Hazel7777 Posted August 2, 2007 Posted August 2, 2007 I recently got married for the first time 8 months ago. I am 47 and so is my husband. We had a quick courtship of 7 months. Long story short - ever since being married I have found that either my husband has changed or he really isn't the person that I feel in love with. He's very controlling, manipulative, vindictive, etc. I have found that he lives on the internet. he is on dating services, watching porn - everything I thought a married person did not do. He constantly lies about everything. It's like I don't evernknow who he is. He shows no respect, consideration, common courtesy, etc. I know I must leave but it's very difficult because I have lost my job. I moved to another city to get married and be with him. I have no family and maybe one friend. I don't know where to turn. I am stuck and so lonely and miserable. I thought since I had waited so long to get married that this was really the one. I didn't doubt it for the first time in my life to make this commitment. I don't know where to turn and really do not have anyone to go to. Any advice? Thanking you in advance.... Also, he did not demonstrate this behavior prior to our marriage. I would not have married him!! H.
whichwayisup Posted August 2, 2007 Posted August 2, 2007 Sorry to hear that this is going on... Sounds like your H isn't the person who he appeared to be and his true colours are coming out... I suggest you leave. As soon as you can. You can find another job. You can move again. Sure, it will be hard as heck for you, but it's better for you to be alone and miserable than stay in marriage and be lonely and miserable. Keep posting and I hope you contact your friend, let her help you through this. Stay strong!
Missy27 Posted August 2, 2007 Posted August 2, 2007 The thing I find strange and also a little frustrating about your Story H777 is that you managed to keep yourself "real" for 47 years of your life ~~ FOURTY SEVEN YEARS ~~ !! You're not a divorcee with a tribe of small children all from broken marriages following at your heels, you're not (I assume) carrying a shed load of baggage from previously shattered relationships around with you and you were obviously wise enough not to jump into matrimony with the first man who showed you a bitta lovin ~ ! You did this for FOURTY SEVEN YEARS ~ ! ~ and then ~~ you plunge into marriage with someone you've only been dating for 7 months ~~ One question ~~ WHY~? Ok ~~ With that said, and in all seriousness - you need to take control of this situation and give this a$$ Hole a smack right between the eyes. Unfortunately, when we rush into marriage, we run the risk of partnering someone whom we THOUGHT we knew. Men (and women) can be masters of illusion when we want to be ~~ You've heard the saying "only show em' you WANT them to see" ~~ ? ~~ Well your H has polished this little show down a treat. He's in effect "tricked" you into marrying someone who's going to crush every bit of self esteem that you have RIGHT ON OUT OF YOU. Dont blame yourself though honey ~~ even the best of us can be blindsided when we're in love and with you not having much experience in all things matrimonial, it was even harder for you to spot What would I do ~~ ? Well I'd be making sure that this jerk knows that I'm not one to be messed with. The first time he pulled any of that crap on me he'd have been picking his teeth up off the floor and chasing his belongings down the road ~~ "Sorry mate, you aint messin with me ~ Dont let the door smack you on the a$$ on your way out" When he came back with his tail between his legs, all puppy eyed and pathetic, begging for my forgiveness, i'd be tellin him to "build himself a very big bridge and get himself right on over it" like "I'm WAY over you sonny, now you get the hell over me cause no~one upon NO~ONE treats me like that and gets away with it ~~ NOT EVEN ONCE ~ " :mad: You know ~~ JUST Like he led you into a false sense of security before you were married ~~ ? Well now it's your turn - Turn those tables and act away ~ you show him EXACTLY what he's married into and EXACTLY why you've never been divorced before ~~ Cause your God Damn "Tough"~ THATS WHY ~ ;)" Well that's what I'd do anyway, but I'm not you ~~ But ~~ there's no doubt about it ~~ you've GOT to nip this in the bud ~ NOW ~~ However you do it, whichever tactic you choose, whichever strategy suits you ~ its all up to you ~~ But you NEED to make sure that you net this early on otherwise time goes on, his emotional abuse gets more frequent, his control grows and with that, your self esteem and confidence diminishes ~~ this goes on and on for years and years until you get too scared to leave him because you dont have a shred of dignity left in you and you end up going to your death bed a broken woman. Not if you turn the tide lady ~ ! Its the same thing as the highschool bully. Bullies act all the tough guy. They taunt and tease and push and niggle and tease some more and push some more and intimidate some more and on it goes ~~ until one day someone turns right around and gives them back EXACTLY what that bullies been dishin out for years ~~ You KNOW what the outcome is ~~ Bully aint so tough when he got someone givin him a piece straight back at him. Failing all of that ~ Divorce the ba$tard as soon as is humanly possible ~! You'll get some REALLY good advice here. Listen to it. TOUGHEN UP ~
funkybassplayer Posted August 2, 2007 Posted August 2, 2007 You have to leave, maybe stay at your parents, or friends of your home town.
Gunny376 Posted August 2, 2007 Posted August 2, 2007 The thing I find strange and also a little frustrating about your Story H777 is that you managed to keep yourself "real" for 47 years of your life ~~ FOURTY SEVEN YEARS ~~ !! You're not a divorcee with a tribe of small children all from broken marriages following at your heels, you're not (I assume) carrying a shed load of baggage from previously shattered relationships around with you and you were obviously wise enough not to jump into matrimony with the first man who showed you a bitta lovin ~ ! You did this for FOURTY SEVEN YEARS ~ ! ~ and then ~~ you plunge into marriage with someone you've only been dating for 7 months ~~ One question ~~ WHY~? Ok ~~ With that said, and in all seriousness - you need to take control of this situation and give this a$$ Hole a smack right between the eyes. Unfortunately, when we rush into marriage, we run the risk of partnering someone whom we THOUGHT we knew. Men (and women) can be masters of illusion when we want to be ~~ You've heard the saying "only show em' you WANT them to see" ~~ ? ~~ Well your H has polished this little show down a treat. He's in effect "tricked" you into marrying someone who's going to crush every bit of self esteem that you have RIGHT ON OUT OF YOU. Dont blame yourself though honey ~~ even the best of us can be blindsided when we're in love and with you not having much experience in all things matrimonial, it was even harder for you to spot What would I do ~~ ? Well I'd be making sure that this jerk knows that I'm not one to be messed with. The first time he pulled any of that crap on me he'd have been picking his teeth up off the floor and chasing his belongings down the road ~~ "Sorry mate, you aint messin with me ~ Dont let the door smack you on the a$$ on your way out" When he came back with his tail between his legs, all puppy eyed and pathetic, begging for my forgiveness, i'd be tellin him to "build himself a very big bridge and get himself right on over it" like "I'm WAY over you sonny, now you get the hell over me cause no~one upon NO~ONE treats me like that and gets away with it ~~ NOT EVEN ONCE ~ " :mad: You know ~~ JUST Like he led you into a false sense of security before you were married ~~ ? Well now it's your turn - Turn those tables and act away ~ you show him EXACTLY what he's married into and EXACTLY why you've never been divorced before ~~ Cause your God Damn "Tough"~ THATS WHY ~ ;)" Well that's what I'd do anyway, but I'm not you ~~ But ~~ there's no doubt about it ~~ you've GOT to nip this in the bud ~ NOW ~~ However you do it, whichever tactic you choose, whichever strategy suits you ~ its all up to you ~~ But you NEED to make sure that you net this early on otherwise time goes on, his emotional abuse gets more frequent, his control grows and with that, your self esteem and confidence diminishes ~~ this goes on and on for years and years until you get too scared to leave him because you dont have a shred of dignity left in you and you end up going to your death bed a broken woman. Not if you turn the tide lady ~ ! Its the same thing as the highschool bully. Bullies act all the tough guy. They taunt and tease and push and niggle and tease some more and push some more and intimidate some more and on it goes ~~ until one day someone turns right around and gives them back EXACTLY what that bullies been dishin out for years ~~ You KNOW what the outcome is ~~ Bully aint so tough when he got someone givin him a piece straight back at him. Failing all of that ~ Divorce the ba$tard as soon as is humanly possible ~! You'll get some REALLY good advice here. Listen to it. TOUGHEN UP ~ Sniff, sniff ~ damned Missy! :love: :love: :love: I've got a thing for the strong, independent type that actually have a freaking clue as to who they are and what they're about, and want in life! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! Not a whole lot to add, except when you get married ~ your actually are marrying three different people ~ maybe four. The first is the person you think you're marrying! The second is the person your actually are marrying! The third is the person that's going to come about as a result of having married you! The fourth is the one that you meet in divorce court ~ as in "I can't believe that's the same woman/man I've been married to all these years! I'd dump this clown ~ what a joke. Personally, I don't get porn, especially internet porn. Especially when you've got a prefectally good, healthy woman lying about the place. To me porn is like homeless man going to to look at new Cadiliacs? Hell he can't even take it for a test drive? What you need is an exit plan, dump this clown. BTW, being and living single is a prefectly good and healthy lifestyle choice ~ you just can't go wrong by yourself. Marriage? Its not all its cracked up to be. Half of al first time marriages end in divorce, even higher for second time marriages, and even a higher divorce rate for third time marriages. Of the first time marriages that don't get divorce, two-thirds of them are seriously thinking about getting divorce. For me? The solution is to learn how to be single, happy and alone! Not that I'm opposed to marriage mind you, but its going to have to fine me ~ because I'm not looking for it. With that said, you see my picture in the Sunday paper talking about getting married ~ you can bet next years salary she's all that and then some! And, we've had a looooooonnnnnnggggg courtship! AND we've gone through extensive pre-martial counseling, with many a long conversation out on the front porch swing sipping sweet tea on the side! AND someone like Lady Jane who's willing to do additional research via reading and learning! AND someone who understands that the way to get to "Happly Ever After" requires working at it and on it everyday. AND someone who's going to put me, our marriage, our relationship (and vice versa) before all others and interests. (She can still do her "thing" she would just have to come back to the "center" regularly. Keeping things real) AND who has a job. I'll take care of the household bills, but she needs a job to go and buy her stuff. Hell I wouldn't care what she does with her money ~ just as long as quit bugging me. This is what you need to do? Dump this clown and make a list of who and what you're looking for. What your expectations are, what your limits are? What you're absolute deal breakers are?
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