yergawd Posted August 4, 2007 Posted August 4, 2007 I just posted under "Oh wait, yes it's another one". Didn't get an answer to my post. But got a lot of negative feed back (negative like I didn't want to hear it, not bad). so give me your honest opinion on this scenario: I am 29, so is she. We both have kids from previous marraiges. I had issues with her talking to her exs (bfs not husbands) because they would try to rekindle. That was resolved, she does not talk to any of them because she knew it made me uncomfortable. She had issues with strip clubs and porn. She said she felt they were the same as cheating so I agreed if it makes her uncomfortable, I wouldn't do either. It doesn't bother her that we hang out with someone that I slept with because we are all friends and she is happily engaged and she knows that I am not interested in her any longer. My bestfriend will be getting married soon being the best man, I arranged his bachelor party. She still said she was uncomforable with the strip club thing. So, I told my best friend instead of being at the bachelor party I would throw a second weekend getaway party with Camping, off roading, and a jump out of a plane. the day before. I am footing the bill for the weekend except sky diving I am covering me and him the rest will have to pay their own way. Yes he was p*ssed at first but then the idea grew on him and now is excited for the getaway. So here's the ? would you say that I have an empty sac for not going to the bachelor party or do you think I am respecting her boundaries BE BLUNT
T-town Posted August 4, 2007 Posted August 4, 2007 Her giving up talking to ex-boyfriends and you giving up a bachelor party are not in the same league. I can understand her not wanting you to be a strip club regular, but this is supposed to be a once in a lifetime thing for your friend...you shouldn't miss it...and honestly its messed up that she would want you to miss it.
Trialbyfire Posted August 4, 2007 Posted August 4, 2007 Looks like both of you are learning how to avoid the button pushing. Give and take. Nice to see people willing to give up non-essentials to make a relationship work.
T-town Posted August 4, 2007 Posted August 4, 2007 Looks like both of you are learning how to avoid the button pushing. Give and take. Nice to see people willing to give up non-essentials to make a relationship work. You shouldn't have to give up non-essentials to make a relationship work.
Trialbyfire Posted August 4, 2007 Posted August 4, 2007 You shouldn't have to give up non-essentials to make a relationship work. You'd better believe you do unless one party rides roughshod over the other.
Author yergawd Posted August 4, 2007 Author Posted August 4, 2007 I don't think of it as avoiding pushing buttons, We've had some long & loud arguments, I just see it as respecting her boundaries, as she does mine. I agree, if you don't do this it is not a good relationship.
Trialbyfire Posted August 4, 2007 Posted August 4, 2007 Yes, well, I was being a little gentle with the term. Better to call it button pushing than knock-down drag-out non-physical brawls. I also have certain buttons, which aren't the same ones you've described. I would willingly give up other things, if someone was respectful of mine. Too many people romanticize and use the term soulmate, someone who will magically appear and be perfect for you. Wrong. It's hard work sometimes. If it's hard work all the time, then maybe it's time to reconsider the relationship.
Author yergawd Posted August 4, 2007 Author Posted August 4, 2007 Yes, well, I was being a little gentle with the term. Better to call it button pushing than knock-down drag-out non-physical brawls. Too many people romanticize and use the term soulmate, someone who will magically appear and be perfect for you. Wrong. It's hard work sometimes. If it's hard work all the time, then maybe it's time to reconsider the relationship. Good to have one vote on my side. Have I mentioned lately, what an intelligent person you are ? Not that I'm trying to sway anyone out there
Zona76 Posted August 4, 2007 Posted August 4, 2007 Where is your buddy on strip clubs? He's getting married. He's doing this LIFE thing... so supposedly he's done seeing other naked women. Is that your point? Do you feel the only way to say goodbye to sex outside of the marriage is to see naked ladies and/or to get laid? Whats the take on his fiancé? Will she have all her lady friends take her off to a strip club? See if your friend wants to go to a strip joint he can go. He doesn't need your permission. What makes me wonder is are you wanting to go to this club...using your friend as an excuse? Your suggestion is great! A guy thing. Camping weekend and some fishing poles and getting one with the earth. Are you looking for an excuse to tell your guy friend why you don't want to go to the strip club? Tell him you found THE one. The lady who makes you realize there is no other woman in the world. And it makes you feel good.
Author yergawd Posted August 4, 2007 Author Posted August 4, 2007 I'm a little lost, he wants a bachelor party with strippers. So that's what I got him. I know my girl is very uncomfortable so I planned a second bachelor party with the outdoors type stuff that we are all into. As far as his fiance, yeah she's having a huge bachelorertte party with strippers also. (My girl is not going to that either.) I don't hold that against my friends. I am far from being a prude and feel whatever makes them happy, they should do. They are both comfortable with this, go for it. I just don't see the need to make my girlfriend uncomfortable, I know she's not ok with it, so I happily agree.
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