mahned137 Posted August 2, 2007 Posted August 2, 2007 So I'm posting because I really don't know what to do. I want to work things out with her -- I've cared more about her the past few months than ever -- but I'm having a hard time dealing with what happened. And my "insanity" bothers her. So please, read through it and give me your thoughts. So I'm 22 and she's 19. We've been together for two years, minus a two week break in early June. (We lived together this past year -- away at school, and broke up when we moved back from school. While separated, I made out with my ex-girlfriend, she made out with "Kevin". We got back together and got over it.) Now.. Tuesday night... I'm temporarily living with my parents. They returned from out of town, stressed and angry with my sister and I. She wasn't home, so I got it all taken out on me. They told me to leave. My girlfriends at work. We had plans for dinner and a movie, so I figured I'd leave when she got off and stay at her place. She calls me when she gets off and instead tells me she made plans for a "PJ party" with some girls from her work. I'm angry. I was already in a bad mood because of my parents. Further, when I canceled plans at the last minute the week before, she was pretty mad with me. Finally, I now have no where to go or stay for the night. I hang up on her. I send her mean text messages. She sends them right back -- she feels like I'm too needy, she tells me to grow up. I still haven't told her why I'm in such a mood, or that I needed somewhere to stay -- I'm just angry. I tell her I'm just going to go to the bar and pick up a girl to stay with (I wouldn't really do this, and she should know that.) She tells me we're over. I explain that my parents kicked me out. She says "too late". I go the bar with a friend. I get pretty drunk. I call her to make up. She doesn't answer. I show up at her place at bar close. She's drunk. She invited over "Kevin" and his friend. She won't talk to me. She won't let me in. She says we're over. I'm hysterical now. I can't believe he's there. I force my way in and argue with her. He gets angry and his friend punches me. His friend gets me to the ground and ultimately breaks my ankle. I leave. They stay. I come back about a half hour later and she comes out to my car to talk to me. She refuses to talk. Again says we're over. She says he's just there as a friend though. I call her non-stop, because like I said, I'm hysterical. I send her a million text messages. I just don't want this to be happening. I finally give up and goto bed. I wake up at 7 am and go back over to talk to her, since she won't answer my calls. I knock and no answer. The door is open so I go in. He's lying in bed with her. I'm irate. I call her a slut. She doesn't hear because she's half drunk half asleep. I start taking my belongings and loading them into my car -- a TV, a computer, etc. Midway through the move (I'm going slow on a broken ankle), she wakes up and locks her door. She calls the police and accuses me of burglary. She says I gave her the computer so I'm stealing it. The police come to my parents house at 8 am and wake them up. They force my father to drive to her apartment and pick up my TV. They tell me not to ever call her again. A few hours later she calls me. Long story short, we both calm down. That's the fight. Since then.... She claims she only made out with him. I tend to believe her, they were fully clothed when I came in the room. She claims he stayed to protect her, as my irrationality when I found him there scared her. I don't believe this at all. I told her so and that I thought she had planned for him to stay all along, whether consciously or not. She pretty much conceded. I really want to work things out, she means everything to me, but I don't know what to do. She wants to work things out too, but she isn't making enough of an effort (in my opinion) to get my forgiveness. She picked me up from the hospital (where they checked out my foot) and I stayed with her and we talked, but I expect her to do something completely unexpected and/or to sacrifice something to show how apologetic she is. Meanwhile, we've talked about seeing a relationship counselor before.. namely when we separated for a couple weeks earlier this summer. She wants to again, and offered to pay for it. (which, if she did, would probably constitute a showing of apology in my mind) .................... What do I do? How badly did I mess up? How badly did she mess up?
bradford Posted August 2, 2007 Posted August 2, 2007 What do I do? How badly did I mess up? How badly did she mess up? Wow man, you really lost it huh? You messed up way worse than her; honestly she didn't mess up at all. So she broke your plans? Big deal, you should be happy that she has friends and wants to hang out with that. Unless she was lying about the PJ Party to hang out with Kevin. Did you ask her about that? In any case, you should have said, "No big deal hun, we'll go out tomorrow night or something, you have a good time!" She'd have loved you for it! So you were having a bad day (you failed to mention why your parents suddenly booted you) - she didn't know that at the time she said she had made plans for a PJ Party. If you sense it was part of her pulling away from you - then well, so be it. There's nothing you can do about that - the more you push, the more she pulls away. That's the way it goes. You lost it though, and I'm surprised she doesn't have a restraining order against you right now, never mind actually talking to you. The bottom line is, if she is done with you and is too chicken to just break up, then well, there's nothing you can do anyway except maybe let her off the hook. The only thing you can do if you want to try to keep her is play it so cool that you're freezing, and hope maybe she'll see something new in you that isn't all needy. Needy = not attractive, and a large sign of insecurity. It just sounds like too much drama for me though - a real woman wouldn't have another guy all lined up already. That's just lame. My advice, drop her like it's hot - there's plenty of girls out there, and you'll find one that is much more caring once you clean up your self-confidence a bit. bradford
jcster Posted August 2, 2007 Posted August 2, 2007 You really, really messed up. You took your anger at your parents (although, I do have to wonder what you did to have them kick you out) and took it out on your girlfriend. You made things so incredibly ugly that it's a miracle you aren't in jail - or didn't hurt her - or get more than your ankle "broken." Alcohol, immaturity and anger are a recipe for disaster. Both you and your girlfriend are too immature to make this relationship work. but I expect her to do something completely unexpected and/or to sacrifice something to show how apologetic she is. Why? It sounds that you have major anger and issues of control, and that is something you need to get help for, because you're heading straight toward being an abusive boyfriend at this point. You're the one that made this ugly. You seriously need to grow up.
Enema Posted August 2, 2007 Posted August 2, 2007 You're both horrible for each other and now there's too much bad history for this to work. Move on, learn from this and don't be such a jerk next time.
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