BuschBaby Posted August 4, 2007 Posted August 4, 2007 I am seeing a wonderful man right now. I am in my late 30's, he is 41. We both own successful businesses. I had known him for the last 5 years in a business setting. We only saw each other once a year for an annual business meeting. I always considered him a special friend. We had a special connection from the time we first met. I never considered getting involved with him romantically because he seemed way out of my league. Very tall, unbelievably good looking, well, actually, he's gorgeous, and incredibly smart, not to mention he is very stable financially. We both always lit up when we would see each other every year, but there was never any contact during the rest of the year. Somehow though, in our brief meetings, we came to know more about each other's personal lives. Once I left the meetings though, I didn't think about him the rest of the year. Things changed this year. I had a meeting with him in March. He was acting different and was very flirtatious. It kind of caught me off guard because I didn't know what to make of it, but I certainly enjoyed his attention and lightheartedness. He is always a pleasure to be around. He's kind and soft-spoken, and incredibly easy to look at!. Anyway, when our meeting was over, I got up to leave. As we always did in years past as friends, we gave each other a quick hug, but for some reason, neither of us wanted to let go. Probably because we knew it would be another year, but still, I had absolutely no romantic notions about anything. I have just always felt a comfortable, deep connection to him. Then, before I knew it, he kissed me once on the cheek, then kissed me on the neck, and bam, we were kissing passionately. The whole time I kept asking myself, what is going on here? I pulled away, thanked him for the meeting, and ran out the door. I got in my car and just sat there in a daze. I never would have seen that coming in a million years. As I drove home, my heart was racing from the excitement. This kind of stuff only happens in Harlequin romances, ya know? Anyway, when I got home I emailed him and he said he was still weak-kneed from the kissing. The rest was history. We emailed everyday, many times a day. I found out from him that he had strong feelings for me starting 3 years prior, but didn't have the guts to act on them. It still stuns me to hear him say that to this day. We found quickly what a wonderful match we are. We are so similar in so many ways. He knew that before I did, and he said that was part of what made him so attracted to me 3 years ago. We slept together for the first time within 2 weeks of that meeting. It was amazing. We both fell hard for each other. Not long after that, his company acquired another company and became extremely busy. The emails dropped down considerably to where we were only emailing a few times a week. The phone calls dropped down considerably too. Almost like an automatic reaction, it made me pursue him even more, eventhough as a business owner myself, I knew he was busy. Through it all, he was still kind and loving, eventhough I had an inkling that he started feeling I was being clingy. I think that is definitely part of the drop in communication. He is NEVER mean, and when he does contact me, it is always overwhelmingly loving, it's just that the amount dropped noticeably, which made me feel a little panicked because I was afraid of losing who I knew was my soulmate. Here is why I came to this board: We last slept together July 12. At that time, we knew we wouldn't see each other for 3 weeks because of vacation plans. On that day I told him I couldn't stand the thought of not seeing him for 3 weeks. He responded very light and casually, 'the 3 weeks will be good for us, it will give us a break from each other'. Well, I took that to mean he needed a break from me, since I didn't agree to that statement, I felt like it was one-sided. The next day his father passed away. He called me to tell me, and I didn't hear from him for 4 days after that since he had to go out of town for the funeral. In the meantime, I sent flowers to the funeral home, but did not call or email because I knew this was private family time. I was still reflecting on his statement when I went on vacation last week. I knew I appeared needy and clingy, and a lot of it comes from my past. I even recognized that I was being that way while I was doing it, but I couldn't stop contacting him all the time because I had to be assured of his love on a daily basis, as if his love could change for me from day to day. So this is where I am today..... after he told me of needing the break, I immediately didn't contact him because I knew that to do so would push him further away. If not for the death of his father, I wouldn't have sent him any emails, but I sent him 2 during that week to let him know that I was thinking of him and was here for him if he needed me. This week makes 3 weeks of no contact except for the 2 sympathy emails. He called me once to tell me that my flowers were the most gorgeous of any that anyone sent and he thanked me. Then he told me 'I love you so much'. I received 3 emails from him in the last week, which I did respond to each time. In all three he said he missed me and he couldn't wait to catch up with me on everything. Still not being able to get his statement out of my mind about needing a break from me, I asked him how much he missed me. He immediately said, 'Are you kidding me? So much that my whole body aches for you!' Does it sound to you like his interest is renewed again and I have another chance to start over as a non-clingy girlfriend? I want him to be the pursuer again, and me be the pursuee.
Lyssa Posted August 4, 2007 Posted August 4, 2007 What he meant from "the 3 weeks will be good for us, it will give us a break from each other'" would be just that. Not hearing from one another and so on. You know how it is, being away makes the heart grows fonder.. or something along those lines. At the same time, he has been busy and then there was a death in the family so now that everything is settled, he has more time in his hands for you... I would lay off a bit so that he knows he would have to work to get back in track... men like the chase... some men at least...
Author BuschBaby Posted August 4, 2007 Author Posted August 4, 2007 You are so right! Now that I think of it, that is probably why he said he 'had it bad for me' over the last few years. I showed no interest in him whatsoever! He liked the chase. He doesn't have to chase me anymore because I really have given him everything in me, and I am always dropping everything to be with him, and making myself available to him 24/7. He said he was attracted to me because I have a successful company in a difficult field, because I am confident, and because I'm attractive to him, both inside and out. All of that goes down the drain the minute a person becomes clingy. He probably lost some respect for me because I didn't look like the strong, independent woman he fell in love with. I groveled and pandered to him. I feel like I've screwed up his perception of me. I don't want to be seen as a weak doormat. I need to reclaim my dignity and his adoration. I think these past 3 weeks have shown that no contact is definitely helping. He told me he missed me in all 3 emails. Is this situation not really as bad as I feel it is, or should I be seriously concerned?
Lyssa Posted August 4, 2007 Posted August 4, 2007 My advice to you would be to NOT make yourself available 24/7! Never do that. To him it would be "okay, she's going to be there forever.. even if I don't pay as much attention to her as before.." kinda thing, you know? Which is pretty much what he did until you actually have him some space. He must have definitely fallen for the strong, independent and confident woman that you were and I'm sure you still are. You need to let him have that person again. He'll worship you! I like my own space as much as my bf likes his.. so we both give that to each other and at the same time, we love and want to be with each other more and more! It's not as bad but it will get to you, now and then... and it's nothing to be seriously concerned of. Just be yourself, the one he fell in love with. Sometimes the more we give... the more they tend to want to get away from...
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