fabulousgal Posted August 4, 2007 Posted August 4, 2007 so we've all had that one person who got to us bad. the one we thought was so awesome blah blah that turned out to drop us like a bag o garbage. so, even if its been a long time, and i have moved on, is it odd that i'd get upset when i heard how great he is with someone else? even worse, it was my own friend who told me. why are my friends talking to this ******* who treated their best friend like crap? anyway, its weird. i got upset but then quickly remembered all the reasons why im better off. but bc i got upset, does that mean im not over it? i really thought i was. i hate to think im not. its been nc for i don't even know how long. when i first heard about it, i almost went online to one of his sites to see if i could see a photo of the new chick. but, i talked myself out of it before i even went that route, telling myself i was opening up a can of worms if i did so, and only i could prevent the potential hurt. why do i still care to even look at this point? grrrr.
Chinook Posted August 4, 2007 Posted August 4, 2007 Um, some would argue that if he got to you more than just a passing thought, i.e. you had to consciously stop yourself from looking at his web sites and you made a post here about it... then yep, you're not over it yet. But that's okay. It takes as long as it takes. You're not hurting the same as you were but you even said yourself about opening the can of worms and experiencing even more potential hurt. I'd say that's a strong indicator that it's not over yet. Everyone is different I guess in how they define 'over it' and 'getting on with life'. For me I'd have to feel indifferent, be able to have a passing thought about it and not feel anything at all.
Curmudgeon Posted August 4, 2007 Posted August 4, 2007 For me I'd have to feel indifferent, be able to have a passing thought about it and not feel anything at all. Indifference is decidedly a blessed state to achieve. Sometimes it just takes awhile to get there.
SierraMarie Posted August 4, 2007 Posted August 4, 2007 No, I don't think it's bad. I can think about stuff that has happened to me years ago and still feel bad about it. Maybe you should ask your friends to not talk about your ex to you anymore.
Author fabulousgal Posted August 4, 2007 Author Posted August 4, 2007 Well, maybe I should explain this a little more... It isn't like when he's brought up I feel bad...maybe a slight pang of uneasiness but nothing that last more than 2 seconds. It's been a really hard situation bc I've lost my best friend in addition over this. However, the situation that caused me to post was like, are you serious I can't believe you just told me all that. Basically we broke up over something cultural, and it really sucks when you learn that someone won't fight for you at all if their family doesn't think you fit the bill. Now this new girl apparently fits the bill with what his family expects, so I got to hear all this stuff about how he wants to marry her and introduce her to them blah blah. It was just kind off cruel. A lot of my anger/upsetness out of this whole thing, is somewhat him for treating me so bad but also at my friends.
Chinook Posted August 4, 2007 Posted August 4, 2007 Indifference is decidedly a blessed state to achieve. Sometimes it just takes awhile to get there.Cur, I've seen your insight and wisdom on the boards and I take comfort from this because I really hope it comes one day. It's what I hope for. Blessed indifference and no pain.
Chinook Posted August 4, 2007 Posted August 4, 2007 Fabulousgal, the very fact that you are posting indicates that you haven't yet moved on. But that's by my reckoning. What I'm saying to you is, for me it would have to be indifference to the point where even what you describe would not be enough to get me riled enough to question myself again for this person. But everyone of us is different and we all have different standards and ideals. Your idea of moving on isn't mine and vice versa. There is no crime in it and there is no expected limitation on when you should 'get over it'. The only ideal that exists, is the one you set yourself...all you have to ask is whether that is realistic or not..? For me... right now... a month wouldn't be realistic.... neither would six months most likely. A year...? Probably not. 6 years..? Definitely. See...? The line is there some place ... you just have to find it.
Curmudgeon Posted August 5, 2007 Posted August 5, 2007 That's lovely of you to say, Chinook. It will happen, but it does take time. If it's any help it took me four or five years folowing the end of a 25 year marriage. But I have to tell you, when it happened it was awesome!
This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted August 5, 2007 Posted August 5, 2007 Indifference is decidedly a blessed state to achieve. Sometimes it just takes awhile to get there. Word. Now, if only indifference could be achieved at will. It would've saved me the one year of angsting over THAT one. But it's a gradually learned competency. Once you master it, though, you can achieve it much quicker the next time around
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