has willfully disrespected me and my love by cheating and lying to me (to do one, you usually find they do the other). I find, the longer I am in a relationship the more I expect it to be balanced and equal or there is a nice medium of the pendulum shifting either way. In your relationship, she's playing you... she has all the power and all the cards. You are disempowered and held hostage by your love for her and she knows it. She can do whatever she wants and you will go with it because you love her. This kind of reciprocation for our love is not healthy and it is not love. If she can cheat on you, even if she's not a bad person, she doesn't love you. Sorry if that's simplistic but that's my view. There is no excuse for cheating and I think you should walk away.
Author randuff Posted August 5, 2007 Author Posted August 5, 2007 But for some reason I keep myself from walking away, i love her so much but I really don't see her wanting a future with me. Why am I wasting my time? Maybe it is because I enjoy the time we have now....
Chinook Posted August 5, 2007 Posted August 5, 2007 But for some reason I keep myself from walking away, i love her so much but I really don't see her wanting a future with me. Why am I wasting my time? Maybe it is because I enjoy the time we have now....You're allowing her to disrespect you. That isn't a demonstration of love in my opinion. You deserve much better than this. You've articulated here how you feel emotionally. Don't you think that you can do better and give that emotion and love to someone who is deserving of it...? I really wish there was something I could say that would help but it really does seem to be that she's playing you because she hasn't got the backbone to hurt you.
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