HopelessinSC Posted August 3, 2007 Posted August 3, 2007 Thanks for the comments under my legal thread. Yes first marriage, first house, our kids. Sorry about typo. Things are getting hostile now and I am worried and a bit frightened. He has called all of our friends and all of MY family and said awful untrue things about me. He has threatened to turn everyone against me. He even told one friend he was going to try to cause a huge arguement and call the police so that he would have it on record. Um, I am in complete shock. I cannot believe that someone I married would turn this ugly and hostile. I don't know what I have done to deserve this but I hope I find the strength to make it through for the kids sake and mine. He is calling everyone but has basically cut communication off for me. The only thing I have left is my internet and I have a feeling that is going soon. Any advice on what to do? He hasn't threatened me physically just very, very hostile.
Ladyjane14 Posted August 3, 2007 Posted August 3, 2007 Get yourself a spiral-bound notebook and document EVERYTHING he's doing. Write it by hand in ink and date your entries. Keep it someplace safe where it can't be found. Make a note of whatever people witness specific events, etc. This is evidence in case you need it. You have nothing to fear from the police unless you do something wrong. So... stay calm and don't get into it with him. If he gets too pushy, file for a restraining order. And.... your friends and loved ones know YOU, right? Outlandish tales that aren't in character with the person they know are unlikely to be believed, particularly when you straighten them out. Divorce is ugly. There's just no two ways about it. What is it that Gunny always says?... something like... 'You actually marry three people. The one you think you know, the one he actually is, and the one you meet in divorce court.' I think I've mucked up his quote, so hopefully he'll straighten us out later. The point though is that divorce is going to be stressful and you're probably going to be dealing with a whole different side of this guy's personality. It won't be pretty. But this too shall pass. Try not to worry, and try not to get into a bunch of conflict with him. You said your appointment is Monday. If it were me, I'd avoid him as much as possible until then. p.s. You needn't start a new thread every time. Keeping most of your story to the same one will give more people a chance to weigh in since they won't have to search for your back story.
LakesideDream Posted August 4, 2007 Posted August 4, 2007 Hopeless having been on the other side of a vindictive spouse/cheater, I can identify with your problem. My advice? 1st look to your own safety first. Go to K-mart, or Wal-mart and get a pre-paid cel phone. You can have the minimum you need for saftey's sake for around $60.00. Remember it's not forever, it to use if you decide to lock yourself and your kids in the bathroom to get away from your H. LadyJanes suggestion of a notebook or journals is also a great idea. Additionally, you can write a letter to your local PD outlining what's going on. Tell them your Husband is erratic, and that you are worried. Don't make accusations, and don't cast blame, just state you are worried. This will put you, your home and kids on their radar. Last, have a person you know well, best a reletive that you call every day at a certain time. If you don't call they will know to start checking. Good Luck, and I'm sorry you are going through this. I absolutely hate what people put each other through!
Gunny376 Posted August 4, 2007 Posted August 4, 2007 When you get married you marry three different people The person you think you're marrying! The person you're actually are marrying! And the person that comes about of a result of having married you! (Marriage has a way of changing people!) The fourth person you potentially marry is the person you potentially meet in divorce court, as in, "I can't believe thats the same person I've been married to all these years!!!! Lady Jane and LSD have given you some most outstanding ideas. I would add: I would have an emergency exit strategity for you and the children and multiplie safe rooms with multiple exit strategity. Marines are trained to constantly think in terms of "OK, it you get ambushed, what are you going to do? Then we train given a scenario, over, and over, and over, and over given different constraints. Your weapon jamned? What are you going to do? You're out of ammo, what are you going to do? Half your squad is down. and your surronded, what are going to do? Half your squad is down and the other half is pined down, what are you going to do? We're also trained to walk into any given situation and look for weapons of opportunity. I say that, in that you need to mentally prepare yourself, and look around your house, and think, "What if" The Five "P's" "Prior Planning Prevents Poor Performance" Keep your car gased with a full tank of gas. Multiple sets of keys hidden about the house. The pre-paid cell phone on your body at all times, with it emergecny numbers pre-set to 911, the police, friends you can depend upon, the women's shelter, one of those emergency cell phone batteries, on your body at all times. I agree with LJ and LSD, but I would like to see you take it a step further. Contract and go see someone from your local women's shelter. As LJ said document, document, doucement. Get a digital camera, and take photographic evidence if you can. I would not only document everything, I'd send copies to the women's shelter and to the police. Let them know that things are all well at your house, and that you're just wanting to make sure that you're on their radar screen. The key here is to be proactive and not reactive. More than likely he's just being a bully, and blowing a lot of hot air ~ trying to intimidate you, frighten you. Guys like this are full of it. And, that's more often the case than not. Its the silent one's you really need to worry about. But, there are no absolutes. Under no circumstances is he to be left alone with the children. Especially if he's the type that views you and the children as possessions, rather than people. You need more lifelines out there than we here as LS can provide you. If you're this frightened you need to be finding somehwhere you and the children can go ~ get out! Here locally, we have the House of Ruth, here's the link: http://www.houseofruthdothan.org/ Call them even if you're in SC and they're in Alabama, they could connect you with someone up in there in your neck of the woods. I told my SIL, if he ever laid a hand upon my Babygirl, he would need to turn himself into tha' law, not just because he broke the law, but because he would need police protection from me! I might (God willing) be 86 years old but by God, I belive I'll still be able to pull the tigger on a Colt .45 And yea, us regulars don't follow the thread, we follow the person. It helps us keep up with you if you just stick to one thread. Get busy taking control of your life! Taking charge of your life! You need this guy like a fish needs a motorcycle! I've got to ask? Why are you still there? I wouldn't be going, I'd be gone!
brinaa Posted August 6, 2007 Posted August 6, 2007 This is my first time posting, new to form.Well just wanted to leave a message for Hopelessinsc,girl you are living my life i just havent yet told him that im ready to end this 12yr 4 kid relationship.Basically i know that every single thing you are exspercing is what i have to look forward to.He can be very verbally abusive at times and this will most likely set him off.You are really living my life ,how do you even get the ball rolling ive been very unhappy for a couple of years now and just dont now how to end it,really dont know what he will do.
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