OHHMyHeart Posted August 3, 2007 Posted August 3, 2007 Hello, Gentlemen even though this was written to a women you can still substitute yourselves in. Hope this helps someone!! IF A MAN WANTS YOU If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache. Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be. Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend. Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better. The only person you can control in a relationship is you. Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, Why would he treat you any differently? Always have your own set of friends separate from his. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later. You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within. Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less. Never let a man define who you are. Never borrow someone else's man. Oh Lord! If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you. All men are NOT dogs.You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two-way street. You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about it. Never come into a new relationship withbaggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship. You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary. Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr.. Right. Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and your always readily available to him- he takes it for granted. Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others. [share this with other ladies..... You'll make someone SMILE, another RETHINK her choices, and another woman PREPARE. They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them. BY THE WAY, THIS WAS WRITTEN BY A MAN, SO TAKE A HINT
funkybassplayer Posted August 3, 2007 Posted August 3, 2007 Unfortunatly, there are so many people out there who do look for someone to make them feel whole, and we dont know till the issues surface to the top, as we start to fail them for something they should already bring to the table, then who feels guilty?? Us ! drop the guilt guys, when a woman starts haveing a go at you for just about anything, its b/c she has issues and is projecting them onto you. They need help! I know all this as im learnig about relationship issues, and its a great tool. if i knew this b4 i would have known what the hell was going on, instead of kicking myself for failing her for 4 months!
Chinook Posted August 3, 2007 Posted August 3, 2007 Ugh I had that sent to me in an email from my ex. That should have been a red flag huh...? He actually sent it to me for one of my friends, but the fact that he had it ready to cut n paste... that kinda sucks.
funkybassplayer Posted August 3, 2007 Posted August 3, 2007 you know c. i have beeseeing a guy, and the two sessions i had with him so far taught me loads. ok with my ex, i got very close to her, and she too me, and that brought out the issues n both of us. I know hers go very deep, and there are many things in her life that need working on. If she would have stayed with me, and we would have got through it, we would have bonded, the fact was that it was easier to walk away and find some1 new than to face what she was feeling deep inside. If i knew at the time what i know now, i would have known how to handle it, but in the end, these things are buried deep, and she has to seek some real help in order to get over it, as they will keep coming to the surface, as will mine, but im doing something about it rather than looking to some1 else to take the pain away-make sense?? It may be worth looking at ourselves too. We brought ot that side of them b/c we got close, they got scared, and on the surface it looks as if we failed, so we felt guilt.
loveinlife Posted August 3, 2007 Posted August 3, 2007 you know c. i have beeseeing a guy, and the two sessions i had with him so far taught me loads. ok with my ex, i got very close to her, and she too me, and that brought out the issues n both of us. I know hers go very deep, and there are many things in her life that need working on. If she would have stayed with me, and we would have got through it, we would have bonded, the fact was that it was easier to walk away and find some1 new than to face what she was feeling deep inside. If i knew at the time what i know now, i would have known how to handle it, but in the end, these things are buried deep, and she has to seek some real help in order to get over it, as they will keep coming to the surface, as will mine, but im doing something about it rather than looking to some1 else to take the pain away-make sense?? It may be worth looking at ourselves too. We brought ot that side of them b/c we got close, they got scared, and on the surface it looks as if we failed, so we felt guilt. makes sense. but what if we are the ones who are bringing their negatives out? shouldnt they have the right to leave it for something more positive? If we are good to them, im not sure if they would like to leave us and crash the party they are experiencing. Maybe they needed us to learn their lesson by trying out new mates. It may bring her closer realization of who they are. Such defining of oneself is needed in this world where things come and go, so learning her trueself is something that we should appreciate and be happy for them. I am speaking on the terms of them leaving us. i have experienced the heartache of my ex leaving me two times and myself leaving others for the sake of my ex, which have hurt others. Sometimes its too much pain to stay together... still hurts right now bc its 6am and i just woke up having the urge to contact my ex, which i know i shouldn't do... Its my fault for my own insecurity. Just like you funk, i am working out my own fears and demons. Im not sure, just rambling lol... keep it up guys/girls, we will get through this time... If we are meant to be together, there is nothing that would stop the two of us to be here with us right now. -love you all
9Lives Posted August 3, 2007 Posted August 3, 2007 Hello, Gentlemen even though this was written to a women you can still substitute yourselves in. Hope this helps someone!! IF A MAN WANTS YOU If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache. Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be. Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend. Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better. The only person you can control in a relationship is you. Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, Why would he treat you any differently? Always have your own set of friends separate from his. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later. You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within. Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less. Never let a man define who you are. Never borrow someone else's man. Oh Lord! If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you. All men are NOT dogs.You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two-way street. You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about it. Never come into a new relationship withbaggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship. You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary. Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr.. Right. Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and your always readily available to him- he takes it for granted. Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others. [share this with other ladies..... You'll make someone SMILE, another RETHINK her choices, and another woman PREPARE. They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them. BY THE WAY, THIS WAS WRITTEN BY A MAN, SO TAKE A HINT This is loaded with alot of mistakes I made as a woman towards a man. I gave up so much power to this man and I think it helped ruin our R. I blame myself even though he wasnt right anyway. I just feel like I could have done things differently if I wasnt so focused on him.
funkybassplayer Posted August 3, 2007 Posted August 3, 2007 makes sense. but what if we are the ones who are bringing their negatives out? shouldnt they have the right to leave it for something more positive? If we are good to them, im not sure if they would like to leave us and crash the party they are experiencing. Maybe they needed us to learn their lesson by trying out new mates. It may bring her closer realization of who they are. Such defining of oneself is needed in this world where things come and go, so learning her trueself is something that we should appreciate and be happy for them. I am speaking on the terms of them leaving us. i have experienced the heartache of my ex leaving me two times and myself leaving others for the sake of my ex, which have hurt others. Sometimes its too much pain to stay together... still hurts right now bc its 6am and i just woke up having the urge to contact my ex, which i know i shouldn't do... Its my fault for my own insecurity. Just like you funk, i am working out my own fears and demons. Im not sure, just rambling lol... keep it up guys/girls, we will get through this time... If we are meant to be together, there is nothing that would stop the two of us to be here with us right now. -love you all Your point is taken, ok look at it like this. These issues are buried deep, and they are in the person. Its like sticking a plaster over the cut, the cut is still there but you cant see it. Yes some1 else may not bring out these issues but its more likly at some point they will as they are thier in the person, and something at sometime will trigger that to come back out in the way of anger, or blaming some1 for somthing they may have done. at the end of the day, the more issues a person has, the more a normal person can trigger them, or one of them. Some1 with not much baggae, will be relitively calm, and handle problems well, but if they are with some 1 with baggage, just that clossness will start to break down there barrier, and then they expose there weakness and issues, or at least what we think is the true self, but in reality love for them has broken down the wall to expose all the hidden issues, and unless we know what to do, or they will get help, then the relationship will fail. The only way through is for both people at this point to realise what happening and to work through it putting trust and most important communication into play. The natural thing is for the oether person to withdraw, but in my case i never withdrew, but she got scared at seeing her dark side, and that was projected at me in anger/blame/and the silent treatment. If they meet some1 and none of this stuff happens, then its not that deep love, and the person will still have the issues inside, so not truly happy in themselves. Make sense?? If you think about how many relationships really go the distance?? Not many at all, and we all have issues, its just realising what is accualy happening at the time. SOMETIMES IT IS JUST EASY TO WALK AWAY AS MY EX DID, but it made me look at myself, and my issues, and im doing something about it. The guy im workin with, says i have a natural way with people, and my love and caring for her was very deep. Its also natual that after the honeymoon period, this is when people get close and this is where this **** happens, and people think they are falling out of love when in fact they are getting emotionaly closer and this breakdown in the wall is communicated as anger etc.................all very complicated!
loveinlife Posted August 3, 2007 Posted August 3, 2007 I see your point. The exact same thing happened to me and my ex. Thanks for sharing your perspective.
uniqueone Posted August 3, 2007 Posted August 3, 2007 Hello, If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend. This is a good point! Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later. All men are NOT dogs. These two things contradict each other. Never come into a new relationship withbaggage... Everyone has baggage....at least at my age anyway. Just hope that they don't have so much that they need a luggage cart.....
madgun68 Posted August 3, 2007 Posted August 3, 2007 Everyone has baggage....at least at my age anyway. Just hope that they don't have so much that they need a luggage cart.....The airline companies should find a way to lose that as well..
kittensmittens Posted August 3, 2007 Posted August 3, 2007 I know hers go very deep, and there are many things in her life that need working on. If she would have stayed with me, and we would have got through it, we would have bonded, the fact was that it was easier to walk away and find some1 new than to face what she was feeling deep inside. This is exactly the same as my ex. Why would he want to come back to me and go through the pain and work of having to own his mistakes and face his fears and shortcomings? Why work through all of that when you can just move on to the next person and have fun instead? Funky, I knew he had deep issues several years ago. I knew that both of us had issues and deep pain stored away (we both had less than stellar childhoods), and that we were both bringing it out in a way that no one else could. However, he wouldn't have any of it. He didn't have a problem. He had worked though all that already "on his own". So I just plugged away at it, doing what I could do. But it's really difficult w/out the support you need from the other and it's really difficult when you're the only one doing the work. And for me, I didn't even see the worst of his issues until very late in the relationship. My point is, knowing is only half the battle. The rest is up to them. I think about what could be, if only he would see, if only he would go to counseling too, if only he would quit running away. Don't beat yourself up for not having realized sooner. I did and he still ran away.
phyrespryte Posted August 3, 2007 Posted August 3, 2007 BY THE WAY, THIS WAS WRITTEN BY A MAN, SO TAKE A HINT What's the hint? Watch out? Men are unable to create paragraphs? Most of this stuff should be common sense, the rest I find idealistic and naive.
frd150 Posted August 4, 2007 Posted August 4, 2007 This is exactly the same as my ex. Why would he want to come back to me and go through the pain and work of having to own his mistakes and face his fears and shortcomings? Why work through all of that when you can just move on to the next person and have fun instead? Selfishness and a bit of fear. My point is, knowing is only half the battle. The rest is up to them. I think about what could be, if only he would see, if only he would go to counseling too, if only he would quit running away. Don't beat yourself up for not having realized sooner. I did and he still ran away. and to add... they will keep repeating the same in relationships to come. My exs way of dealing with things was just to walk away. It will never succeed if only one is willing to put in the extra effort. Good post kittens.
9Lives Posted August 4, 2007 Posted August 4, 2007 What's the hint? Watch out? Men are unable to create paragraphs? Most of this stuff should be common sense, the rest I find idealistic and naive. That is pretty funny that you think it is common sense. It SHOULD BE..but it is not always the case. Matter of the heart make NO SENSE. But I agree is should be. I could have saved myself a whole lot of issue if I used my common sense.
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