Too busy for a relationship?

[Green84]

Hey I contacted my fraternity brother about relationship advice since he is older and said he went through what I'm going through so he let me use his loveshack ID to post this for hopefully some help...so here is my concern. This is going to be a long story by the way, but I really need some advice. My girlfriend and I have been dating for over three years now. When we first started dating in highschool we both came from very different backgrounds which caused a lot of conflict during the first few months (resulting in her breaking up with me twice). I tried my hardest to win her back, which I did successfully both times, and things were perfect for a solid two years. We were both involved in plenty of school activities, sports, etc...but as things got more serious we started blowing stuff off to be together. This was fine with me at the time because I spent my free time with her. By the summer of my senior year (we are two years apart) our relationship was at an all time high. We were literally best friends and cherished every second together, there was never a dull moment...and then came my first year of college. The first semester was actually great. She came up to visit twice and I went home once a month to see her and my family. By the second semster; however, i knew things were going downhill. I pledged to a fraternity and was initiated in January, right after winter break. Because I was now an active I was obligated to attend all of the formals for the second semester. These formals required me to bring a date, and when I asked my girlfriend she refused to be my date claiming that she hated "those type of things" (refering to parties). Well these weren't wild fraternity parties at the frat house, they were formal events at nice locations. I explained this and invited her to at least three formals and she always told me she didn't want to attend...mainly because of the three hour drive to my school (which I made over seven times the first semester to visit her). I was pretty hurt by this considering I was like one of four guys who went dateless to these formals; pretty embarrassing since I claimed to be in a serious relationship. I elected not to ask someone else out of respect for my relationship. Well by spring break things were getting bad. Whenever I saw her she just didn't seem that excited that I was home so I stopped coming. Then I asked her if she wanted to come to my school just to hang out and not even go to the fraternity house. She said she was too busy, couldn't make the drive. Well I found out that the weekend she said she couldn't come down she went to see our high school basketball team play in the state tournament in a city five hours from ours. Well I was extremely pissed because she made a five hour drive to watch basketball but wouldnt drive three hours to be my date for important events or even just to hang out. I got drunk that Thursday night and broke up with her out of spite. She told me never to talk to her again after that. By Saturday night I was pretty upset about my stupid mistake, especially since I didn't mean it, and drove back home to patch things up (since she wouldn't answer my calls.) When I got home I tried to get in touch with her but she was on her way home from the tournament and told me just to go back to school. I left the next morning with my head hung low and realized how dumb I was for wasting six hours and 80 dollars in gas. I went back to my dorm and then she called. We repaired our relationship and then things went back to "normal." I had one more month of school and then I knew summer would be the medicine we needed. Well, I was wrong. It is now the end of the summer and although things were great for a short period of time, they are now falling apart again and I just dont have the energy to try and save this...I have put everything into this but it only pays off so much. My problem now is just that she is too busy and when we hang out I don't feel the connection we once had, one I know is still there deep down. This summer she has kept herself so busy. When she is not working, she is at our old high school planning stuff for next year, and when she isn't doing that she is out with her friends going to concerts and shopping, and whenever she has free time to see me she always spends it with her mom out shopping even more. Well I realized if she is so busy then I might as well be also...well I started boxing (something I loved when I was younger) and adopted a puppy from the animal shelter. I box almost every day for three hours and plan to start my amateur career very shortly. Its something I take very seriously...Well, the gym is ten minutes from her house and she tells me to come over after my training to swim and hang out. This was great with me because now we were able to see each other more than two or three times a week. But it seems that even when we are together now, she is busy...She is always calling her friends or people at work or people in her student groups at school, and I just sit there like "what the hell, why can't you just be satisfied with talking to me." I suggested taking a break a few weeks ago and she freaked out saying "I love you, please, we can work through this. I love you so much and want to spend the rest of my life with you, etc. etc." so I didn't go through with the break. She promised that if she couldnt make that much time to hang out with me she would at least act like she enjoys the time we do spend together (something she has not been doing). That lasted for a week and now we are back to where we started. Today I told her I was done, I need a break until she can figure out whats important to her. She sounded like I was full of **** and would be calling her tonight to fix things, but I'm not. I love her more than anything and it hurts so much that our relationship is like this now because for a long time it was the best thing I had ever experienced. I still love her and if it ends now for good I will always love her and pray that she is doing well, I just can't put myself through this kind of emotional torture. All I want is for her to at least act like she cares. I am proud of the things she has accomplished and she will be a very successful woman, I just can't stand to the side and be her fairweather boyfriend. Does anyone have any adivce? Once again I am sorry this is so long, but I need some help...what should I do from here? I don't want to lose her, if I could I would marry this girl, things just aren't working out right now...

[whichwayisup]

Well by spring break things were getting bad. Whenever I saw her she just didn't seem that excited that I was home so I stopped coming.

Then I asked her if she wanted to come to my school just to hang out and not even go to the fraternity house. She said she was too busy, couldn't make the drive.

 

You two don't seem to be growing together, let alone communicating.

 

You may really love her, but you two need to mature abit, grow as people...Maybe in the future something could happen..But, your school life doesn't interest her much, and it being long distance isn't helping either.

 

BUT - It sounds like you truely DO want her in your life, so you both need to start 'hearing' eachother, and 'understand' eachother. No more assuming, taking things the wrong way, then going off to get drunk. TALK ABOUT IT.

 

I hope she gives you another chance, but if she doesn't right now, just give her some space.

[VIP]

I think she doesn't care about you and it would be better to break up. You come last in her list of priorities and she takes you for granted.

[uniqueone]

I think she likes the "idea" of a boyfriend and that's the role you fill. Break up with her and stick to it -- because you really don't have a relationship anyway.