Think I'm Goin Crazy

[marty]

Just listened to it. Nice song.

 

Maybe shouldn't do this , but could use a chat now and then if u wanna,

 

my secondary msn addy is

 

[email protected]

 

if it hepls both us then i'm all for that.

[funkybassplayer]

your right funky of course, its just i dont think i'm at that place yet.

 

i'm looking for anything at the moment to keep me goin. being angry in my head just tells me how much she meant to me. because i'm not like that usually. angry isnt something i tend to be. deeply sad,, yes, depressed, yes,, all the usual things,

 

but this girl for what ever reason has really got to my soul. i'm basically just waiting for the day when i can finally let it go. i know its only me that can do that. i'm just longing for the pain in my chest to ease and start living properly again. It's quite ridiculous the amount of crying i've done these last few weeks. Sometimes not over her. Just a small show of compassion from someone and i'm nearly off. And the thing that gets me is she'll be probably going around, livin her life as pretty much normal. I have no reason at all to resent that,, but i do somehow. Me sloathing around full of tiring emotion,,and she's probably got a party lined up or somrthing. (i dont want to know,,,kills me thinking what she's doin,,, must STOP THAT)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it serves me NO GOOD at all.

 

i haven't an array of friends i can go out with at the weekend. all live miles and miles away and are settled with families.

just 2 very close ones, he and she have both offered to take me out on the town, but tbh i'm not that kind of guy really as i dont drink.

Big big part of this is being so scared of being on my own. I know its finally time for me to do it on my own but at my age i thought i'd be settling down now. not wondering if i'm gonna have to open myself up to loads of rejection and try and 'date' girls. You girls dont realise how hard it is for us guys i think:). not ready for all that yet either !!

 

Hi Matry. Can i say alot of this is about you. What i mean is that this ending has brought up stuff from your past, and its making feel extra crap! i know the relationship break up is a big part of this, but you may find that this has brought up stuff from your past. This happened to me. I was in a really bad way, like you crying and all that, and i saw a great life coach. I have his number. He does phone work too. HE didnt take long to suss out that this brought back my dads death, and that made me feel extra crap! he also explained that my ex was in alot of her own pain, and all this going out etc is a cover to the real peoson beneth. I know that doesnt help you, but to understand that things happen and its not your fault does help. Right now, the best thing you can try to do is let go of her, and deal with your own pain, cos that is the way forward for you. Whatever she is doing it does not matter. I was ment to be going to the v festival with her, but she must have gone with the new chap. Theres nothing i could do, so i wish her a good time, and carry on with what i had to do. Dont beat yourself up about not going on the town, and dating etc, as you will do it when you are ready. I had a date the other day, but while i was waiting, i wished i was waitng for my ex, and while it was nice, i was not ready, i dont even want it at the moment. Just do whats right for you, Dont worry about being on your own, i was like you, i only have 2 close freinds and they have busy lives so all i really had was this place, but writng and posting everything really helped. You will be ok from this, and it will take time, but try to look to yourself, cos for now at least she has gone, and you have to let her go as well, and while you heal, you will get stronger and find yourself again, and when it happens, you will attract the person who is right for you, as you wont need from the other person, if that makes sense!

[marty]

makes alot of sense.

 

there is so much more to this relationship than i have told here. no names,,, it was a chance meeting, yes,,, but we both had partners at the time. and both left them to be with each other.

 

i gave up everything for her. stupidly maybe, but i loved her.

 

my longterm relationship (14 years)(my special friend) had been stagnant for us both for about 3-4 years. we were both in that same place, not wanting to say anything, frightened of change, we had turned into the best of friends and thats all. She didnt even blame me for falling for my ex , because she said if a guy had come along she probably would have done the same. but we had a very very strong bond. still do. We didnt have a bad life together, but we were not attracted to each other anymore,and for many years seemed to be just housemates.

 

As for my ex, her marriage was different,, or so she said to me. 'He' didnt show her any love or attention,,,never talked,,,, you get the drift.

I do believe she loved me,, in a way,,, but from what i've learned in the last 2-3weeks i feel i've been played a little.

I gave up everything, my house, my life as i knew it, now seeing that i've been led along by someone who is either emotionally immature to the point where she didnt see what she was doing,,, or just plain devious.

And the thing i cant seem to get rid of is that i should be glad i got out, that we said goodbye. but i dont.............yet.

 

Yes , i agree funky that i need to let her go, its the only way i can heal,,. and after all she put me through it should be easier. she isnt pining for me, so why waste my health and energy on her. lots of ppl are telling me that , yet i'm still here typing away, trying to sort myself out.

[funkybassplayer]

You sound like you met someone who needed from you, as i did. When i met my ex, i belived that she was over her ex hubby, but soon into the relationship, he was still very much a part of her life stil, with her refusing to even talk about a divorce so what future for us? Yes i was there for her, took all the worst of the emotions from her, her hubby (who still loved her very much and treatend me a few times, but i stayed put) and getting to know her mixed up 3 kids. I worked really hard to make a life for us, cos i thought this is what she wanted too, with us talking about me selling my house and buying out the hubby from his share of the house, but how? when she wont speak of a divorce with me. I felt 2nd best, and hurt, and aslo started to take the brunt of all the familys problems. I stuck at it, even though i was stressed, but i did my best, and i loved them all very much. She ended it, and within days got a new fella, and he didnt want me to have contact with her or the kids. I tried, and she said she wanted to be friends, but he was very jelous type. Anyway, we dont talk anymore (this is her wish not mine) and i would and could like to be frieds, cos we did get on so well. But all i feel is that i took the brunt of the ex hubbys emotions hers, and the kids, and the new guy takes all my hard work that i built for us. Now the issues on her part were still there. What im saying marty, is that sometimes, and without knowing, they use our strenth to get through a difficult time for them. Now i very much dought that her deep issues will change, and im sure that the new guy and his money (she said he was rich, i was'nt) will be nice for a while, but at the end, the issues are still there. Me i trying to help myself by life coaching not drinking and getting fitter, that s all i can do at the momnet. I tried to date as i said but am not ready for this as yet. You know we attracted them, b/c we were strong, and willing, and we gave ourselfs to them and they sucked it up, and used us to heal, but look at that as a good thing, as we were very strong, and special to do this for them, and if in some way i have helped her to heal from her marriage, then i know the relationship ment something, and i can only wish one day she will think of this, and maybe even pick up the phone to say hi. Dont feel used, you were strong and you did an amazing thing by sticking by this lady, as i did, and yes we are the ones left hurt, but we will recover and move on, and be better people. Will they?? who knows. I know i miss her and the kids very much, and people on this site say move on etc. Its not easy to do, but acceptance of what was, is a little ray of light. BE proud, you helped her ina way you dont even know, and nor does she, but you did, and when you heal, you will be stronger too. Sorry about the rant, i got on a roll!!

[krandall]

marty- I'm sorry I only saw your post now. This week, we will chat online. We will get through this together Marty! I promise with every ounce of by soul, as meaningless as I may feel- I am holding onto a notion of pure faith that this state of mind is only temporary, although the pain can be overwhelming. We may not know the reasons for things until later. Marty, your ex sounds scarily like my ex. Your relationship with her was EXACTLY like my relationship with my ex. This is why we are going to get through this together- 2 souls in pain across the globe from each other. We'll be in touch.

[funnyfarm]

Funky...it's really interesting that you mentioned talking to a life coach as this is the second time I've heard that term....the first being a co-worker turned very good friend who took the life coach training. Very cool....I would maybe like to do something like that.

 

Marty, I think the fact that you are "still here, typing away..trying to sort yourself out" speaks volumes about the type of person you are. Actually, if you think about it, it speaks a lot about many of the people on here as unlike many who bury their heads in the sand ( my ex?!) we are all here trying to better ourselves...if it means pouring out our hearts and being vulnerable...so what!! This is how we learn. While climbing mountains can be really tough, the view when you finally reach the top can be amazing:love: Can you tell I'm having one of those positive moments:p....I tend to relish them as the sad ones take a lot out of me:o Hey...do you mind if I add you to my msn? I don't usually spend a lot of time on there, but I would love to chat some time....or would it be commiserate:laugh:

 

Hang in there....I've only been on this forum a few days but I see improvement in each of your posts...it may not seem like much to you but it's there *big hug*

[marty]

Funky...it's really interesting that you mentioned talking to a life coach as this is the second time I've heard that term....the first being a co-worker turned very good friend who took the life coach training. Very cool....I would maybe like to do something like that.

 

Marty, I think the fact that you are "still here, typing away..trying to sort yourself out" speaks volumes about the type of person you are. Actually, if you think about it, it speaks a lot about many of the people on here as unlike many who bury their heads in the sand ( my ex?!) we are all here trying to better ourselves...if it means pouring out our hearts and being vulnerable...so what!! This is how we learn. While climbing mountains can be really tough, the view when you finally reach the top can be amazing:love: Can you tell I'm having one of those positive moments:p....I tend to relish them as the sad ones take a lot out of me:o Hey...do you mind if I add you to my msn? I don't usually spend a lot of time on there, but I would love to chat some time....or would it be commiserate:laugh:

 

Hang in there....I've only been on this forum a few days but I see improvement in each of your posts...it may not seem like much to you but it's there *big hug*

 

hey, of course you can add me to msn. i wont be on msn untill the end of the week though unfortunately as i'm workin away from home this week. but i would love to chat sometime soon.

[marty]

tell me if this was silly ,, but i did it only for me, hand on heart.

 

i think i turned a corner tonight. was just sittin thinkin,,,, quite alot about what funky said,,, and your so right m8.

 

was like a wave of calm almost, something i havent had in a long time, even through our relationship. i think i let go tonight.

 

STUPID i know , but i sent her an email. Just me wishing her all the very best in the future and all i wish is happiness for her. i wrote that i do NOT want a reply, this was just for me.

 

I'm not interested in what she thinks about it, doesnt make any difference,, but for me it was very cleansing somehow. It wasnt contact in that i wanted a reaction. It was me leaving it behind.

 

no more anger,, or hope,, or torture,,,no torture, my god , havent been that way for while. i'm still sad that it wasnt 'happily ever after' , and i miss her, but i can deal with that.

 

If all i did was help her a little on her journey then that can only be good.

 

Think i can start charging my batteries now,, she cant drain them anymore. She drained them emtpy, and will the next guy too i'm sure,,but thats not my problem.

 

I can honestly say that tonight has been the best night in a long time.

 

and i thought i wouldn't have been able to say that for a long time.

 

p.s. funnyfarm,, thnx for the chat. it helped.

[Storyrider]

Marty, you write so touchingly of your situation. You've gotten great advice, and I don't have much to add, just that having loved her, faults and all, doesn't diminish you in any way. That is what love is. At the same time, when things got out of hand, you were right to step up and protect yourself from more harm. Keep on moving forward.

[Curious139]

Your story also touched me Marty and I agree that you write very well about it. That is cathartic - putting your thoughts down in writing and sharing them here with kind people who understand.

 

We all tend to forget that love comes from within us - not from the other person. Your capacity to feel love and be loving is your gift. It isn't owned or controlled by anyone else.

 

So you still have that within you, painful as this breakup is. You can go on and share your love with someone else. Many of us here feel that we have lost "the one" - certainly I do - but that isn't logical. There are hundreds if not thousands of people whom you could form a life bond with, the big problem is finding them.

 

Look around you - you'll see the most unlikely people in happy relationships. It happens eventually for nearly everyone. Keep busy.

[marty]

thank you all very much. I'm gonna stick around this place for sure.

 

Today is a knew day for me,,, but for many here today feels like a week of torment.

 

I'd like to stick around. If i can help or just listen. You all did for me and i'm truely grateful.

 

 

 

Just looked out the window,, its been raining for about 2 weeks straight...... and today the sun is shining,,,,, makes you think eh

[birdie]

Hi Marty,

 

Have read through the thread and the way you describe how your ex handled the break up and what you said about her previous relationship makes me think that she is one of those people that avoid or dismiss intimacy. you get that in men and women.

 

I understand why she wouldn't want to leave Holland but I think the fact that she didn't want you there was largely because she didn't want someone depending on her. I'm not saying you would have been too dependent but for people that want to keep a certain distance, it can be too much.

 

What you said about her previous relationship makes me think that she definitely had intimacy issues because she chose to live with somebody who distanced himself from her.

 

Just the impression I'm getting.

[funnyfarm]

 

We all tend to forget that love comes from within us - not from the other person. Your capacity to feel love and be loving is your gift. It isn't owned or controlled by anyone else.

 

 

This is soooo true!!! Thanks for the reminder, Curious:love:

 

Marty...I was so happy to read your last couple of posts....Yayyyyyy for you!!!!! It was good chatting with you too...felt good to branch off from relationship saga chatter, didn't it?! I know it did for me:D

[marty]

Hi Marty,

 

Have read through the thread and the way you describe how your ex handled the break up and what you said about her previous relationship makes me think that she is one of those people that avoid or dismiss intimacy. you get that in men and women.

 

I understand why she wouldn't want to leave Holland but I think the fact that she didn't want you there was largely because she didn't want someone depending on her. I'm not saying you would have been too dependent but for people that want to keep a certain distance, it can be too much.

 

What you said about her previous relationship makes me think that she definitely had intimacy issues because she chose to live with somebody who distanced himself from her.

 

Just the impression I'm getting.

 

interesting, you may well have a point. never thought of that. she definately has her demons. but i've let go of her. its her problem not mine.

was mine for far too long,, i hope she finds what ever it is she's looking for. i feel kinda sorry for her in a way. my heart might have broke, but atleast i know how to use it,,, not the same for her,,, its a shame.

[marty]

This is soooo true!!! Thanks for the reminder, Curious:love:

 

Marty...I was so happy to read your last couple of posts....Yayyyyyy for you!!!!! It was good chatting with you too...felt good to branch off from relationship saga chatter, didn't it?! I know it did for me:D

 

 

did feel good anytime miss farm. take care.

[Chinook]

hey

 

Sorry I been absent, I've been a little busy lately. No idea how that happened but I'm really glad it did.

 

Hey Marty, it's nice to see you posting and being so cheery - that was really good to see

 

C x

[marty]

Marty - one thing is really coincidental:

I read your posts and your story, and I almost passed out. Your situatioin happened to me and was almost EXACTLY the same - except that she dumped me - the last week of July. I didn't eat for days at a time, and I cried more than I thought was huanly possible. I even left town and flew to see my best friend in Chicago because I felt so alone here. Slowly, piece by piece I am putting myself back together. I know it can be done Marty. Do it with me - let's encourage each other.

I came across a song with very relevant lyrics - see if you can listen to it tonight - it might make you feel better. It resonates:

It's called "I'm Gonna Find Another You" on the album "Continuum" by John Mayer.

Marty, we are in this together - we can get through this together.

 

 

You still about????? if you need to chat or whatever please do. i'm turned a corner m8, but if you still need help we're here

[marty]

any tips on doin this 'alone' thing. i've tried keeping busy and all that but it aint workin too well.

 

even though i'm getting over this, i still miss the companionship,, very much. i'm around ppl all the time,, not spending too much time on my own,, but i still feel lonely. probably still not giving myself time.

 

still find myself reaching for the phone now and then. even though she totalled my heart, and why poison yourself again with all that. its strange how the yearning comes back and surprises you from time to time.

 

its only been a month,, and i'm being impatient. i have the day off today which hasnt helped.

 

i wished her well in that email,and it was good for me to say that to her,, even though she did all that stuff, but now, for me,,its not about what we could of had,, its more of how i could have fell for all that stuff. still bothering me. so many things looking back that were clearly wrong.

 

i have started to move on,, for sure,,, but still cant stop thinkin of her. not in that yearning way of wanting to be with her,,, no way,,,,, but of what she did,, this is now the thing i have to let go of. and being on my own isnt helping me move away from that. i know i need to be alone until i heal from this 18 months of turmoil, but i've taken such a beating without realising it.

 

hence i'm still here

 

maybe today is just one of those bad days. when i heard i had the day off today my heart sank a little. done all i need to do today, went and got more stuff for the house (still isnt home yet). now i'm on a sunlounger (couch not arrived yet lol ) in the living room, twiddling my thumbs.

 

being alone is good right??? doesnt feel great i have to say.

ranting on again:o thank god for this place.

[VIP]

They say it's good to be alone after a break up, but I think this doesn't work for everybody. Why not try to talk to women, you can find some friends and may be eventually something more.

[marty]

dont think i'm ready for that quite yet.

 

its a double edged sword right now

[funkybassplayer]

Hi i just read your reply on my tread, yes its head games im sure. Hey its only been a month, but i can promise you will be fine, and you will move on. Your doing the right thing by doing what you feel you need to, and you will know inside when its time to date again. If you do it at teh wrong time, it will only remind you of your ex, nothing more. Dont be too hard on yourself it is up, n down, but i can assure you, there will be more ups to come than downs, as we are doing the healing the right way, getting our baggage out of our sytem b4 moving on.

[krandall]

Marty, everyone - nice to touch base with all of you again. So, I was doing ok, and then I checked my mail yesterday. The cold fish sent me an envelope with a couple of insignificant things I left at her place. I immediately threw them away, and regressed. I had a relapse. Started crying, etc. I sat up all night writing down my thoughts, the real truth of the relationship which I never had the courage to tell her. I posted an earlier draft on the site earlier, but here is the full version - be forewarned - it is VERY long, but heartfelt:

I am tired an need to take a nap. Thank you all for being kind.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Loved and Lost or Lost and Gained?

 

 

Dear A:

 

I thought deeply about sending this to you – and even though it will not change your personality – even though perhaps I shouldn’t grace you with this truth – I figured you might as well have a bit of reality forcefully injected into your heartless soul, although I know it will be as unrealistically ineffective as you paying full price for an item. I never said my peace to you, and I am entitled to it and I have earned it.

 

So, I might as well say it now – you are one of the most selfish human beings I have ever come across in my life, and expect to. You have no consideration for anything two inches beyond your own nose. You take the view of life that “this is who I am, I will not change unless forced to” and you lack the maturity to be in an equal relationship – you will always have to be in control. Any benevolent act you do is out of minimal obligation, not out of purpose – and it doesn’t take much insight to see that.

 

Your whole life you have been coddled by your parents, who have never had the courage to tell their little Jewish American Princess Star who descended from the ceiling in a Keep-Up-With-The-Joneses Batmitsvah that she can be wrong, self absorbed, and shallow. Because God forbid, no one in your perfect little family can be ****ed up. Everything is Disney perfect, right? Keep drinking the (sugar-free-carb-free-calorie-free) Kool-Aid, little girl. The worst kind of JAP isn’t the one who is materialistic, but the one who is selfish with her emotions. That, little child, is what you represent.

 

Your life’s conversations are based around the latest restaurant, movie, or strip mall opening up – a shallow, pathetic existence considering the amazing and complicated deep world which God has surrounded us with. This naturally brings me to my next point:

 

I deserve better than you – someone who will appreciate me, my depth, my character, and my backbone- while you deserve some chump who will put up with your ****. That, little girl, will more than adequately satisfy you because all you care about is a perfect image that you strongly wish to project to others. When you read the Atlanta Jewish Times and stack yourself up to some newlywed couple – you gaze longingly because you so badly want to announce the white picket fence and the 2.5 kids -because that is the image you so badly want to project to the world which ironically cares much less about you than you think. God-forbid – your defects exposed would be crushing to your fragile little weak spirit which is mainly comprised of self-preservation at all costs.

 

The most cruel animals in the Holocaust were the “Capos” - the Jews placed in charge of other Jews. They were chosen specifically for their ability to only consider self-preservation above any level of human decency or righteousness. It is a crying shame that any Jew in this world today, the offspring of such horror, can ever exist without a remarkably high degree of empathy, compassion, and kindness for others, let alone be deficient in those characteristics! Shame on you, Unforgiving Ice-Queen who doesn’t have the strength or the courage to wear an ounce of emotion on your sleeve.

 

You personality is off-putting, so you have never developed true friendships outside your family – those who would truly die for you (I know that is a completely foreign concept)– and with those relationships comes true advice – sometimes unpleasant to digest, but words that can change you if you have the guts to hear, absorb, and understand. You don’t know the true meaning of sacrifice; you only know of obligation, not the fulfillment that comes from dirtying yourself to help a fellow human being in need. So you run back to your incredible dependence on mommy and daddy whom you try and emulate in every aspect of your life. Why don’t you just marry your father – that is what you want?

 

Most telling - you took a two-year relationship and tried to snatch my dignity away by breaking up with me in a Starbucks on your way home from work. Considering you share “everything” with your parents, I wonder if your parents, the only people you truly respect, know that the evening prior to this you were sexual with me, or would you perhaps cover that up to mask that pathological inappropriateness? That alone speaks incredible wonders about the level of your emotional maturity. You know what that act represents? Most people would say – “What a bitch!” because they don't have the linguistic capacity to truly encompass the lowness your methods of relationship abandonment. The fact that you so obviously can’t pony up to the emotional hell that your actions can impose when you choose to do it in the most cowardly of all fashions is very telling. In essence, you are one Cold Fish.

 

I wonder if you concealed from the only ones you care about, your parents, that the weekend that LP dropped me, my mother was contemplating being hospitalized, my life was in full crisis and I was in the midst of being almost suicidally depressed and you decided that that was the time to criticize me for not giving you a 14 month dating anniversary card? Being that clueless and dense is truly phenomenal, in a disgusting sense. And then in the midst of this my closest friend in life, D begs you with all his mercy and might for four hours to wait just a little bit, even just one day before breaking up with me, pleading with you to give me a day to regain my sanity in the trauma that I was facing – but you nonetheless cast aside human decency to throw me aside like a piece of refuse the very day I questioned the value of my own life. But rest assured, you did that after your law firm’s party – because your stunted immature image of being in a relationship is more important than imparting human decency on whom you are with. If even the love of your parents is not overcome with the obviousness of that cruel and inhumane treatment, than any respect I had for them is diminished. But I sometimes wonder if your parents are truly aware of how unknowingly emotionally vicious and callous their little girl can be. I have a feeling though that deep inside they know what I am talking about even if they won’t acknowledge it. If I only had the capacity to be as uncaring as you, I would feel so rotten, filthy, and foul that I almost wouldn’t be able to bear it, but I forgive you, for you know not what you do. My love is the result of me being fulfilled by looking into a suffering human’s eyes and providing them every ounce of comfort, relief, and love that they deserve – a language so desperately foreign to you.

 

That fulfillment is what led me to stand up for what is right (even at a price too steep for you to accept or fathom), and fight to reclaim what is sacred to me. And rest assured – even without your insincere confidence, I have prevailed beyond anyone’s wildest dreams. This is the measure of a man. I make a difference in the world and to those around me because I ask myself what one day you can only fantasize of asking yourself - what meaning have I left this world? And you will have to answer to only God and yourself, not your yes-parents.

 

You might want to take a break from this harsh dose of truth now by getting some pats on your back from someone because I doubt any person had the balls to ever be this direct with you. Wow, what a wake up call for such a stunted person – I’m sure this is going way over your head because no graduate education can provide this true understanding as it comes from depth, not rote memorization for a grade.

 

Little girl, you define your life by what you think is proper, by what you think you need to do at a given instant – not by what is deep, true, and meaningful. If one thing in your obsessively regimented existence is out-of-whack you are off-kilter. It is amazing that at your age you haven’t grasped the concept that more **** in life doesn’t go your way than does. But at least that is an explanation behind your control pathology and myopic existence.

 

And you run, immediately and as fast as possible into another relationship to cover up the incredible loneliness and insecurity that is at your very core, that resides within your marrow masked by so many onion layers that you will most likely never confront your own inadequacies. Resultingly you try and cover up this vulnerability by living your disciplined, planned existence in a job which has leveled out for you, and an existence devoid of real love – pain and all. You don’t know what love is – the dangerous thing is that you use the word callously because you think you know what it is but your actions are devoid of it– you will always have the cut-and-run mentality because you only think of yourself. Presumptuous of me to say this? Definitely. But more true than presumptuous. You think to yourself “there are many people out there, I just need to find the right one for me” – and you probably will never realize the inherent flaw in that defective mentality, the fact that it abdicates you of any real responsibility in your failures.

 

You never loved me, Cold Fish. The fact that you can pack up and move on so quickly (Twice!) absent of any real depth of emotion is a remarkable demonstration of a lack of capacity of feeling that is actually quite sad, yet simultaneously abhorrent.

 

For a while, I am ashamed to say, I actually envied that – how you separate all that is true from your heart to avoid real suffering and vulnerability– but then I realized something – you avoid the pain and consequences of your own selfishness, but you live a shallow life – an “ignorance is bliss life” :

Because without the pain, you will never feel the joy that I feel – you will never feel the love that I feel – and with that, I LIVE while you will simply EXIST and find your shallow pleasures by being a coupon queen at a restaurant or repeatedly calling your parents about a sale at Costco punctuated by weekend trips and periodic holidays in your drab routine as you “live for the weekends” which you like to say.

 

Now let’s talk about representation: You brought up your Jdate profile when you callously discarded me at Starbucks. You represent yourself in your profile as friendly/kind/sensitive/nurturing/loving – anyone who would describe you in those ways is flat-out retarded in their human perception. The fact that you would describe yourself in those terms is not only a complete misrepresentation, but indicative of the distorted view you have of yourself. Perhaps to your cat you are nurturing – but he, as you often boast, is “low maintenance.” This also indicates the failure of you to understand that sometimes the most precious things in our magnificent world are difficult, high-maintenance, and need to be nurtured and cradled – ironically the adjectives that I would think more realistically describe you.

 

Perhaps more nauseating on your Jdate profile is when you state: “We will always be there for each other as we take on whatever life has in store for us.” Although you think you do, child, you have as much a clue what life can have in store as someone who is, let’s say “Fifteen.” And one day when you see what life can truly have in store, you will be so unprepared for a real crisis that you may be forced to confront the fragile little girl inside that ice-cold unforgiving exterior. That confrontation when it happens will be more destructive than the pain that you put me and others through. That is your inevitable curse of being an ice-queen, along with the inability to feel the magic and poetry present in so many aspects of this world that you will never notice. The bitterly ironic thing is that your failure to see any of this is more destructive to you and others than painstakingly avoiding butter and oil in your obnoxiously picky way that makes those around you uncomfortable at restaurants.

 

So move on your ignorant blissful way, float through life until you pick apart some other man’s dignity, slice by slice in your hacking way. And run to Mommy and Daddy whenever you want confirmation of your erred ways because as a 31 year old, you are a stunted little girl who relies on complete reassurance from someone else. It is amazing what such abuse can emanate from such a person so small in so many ways.

 

You aren’t worth my meaningful poems, my heartfelt prose:

First of all, you lack the depth to understand them because you have defined your life by external measures - numerical grades, where you went to school, who your boyfriend/s are, what you do, and who your family is- not real intellect, not real purpose, not real meaning; and

Secondly you aren’t renting any more space in my head – you can’t afford its rate and I don’t accept coupons – you needn’t deserve it.

 

Congratulations, little girl, the price you have just paid is never to have a human being with the character, depth, kindness, intelligence, and benevolence that I have -in your life, ever. And I am willing to bank a hell of a lot on that. And unlike you, I put my money where my mouth is and stand up when something is wrong. That comes from being a Jew more than aimlessly reciting some prayers on a Friday evening or going to the obligatory High Holy day service. My God isn’t lacking in prayers, nor is He short on sincerity – I know this because I have a close relationship with Him, and I highly recommend it.

 

Now go on in your righteous certainty and share this with your parents for their reassurance, their coddling, their confirmation to you that their little “Rising Star” is just right, and cut and run away into the outstretched arms of your shallow, superficial ways. I know you will inevitably let your fortified pride simply attack the “tone” of this writing, for it is the path of least resistance.

 

I never want to hear from you again because it is too great a challenge dealing with empty characters who have no heart. While I respect challenges, this one isn’t worth the effort – I have better things to do with my time from now on. I will rest assured that this letter will fall either into the lockbox of photos and mementos of your previously mangled relationships in your garage, or it will be violently flung into your garbage bin - while a much brighter, limitless future gleams ahead of me. For you have given me a treasure that you will never know – you have restored the gift of me, where my love never diminished, but it simply reincarnated into myself to be shared with someone who will truly appreciate it and deserve it.

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[marty]

can i ask how long since you guys broke up.

 

anger is an easier way to deal with this i know,,,, i've tried,, believe me.

 

but it wont let you move on. my ex, from what ur posting , wasnt quite as bad as that,,but i tried anger to get me through some bad days. and although it seemed to be helping,,,, she still had a hold on me

 

she hurt you bad krandall,,, we all see that,,, but dont continue to let her hurt you. my ex kept hurting me without her knowing it for ages,,, it was me,,, doing it to myself.

 

Remember, she's not hurting you now.although your heart is telling you different,,,, you are. dont allow her that much respect. is she really worth that.

 

its a shame that some ppl are just like that,, my ex i'm sure believes she did absolutely nothing wrong... draining me till i was all but ended ,, and then walking away. but , hey, let her think that,,i feel sorry for her in a way.

 

one day,,, not too far away,,, you'll let go,, you dont think so now,, but when it comes, and your sick of yourself thinkin of her, thinkin of what ifs, thinkin of how dare she,,,thinkin of how stupid have i been,,,,,,one day,, you will have had enough of killin yourself,, and you'll let go.

 

its a good feeling,,,trust me.

 

look after yourself m8.

 

and if u still wanna msn, its no problem. its not selfless,,,,this all helps me too,,,,,,,,,still.

[krandall]

Marty - your words are really powerful. She dumped me the last week of July, and for the first time in a 2 year relationship, I was able to verbalize my TRUE thoughts on her in that writing. She was a cold, heartless person who like your ex, truly doesn't believe she did anything wrong.

I am going to try and feel sorry for this shallow person, and await the inevitable day where my soul lets go of this superficial girl - for you are right, she IS NOT WORTH IT.

I would definitely MSN you, its just that this week work is crazy and I come back physically and emotionally exhausted - you know the funny thing - this site is the highlight often of my day - seeing the insightful and meaningful comments of those who are more objective. I think it was Tennyson who said "It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." I will know that I am fully healed when I can truly appreciate that statement.

[funnyfarm]

Very well said, Marty!!!! Anger just eats away at the angry person...been there, done that..heck we all have;)

 

Marty, I was so thrilled to read that you felt you had turned a corner!! There will be days where you will have sad moments but they will get further apart. Both you and Krandall are at that one month stage...I'm heading towards almost 2 and let me tell you, what a huge difference! Mind you, I had a big epiphany last weekend and that helped big time...lots of tears and soul searching but wow...do I ever feel better! Didn't stop me from having a couple of crys out of nowhere a couple of days ago but it's getting there! The hurt and shock is still there but it's being taken over by other things in life that are, quite frankly, more enjoyable and interesting:p

 

Hang in there you two!! Marty...we'll have to msn again sometime soon:)