Star Gazer Posted August 4, 2007 Posted August 4, 2007 I met this really great guy a couple weeks ago, and went out with him for a first date the other night. within a few minutes of picking me up, he says, "So, I got some great news...the company wants to transfer me to [location 2 hours away by car]. I move in a month." Ugh. He knew about this before he even asked me out, and said he wasn't sure if he broke the rules by not telling me before hand. Why would he even ask me out to potentially develop something with me if he knew he was leaving? We had a great time together. Halfway through our date, he asks me if I'd like to see him again. I say, "Yeah, I think I would, buuuutttt...." - implying that him moving might make things difficult. He looks across the table from me and says, "Welllll, it's not for certain...they gave me a little while to think about it..." and then said that our date had given him something to think about over the weekend (he's going camping with some friends this weekend). At the end of the date he asks me out again - we're seeing each other on Sunday after he returns from his mini-trip. I don't want him to stay just because I'm here. But he explained that it's the same position with the same company, he just feels obligated to accept because when he started with the company 4 years ago he said he'd take a position anywhere within Northern California. The location of this new job wouldn't make him any closer to his friends or family, it's about the same distance. How should I proceed?
Touche Posted August 4, 2007 Posted August 4, 2007 I wouldn't burn any bridges with him if you like him. I'd wait and see and just play it by ear. I really don't think he did anything wrong though. Don't analyze this too much. If it's meant to be between you two, it will work out. If not, then it's just not meant to be.
Road Rage Posted August 4, 2007 Posted August 4, 2007 Could be the `ol just tell `em you`re moving and they will fess it up fast trick. It`s an oldie but a goodie:laugh: The object is that you think you can have a quick fling and then not have to deal with him anymore. I don`t know, you may getting a little too wise for this sort of thing;) I mean, you are wise to this sort of thing, aren`t you:confused:???
Author Star Gazer Posted August 4, 2007 Author Posted August 4, 2007 Could be the `ol just tell `em you`re moving and they will fess it up fast trick. It`s an oldie but a goodie:laugh: The object is that you think you can have a quick fling and then not have to deal with him anymore. Eh, I really don't think that's the case.
kymberann Posted August 4, 2007 Posted August 4, 2007 Nothing you can do, just see how he proceeds and go from there. Not one of the best situations to be in though, I feel for you! Best
Lauriebell82 Posted August 4, 2007 Posted August 4, 2007 Hi SG! Well, it sounds like the guy is at least being honest about his situation. You've only been out with him once, see what happens on your next date. Tell, him that you understand his situation and just wait and see what happens. If it's 2 hours away by car, you guys could still see each other on weekends and stuff couldn't you?
Krytellan Posted August 4, 2007 Posted August 4, 2007 Look Star. He has to assume that he is moving in a month. It's what he thinks to be right and he can't know if there would be a reason not to. We all have to look out for number one, right? He doesn't know if you'll be around in 2 weeks or not. When the time comes he may reconsider or put it off or regret it, but the point is he doesn't have a reason to do any of those things right now. Go with it, have fun, enjoy time with him, and try not to plan how the story will play out. It takes two for that.
mental_traveller Posted August 4, 2007 Posted August 4, 2007 Is 2 hours too far for you? If so then you might as well end it here.
Ruby Posted August 4, 2007 Posted August 4, 2007 I think you should proceed with caution! WHy tell you he is mving and then back track and say he may not? Be careful you dont find yourself in another "I slept with him too soon and now he isnt calling" situation. I have had that pulled on me when I was young
alphamale Posted August 4, 2007 Posted August 4, 2007 basically your attraction to him is greater because he'll be leaving in a few weeks. I think you should move on and he shouldn't change his plans to transfer based upon one or two dates.
Art_Critic Posted August 4, 2007 Posted August 4, 2007 basically your attraction to him is greater because he'll be leaving in a few weeks. Good point Alpha !!.. I have to agree and also think she ought to just move on...
alphamale Posted August 4, 2007 Posted August 4, 2007 Good point Alpha !!.. I have to agree and also think she ought to just move on... I will give you a good example A_C. Back in 1999 i was getting ready to move to L.A. permanently. Anyways, there was this chick Joan who I had known for a year or so as aquaintances. She had the loveliest long straight blonde hair. She was always pretty indifferent to me but when I told her I was moving in six weeks we started this torrid sexual affair. It was sex here, sex there, sex everywhere.....i barely had time to pack! Anyways, when I decided to return to Detroit a year later I rang her up a few times and.....nothing.
Trialbyfire Posted August 4, 2007 Posted August 4, 2007 SG, the question is, how much do you like him? I see him in a different light than many of the other posters. 2 hours away isn't an insurmountable distance so I think he's being upfront about the situation and allowing you the ability to decide what you're willing to accept.
alphamale Posted August 4, 2007 Posted August 4, 2007 SG, the question is, how much do you like him? personally TBF, i think it would be a mistake for SG to start naming the kids after one date.
Trialbyfire Posted August 4, 2007 Posted August 4, 2007 personally TBF, i think it would be a mistake for SG to start naming the kids after one date. Sometimes all it takes is one date to have a child or twins, but in this situation, I'll agree with you. I'm not suggesting that she heavily invest in this guy after one date, only that if she likes him, what's to stop her from relaxing and going on a second date.
VirtualInsanity Posted August 4, 2007 Posted August 4, 2007 If people move, they don't get into deep relationships right before they go. Some do (not smart) but to me it sounds like he wanted to have some fun & seen you as the one to do it w/.
Krytellan Posted August 4, 2007 Posted August 4, 2007 SG: What happened to the mole guy?? Too funny. He wouldn't remove it for her?
Author Star Gazer Posted August 6, 2007 Author Posted August 6, 2007 basically your attraction to him is greater because he'll be leaving in a few weeks. I think you should move on and he shouldn't change his plans to transfer based upon one or two dates. Actually, that's not true. My interest in him dropped dramatically after he told me he was moving. That said, he's very handsome, successful, funny... His only real "flaw" (so far!) is the distance. If he were in my town, I'd be on him like *that*, but for now I'm just not willing to deal with obstacles from the very beginning before I even really know the dude. SG: What happened to the mole guy?? Still casually dating.
Author Star Gazer Posted August 6, 2007 Author Posted August 6, 2007 Too funny. Why is that amusing to you?
allina Posted August 6, 2007 Posted August 6, 2007 Dang it SG, when I saw this pop up to the top I was hoping for an update or resolution. How was Sunday? i think you were seeing him that day again, yes?
Author Star Gazer Posted August 6, 2007 Author Posted August 6, 2007 He cancelled because he stayed up camping another night and came back this morning. He wants to reschedule for this week, but I'm not sure that's a good idea... He's really, really cute and funny and smart and gentlemanly... Ugh. Figures.
allina Posted August 6, 2007 Posted August 6, 2007 He cancelled because he stayed up camping another night and came back this morning. He wants to reschedule for this week, but I'm not sure that's a good idea... He's really, really cute and funny and smart and gentlemanly... Ugh. Figures. Is it just the 2 hour difference that's getting to you? I see how that's a big negative, especially since it seems like both of you are in situations where a move won't be happening anytime soon (once he moves away that is). But there are other things to consider. I dated someone for a year and a half in Concord while I was living in SF, and we're talking way west in to SF and him way east in to Concord. Yes, it was a pain at times because w/ traffic you cannot travel that distance is less than 90 minutes but the distance did not play a role in the breakup.
Author Star Gazer Posted August 6, 2007 Author Posted August 6, 2007 Is it just the 2 hour difference that's getting to you? I see how that's a big negative, especially since it seems like both of you are in situations where a move won't be happening anytime soon (once he moves away that is). But there are other things to consider. I dated someone for a year and a half in Concord while I was living in SF, and we're talking way west in to SF and him way east in to Concord. Yes, it was a pain at times because w/ traffic you cannot travel that distance is less than 90 minutes but the distance did not play a role in the breakup. Well, he's 2 hours away in the Bay Area (without traffic), so it could be much more than 2 hours if driving at the wrong time of day. I'm just not sure if I'm interested in a weekend-relationship, because that's what it would be even without traffic. I couldn't get to him during the workweek, it would be too much for me...and I'm assuming given the nature of his job it would same for him. I dunno. I honestly feel so apathetic towards everyone. If I don't like them as much as I liked FF, it's like I feel there's just no point.
allina Posted August 6, 2007 Posted August 6, 2007 I dunno. I honestly feel so apathetic towards everyone. If I don't like them as much as I liked FF, it's like I feel there's just no point. Maybe take a breather, wait for a guy you like as much or more as the FF.
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