This is driving me crazy

[confusedandempty]

Hello -

 

I haven't posted in a while and I need to vent because I think I might be going crazy. It might quite long but I will appreciate any comments.

 

I dated this girl for few months (around 6-7 months) last year. We split up in October - simply because the relationship was getting boring and we just needed time apart. I had been thinking about breaking it off for a while - when she took the initiative and broke it off. I was so relieved but later on I found out that I cared a lot more for this girl than I already thought I did. Still I didn't contact her ... and I hope its the same story at her side.

 

About 5 weeks ago I met her for the first time since we split up. I maintained NC for about 8 months until this day. I was doing great but then I met her - actually 2 days in a row. We were both drunk and she invited me with her sister to a club the second night. We ended up holding hands all night but I didn't try to go for a kiss as I thought I would look too eager. So instead I asked her for a lunch later in the week. She accepted the offer and we met at a café and had really nice time. The weekend after we went to the same festival (although separately - She with her friends and me with my friends). We ended up spending the night together in her tent - although nothing sexual happened. Had a brief talk about our breakup where she told me that I hurt her so much by some stuff I said (mainly deleting from MSN (part of NC) and accusing her of cheating ... I was desperate and looking for a reason for the breakup stupid me). I had apologized for that months ago - but of course a single apology isn't enough. When we woke up we had a nice chat for about 20 minutes lying on the same pillow. It felt so good that I was shaking. Note: We didn't sleep together the second night because her best friend (a girl) wanted to sleep there with her and didn't wanna push her. I've been looking at photos from her friends camera from the camping trip and there are a lot of photos of us together and they look exactly like the photos taken while we were together.

 

Since the camping trip we've talked a little. A little bit on MSN - only about 2-3 times actually. 2 of the chats initiated by me and the last by her. That was 2 weeks ago. Since then she's been on a vacation and she doesn't use MSN except at work. So I haven't heard from her since we last spoke on MSN - except from a "Happy Birthday Big Boy :)" text message I received on my birthday a week ago.

 

Now to the main part. Since she came back into my life I've been thinking a lot about us back together. I've been with few girls since the breakup but I'm unable to maintain any emotional contact with them since I lost this girl. And it has only gotten harder since she came back into my life. So I feel like I must give this another try ... but I'm not sure how to show it to her that I'm interested.

 

So I ask you as more experienced people (I'm 23)... how can I show her that I'm interested. I'm not sure if it's normal with broken up couples to hold hands and sleep in each other tents (not even the same weekend). Is that an image of an ex who just wants to be friends. But I just need some ideas about how I can show her that I care for her not just by telling her. I need to show her. I've been thinking about how I can get closer to her.

 

a) Ask her again for a lunch next week when she comes back to work. Should be easy - especially because we both use MSN a lot before noon and we work close to each other.

 

b) Ask her out for a dinner. I think evening "dates" will do more than lunch dates. Perhaps a lunch date would be more appropriate than a dinner.

 

c) Invite her over for a movie or just do something.

 

I just simply want this girl back in my life - and if its not gonna happen now, its not gonna happen ever. And I need to know to be able to get another closure and move on with my life. But I can't risk losing her if it has any potential - as I'm afraid it will hunt me for the rest of my life.

 

So I please ask you people for some advice. I'm just so empty right now and I can't go on living without knowing something that important.

 

Please help me if you can

[funkybassplayer]

I think she knows your interested! dont rush things,and if you get that far, dont rush sex, get to know her again. Best thing is relax be yourself, give her a call, and see where it goes. By working yourself up now, you will come over very emotional at the point of contact, even if you dont realise it, so basically chill, dont read into things to deeply, and trust in fait to do the rest. Iv made some big mistakes in the past, and so has my ex, we didnt understand each others emotions, and it all went wrong. sometimes we have these strong emotions b/c we are so in love with the other person, and if we juge this wrong, it leads to the end (sometimes there just nuts though!) If its to be it will, if not then move on.

[101NEO]

i agree. she already knows. don't try to rush things even though you might want to because you're excited about what the possibilities maybe.

 

I made the mistake of rushing something all because i was feeling something that was so strong and i had never felt like that before. it eventually led to the demise of the relationship. i'm still in the process of working it out with her and it's been like 2 months since we split. luckily for me on this one we spent about 5 years as a couple. if we didn't have that kinda time together, it'd be way over.

 

so do yourself a favor and let time take it's natural course. go and see other women while you are waiting. in my experiences, you become more attractive to a woman when you are with someone or seeing someone. i guess they think that if you can make another girl happy you might be able to make her happy too. at the same time be honest with her. don't go getting all up in her face with it, but drop subtle hints about how you're feeling. hopefully she'll ask some questions to open up the conversation. if she does, keep an element of mystery to it. you don't want her to know everything all at once.

 

Subtle hints: do something small like send her a text message saying "hey, how u doin?". it shows that you are thinking about her. or if you go out with your friends to like a baseball game or something, pick up something small for her and when you give it to her, tell her "i saw it and it made me think of you". just be careful with anything you buy. make sure it's something that you know she'll like. you could just make a phone call and say you know what i was thinking about you and thought i'd give you a call to say hi.

 

as far as going out for lunch or dinner. you are always better off with a dinner date than a lunch date. watch the movie Just Friends. every girl i know agrees with the "friends zone" that guys get themselves into when they start going to day dates and stuff. it's less intimate. not to say they are all bad but you are more likely to be put into the "friends zone" from a lunch date than a dinner date.

 

this is just my opinion, i don't know your situation, you, or her. but who knows. Might be worth a try.

[confusedandempty]

Thank you so much guys. I was just feeling so down earlier today and I just really had to vent.

 

It might be true what both of you said - that she already knows I like her. I've been playing it easy for the past month or so and we haven't had no communication for about 2 weeks ... except from the MSN chat she initiated and of course the birthday text. I'm sure that she wouldn't have sent the happy b'day thing if we hadn't met earlier last month. But that doesn't matter I even send people I dislike a happy b'day texts

 

I guess that I must let time work its magic on this. She will be back on work on Monday and it's gonna be interesting to see if she starts a chat. Funny thing that you should have mentioned the Just Friends thing - because I just saw this movie 2 days ago. I'm not afraid of the friends zone thought, yet. It would be far too big to suggest a dinner date for the first time we've met in months.

 

As far as meeting other women concerns ... I've been dating a quite few women this summer and I've been intimate with some women since our breakup. But I don't seem to be able to connect emotionally. And I'm getting tired of ONS. She probably checks my MySpace occasionally - and vast majority of my comments there comes from other women and I'm proud to say that my friends all look quite great Should work in my favor.

 

What do you thing of the holding hands and sleeping in her tent thing means? I actually don't give a **** if she knows that I like her as of today What I need to know is if she likes me. And off course its difficult for you guys to sit in front of your computers and know all about her. But like I said ... it must mean something ... doesn't it

 

Thanks again for your replies guys ... they really mean a lot to me...

[101NEO]

it probably does, but try not to over-think it.

 

me personally i would think that if she slept in the same tent as you she was probably hoping you'd make a move of some sort but I'm not a woman and the first thing you have to understand is that they are wired completely differently than men.

 

hence the reason there's so many people on here posting their issues that they have with the opposite sex and in some situations, same sex

[confusedandempty]

It might be true that she was waiting for me to make a move. I just thought it was too soon - and I was also showing her that I was just doing fine without her.

 

Are there any girls out there with their opinions. Even though I'm trying to not over analyze things this must be some kind of sign. What do you girls say - would you ever let a ex of yours that you would never want back in your life sleep in your tent or would you hold his hands at a club?

 

Well ... Friday party time ... have a nice weekend

[confusedandempty]

The weekend is over now and I have had a lot of time to think about this. It just bothers me to not know if she has any interest in me. But the only way to find out about that is let time work it's magic I guess.

 

I went on a camping trip with my friends. There was one famous musician from a reality show which was on TV last fall who was playing there. And I send her a short SMS telling her how seeing the artist playing at the festival made me think about all our nights watching the show last summer.

 

Long story short - I didn't receive an answer. However I was completely wasted and there is a chance I might have sent the text to a wrong number as I was doing it by memory not by phonebook. Well ... the chances are slim and not worth thinking about - because I will never find out.

 

I invited her and her friends to my birthday party this weekend and it's gonna be interesting to see if she'll show up. However as of today ... I don't think it's gonna work out ... but time will have to tell.

 

take care -

[confusedandempty]

Hope you've all had a nice weekend again...Just need to vent once again ... my friends are so fed up with me talking about her ... so in you I trust

 

On Friday we had a MSN conversation ... initiated by her where she asked me about last weekend and stuff like that. Lot's of smileys as usually.

 

I met her coincidently at a club on Friday night. I was drunk and she had only had 2-3 drinks. Her friend noticed me before she did and when she saw me she whispered something to her. Don't know if that means something. I had met this friend of her previously the same evening.

 

I invited my ex to my birthday party which I held last night. She came there with her sister and friend. I honestly didn't think she'd show up and definitely didn't think that she would stay for about 2 hours. When she left she gave me a kiss on the chin and said..."Maybe I'll see you at XYC club tonight". I didn't go there though ... as I was wasted. It has never helped me to see my ex drunk I don't know if what she said means anything or is she just being polite. We didn't talk much during my party but I talked quite a bit with her friends.

 

Later in the evening, my friend (who used to work with her) sent her a text and asked where they were and she told him which club they were at. He was surprised that he received an answer as they don't know each other that much and she usually doesn't respond to texts.

 

Well - like I said - I'm here because my friends are sick and tired of me I just don't know which steps to take. I feel like showing her someway that I'm still interested but I just don't know how. Do you guys thing it's too soon to ask her if she wants to have a dinner?? Or just what should I do? I'm starting to get sick of myself.

 

Please ... I need some suggestions and opinions on the situation