hugznkisses21 Posted August 3, 2007 Posted August 3, 2007 Hi there, I have been with my bf now for just over a year. I love him very much and he love me very much too. We know that we want so much together as far as our futures – we are both 25. Things have gotten tough this past month or so. Tougher than I have ever imagined. We nit pick at each other, this leads to frustration, hurtful things and then almost break up – a bunch of times. Not only do I know get upset and worry about us ending but he has told me before and almost broken up with me saying I should go find someone who doesn’t hurt me and im happier with – I don’t blame him so much because although I would never say it I do also worry he would be happier with someone else. We don’t want to be without each other – even in the middle of almost breaking up he tells me he is so sorry that he cant walk out that he cant be without me – and I truly believe him (with tears in his eyes). Its like we have gotten ourself into this really deep hole of dirt and we got their so easily but its very hard to claw our way out to the happiness and laughter we had before. I know its still there its just getting past everything. Anyone that has ever been going through a rough patch, have any advice on how to work our way out of it? I write this with the most sincerity – My life, my future involves him and he feels the same way about me – we are both upset and really would like some advice. Thanks
Cobra_X30 Posted August 3, 2007 Posted August 3, 2007 Though I do not know what your situation is, there is one piece of advice that I think may help you. Try to accept him for who he is without attempting to change him. He needs to do the same for you. Look at each others individual weaknesses, and help each other compensate by using your strengths.
Author hugznkisses21 Posted August 3, 2007 Author Posted August 3, 2007 yes that is great advice - sometimes being that we are both stubborn that isnt easy at time - we are both very much alike in the sence that we can be defensive, or stubborn in not backing down and proud. Letting go of the past is hard for me as well - as it hard for me to wake up the next morning thinking we are moving forward instead i think oh gosh we have been doing so bad lately - i hope we will be ok As for our past not too much to say - we have never really hurt the other person, cheated or anything like that - we are very open, communicative, honest and faithful. We have gone through hard times (a friend passing away) and in a small way i know my bf is angry at times as he is still dealing with the loss of his best friend. Other than that we are solid - but after so much fighting and crying its starts to get to option of is this going to work and thats hard because its not like we want to break up and its not like we have been like this our whole relationship - just the past months and we hit a rough patch a while ago but managed to work through it. I think right now im just scared that the big break up words have been thrown around
Cobra_X30 Posted August 3, 2007 Posted August 3, 2007 Well, honestly from your side it sounds like your relationship has a rock solid foundation. Its funny but when someone comes in and just accepts and loves you, bad parts and all, sometimes the defensiveness starts to fade. I think bieng defensive is a self protection mechanism, its a wall you build to protect yourself. If he comes in and shows you that the wall is not needed, it starts to come down. You should read some of the stories on this board if you think things are going bad for you. Really, it sounds like your just going through a rough patch and if the two of you sit down and really work things out, you will come out of it better than ever. The more you talk about a break up the easier it is to do. The way I see it, your always going to hit a rough spot... doesnt matter who your with. To me, breaking up without a really good reason is like saying... Im just too lazy to work on it. But thats just me and I dont know how things are in your relationship.
bradford Posted August 3, 2007 Posted August 3, 2007 I don't know, it's never been a "patch" for me. When things get like that, it usually means there is nothing you can do but pick up the pieces and move on. I've had 4 multi-year relationships that have ended similarly. It's all about finding the right person, not about trying to make the wrong person fit. I realize that now, of course, but not at the time - every time. I'm 32 now. Sorry I couldn't have anything more positive to say.. but I'm a realist
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