Gunny376 Posted September 7, 2007 Posted September 7, 2007 Me ~ ? I activate myself in the more "traditional" way of creating the relationship dynamic. I think a woman SHOULD look after her man. I dont have high expectations about love, but I work hard to keep us on our toes every day. Dont get me wrong ~~ The first time you screw me around will be the last, but I DONT run out on him when the first sign of boredom creeps in ~~ If and when that happens I work harder to bring the energy back ~~ Its not hard if you know how Grrrrrrr!:love::love:
Author jesslindy Posted September 10, 2007 Author Posted September 10, 2007 It feels like a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. I packed up all of our pictures and all of our wedding stuff that we had on display. Everything in my house that was a reminder to our relationship is in a box. I am slowly packing everything she owns and putting it in the garage. I AM DONE!! She should get the papers soon. I can't wait. Missy you were right, she will NEVER be an acceptable partner to me. I am totally at ease with this, I understand it. In a crazy way I am almost happy this happened to me. I am so glad, as painful as this is, to have this gift of self-examination and pain. It has taught me so much. It has taught me stuff I will never forget. Thank you so much everybody for posting and helping me through this rough time. I greatly appreciate it.
Gunny376 Posted September 11, 2007 Posted September 11, 2007 Even though it is hard, your STBX has probably done you the biggest favour in the world. A woman that hasn't got the guts to stick it out with you, is a woman that's not worth you waiting around for. Even if Mr Reality did suddenly hit her between the peepers, and give her a rude awakening so that she realises exactly what she has just thrown away ~~ you could take her back but She'd only do the same thing again in a few years time, when she get's "itchy feet" again ~~ women like that will never change, and its a sad thing, but more and more women are succumbing to what Gunny quite rightly names "FBS ~ (Flakey Broad Syndrome)" ~~ The rising numbers are actually astounding Me ~ ? I activate myself in the more "traditional" way of creating the relationship dynamic. I think a woman SHOULD look after her man. I dont have high expectations about love, but I work hard to keep us on our toes every day. Dont get me wrong ~~ The first time you screw me around will be the last, but I DONT run out on him when the first sign of boredom creeps in ~~ If and when that happens I work harder to bring the energy back ~~ Its not hard if you know how My favourite is when he gets in from work - "Alright darling, did you have a good day ? ~~ Fancy some dinner and a cold beer" :love: (whilst looking at him seductively in my slinky lingerie and black leather boots ~ !!!! ) Seriously though Jess, you've got a golen opportunity to pave your own destiny now. There ARE some really good women out there, you've just got to work on yourself and one will appear when you least expect it. Had to laugh at this one Missy! My last LTR GF and I had a great relationship, we just had geographical problems! But, I remember coming home and feeling "frisky" and she shoved me away and said: "IT DOESN'T COME THAT EASY MISTER! YOU'VE GOT TO WORK FOR IT! :love::love::love: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr! BTW? That's one you Ladies need to put in your "tool" shed! I LOVED it! It means make me work for it ~ slave for you ~ worthy of you and your precious gifts that only few are worthy of! It speaks confidence! Which we all know is sexy! You're building "value" in yourself. Its what Cleopathra did to Julis Ceaser and Mark Anthony! And while on the subject? Lingere. You know how when you go out to a really nice resturant, and they spruce things up making the plate look more appetizing? That's what lingere is to men ~ it enhaces and makes the delicious dish look only more scrumptious, appealing, and desirable!
Gunny376 Posted September 11, 2007 Posted September 11, 2007 It feels like a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. I packed up all of our pictures and all of our wedding stuff that we had on display. Everything in my house that was a reminder to our relationship is in a box. I am slowly packing everything she owns and putting it in the garage. I AM DONE!! She should get the papers soon. I can't wait. Missy you were right, she will NEVER be an acceptable partner to me. I am totally at ease with this, I understand it. In a crazy way I am almost happy this happened to me. I am so glad, as painful as this is, to have this gift of self-examination and pain. It has taught me so much. It has taught me stuff I will never forget. Thank you so much everybody for posting and helping me through this rough time. I greatly appreciate it. Welcome to the Brotherhood! You will never be the same! You have changed! You have growned! You have learned! You will never be the same! You will never see the World as you've once seen it! You have freed yourself from the myths, fallacies and lies of life! You have EVOLVED! The path before you is straight and narrow, long and ardious! Difficult! But the most difficult one is the first step upon a thousand mile journey is the first one! "Take the pebble from my hand ~ Grasshopper" Now is the time to "find" yourself, to discover yourself! Now is the time to find out who and what you're about! Now is a time of self-discovery! And, your not here to discover yourself ~ but to CREATE yourself!
Missy27 Posted September 11, 2007 Posted September 11, 2007 Had to laugh at this one Missy! My last LTR GF and I had a great relationship, we just had geographical problems! But, I remember coming home and feeling "frisky" and she shoved me away and said: "IT DOESN'T COME THAT EASY MISTER! YOU'VE GOT TO WORK FOR IT! :love::love::love: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr! BTW? That's one you Ladies need to put in your "tool" shed! I LOVED it! It means make me work for it ~ slave for you ~ worthy of you and your precious gifts that only few are worthy of! It speaks confidence! Which we all know is sexy! You're building "value" in yourself. Its what Cleopathra did to Julis Ceaser and Mark Anthony! And while on the subject? Lingere. You know how when you go out to a really nice resturant, and they spruce things up making the plate look more appetizing? That's what lingere is to men ~ it enhaces and makes the delicious dish look only more scrumptious, appealing, and desirable! EXACTLY ~ !! ~ It drives men wild when a woman holds it back a little bit ~! ~ and THATS what I mean about some of the "work" you need to do to keep a partnership on it's toes. Men LOVE the thrill of the chase ~~ The air of mystery that surrounds a woman and her body ~~ The "I'm almost there, but not quite" feeling ~~ When he's JUST not sure whether you're going to give it to him or not I put mine on stop sometimes ~ !! I don't TELL him he's on stop or anything but I make him work DAMN hard for it. I don't touch him in any kind of sexual way for say ~~ 4 Days ~~ Doesn't mean I'm being mean or cold ~~ I still kiss him when he comes in and fetch him his dinner and a beer and he's happier than a pig in sh~t ~~ I just dont give him the "come on" touches, and he suddenly REALISES and is just so gaggin for it ~ it's AWESOME. THEN he has to REALLY work for it. I give him a look that means I want him to work for it and he REALLY REALLY has to work. It's SO sexual (week long sexual without sex ~ !) and enhances our intimacy and our sexual chemistry ten fold ~~ He knows I respect myself and my body and it makes him want me even more ~ :laugh:
Author jesslindy Posted September 13, 2007 Author Posted September 13, 2007 Met with my attorney again this morning and formulated a proposal for my ex wife to review. I have got so many emotions about this. This is a woman that I would have died for. I literally would have shot myself in the head to save her life. We have no contact as of now. Only about our son. I continue to have him most of the time and my attorney said "Good. Keep that up." Thats what we want. All I could think was thats what I want either way. If I never find love again, if I never become lucky enough to find a wife, that would be fine with me as long as my son was a huge part of my life. I am such great father. I cut his hair, I take him to the doctor, I take him to the sitter every morning, I play with him constantly, I spend all my time thinking about him, I pay all of his bills. I don't deserve to be weekend dad. I have so much more to offer him than that. Its creating a massive pain in my heart. I have forgivine my wife, I am not mad AT her. I do not blame her for the way she is, she has no choice right now. But I am going to bury her in this divorce. And of course she will find a way to blame me for it and act like anything I do in this divorce will be to hurt her. That is not my goal. Anything I do in this divorce will be for me and my family and to protect my assets and my son. Which does not include my wife. I am not scared of hurting her. I am not scared of her way of life changing, I am not scared of anything. I believe that anything my wife gets in her life while she is a selfish baby, she deserves. You create your own destiny in this life, your choices in turn warrant your consequences. I do not wish pain upon my wife, but it will be neccessary for her to grow and move forward in a positive light. Thanks for listening.
Gunny376 Posted September 13, 2007 Posted September 13, 2007 We have no contact as of now. Only about our son. I continue to have him most of the time and my attorney said "Good. Keep that up." Thats what we want. All I could think was thats what I want either way. If I never find love again, if I never become lucky enough to find a wife, that would be fine with me as long as my son was a huge part of my life. . That is not my goal. Anything I do in this divorce will be for me and my family and to protect my assets and my son. Which does not include my wife. I am not scared of hurting her. I am not scared of her way of life changing, I am not scared of anything. I do not wish pain upon my wife, but it will be neccessary for her to grow and move forward in a positive light. Thanks for listening. THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT! :bunny::bunny:
butterfly37 Posted September 13, 2007 Posted September 13, 2007 I am very proud of you JL. Awesome!!!! You are a survivor.
butterfly37 Posted September 13, 2007 Posted September 13, 2007 Might I add that you are teaching your son what it really means to be a good man. What a legacy to him and to mankind!
Author jesslindy Posted September 14, 2007 Author Posted September 14, 2007 Thanks Butterfly, that made me feel good. I just learned tonight that my wife opened up 2 credit cards since she has been gone. Its ok, when I filed we put that any debt opened after the seperation will not be counted against me. My attorney said that wouldn't be a problem. She said judges rarely split any debt up after the seperation. Is it wierd that I have a woman attorney!! She is a tigershark and she said she truly beleives that men do not deserve the raw end of the deal in a divorce just cause they are men. She was excited to handle my case, because she could see I am a good father just trying to move on with my life and my son. I actually hope my wife does get out of control. It would only help my cause. My state is a "no fault" state, but in a case like mine, the state is changing toward the men. I have so much proof of wrongdoing and little tiny things like the credit cards and I have kept a journal since day one. I have had my son for 2/3rds of the seperation, and when she left I had him for four days straight and then for another three. She goes three and four days without him and it doesn't seem to bother her. GOOD MORE FOR ME!! She has for 2 out of the last 3 nights (nights she is suppossed to have him), asked me to come pick him up. I was like HELL YES!! I'm going to pick him up tonight as well. She says, so I dont have to bring him over in the morning and use gas!!! I would steal gas to pick up my son!! I would siphon the stuff out of a neighbors car and leave an IOU!! I feel like the part of my heart that once loved my wife is dead. I feel like the part of my brain that remembers the beautiful, loving, gorgeous, caring woman I decided to marry is frozen. That is not to say I am shutting down, because this hurts like no pain I have ever recieved. This hurts worse than death. But I welcome the changes that it has brought and will continue to bring. I welcome more pain if thats what will make me the man I am suppossed to be for myself and others.
Ladyjane14 Posted September 14, 2007 Posted September 14, 2007 Awesome post, JL. Yeah, it sucks to go through such a traumatic and life-changing event as what you're going through now. But man... it's soooo cool to see guys and gals in here making lemonades out of life's lemons. At the rate you're going... dude, you could open up your own stand, Personal growth, living up to your God-given potential.... now THAT's what it's all about. Way to go!
justfine Posted September 14, 2007 Posted September 14, 2007 Jesslindy... The way in which you are handling your divorce is inspiring. Your line about welcoming more pain blew me away. Thanks for sharing.
Author jesslindy Posted September 15, 2007 Author Posted September 15, 2007 Great my thread is back!! I took my son to the circus last night(a night my wife was suppossed to have him), and it hit home hard last night and today. I am divorcing my wife. My son was so happy and jovial and having a great time and I felt this huge part missing. I kept seeing my wife sitting on the other side of my son. Watching him laugh and point and play. So I backslid today. I called my wife. She said some damaging things. She said our marraige was doomed from the word go. She said she married me because she loved me and we had a son. Thats it. I married her for so much more. She keeps saying she has given all that she has. I said if that was all you had how are you going to ever be with somoene again. She shut me out all the time. Never communicated anytime she was unhappy. Although she will tell you she was talking to me every night and I sat there laughing and saying nothing. How can 2 people have two totally different views of the same thing? Right or wrong? I realized today that even the divorce papers she is about to recieve that state I am after primary caregiver will do nothing. She is focusing all of her energy on being mad at me, talking to this other man, and convincing herself I am unlovable. That our marraige was a sham. F that!!! I noticed she is not talkingas much to the first other man, she has moved on to a second guy. I happen to know a little of him as well. He is a big dumb hick with an anger problem. He has illegitimate children, has no pictures of his child on his MySpace page, just pictures of himself drinking booze in bars. What a catch!! They are perfect for eachother I guess. He talked to a guy through their works the other day and said "I've been talking to a couple of chicks, I am just trying to get back with my babies mom." How dumb. Well this guy he talked to is one of my good friends and I am sure he doesn't know that, so of course I found out. I am an upstanding member of society and I refuse to live in any "Baby Momma Drama". Save that stuff for the Springer show. The whole thing makes me sick to my stomach. I actually hope my wifes world comes crashing down on her. Not because it will make her come back, but because I would get a slight amount of amusement. What goes around comes around. I truly believe that. I just want all of this over with.
sumdude Posted September 15, 2007 Posted September 15, 2007 jl, What you're hitting is the natural anger part of mourning a loss. Most WWS go through the stage of painting the one they leave with a black brush, calling the whole relationship no good from the beginning etc. It's how they deal wiith calling it quits and making themselves OK with it. I know my ex did the same thing to me and you'll hear the same from most of the 'left' spouses. Maybe they treat us so badly to get us to want them to go away then relieving more of the guilt. So then it seems like both wanted it over. In the end it won't really matter. Right now recognise your anger for what it is, pain turned inside out. Still you can use it as a tool to break away emotionally from your STBX. Just try hard to keep that in check, especially around your child. Eventually you'll work it out of your system, you don't want to be carrying that darkness around forever.. No one's perfect
Chrome Barracuda Posted September 16, 2007 Posted September 16, 2007 Dont sweat the dumb ex wife. she basically is angry because of all this stuff is going down. She was exposed like the ho she is, if I may say so. She's about to lose custody of her son, She's gonna have to pay child support, Her family and friends know about her. She's lashing out in anger because that's all she has left. She's not happy because something's broken inside her. My advice is do not contact her for personal resons or anything like small talk. Forget her and move on. Go find some new woman that's gonna love you and communicate what she wants from you, but take your time and heal from this hurt.
Author jesslindy Posted September 17, 2007 Author Posted September 17, 2007 So my wife text messages me yesterday and says "We are at the park if you want to come play" I text back "which one?" She texts back "the one by OUR house". I almost started laughing. Oh, now its OUR house. All this time it was YOUR house or THE house. What a F******G joke. So I texted back "No thanks, you need realize there is no more mommy AND Daddy at the park with our son. I have my own special relationship with him that doesn't include you. Sorry." No reply. What a joke. Its almost comical. I really hope she doesnt ever try to come back. I don't NEED to hear any kind words form her. I dont NEED to hear her admit her wrongdoings. It would be nice, but I dont NEED it. God I wish she would get the papers. She might have. I am going to call my attorneys paralegal in the morning to find out how long it should take. I am anxious. I cant wait for all the anger and sob stories I am going to hear. My heart will long to be close to hers but my head(Which is much smarter) knows better. I, having done this seperation the right way, know what I would need to hear and feel and see from her to even feel the smallest sliver ever of hope that this could work. I will be strong if and when it happens. I often practice it in my head. I would say, "Although I respect you for even having whatever little strength it probably takes to come back and try to talk me after you desecrated the sanctity of our marraige with no remorse, I feel that we have not shared the same pain. I feel that the pain that I felt, which led myself, one of the strongest people I know, to even think about giving up on my life, no matter how brief those thoughts were, is not the same pain you think you felt. If you had there is no way you could act as cold and non-remorseful as you have. I do not feel you know the true meaning of love. I feel you do not know and do not choose to know how to be married. I feel you do not have what it takes to be MY wife. I feel like you are a quitter. I feel like you are a blameshifter. I feel like you always blame ME for YOUR problems. You have shown me no change and I have shown you all I ever could and probably way more than you thought I was capable of. I am going to be ROCK going forward for the rest of my life, and I used to think that rock would be better with you. But now I know you will only make that rock sink. All of this was so fixable. Our marraige was so fixable. And although I do not blame you for our marraige ending, I am so sad you couldn't do the things you need to do to be an acceptable person not only to me but all of your family and friends. I know you dont see it now, but the day that you do is the day I will be happy for you. Because until then your life will most likely be dark and hard. The day you realize that I have nothing to do with the way the you feel, and you realize how many people you made feel like they were losing a part of their life, like somoene had died, will be the first day of the rest of your life. Hopefully that is sooner than later. If not good luck to you, because you will need it. I am truly sorry that this had to happen, I wouldnt wish it upon anybody. But you have done me a favor. You have allowed me to find true happiness. Because it is not a possibilty with you. And all of the things I just said could be fixed by you and only you. Too bad you're not made of up of what makes a truly great human being. Thats what I would say. And it would feel great.
Gunny376 Posted September 17, 2007 Posted September 17, 2007 You ROCK! You're getting stronger everyday!
tinke Posted September 18, 2007 Posted September 18, 2007 wow, jesslindy....you are very articulate, intuitive.......i thought you were much older. pat yourself on the back for looking out for you, now. good thinking, i believe you are on the right path! i know it hurts, but, at some point, we all have to just believe...enough is enough!
Chrome Barracuda Posted September 18, 2007 Posted September 18, 2007 Nice words jess, but trim it down because waywards dont understand things too complex for them to process it. make things simple like. You cheated, i hurt, I'm leaving, good bye. lol. I pray you find a dyme piece that's gonna do you right and be faithful.
Ladyjane14 Posted September 19, 2007 Posted September 19, 2007 You've got alot of anger simmering, JL. Nobody could blame you a damn bit for feeling that way either. It's natural. But... I hope you'll give some thought as to how you can channel that energy into something more positive. In alot of ways, prolonged anger is more detrimental to the one who feels it than to the one they're angry with, and can literally make your body sick. I think writing that letter is very therapeutic, btw... although, I agree with you that you shouldn't actually send it. Never give your WS ammunition. Words committed to print should always be too bland to be twisted. Are you keeping a journal? (I just threw my old one on the fire not too long ago. It was great to feel like I was no longer represented by it. ) Anyway, if you're journaling, consider keeping one just for you and another to document your parenting. Not just the bad stuff that your WW does, but a record of the mundane as well... helping with homework, giving a bath, going to cub scouts, etc.
Author jesslindy Posted September 20, 2007 Author Posted September 20, 2007 Thanks LJ, Yes I am angry this week. I talked about it with my therapist today. I am just venting here on LS. I am trying very hard to channel my anger into something positive. I never show anger in front of my son. I don't show it in front of my ex wife. And yes I do keep a journal. Every day. Have since day one of seperation. By the advice of my Mother. I commit nothing to print. Never have never will. The only print I have is here on LS. No emails, no text messages. Nothing. Im glad I had people around me that were telling me these things when it first happened. Thanks for the advice.
Gunny376 Posted September 20, 2007 Posted September 20, 2007 Great advice LJ (as usual) __________________________________________ JL ~ Vent on Brother ~ vent on! Tell it like it is ~ don't hold back!
Author jesslindy Posted September 25, 2007 Author Posted September 25, 2007 Well my ex wife went on a "vacation" to Florida. She left last friday and I have had my son since. It's been great. Let's see, I need to find a place, I need to come up with about $10,000 to keep my son, wait I mean collect child support, I need to pay for bills, I need to buy a bed for my son to sleep in in my apartment I don't have, but I will just go to Florida instead. What a f*****g joke!! She has been calling me and texting me since she left, stupid stuff, friendly stuff. I try not to respond. She sent me picture of a shirt she was going to buy me, I said no thanks. I am not going to be mean to her, but what am I missing here? Why is it a part of the fantasy land that we are going to be friends? I do not have to be friends with my ex to co-parent. How could I be friends with this woman? Don't get me wrong, I have forgiven her. I truly have. But what does forgiveness have to do with being friends. I read a story about a woman who forgave the person that killed her mother. But should that person get out of jail. I think not. So just because I have forgiven my wife, should she not be held "accountable" so to speak. Why should I give up what I want for my life and my son because I have forgiven her. I don't think forgiveness has anything to do with friendship or that you should mend a broken relationship because of it. Am I wrong? I hope not. Anyway, I have this overwhelming feeling I am going to get the "talk" when my ex wife gets home on Thursday. Maybe not, but my gut is usually right. Well see. I will let you all know for sure.
Toolate Posted September 25, 2007 Posted September 25, 2007 Nice words jess, but trim it down because waywards dont understand things too complex for them to process it. make things simple like. You cheated, i hurt, I'm leaving, good bye. lol.. :lmao:. so true!
Chrome Barracuda Posted September 25, 2007 Posted September 25, 2007 Dont accept anything from her when she goes to glorida, she's trying to buy your affections. lol. If she's you ex, let her stay that way. Detach more you'll be fine.
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