jmo28 Posted August 2, 2007 Posted August 2, 2007 I was set up with this girl through a friend's sister (who i've only met once and am not really in contact with). I liked the girl a lot initially...i'm picky in terms of personality etc. I like independent, not snotty, intelligent, cultured girls and who appreciate a nice guy. We had this great first date, talked about dating here in nyc and how hard it is to find real people. She seemed to be into me. She texted me the next day saying what a great time she had and we went out again a week later. I took her to dinner and a piano bar (where i've played before) and she called me the next day to say what a great time she had etc. I liked the initiative. Although, no physical stuff happening..i tried putting my arm around her on the second date and it didn't feel right and her arms were folded. I don't care if things move slow..i'm looking for something for the long haul. Anyway-after that call its been wierd. We emailed back and forth two days later (a mon) to make plans to go to the zoo for a 3rd date. I call her two days later (been steady every other day during the week call...not too much etc) and levae a message. I text her the next day. Finally the next day fri, she says sorry she hasn't gotten back to me, she's been busy etc and that she "thinks she's coming down with something". I assume this is a blow off and just say sorry you're sick and we won't be able to meet up this w/e...let me know if you want to meet up next week. She emails back "well i'm not sick yet, let me call you sunday". She does and says she's still sick...and that she's busy all week and going home that weekend. This is strange because she just went home the weekend of our second date and went out of her way to make room for me in her schedule because her family is religious (though she is not) and we saw each other fri night and she went home sat morning before her father got home from Temple (obviously we're Jewish) because she "wanted to see me". Anyway, after the sunday conversation i just didn't call her for 3 days..so then she emails me with an innocuous "just checking in" kind of email. I emailed right back (stupid on my part) and was a little flirty....and haven't heard back since. I really feel like this girl is playing a game with me...sending strong signals in the beginning ("i really wanted to see you", calling me day after the date, etc) and now being strange. I assume she's dating other guys, which is cool its only been 2 dates and I know she's a busy professional as am I, but i just feel like i'm being manipulated and want to pull away..but i obviously still really like her...any thoughts?
squeak Posted August 2, 2007 Posted August 2, 2007 I wouldn't say she was manipulating you. Follow your gut to pull away, I think if you keep coming forward at this point she will keep backing off. I don't really have any rules to follow here except it sounds like you should keep dating others. If she does email/call you back, don't jump and get right back to her. That may turn her off. Unless she said granny died or something, then disregard the "don't jump" clause. Don't sweat it, sweating it won't make anything happen. Easier said than done though
bradford Posted August 2, 2007 Posted August 2, 2007 Yea, tough situation. Phones suck. If phones didn't exist you might have not had that conversation that you said its been weird since. Sounds like she's kind of blowing you off though. Just let it be. It's all you can do really. Like the other person said, if you push, she'll pull away more. It didn't work out, for whatever reason, sorry bro. On a side note, I've been dating a girl for 1.5 months now and we never talk on the phone. Just text each other here and there throughout the day. We both hate talking on the phone. It's fantastic. Highly recommended!
jcster Posted August 2, 2007 Posted August 2, 2007 On a side note, I've been dating a girl for 1.5 months now and we never talk on the phone. Just text each other here and there throughout the day. We both hate talking on the phone. It's fantastic. Highly recommended! It really is hard to tell what someone really means over the phone. Especially if it's a cell phone - you never know what they were doing when you called them - they might just be distracted.
brightskies Posted August 2, 2007 Posted August 2, 2007 She's probably still feeling you out. It's only been a few dates, so expect some hesitation. Keep your options open --- meeting new people and and having other possibilities boosts your confidence, and she'll pick up on that. Let her get in touch with you next time, since you've made the initiative before with lukewarm results. Wait a bit before replying. Dating's a bit of a dance and you don't want to seem overeager.
bradford Posted August 2, 2007 Posted August 2, 2007 It really is hard to tell what someone really means over the phone. Especially if it's a cell phone - you never know what they were doing when you called them - they might just be distracted. Exactly jcster - that's why I hate it so much. It's very difficult to gear what someone is thinking - and even more-so, what they think you are thinking. I can't even tell you how many of me and my ex's fights started on the phone for reasons directly related to awkward/taking something the wrong way phone conversations. You just can't do that in a text; which is fantastic. Texting is just a sweet "i'm thinking of you" gesture. I'll actually talk to you when I see you .. which is another great side-effect.. every time I see her, there's some catching up to be done because we haven't talked on the phone since the last time i saw her! Like I said, highly recommended!
Yamaha Posted August 2, 2007 Posted August 2, 2007 I would say her interest as gone from romantic to friendly. She thought she liked you but now she is backing off. She probably would still want to be friends but I wouldn't recommend it unless you no longer have romantic feelings as well. Just another chapter in the book of life.
Author jmo28 Posted August 2, 2007 Author Posted August 2, 2007 Yeah..she actually emailed be back..i felt like it was innocuous. I guess my question is.if she wants to be friends, why the act? I'd rather just know really. Anyway, i went out with somebody else mon (only after getting this wierdness from her) and somebody at work wants to set me up with somebody (knowing the whole situation)....but truth is, as i said, its tough for me to find ppl i like and i liked this girl. I just feel like some of the things i liked about her are diminished by this games stuff. I guess i'm just going to email her tomorrow something short and innocuous....
Yamaha Posted August 2, 2007 Posted August 2, 2007 its tough for me to find ppl i like and i liked this girl. I think that is just lust talking. She is not unique. You need to open up more and you will find many things you like in many people.
Rowdy Posted August 2, 2007 Posted August 2, 2007 All women are different so it is tough to tell what she is thining. I wouldn't suggest that you e-mail her though. Make her contact you, especially since you have another girl people want to set you up with. Just remember that she is not your only option.
Author jmo28 Posted August 3, 2007 Author Posted August 3, 2007 This is definitley turning into a push/pull bs game so i didn't respond to her email until today and sent her an innocuous response..and now i get an email back within 8 min. no i'm not rushing to respond...but call this a dance or whatever but this is the aspect of dating i really hate....
jcster Posted August 3, 2007 Posted August 3, 2007 but call this a dance or whatever but this is the aspect of dating i really hate.... It can be really enjoyable if you take it for what it is...a negotiation. If the interest is there on both sides - it will work out well for everyone. If you can keep that in mind - it can be really fun.
Author jmo28 Posted August 3, 2007 Author Posted August 3, 2007 except that we're not really flirting in these emails...its just talking about our days etc...when i was flirty 2 emails ago i got an innocuous response..
bradford Posted August 3, 2007 Posted August 3, 2007 Games are gay, I don't know what anyone would call "fun" about it. If a person just can't be straight about how they feel, I say to hell with them. It ain't worth the brain strain.
Chinook Posted August 3, 2007 Posted August 3, 2007 If a person just can't be straight about how they feel, I say to hell with them. It ain't worth the brain strain.Yeah that's how I feel about it, the problem is sometimes they try so hard to hook you in at the start that you don't notice the games even started...by which time you're already hooked! JMO, for what it's worth from a girl's point of view... I'd say she's messing you around. If it was me and I liked a guy, I wouldn't bother messing around but if there's that hesitation and the backwards forwards push/pull thing, I'd be asking myself if that's a quality in a person I can deal with long term you know..?
Author jmo28 Posted August 4, 2007 Author Posted August 4, 2007 yeah i agree...i'm actually going to go out with the other girl tonight..met her at this soup kitchen i volunteer at and she's very sweet. i liked the other one more at first, but i'm thinking now for shallow reasons...i was into her biography...whereas this one isn't as professioal but is very nice and certainly just as intelligent...i don't like this game and the push pull. I think i'm going to just confront the first one about it sometime next week. I know that's breaking the "rules" after 2 dates, but its really not worth my time otherewise....i know i deserve better.
bradford Posted August 6, 2007 Posted August 6, 2007 Ah I wouldn't bother approaching her about it, just forget her. Either she'll come around A girl like that will most likely get frustrated when she realizes she's playing the game alone. If she really is into, then she'll have to drop the BS and be real. But my guess is she might not even know how to do that. good luck. bradford
Brad_from_NJ Posted August 6, 2007 Posted August 6, 2007 I'm with Bradford. Leave her alone. If she's interested, she knows where to find you. Forget it and move on. If she re-appears, she's interested.
Author jmo28 Posted August 9, 2007 Author Posted August 9, 2007 yeah i stupidly didn't take your advice...i emailed her once more time yesterday morning and she emailed me again today as if nothing had changed..another bs whats up email. I need to let go...just felt really strongly about this one on the firsrt date...but now i realize it was all bs...i'm way too interested in the biography/background. The girl from the soup kitchen is a nice laid-back midwesterner, and there's none of this...
JCD Posted August 10, 2007 Posted August 10, 2007 It starts and ends with you having some self respect for yourself. If you respect yourself you won't put up with these stupid games. Why would you want to anyway when you know she's immature? I know you needed a closure, you got it, now go after that soup lady
bradford Posted August 10, 2007 Posted August 10, 2007 Yea and let us know how it goes with the soup-er! bradford
Mary3 Posted August 11, 2007 Posted August 11, 2007 I was set up with this girl through a friend's sister (who i've only met once and am not really in contact with). I liked the girl a lot initially...i'm picky in terms of personality etc. I like independent, not snotty, intelligent, cultured girls and who appreciate a nice guy. We had this great first date, talked about dating here in nyc and how hard it is to find real people. She seemed to be into me. She texted me the next day saying what a great time she had and we went out again a week later. I took her to dinner and a piano bar (where i've played before) and she called me the next day to say what a great time she had etc. I liked the initiative. Although, no physical stuff happening..i tried putting my arm around her on the second date and it didn't feel right and her arms were folded. I don't care if things move slow..i'm looking for something for the long haul. Anyway-after that call its been wierd. We emailed back and forth two days later (a mon) to make plans to go to the zoo for a 3rd date. I call her two days later (been steady every other day during the week call...not too much etc) and levae a message. I text her the next day. Finally the next day fri, she says sorry she hasn't gotten back to me, she's been busy etc and that she "thinks she's coming down with something". I assume this is a blow off and just say sorry you're sick and we won't be able to meet up this w/e...let me know if you want to meet up next week. She emails back "well i'm not sick yet, let me call you sunday". She does and says she's still sick...and that she's busy all week and going home that weekend. This is strange because she just went home the weekend of our second date and went out of her way to make room for me in her schedule because her family is religious (though she is not) and we saw each other fri night and she went home sat morning before her father got home from Temple (obviously we're Jewish) because she "wanted to see me". Anyway, after the sunday conversation i just didn't call her for 3 days..so then she emails me with an innocuous "just checking in" kind of email. I emailed right back (stupid on my part) and was a little flirty....and haven't heard back since. I really feel like this girl is playing a game with me...sending strong signals in the beginning ("i really wanted to see you", calling me day after the date, etc) and now being strange. I assume she's dating other guys, which is cool its only been 2 dates and I know she's a busy professional as am I, but i just feel like i'm being manipulated and want to pull away..but i obviously still really like her...any thoughts? No consistant calls = no interest. Unless she is incredibly busy and has no time for you.
Author jmo28 Posted October 22, 2007 Author Posted October 22, 2007 I was at a wedding last weekend and the sister of the groom (groom is a law school buddy) is the person that set me up with the girl i talked about in this thread. Turns out she had a falling out with the girl i was set up with. Said that girl has never been with a guy longer than a few mos, does not know how to behave on dates generally, turns potential boyfriends and friends away and then wonders why. Also told me she was still friends with her when i was going out on the dates with her friend and says there was no way she was seeing somebody else..she just has poor social skills. Also said she puts other people down very quickly (much like she did people in the piano bar i took her to..when she was making fun of everyone's clothes, hair etc) and is very insecure. What this has taught me is that sometimes we sit on sites like this and overanalyze ourselves to death wondering what we did wrong, whether we should call that girl/boy etc, what each body language or statement means. However, in the end..sometimes the other person/potential mate just has their own issues to work out that have nothing to do with us and thats why it doesn't work out. We should give ourselves a little more credit..i know i'm going to....
mpower95 Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 What this has taught me is that sometimes we sit on sites like this and overanalyze ourselves to death wondering what we did wrong, whether we should call that girl/boy etc, what each body language or statement means. However, in the end..sometimes the other person/potential mate just has their own issues to work out that have nothing to do with us and thats why it doesn't work out. We should give ourselves a little more credit..i know i'm going to.... Amen to that.
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