Author shadowplay Posted August 8, 2007 Author Posted August 8, 2007 So she says. And unless the guy is gay, I don't think they could TRULY be just friends. Unless the guy was just simply butt ugly or something. Why not? The truth is this guy used to like me but I told him a long time ago I didn't have more than platonic feelings for him. We've maintained a perfectly normal friendship since. Nothing has ever "happened" between us. I'm friends with him because we have a lot in common and I enjoy his company. I'm not physically attracted to him. I don't see what's wrong with that. I didn't realize it was so taboo for people to have close opposite gender friends...
Hazy Posted August 8, 2007 Posted August 8, 2007 Shadowplay, I don't think you did ANYTHING wrong here. What is wrong with having friends? Guys here on Loveshack talk about having female friends all the time. If he doesn't trust you, you don't want him anyway. Frankly, I don't think he was really that into you in the first place because when a guy really is into you, he doesn't do the texting/email stuff as the main mode of communication, he calls you everyday. I don't think your actions really have anything to do with it. I just moved across the country and I can tell you that the last thing that was on my mind was dating. I think he is moving and is just moving on, and I don't really think he was that into you in the first place, you were something fun for a while at his leisure until he moved. I'm just being honest.
Hazy Posted August 8, 2007 Posted August 8, 2007 Shadowplay, I don't think you did ANYTHING wrong here. What is wrong with having friends? Guys here on Loveshack talk about having female friends all the time. If he doesn't trust you, you don't want him anyway. Frankly, I don't think he was really that into you in the first place because when a guy really is into you, he doesn't do the texting/email stuff as the main mode of communication, he calls you everyday. I don't think your actions really have anything to do with it. I just moved across the country and I can tell you that the last thing that was on my mind the week before I moved was dating. I think he is moving and is just moving on, and I don't really think he was that into you in the first place, you were something fun for a while at his leisure until he moved. I'm just being honest. Also, there are tons of beautiful women in NYC and he probably isn't thinking twice about any women he was seeing before the move. Sorry.
whichwayisup Posted August 8, 2007 Posted August 8, 2007 The truth is this guy used to like me but I told him a long time ago I didn't have more than platonic feelings for him. And does your new guy know this info? See, you may not be into him, but he is still thinking about you...He won't ever admit that to you, but he does still feel affection for ya. That just doesn't go away, especially if you keep the friendship going.... I didn't realize it was so taboo for people to have close opposite gender friends... If you're in a relationship, it kind of changes...The rules change out of respect for the new person you're dating.
annabelle75 Posted August 8, 2007 Posted August 8, 2007 And does your new guy know this info? See, you may not be into him, but he is still thinking about you...He won't ever admit that to you, but he does still feel affection for ya. That just doesn't go away, especially if you keep the friendship going.... If you're in a relationship, it kind of changes...The rules change out of respect for the new person you're dating. What does it matter of the guy might some some repressed feeling for her? How does that in nay way change the situation? He's still just a friend. And i don't agree that it chnage shwen you're in a relationship. I wouldn't date a guy that expected me to drop my friends for him.
Author shadowplay Posted August 8, 2007 Author Posted August 8, 2007 Shadowplay, I just moved across the country and I can tell you that the last thing that was on my mind the week before I moved was dating. I think he is moving and is just moving on, and I don't really think he was that into you in the first place, you were something fun for a while at his leisure until he moved. I'm just being honest. Also, there are tons of beautiful women in NYC and he probably isn't thinking twice about any women he was seeing before the move. Sorry. Well, he said he had a crush on me months before he had the nerve to ask me out and he strikes me as a pretty honest person. Also he knows I'm moving to NY too in a few months and he said we should visit each other periodically in the meantime. I can't say for sure, but that's my feeling. I guess I'll just have to wait and see.
Hazy Posted August 8, 2007 Posted August 8, 2007 Well, he said he had a crush on me months before he had the nerve to ask me out and he strikes me as a pretty honest person. Also he knows I'm moving to NY too in a few months and he said we should visit each other periodically in the meantime. I can't say for sure, but that's my feeling. I guess I'll just have to wait and see. Yes, well what he says and how he is acting since even before the weekend in NYC is not showing that he is really that into you. He would be calling everyday just because he was dying to hear your voice everyday if he was crazy about you. Have you ever read that book He's Just Not That Into You? It will really help. You did nothing wrong here.
Author shadowplay Posted August 8, 2007 Author Posted August 8, 2007 Yes, well what he says and how he is acting since even before the weekend in NYC is not showing that he is really that into you. He would be calling everyday just because he was dying to hear your voice everyday if he was crazy about you. Have you ever read that book He's Just Not That Into You? It will really help. You did nothing wrong here. Yeah, I've heard of that book. I don't see what was weird about his behavior before the NY thing. He was in frequent contact with me. We just started dating and honestly I would be a little creeped out if after 2 dates he was calling me every day. He would appear needy if he did that. He's also done a bunch of little things to show me he's interested like wait in line ahead of time for hours one day to buy us movie tickets, etc.
Hazy Posted August 8, 2007 Posted August 8, 2007 well, right now he is not contacting you after you have texted him and emailed him and that is the story. The only serious relationships I've had the guy DID call everyday. It's not creepy or needy, it's just showing you want to know how their day was.
Author shadowplay Posted August 8, 2007 Author Posted August 8, 2007 ^Well, the last serious relationship I had we didn't talk every day when we first started going out, and I was the one who eventually broke things off...he was definitely interested. I agree that if you have an established relationship and they don't stay in touch most days that's a bad sign, but after just a couple of dates I still think not all guys interested in a girl would call her every day at the risk of appearing desperate/needy. Maybe it depends on the guy. I agree that he may have pulled back a bit after the NY thing, though. I think it's a bit silly to debate all this about his intentions until I actually see him again and find out where he's at. It's just making me worry and that can't be good for the relationship, wherever it stands. I might stay off the forum for awhile until I've seen him again and have more information to share.
annabelle75 Posted August 8, 2007 Posted August 8, 2007 ^Well, the last serious relationship I had we didn't talk every day when we first started going out, and I was the one who eventually broke things off...he was definitely interested. I agree that if you have an established relationship and they don't stay in touch most days that's a bad sign, but after just a couple of dates I still think not all guys interested in a girl would call her every day at the risk of appearing desperate/needy. Maybe it depends on the guy. I agree that he may have pulled back a bit after the NY thing, though. I think it's a bit silly to debate all this about his intentions until I actually see him again and find out where he's at. It's just making me worry and that can't be good for the relationship, wherever it stands. I might stay off the forum for awhile until I've seen him again and have more information to share. It might be a good idea to wait and not discuss it here for a while. There are certain people that just don't want you to accpet that everything is OK right now. Just keep on doing what you have been doing. Its worked so far. Why stop now because of what some anonymous people from the internet that know neither of you are saying?
bish Posted August 8, 2007 Posted August 8, 2007 Why not? The truth is this guy used to like me Boom!...say no more. Right there is why. He used to like you, chances are he still does. There is an attraction there even if it is only one sided. but I told him a long time ago I didn't have more than platonic feelings for him. We've maintained a perfectly normal friendship since. maybe on your end, but not his. he may say its platonic, but go away enough with him on weekends...maybe add a little alcohol to the mix, and whose to say something wouldn't happen...or at least him making a pass. Nothing has ever "happened" between us. I'm friends with him because we have a lot in common and I enjoy his company. Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't that the makings of a soulmate? I'm not physically attracted to him. Hence the "butt ugly" comment...even though he may not be. I don't see what's wrong with that. I didn't realize it was so taboo for people to have close opposite gender friends... I have "friends" that are women...but I don't go on vacations with them, or stay overnight somewhere with them. Big difference.
bish Posted August 8, 2007 Posted August 8, 2007 And does your new guy know this info? See, you may not be into him, but he is still thinking about you...He won't ever admit that to you, but he does still feel affection for ya. That just doesn't go away, especially if you keep the friendship going.... If you're in a relationship, it kind of changes...The rules change out of respect for the new person you're dating. Very well said.
Hazy Posted August 8, 2007 Posted August 8, 2007 It might be a good idea to wait and not discuss it here for a while. There are certain people that just don't want you to accpet that everything is OK right now. Just keep on doing what you have been doing. Its worked so far. Why stop now because of what some anonymous people from the internet that know neither of you are saying? Uhhh...so she should keep on emailing and texting a guy who hasn't returned any of them or contacted her in a week? Yes, take that advice, shadowplay. That's great, keep on doing what you're doing. Keep contacting a guy who is avoiding you like the plague, sounds like a good idea.
Author shadowplay Posted August 8, 2007 Author Posted August 8, 2007 Uhhh...so she should keep on emailing and texting a guy who hasn't returned any of them or contacted her in a week? Yes, take that advice, shadowplay. That's great, keep on doing what you're doing. Keep contacting a guy who is avoiding you like the plague, sounds like a good idea. Uh...that's actually not true. Not sure if you read the whole thread, but he DID respond to my email after four days. He wrote me a long email that was very enthusiastic and the first sentence was he hoped "his lack of communication didn't imply ill feelings on his part" and that he hadn't had any internet connection all week since he was building something in a rural area (he sent me pictures of the set he was building earlier in the week, so it's not just some made up excuse). He also invited me to go on a tour of NY with him and stay at his place and said he was really looking forward to seeing me this weekend when he finally gets back. He also responded promptly to the text I sent reiterating the same sentiment, which I sent AFTER he wrote the email but I wasn't home so I didn't know he had sent the email yet. My text was a friendly, brief report on what I had been up to which ended with 'are you back in town?' Total I only contacted him three times over the last 9-10 days, and I never called. He responded all three times, twice promptly, the other time not as promptly but that could be explained by his lack of internet since the others were texts. I don't plan on sending him any other messages. I fail to see how he's "avoiding me like the plague," and I think that comment was just nasty on your part... I really need to stay off this thread. Thanks to the people who have been helpful, though!
lino Posted August 8, 2007 Posted August 8, 2007 He would be calling everyday just because he was dying to hear your voice everyday if he was crazy about you. I disagree with this. If I'm not mistaken the OP & her bloke were only seeing each other for a month so I don't think he'd be at the stage of calling her everyday yet. I definitely wouldn't be if I was him I'd only do that once we're going out & are bf & gf. Also I think its perfectly fine for a girl to have male friends so long as she introduces you to them eventually as well. When a girl has a tonne of male friends & not so many female friends though, that's when I'd be getting suss. Shadowplay, I think its not a bad thing for you to read the different view points presented to you on this forum, just don't take everything too seriously & let it worry you. Wait & see what happens with your guy. Best of luck
Author shadowplay Posted August 11, 2007 Author Posted August 11, 2007 Hey, guys...I saw him again last night and things went fantastically... He acted more interested than he ever has and alluded several times to the fact that he considers me his gf already. We couldn't keep our hands off each other. It was great. I'm seeing him again today. I'm going down to NY this week and he's going too just to hang out with me. So unless he's a total player/con artist which I seriously doubt based on his personality, I think we can put the notion to rest that seeing my friend dealt a serious blow to our relationship. I guess not all guys are alike. (Thank God!)
Art_Critic Posted August 11, 2007 Posted August 11, 2007 and alluded several times to the fact that he considers me his gf already. Be careful... any person that considers the other a BF/GF that quickly.. ( after one or 2 dates ) is doing it for another reason than you think.. They are doing it because they think that is what you wanted to hear. The quicker way into your panties is also another reason.. So unless he's a total player/con artist which Be careful.. Don't give it up to him too quickly or at all until he makes his intentions known..
Author shadowplay Posted August 11, 2007 Author Posted August 11, 2007 ^We've actually gone on five dates and we knew each other a few months before. We've been seeing each other all summer but it's been a bit stretched out because we've both been out of town quite often. Thanks for looking out for me, though. I don't intend to give it up too soon...believe me. I would be seriously shocked if he was a player, though. Maybe you just have to know him to understand.
Art_Critic Posted August 11, 2007 Posted August 11, 2007 ^We've actually gone on five dates and we knew each other a few months before. 2 dates or 5 dates.. same difference on whether the person is to be considered a BF/GF.. That is what is known as taking it to another level.. If you go right to the BF/GF period without dating and getting to know each other first then you will be missing all the red flags that you might normally see.. Of course going exclusive is different for each couple but I think going exclusive needs to be considered and thought about rather than just thrown out there to use it as a reason to get in your panties.. Like I said.. just be careful.. I'm not saying he isn't the one or anything like that.. I'm just saying to slow down some and take a picture to look at first. LS is filled with threads about " I had sex with him after a few dates and now he won't call me ".. go figure
Art_Critic Posted August 11, 2007 Posted August 11, 2007 Thanks for looking out for me, though. I don't intend to give it up too soon...believe me. You will be fine... nothing wrong with going into something with your eyes open.. for sure... Let us know how it progresses..
Author shadowplay Posted August 11, 2007 Author Posted August 11, 2007 2 dates or 5 dates.. same difference on whether the person is to be considered a BF/GF.. That is what is known as taking it to another level.. If you go right to the BF/GF period without dating and getting to know each other first then you will be missing all the red flags that you might normally see.. Of course going exclusive is different for each couple but I think going exclusive needs to be considered and thought about rather than just thrown out there to use it as a reason to get in your panties.. Like I said.. just be careful.. I'm not saying he isn't the one or anything like that.. I'm just saying to slow down some and take a picture to look at first. thanks for the advice. At what time do you think it's appropriate to go to the bf/gf level? I should clarify that he didn't refer to me as his gf...he just alluded to it or the possibility of it happening. Like at one point he was saying how his uncle was living this beatnik lifestyle in NY in the fifties with an artist/socialist girlfriend...and he said how his life right now is strangely similar except I'm not a socialist. Just little things like that.
bish Posted August 11, 2007 Posted August 11, 2007 My comment wasn't directed towards you AC. I think you are just coming from a different point of view as opposed to those that are truly just bitter and out to judge (cough .... bish....cough ). No bitterness...I've just been in this situation before...and if a woman wants a relationship with me, she shouldn't be going away for a weekend with another guy...period.
Krytellan Posted August 11, 2007 Posted August 11, 2007 So unless he's a total player/con artist which I seriously doubt based on his personality, I think we can put the notion to rest that seeing my friend dealt a serious blow to our relationship. I guess not all guys are alike. (Thank God!) Not trying to ruin anything, just keep in mind that this is what makes a player a player (not that I'm saying he is one). If players were bad at that kind of thing, they... well... wouldn't be players. You're supposed to be fooled, that's the idea. Not that he's fooling you, but I second Art's assessment. Be careful. All he has shown so far is that he can disappear and return once. Maybe that's a pattern of behavior for him. But the point is you just don't know yet. Wait until you know.
squeak Posted August 11, 2007 Posted August 11, 2007 My point of view is skewed because I maintain a different set of standards for women than I do for myself. Women should feel free to ignore my posts... much like they, and all others for that matter, already do. That is TOO funny, I want everyone to write an entire thread about me soon so I can have my own tag line (made by other posters) too!
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