the_otherhalf Posted August 4, 2007 Posted August 4, 2007 I have seen quite a few posts about people being dumped randomly without a word from their ex. However, I've seen very few from the other side of the scenario, where I'm currently at. How do you cope with a break-up if it was your fault? How can you forgive yourself if your ex won't? I wish I could say that I tried my best in the relationship, pat myself on the back, remind myself that I'm a great person, and chalk it up to fate, but that's not true at all. I turned into an absolute monster, criticizing, keeping him under my control at all times, and trying to correct everything, even things that didn't need correcting. This break-up was a true wake-up call for me, and I believe that I've fixed or let go of the issues that were causing the problems. I've been in two months of NC now, and the ex has e-mailed me three times since then. He asks a lot about how I'm doing, and in the last e-mail he said that he still thinks about me and hopes that I respond. I haven't (yet?). He's dating someone else now, which absolutely kills me. I've tried to date since the break-up five months ago, but nothing seems to be panning out. After my last dating defeat, the ex has been in my mind more and more frequently. I keep dreaming about him, begging him to come back, him rejecting me. I just don't know what to do with myself. I've done everything that I've seen listed on getting over your ex, but the thoughts always leak in, and in the end, it was my fault.
Chinook Posted August 4, 2007 Posted August 4, 2007 Well, it's not always the case that just because you were the dumper, you hurt less. Sometimes it's the circumstances which dictate the situation and the actual reality of the situation is that someone has to take the responsibility. The pain and hurt can be equal on both sides. What I would say about contacting him is DON'T. Not unless you and he have a REALISTIC chance of reconciliation. You need to think about that. Very often the thoughts and emotions crowd into our brains about our ex-es because we realise we're in the situation where we CAN'T have them... that dumps dopamine in our system (the 'need to have' hormone) and we desire them even more. It's usually a symptom of loneliness or of being unfulfilled in life.... rather than it being about your ex as a person. Keep doing what you're doing and keep breathing. It will get easier.
Lizzie60 Posted August 4, 2007 Posted August 4, 2007 live and learn... that's my philosophy... live and let live... hopefully you learned your lesson... and maybe he doesn't know that... Are you willing to change? Are you willing to give it another try? If you are honest about this...then why not approach him and tell him that you'd like another chance... it's that simple... you've got nothing to lose ...maybe he's just waiting for that call. But if you do...make sure you don't go back to your 'old' self again. this time you'll lose him for good.
Author the_otherhalf Posted August 8, 2007 Author Posted August 8, 2007 I am willing to change, and I believe in the past five months, I really have. I can feel it, sense it, and so can other people. I will e-mail him, but I'm not sure what to say... What kinda sucks/is ironic, is that good friends of mine in long-term relationships who broke up about the same time we did are ALL back together now (two sets of couples), and are just as happy as can be. Is it my turn?
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